Chuck: Chuck versus the Suitcase

“Chuck, beautiful women have a lot of baggage. You should be happy Walker’s just a suitcase.”

Last week’s episode wasn’t the best episode ever. Not bad, just not stellar. But Chuck’s second entry had everything I hope for in a great Chuck episode: a glitzy, funny mission; a wacky McGuffin; and not one, not two, but three emotional arcs. I even loved the BuyMore antics. And they all tied together in a beautiful, sequin-covered, funny package.


Chuck and Sarah were hilarious working together, without Casey, and with only one flash. Even though Chuck sometimes brings way too much of his own baggage to their missions, they did a fabulous job, as even General Beckman was willing to admit. I particularly enjoyed that the writers didn’t just fall back on the jealous-girlfriend trope: Sarah was genuinely worried that Chuck was starting to have concerns about her lack of rootedness. This neatly resolved in 42 minutes, but there was a bit of tension here (even though it’s nice to see that Chuck has moved beyond the will-they-or-won’t-they plot). Chuck may be more willing to settle down than Sarah is, and that could provide some wacky hi-jinks later down the road.

Casey is struggling with settling down as well. Even though he feels at home—well, as at home as that cave in Afghanistan—he hasn’t really set down roots in Burbank. (Insert bonsai tree joke here.) But he’s starting to connect with Alex, which means that hilarity will ensue when Morgan and Alex start to have some off-hours fun. (That’s just a guess, not a spoiler. I avoid spoilers.) At least Morgan is an even better catch than before, what with his new managerial responsibilities and flashy nametag.

The arc that really got me is Ellie and her mother. Ellie talks a tough game to Awesome, but Chuck knows the truth: Ellie misses her mom, no matter how many problems there may be in their relationship, and no matter that Mama B wasn’t there to help raise Chuck. Did you notice that most of the pictures Ellie looked at were of Chuck with his parents, not her? Ellie’s relationship with her mom is about her own nascent motherhood, her relationship with Chuck, her relationship with Scott Bakula. Mothers and daughters, dude. Mothers and daughters and Scott Bakula, I’m tellin’ ya.

But enough with the deep emotional stuff: Jeff and Lester are back and better than ever. (Except that I might boycott if I have to see Jeff’s chest ever again.) And, just like last season’s Chuck versus the Three Words, this episode tied in with this week’s Gossip Girl, which also featured a fashion theme (Fashion’s Night Out) and an awesome catfight (between Serena and Blair).

Speaking of that catfight: no, I won’t. Just watch it and watch it again. Fabulous!


Bytes: (This list was originally two kilometers long, but in the name of all that is holy and American, I cut it down to mere inches.)

• General Beckman: “Colonel Casey, after the Yves Saint Laurent incident, you will obviously have to sit this one out.”
Casey: “Stab one guy with a stiletto…”

• Morgan: “Lots of things you can do with a Roomba.” This reminded me of “Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.”

• Sarah: “Chuck, if we hadn’t stopped that bomb, your last words to me would have been about my weird unpacking thing.”

• Chuck: “Hey, Spiderman kiss?” There was a Spiderman kiss in The O.C., too.

• Lester: “We’ve been taking gigs at the Whisper Lounge in exchange for scraps of tapas.”

• Jeff: “We live here now, in the wild, with my van.”

• Lester: “It’s not all bad. I’ve been expanding my understanding of the universal mind. Jeff has a new pet rock named Bruce. I asked him why ‘Bruce,’ and he said it’s because when he hits it, it doesn’t ‘bruce.’”

• Jeff: “My water just broke.”

• Jeff: “Is there room in that womb for two?” Ugh. And again: ugh.

And Pieces:

• Zachary Levi has an odd was of pronouncing “Achilles.”

• This week’s Greta was hilarious. As were the acrobatic CIA/BuyMore employees.

• Hey…smart bullets, Achilles’ heels, tiny targeted areas that require an ace shot…symbolism?

• And Lou Ferrigno? Perfect. Just perfect.

• I hope Chuck and Morgan removed the tranq darts from Jeff and Lester before dragging them on the ground. Ouch!

• Ellie looked pretty in the flowered dress, but it didn’t fit her character.

Four out of four sequins.
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Warehouse 13: Season 2, Part 2

After a relatively mythology-lite first six episodes, Warehouse 13 brought the elusive H.G. Wells and her mysterious agenda back in full force for the back half of the season. The question now is, was she worth the wait? I’m a bit torn on this one. I kind of enjoyed pondering the mystery of Wells’ true motives, but it seemed rather clear that she was always hiding some nefarious purpose, so her “shocking” betrayal at the end of ‘Buried’ was more of an “I knew it!” moment for me than an “OMG!” one. Moreover, her endgame turned out to be fairly underwhelming. Basically, it boiled down to Wells knew the whereabouts of the original weapon of mass destruction, and MacPherson wanted it to sell to the highest bidder. After she killed him and discovered the world was in worse shape than when she left it, she decided to vent her rage and anger over her deceased child by destroying humanity. Really?

