Bob Baker and Dave Martin have arrived, people. Prepare yourselves to be underwhelmed.
Okay, I know, that might be a little harsh but I've always found Baker and Martin to be the most consistently average writers working on Doctor Who. None of their stories are ever unforgivably bad, nor are they resoundingly great, either. They all fit unwaveringly in the middle, their good and bad points all perfectly balanced with each other. 'The Claws of Axos' is no exception. It isn't bad, it isn't good, it's just ordinary.
With ‘The Claws of Axos’ you get Worzel's entire tenure in one neat little package. Essentially, this a rather uninspired greatest hits album. There are no surprises or no hidden gems just all the classic hits you've heard a hundred times before. Everything you instinctively associate with this era is contained here; Jo Grant, the Brigadier and UNIT, Bessie, a meddlesome civil servant who thinks just because he has a public sector pension he can boss everyone around, excessive use of CSO, scientific technobable gibberish and, of course, the Master.
The Master is really the best thing here. I know I sound like a broken record but 'The Claws of Axos' is such an utterly humourless tale, one lacking any sense of fun and adventure, it needs the Master to bring some levity, otherwise it would been almost unbearable. Normally this would be the Doctor's role but he's too moody about his exile to make jokes.
With the exception of the Master, there are no other likeable or interesting characters, that includes the regulars. The guest characters, from the petulant Mr Chinn(s) to the annoying Winser, are particularly loathsome. Worst of the lot is Paul Grist as American agent Bill Filer, possibly the worst guest character in the near fifty year history of the show. Filer is a perfect storm of bad writing, terrible acting and one embarrassingly bad piece of 70s hairstyle. His horrendous 'mumbling random plot information while unconscious' acting has to be seen to believed.
Notes and Quotes
--I have often wondered if Javiar Bardem stole Filer’s hairdo for No Country For Old Men?
--Yes, there is indeed a clear shot of Jo's purple knickers. Try not to get too excited. Its not like she's posing nude with a Dalek.
--Unit soldiers really are the Red Shirts of Doctor Who.
--Captain Harker is played by a very young Tim Piggot-Smith. He would later appear in 'The Masque of Mandragora' and get to do more than just repeat the same line of dialogue over and over again.
The Master: “You could take the usual precautions against nuclear blast, sticky tape on the windows, that sort of thing.”
The Master: (re: the TARDIS) “Might as well try to fly a second hand gas stove.”
The Brigadier: “Ah, Mr. Chinn, where have you been hiding? Canteen?”
The Doctor: “Obviously the Time Lords have programmed the Tardis always to return to Earth. It seems that I'm some sort of galactic yo-yo!”
The Brigadier: “Is there anything we can do to stop them?”
The Master: “Nothing. But there may be something I can do.”
Bill Filer: “Who are you? What do you want?”
The Master: “I am your fellow captive, Filer. I am the Master.”
Two embarrassingly bad 70s haircuts out of four.
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