It seems strange to say that I found an intricate plan to annihilate the entire world rather ho hum, but quite frankly I think the writing team overreached. They tried to go for epic, “Save the World!” drama, when what they really excel at is more personal stories. Witness the tale of Jack and Rebecca in ‘Where and When,’ or the carefully cultivated father-daughter relationship between Claudia and Artie, or even Claudia’s very personal reaction to learning she’s destined to be the Warehouse caretaker in ‘Buried.’ In this case, they tried to make the story personal by building up Wells’ grief over her daughter’s murder, but she never really felt like part of the team to me, so I was relatively unmoved by her pain. (Plus, the special effects crew just isn’t up to the challenge of “epic.” The less said about the terrible “desert sands” backdrops, the better.) So ultimately, the mytharc felt like it amounted to a whole lot of nothing.

Other than the personal fallout for Myka, that is. Certainly, Myka’s decision in the finale has a huge impact on the series going forward. I have no idea if Joanne Kelly is leaving the series, or if this is one of those “false jeopardy” cliffhangers set up to create tension during the break, which will ultimately be resolved in the first episode or two. I hope that Myka will be back, because I’ve become quite invested in the Warehouse family and I absolutely hate to see that dynamic ruined. They need big sister Myka! That said, this turn of events makes perfect sense for the character and feels like huge payoff for my endless frustration with her for buying into H.G.’s story in the first place.

Myka’s blind spot when it came to H.G. was the issue that got me most riled up during the last six episodes. I just could not understand why Myka, of all people, couldn’t see through her manipulations. Myka is infamous for her attention to detail, but that doesn’t mean she has absolutely no instincts. She’s a smart cookie, and I think she largely understands people, as evidenced by her numerous interactions with Pete, Claudia, and Artie. So why did she believe H.G. so fervently that she actively advocated for her to return to the Warehouse? Was it some kind of “fellow female warehouse agent” empathy? We never got a good answer to this question, and it’s clear that even Myka doesn’t understand how she got so completely blindsided. How could she not be constantly second guessing herself at this point? I’m really not sure how the team is going to get her past this colossal fail and back into action.

On to the individual episode commentary, most of which was written as the episodes aired ...

For the Team: This one had a really gross teaser followed by lots of fun team interactions. I really enjoyed seeing Myka and Claudia paired up on a case. Claudia was very funny trying to fit into the Myka mold, but she initially went a bit over-the-top once she returned to her own style. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Pete needling Artie about his affection for Dr. Vanessa was hilarious.

When is Myka going to get a love interest? Everyone else is getting some action this season, but poor Myka is left all alone with her Twizzlers pondering what to make of H.G. Wells.

Speaking of H.G., this episode set off all kinds of warning bells for me regarding her real angle. Her story about just wanting to be part of something again reeked of bogus. Although it did seem to point to why MacPherson would have wanted to debronze her. He had a pretty big axe to grind with the Regents and wanted to acquire and use artifacts for personal gain. As a former agent who’s pretty handy at developing cool gizmos who also has a beef with the Regents, Wells could have been a formidable asset for MacPherson. He just underestimated her.

Merge with Caution: Overall, not the greatest episode. The body-switching thing was mildly amusing at times, but I didn’t like how they ended up playing Pete’s alcoholism for laughs, and the effects with the eyes and the bookends were goofy. The glowy eyes and rotating head thing was just eye-roll-inducing. The effects once they merged into one body were a bit better.

I did, however, really enjoy the Claudia and Artie pairing. (I’m partial to Ardia as their couple name, even though I really hate the combined couple name thing.) Artie going gaga for Laura Harris was awkward and uncomfortable, but his Houdini-esque abilities to escape handcuffs was hilarious. “From here I can count … eight ways that you can escape. […] Oh! The spatula. Make that nine.”

This isn’t what I wanted when I wondered if Myka would get a dude. Pete and Myka getting all cozy with their respective conquests was just terribly uncomfortable. The WH13 writers are developing some great team dynamics, but they do not do romance or romantic relationships well. It feels very high school, not adult.

Is Genelle Williams pregnant? Because Leena looked pregnant. This could explain her relative lack of screen time this season.

Vendetta: This was a pretty good episode. I was definitely on Artie’s side regarding H.G. Wells. I did not believe her story at all, and could not figure out what her real endgame was. There must have been some truth to her story if the Regents let her back in, but she was still clearly hiding something. I’m convinced that she manipulated the whole situation with Artie and Alexander’s son to make herself look like the hero and ensure she’d be restored as a Warehouse agent. During the first murder, it very much looked like a woman using the chain and the computer. Then during the second attack, we could see the silhouette of the person wielding the Titanic driftwood, and it very much looked like H.G. The shadowy figure had her wavy hair and all. I think she was in league with Ivan, then stabbed him in the back to make herself look good.

Moreover, this is where my deep frustration with Myka was starting to set in. Does she see something in H.G. that reminds of herself? Myka at times seems to be one to two steps ahead of H.G., but has a huge blind spot when it came to her real motives.

Don’t get me started on the uselessness of the Claudia and Todd business. I was momentarily intrigued when it looked like maybe he was in league with H.G. and her shenanigans (that’s how I was interpreting his lack of past), but then it just turned out he was in witness protection. And he got sent away again at the end. So what was the point of bringing him back in the first place? They had some story time to fill? Ack! Annoying and useless.

Genelle Williams is definitely pregnant.

Where and When: I liked this one a lot. It was funny and poignant, the artifact was suitably freaky, and it didn’t end with Pete and Myka kissing in a field, so yea! Plus, David Anders, Armin Shimmerman, and fun Bill & Ted references! What’s not to like?

I still had my reservations about H.G.’s motives at this point --- and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why Myka wasn’t more skeptical about H.G. rather conveniently being in the right place at the right time to save the day on multiple occasions --- but I have to admit that H.G. finally started to sell me on the story about her daughter’s death. I still thought her reasons for wanting to be an agent again were suspect, but she was certainly convincing (and terrifying) when talking about what she had done to the men who killed her daughter.

I was disappointed that we only got an ominous reference to Mrs. Frederic and didn’t actually get to see her. I wanted Pete and Myka to get a load of her in the past looking just the same as ever.

I enjoyed the bit about Pete’s jealousy over the fake gold star and Jack-as-Pete’s ridiculous Total Recall reference. Silly bits perhaps, but they made me smile.

I had the song “Where or When” stuck in my head all night after watching this episode. “Some things that happened, for the first time ... seem to be happening again. And so it seems that we have met before, and laughed before, and loved before, but who knows, where or when?”

Buried: Some aspects of this episode were fairly entertaining, though a bit obvious. I didn't much care for the Indiana Jones-style Holy Grail quest, but it was pretty cool to learn a bit more about Mrs. Frederic’s role as caretaker of the Warehouse. Even better was learning that Claudia has been selected as the future caretaker. I interpreted Dr. Vanessa’s remark that she would be ready to mean that eventually, Claudia will take over as Warehouse caretaker. I think that’s awesome. Good work from Allison toning down Claudia’s ‘scattered wacky’ persona and bringing deep-seeded panic and nausea to the fore. I could almost see Claudia breaking out in the cold sweats when the time came to handfast with Mrs. Frederic.

I felt very vindicated by H.G.’s betrayal. I knew it! She’s always had her own agenda, and it wasn’t about finding a home as a Warehouse agent. At this point, we were speculating that she was after the Book of the Dead and that her endgame was to bring back her daughter. (Was it really random robbers that killed her, or does anyone think the Regents of yore were involved?)

I loved Pete going to the girls for advice. I also got a kick out of him being the one to solve the mind puzzle, especially when he started taking such glee in it. What can I say? I’m a sucker for the joy he takes in simple things.

So Kelly is The One for Pete? Really? I’m finding that hard to believe. Maybe because their relationship seems all about sex and food and not much else. I know Pete seems pretty shallow and immature most of the time, but I firmly believe he is deeper than sex and food.

Bye-bye, Mark Sheppard! You didn’t get to live up to your potential on this show, but it was nice seeing you, as always.

Reset: Another overstuffed episode that, like the season premiere, left me feeling like the main story was a big jumbled mess. So H.G. just wanted to destroy the world, huh? Seems a bit over the top. Although if that was always her plan, then I can see why MacPherson wanted her. And if she was contemplating such actions in the wake of her daughter’s death, I can see why the more logical part of herself would request to be bronzed. I wonder where the Regents shuttled her off to and if we’ll ever see her again.

I really liked the brief scenes between Artie and Claudia, although his look after reassuring her she’d get to lead the life she wanted was a bit ominous.

I did not care for the Lizzy Borden compact bit, and was unmoved by Pete’s breakup with Kelly. I just didn’t care. We never really had the chance to get invested in their relationship, and Pete telling me it was True Love wasn’t enough.

Of course, when Myka left I got pretty darn emotional. That breakup I felt, and felt deep. I hope Joanne Kelly is not leaving the show for good. “Quit your job” is a logical reaction for Myka as a character, but darn it, she’s part of the family and I will miss her a lot if she’s gone for good.

***

Season 2 had its ups and downs, and I’m not sure the overall arc or even individual episodes were on par with some from the first season, but the character dynamics have improved dramatically, and I still find this series quite enjoyable. Here’s hoping for a third season (and fewer romantic entanglements)!

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Stargate Universe: Intervention

After a cold open that briefly left me wondering if the writers decided to gloss over all those pesky cliffhangers from ‘Incursion,’ the Stargate: Universe Season 2 premiere delivered a plot-heavy, fairly intense tale that threw us right back into the action and moved things forward in some interesting new directions. Somewhat surprisingly, our Destiny crew quickly regained control of the ship, with relatively light losses. I actually thought we’d see the Alliance maintain control for awhile, with our crew in a less perilous, but still compromised, position. It makes sense that Rush would be willing to risk death for everyone rather than surrender the ship, but I expected the others to force him to back down, ultimately resulting in an uneasy truce with the Alliance under Varro’s kinder, gentler leadership. Of course, with several recognizable faces amongst the captured the Alliance personnel (notably, Robert Knepper and Julie McNiven), I’m guessing this conflict hasn’t been entirely resolved. A tenuous coalition could very well be in the Destiny’s future, and I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes next.

So, how about those cliffhanger resolutions? I’m shocked --- shocked, I tell you --- that Scott and Greer weren’t fried, the SGC military personnel weren’t executed, and Chloe survived to annoy another day. OK, not really, but I’m mostly going to roll with it because this is the way these things work. The “rescue” for Scott and Greer was pretty weak, as was Varro’s reasoning for keeping the military personnel alive (why would they need the military’s cooperation to operate the stones?), but I’m intrigued by Chloe’s miraculous recovery. Does this mean the blue aliens did something to her? And by extension, did they do something to Rush beyond the tracking implant? Are those two going to turn into aliens or hybrids or something else freaky? I’m actually curious about Chloe’s fate for a change.

As for the cliffhanger involving T.J., the writers sort of tried to resolve it both ways. They went through with having the baby die on Destiny, but they also made it seem like the baby still has a corporeal existence elsewhere. I guess we’re left to decide whether the baby really does continue to physically live with Kane back on the planet from ‘Faith.’ The appearance of the Northern Lights nebula at the end seems to indicate that T.J. had a real experience, not a fever dream. But was it a real physical experience? Did she really encounter Kane and the others, or were the planet’s creators simply using familiar forms to appear to her subconsciously in an effort to give her peace of mind? I tend to think the latter.

Initially, this turn of events felt like a bit of a cop out. Like the writers were too afraid to actually kill off a baby. They want to be dark and edgy, but not that dark and edgy. However, after re-watching the episode and pondering for a bit, I’ve decided that even if “hedging our bets” was the primary motivation for this twist, I’m OK with it. Ever since escaping Icarus Base, T.J.’s life has pretty much consisted of relentless misery. Even the potential joy of a new baby was a source of major consternation for her, because of the anxiety about revealing her pregnancy and about what kind of life she could offer her child given her circumstance. Now, life has dealt her a crushing blow by having her lose her daughter in a horrific tragedy. T.J.’s a strong woman, but after everything she’s been through, this likely would have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. There’s only so much a person can endure. So, if the advanced aliens or the Divine want to reward her for her selfless decision to return to the ship back in ‘Faith’ by giving her a small shred of hope that her child is in a safe place, I’m all for it. Even if we choose to believe Carmen isn’t a physical reality, T.J. needs to believe in the possibility to keep going. And seeing the look on her face at the end made me realize that regardless of any writerly equivocation, from a character perspective, this ethereal experience was a desperately needed blessing.

Other Thoughts

Why does the Alliance want Destiny so badly? It certainly seems as though they know more about the ship’s purpose than the Earth contingent. “You know why we came here. You know what this ship means.” I wonder if their knowledge explains Varro’s hesitance to kill everyone. Because color me extremely puzzled as to why they wouldn’t just kill everyone except those they needed. Varro seems to have no trouble brutally killing when required. Did he think letting the “nonessentials” live would make those the Alliance needed easier to control? It doesn’t really make much sense at this point.

So Kiva is dead, and Telford survived. I’m sorry to see Rhona Mitra go, but an alliance between the two sides never would have been possible under Kiva’s leadership, and her death leaves Telford in a potentially interesting situation. No one knows that he shot Kiva, so will Young and the others continue to play it like he’s Alliance? I didn’t see him in the “brig” at the end. How long would he be able to play double agent anyway? Especially with Robert Knepper being suspicious.

Scott showed some good thinking by obtaining a kino before weapons. Much better to get the lay of the land before going in guns blazing. He may not be completely hopeless after all.

Riley survived to fight another day! Yea!

We’re still left wondering if the ‘Faith’ planet was the work of the most incredibly advanced aliens ever, or the Divine. And I’m still not entirely convinced that Kane isn’t an undercover alien (or an angel).

I was really thrown by Robert Knepper’s voice during his scene with Telford. After getting to know him as T-Bag on Prison Break, it weirded me out when he sounded normal and not oily and skeevy.

Eli: “Splitting up never works! Everyone knows this.”

I’m wondering about Julie McNiven’s real motivation for taking out Dannic. Was she still smarting from his brutal attack on her after he deemed her useless? Did she just want to protect the mission? I guess it could be both.

Kane: “Out here on the edge of the universe, who you are and what you believe is everything. So it’s up to you to decide if this is a blessing or a curse.”

Final Analysis: An intense start to the season, despite some rather easily resolved cliffhangers. I’m looking forward to delving into the aftermath and discovering the new status quo in the weeks to come.

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No Ordinary Family: Pilot

“We’re no longer ordinary. But after everything, we are a family.”

I didn’t expect to love No Ordinary Family, and I don’t. It’s not dark, or sarcastic, or violent. There are no vampire bad boys or mysterious mythologies. No narrative tricks or astonishing production values. But it is sweet, well-acted, capably written, and charming. It’s good at what it does, and I hope it finds an audience, even if that audience doesn’t include me.

The Bennetts are an ordinary family: dad Jim, mom Stephanie, daughter Daphne, son J.J. On a forced family-bonding trip to Brazil they get into a plane crash and wind up swimming in some mystical goo that gives them all superpowers. How they learn to deal with, and love, and hate, those powers is the show’s primary conceit. How those powers affect them and the people around them will provide the plots of the episodes, and how the family remembers how much they love each other is the chewy emotional center that holds it all together.

Jim Bennett (Michael Chiklis from The Shield)

The Shield is an incredible television show, and much of that was due to the gravitas Michael Chiklis brought to the role of Vic Mackey, LAPD detective in the fictional Farmington neighborhood. Before The Shield, though, Chiklis was on The Commish: he played a bouncy happy goofy guy (I’ve only seen 15 minutes of that show, but I think that sums it up).

It would be easy to say that his character on NOF is a combination of those two men, with the brute strength of his role as The Thing in the Fantastic Four franchise added in for some superhero flair. But there’s more than that here: Chiklis’s Jim is a good man, and a strong man, who nonetheless feels completely useless as he watches his kids ignore him (in favor of texting their friends), and his wife dismiss him (because he has given up his dream). He is compassionate—in the 89 episodes of The Shield, I never once noticed his eye color. In this episode, I was amazed to see him confronting the new world of superheroism with wide blue-eyed wonder.

A self-described “failed artist [and] ineffectual civil servant,” Jim works as a sketch artist for the LAPD (or the “Pacific Bay Police,” as their squad cars say, for some bizarre reason). His discovery of his own super-strength is incredibly fun to watch, and the scene in which he discovers that he can’t fly is a great spin on the angst of the similar scene from Heroes. Jim likes his new power, and—while Vic Mackey with superhuman strength would probably bring the world to its knees—I don’t expect there will ever be a “Jim goes dark” arc on this show. He’s just too compassionate, and that’s his greatest strength.


Stephanie Bennett (Julie Benz from Angel and Dexter)

Jim’s wife Stephanie is a high-powered research scientist who feels that “between work and home, there just aren’t enough hours in the day.” So, of course, her superpower is speed. She can run more than 6 miles per second. This magically enables her to begin to find balance in her hectic life: for years, she has been the primary breadwinner for their family, which makes her feel disconnected from her children and mildly resentful of her husband’s closeness to them, as well as his own lack of professional success.

That makes Stephanie sound like a terrible person, but she’s really not. The resentment is incredibly subtle, and Benz makes it clear that Stephanie loves her husband, her children, and her job very much—she just feels stretch too thin, and occasionally it comes out, as in this exchange:

Jim: “Honey, who could keep up with you?”
Stephanie: “You couldn’t, because you stopped trying.”

Some shows—and some actors—would have played that as a scene-ender: one character stomps out of the room while the other leans back against the kitchen cabinet and puts a hand to his/her face in confused chagrin. But this show and these actors push through, because they know that marriage is one long conversation, not a series of emotive two-minute scenes.


The Kids

Well, they actually look like kids, and not over-styled 20-somethings. Daphne was given some great moments to act out her teenage disdain, but was also burdened with an equal amount of ham-fisted emotional exposition. Her superpower is telepathy, which proves (as we probably could have guessed) more of a curse than a power for the average 15 year-old. J.J.’s superpower remains a secret until the last act, so I’ll leave it as a secret here. But you’ll guess it soon enough. I don’t have much to say about this part of the show, although I assume the kiddos will get more screen-time, and better dialogue, in later episodes.

The Buddies

Autumn Reeser (of The O.C.) is Stephanie’s lab assistant. She also has fabulous comedic timing—I don’t understand how she hasn’t become a great comic actress in the tradition of…well. Right: we don’t have great comic actresses in films. At least she’s found a new home on TV.

Romany Malco (of Weeds, which I’ve never seen) is Jim’s assistant DA buddy. He helps with Jim’s new crime-fighting “hobby,” and builds him “what every secret crime fighter needs. A lair. With wi-fi.”

The Plot

Oh, right, the plot! Well, it’s a pilot. We had a sample mini-plot in the form of Jim’s aforementioned crime-fighting hobby, but this first episode was primarily focused on introducing us to the characters, the family, the marriage-as-character, and the rules of superheroism in this universe. There’s a neat twist towards the end that I didn’t see coming, because I simply wasn’t expecting a twist. But I suspect that most episodes will be stand-alones, in which the heroes use their powers to solve problems and realize that love is the greatest power of all.

The Conclusion

It sounds so cheesy, doesn’t it? Sometimes it is. But in places NOF feels like a painting of a family, done in the medium of superpowers instead of oils or acrylics. If Benz and Chiklis stay at the top of their games (and they usually do), and the writers avoid forcing false conclusions of the emotional arcs just to wind-up an episode, this show could be extremely enjoyable.

Will I watch it again? No. My TV schedule is too full as it is, and I don’t expect the narrative to get too complex, or the stakes to be too high. But that just means it’s not for me. This might be just the show for you.


My Superpower is List-Making

• Chiklis mentions that the pilot dies, and he looks genuinely sad about it. Damn, he’s good.

• The security guide told Stephanie to take the 405, because the surface streets were too busy. Today’s life lesson, kiddos: taking the 405 is never the answer, no matter how tempting that sort of self-harming may seem. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Plus, it looked like Stephanie wound up on the 101 anyway.

• Chiklis: “When was the last time we did something as a family?”
Daughter: “Last month. Charades. And you pulled out your back miming some scene from Iron Man.”

• Stephanie: “Jim, I know you want us to have some great family moments. But, we all survived a plane crash. Talk about memories that last forever.”

• Autumn Reeser: “How does your body cut through the wind-shear? Why doesn’t the friction tear your clothes? Are you generating some kind of charged plasma field from the kinetic energy?” Yes, they address the scientific impossibility of Stephanie’s super-speed.

• I haven’t mentioned the film The Incredibles. Oh, I just did.

Pilots are hard to rate. So I’ll just say: if you think you might like this show, you probably will enjoy it. If you think it sounds too cuddly for you, you’re probably right. (And you can watch The Shield instead.)

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Glee: Britney/Brittany

Sue: "It's a Britney Spears sex riot!"

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

Glee + Britney!! How exciting!! I'm pretty sure the only thing that could top this would be Alexander Skarsgard walking into my room with nothing but a towel. Or maybe free shoes from the Nordstrom's fall collection.

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

(Ahem. Ok, sorry kids - got that out of my system. I will now try to regain some modicum of dignity.)

So - "Britney/Brittany". Like Britney Spears herself, tonight's episode was light on emotional substance and somewhat middling on talent, but was tons of fun and showed off some killer dance moves. Plus, I thought Ms. Spears' cameos were quite well done. I dug it.

Hit Me Baby, One More Time... (The Good)

• Brittany was the perfect choice to be Britney. Her singing voice wasn't all that impressive, but good god, that girl can dance - plus 10. And she's got a killer bod. She looked just amazing in all the Britney classic outfits - plus another 15.
• The outfits themselves - ALL of them, but particularly the red latex bodysuit from "Oops, I Did It Again" - deserve 20 in their own right.
  
• "Me Against the Music" with Santana - just a riot of fun. Plus 5.
• But easily the best Britney number of the night: Artie belting "Stronger" with the football team as back up. I don't think I've laughed so hard since the last football dance number ("Single Ladies") - plus 25. Apparently there's something about burly guys dancing to girly pop songs that I like.
• I don't know what was up with Kurt this week (see deductions), but I really liked his chambray suit and bow tie - plus 5.
  
• Yum. John Stamos. I even thought he was hot when he had a mullet. Plus 5.
• Coach Bieste has a heart - plus 5. I like "her".
• I think any appearance by Jacob automatically earns +15 points - especially when he is willing to commit patricide to buy her from Finn.
• And when he leaves a sweat butt stain on Sue's chair. LOL - plus 5.
• Brittany S. Pierce. Omg. +5.
• "How can you get caught between the moon and New York City? They're like a hundred miles apart." So adorably clueless, Finn - plus 5.
• I have to admit, I liked the "Toxic" number. I think it was acapella, which was cool, and the dancing was fun. I would give it +20, but watching Mr. Schue dance with the kids made me squirm, so only +15. I'll throw in another +2 for bringing us back to the "Push It" awkwardness from Season 1.
• Sue got injured in a sex riot - nice. Her explanation of the DNC convention? Hysterical - plus 7.
• I've been pretty down on Rachel for getting so skinny, but she did look hot hot hot in "Baby Hit Me One More Time." Now I know why everyone was getting in shape this summer - they all had to prep for the Britney episode. Plus 1.
• Quinn coming on to Finn on Rachel's behalf - plus 2. Quinn's really grown as a person. Finn's face lighting up when seeing Rachel, even when Brittany and Santana were flirting with him deserves another +3.
• Wow, I totally loved the choreography this week. I read an interview with Heather Morris, who was originally brought on as a dancer, and she was saying how the choreographer was so excited that he could really bust it out this week, instead of catering to the Reach to Nowhere crowd. As a dancer, I wholeheartedly endorse - plus 12.
• Best line of the night: "Students that ate the ravioli today and are not up to date on their tetanus shot should see the school nurse immediately" - Figgins. Plus, like, 14!
  
• Second best line of the night: "Because of last week's grisly train derailment, the dulcimer club is on hiatus until further notice." Figgins just gets weirder and weirder.
• Finally, good selection of Brit-Brit songs - plus 3. I just wish they'd squeezed in "Oops".
• Total: 177
  

It's Britney, Bitch (The Bad)

• The whole Finn-Rachel-insecurity plotline was lame. I mean, yes, having insecurities like that are real, but Rachel's just a whiny control freak in this case. Finn was a football player when she met him - that's who she loves. But Rachel did not dress like a walking Britney video when Finn decided he loved her. I thought the ending was cute, but otherwise, a contrived plot point - minus 25.
• What was even worse? WILL! Again, jealousy is understandable. Acting like a jackass and stealing the spotlight from your students is not. Minus 15 just for being so prominent in the "Toxic" number (although yes, he can sing and dance). Minus 5 for the ugly yellow Corvette. Minus 15 for trying to impress Emma even after he told Carl he'd back off. Minus 20 for this entire, stupid plot line.
• No Sue until the 30 minute mark? Tsk, tsk, tsk - minus 1.
• Carl is cute, but he says "bro" way too many times. Yes, we get it, you're trying to make him laid back and hip. But no one says "bro" that much unless they're old and trying to act young - minus 5.
• All I get is 2 minutes of Terri? What is going to be her role for the rest of the show? Minus 2, one for each minute.
• What the heck was with Kurt? He got waaaaaay too worked up about Britney. Minus 5.
• Adult Contemporary? Who's Christopher Cross? Are we supposed to know this? Minus 3.
• Total: 97
  

This week's score: 80

Quotes:
-- Brittany: "Please don't pull out all my teeth. I'll look like an adult baby, but with boobs."

-- Brittany: "This room looks like that room on that spaceship when I got probed."

-- Brittany: "I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist."

-- Brittany: "I hope you all respect when I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears."

-- Brittany: "It's like a Jewish cloud."

-- Santana: "You can drill me any time."

-- Sue: "You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom."

-- Sue: "That's what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone's bourbon and when an updraft revealed Lady Bird Johnson's tramp stamp and tattoos above her ovaries, Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face and spent the next hour screaming "sex party" in the microphones of all three major networks."

-- Artie: "Every day, Tina and Mike's Asian fusion grows stronger."

-- Sue: "I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death."

-- Finn: "They're personifying you.
Rachel: "Objectifying."

-- Rachel: "I look forward to the day the paparazzi provokes me and I attack them

-- Finn: "How do you feel about me not being on the football team anymore?
Rachel: "I kinda like it. I don't have to fantasize about what song I'd sing at your bedside if you got paralyzed."

-- Carl: "I love that look of instant panic each time I try to change your routine."

So - was it better than the Madonna tribute? Or one of the best Glee eps so far? I wouldn't say so. There are two things that "Britney/Brittany" lacked: original interpretations of the songs (esp in the form of mash ups), and emotional punch. I know that I said I like Glee when it's plot-lite, but tonight, I really noticed what a difference emotional investment can make. I'm not sure that I want Quinn-baby-story heaviness, but at the end of tonight's tremendously fun, laughing out loud funny episode, I didn't walk away with a WOW.

But I did get a whoa. In the end, "Britney/Brittany" was saved by the fun dance numbers, iconic outfits, great one-liners, and some bad-ass Jacob sightings. But none of it's emotional pitches rang true with me.

3.5 out of 4 Britney cameos.

P.S. I'm pretty sure I never want to type "Britney" or "Brittany" again.


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Dexter: My Bad

Rita: "I felt up in the air, the way things ended. Like we never said a proper goodbye."

Wouldn't it be ironic if causing Rita's murder turned Dexter into a human being?

This entire episode was a farewell to Rita, and Dexter was unable to handle it. For most of it, he was absolutely numb, unable to feel anything at all. Or he certainly would have registered that he told Rita's children she was dead while wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Wow, that really bothered me; I kept saying, "Take the hat off, Dexter!" Those kids are going to hate cute cartoon mice forever now, and they're certainly never going to Disneyworld again.

Cutting his ties and running away made sense, too, since Dexter was running away from what he felt. And it was really interesting that he finally lost his legendary cool and committed an impulsive crime of passion. It was hard to feel sorry for the victim, even though his only crime was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And acting like a total jerk. Being a jerk got him killed. A lesson for us all.

The flashbacks to Dexter and Rita's first date were moving, as well as creepy. He always put murder before Rita, right from the start; I couldn't believe he actually killed someone on their first date. (Geez, foreshadow much?) He even cracked a joke about being an axe murderer, like he was warning her away from him. Burying her in the dress she was wearing when they met was so obviously Dexter's way of trying to take back ever meeting Rita at all.

Quinn has turned into Doakes. Only he might be even more dangerous, since he already believes that Dexter killed his wife. What did Elliott tell him? And what possessed Deb to sleep with Quinn? Yes, we do stupid things when we grieve -- Quinn's girlfriend just committed suicide, too -- but I kept feeling like she was cheating on Dexter. (Real life, fiction, there's a difference, Billie!)

What next? Trinity is in a watery grave and will never be found, and I don't think Dexter has an alibi. Maybe LaGuerta should have kept the case, but how could that have helped? Now that Dexter has completely gutted the Code of Harry, pun intended, what now? Anything goes? If so, Quinn had better watch his step. He might be next.

Bits and pieces:

-- Loved the episode title. Just loved it.

-- Julie Benz is no longer in the cast. No guest star was given in the opening credits.

-- We finally got a number. Dexter has killed 67 people. No, 68 now.

-- Nice little homage to Six Feet Under, since Michael C. Hall played a mortician for five years. Dexter said about the mortician, "How does he do that?" I rather expected Rita to open her eyes and talk to him, too.

-- Angel told Quinn not to forget that LaGuerta was the boss. Don't tell me that marriage is in trouble already? They've only been married for five minutes.

-- Harry disappeared for most of the episode, and came back when Dexter finally lost it in the bathroom. Odd, considering it was the moment when Dexter broke the Code of Harry.

-- The episode began where last season's finale left off, and nearly everyone looked the same. Except, of course, there was a different baby playing Harrison. I think there were different actors playing Paul's parents, too. Michael C. Hall looked the same when I expected him to look a bit different, considering his illness. Desmond Harrington was the one who was suddenly a whole lot thinner.

-- Gold acting stars for Michael C. Hall, of course. When Dexter finally expressed his grief, it was really something.

Quotes:

Dexter: "What if the least you deserve is a real human being, and what you get is me?"

Masuka: "I imagined her naked plenty of times, but never like this."
Masuka is nothing if not inappropriate.

Deb: "FBI? Fucking Bunch of Idiots."

Dexter: "Not now. She's in the shower." At least he didn't say she was in the tub.

Deb: "How did it go, talking to them?"
Dexter: "Astor's upset. They got me a hat."

Four out of four sets of Mickey Mouse ears,

Billie

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Buffy quotes for every occasion. Part 8: History and Literature

Harmony: "I've been doing my homework. Reading books and stuff."
Spike: "What? Evil for Dummies?"

Lest we forget, the setting of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was high school and college. And cemeteries and the Bronze and the dorm and so on, but there was definitely a learning theme going on. It was pretty obvious that the Buffy writers knew their way around good books; some of my favorite quotes ever were about historical figures and classic literature.

(Yes, Buffy dropped out. But she had a really good excuse.)

So without further ado (notice how I got a little Shakespeare in there?), here are Buffy quotes on history, historical figures, famous writers and great literature. And as always, if I missed one that you particularly like, feel free to post it. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is such a witty show that the only way to catch every good quote is to work your way through 144 scripts. And that would be, well, crazy. Much like recopying your notes with a series of different colored pens.

Giles: "Emily Dickinson."
Buffy: "We're both fans."
Giles: "Yes, uh, she's quite a good poet, I mean, for a..."
Buffy: "A girl?"
Giles: "For an American."

Giles: "I'm just going to stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the Middle Ages."
Jenny: "Did you ever leave?"

Cordelia: "Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers."
Buffy: "Was that an insult?"
Xander: "Kinda lacked punch."
Willow: "The Three Musketeers were cool."
Cordelia: "I see your point."
Xander: "I would have gone with Stooges."

Willow: "Giles, were the Incas very advanced?"
Giles: "Yes, yes, very."
Willow: "Did they have orthodontists?"

Cordelia: "I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed..."
Xander: "I think you mean oppressed."
Cordelia: "Whatever. They were cranky. So they're, like, let's lose some heads. That's fair. And, and Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake."

Giles: "This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon."
Xander: "And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale adult bowling league championships?"
Giles: "Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary."
Xander: "Bowling is a vicious game."

Xander: "You're having parental issues, you're having parental issues... what? Freud would've said the exact same thing. Except he might not have done that little dance."

Giles: "I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression."
Xander: "I resent that! Or possibly thank you."

Buffy: "They needed to win. And winning equals trophies, which equals prestige for the school. You see how they're treated. It's been like that forever."
Xander: "Sure. The discus throwers got the best seats at all the crucifixions."

Buffy: "You wanna see my impression of Gandhi?"
(*thunk*)
Lily: "Gandhi?"
Buffy: "Well, you know, if he was really pissed off."

Gwendolyn: "Faith, do you know who the Spartans were?"
Faith: "Wild stab. A bunch of guys from Spart?"

Xander: "Oh, man. It's Nazi Germany and I have Playboys in my locker."

Buffy: "My mom said some things to me about being the Slayer. That it's fruitless. No fruit for Buffy."
Angel: "She's wrong."
Buffy: "Is she? Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here? Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. Like that kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck."
Angel: "Dike. It's another word for dam."
Buffy: "Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now."

Cordelia: "Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother."

Wesley: "Wait for Faith."
Buffy: "That could be hours. The girl makes Godot look punctual."

Buffy: "The whole senior class has turned into the Sixties. Or what I would have imagined the Sixties would have been like without the war and the hairy armpits."

Giles: "But you knew it was beer."
Xander: "Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-koolaid-funky-Satan-groove."
Giles: "It was the early seventies, and you should know better."

Spike: "I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians."
Buffy: "Uh, the preferred term..."
Spike: "You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, I came, I conquered, I feel really bad about it."

Walsh: "So, the Slayer."
Buffy: "Yeah. That's me."
Walsh: "We thought you were a myth."
Buffy: "Well, you were myth-taken."

Ethan: "You know demons. It's all exaggeration and blank verse."

Buffy: "Who better to bring together a bunch of demon types than someone who's made out of a bunch of demon types?"
Tara: "So he's, um, bridging the gap between the races."
Willow: "Like Martin Luther King."


Buffy: "Stay back! Or I'll pull a William Burroughs on your leader here."
Xander: "You'll bore him to death with free prose?"

Xander: "Hey, man. That's all ancient history."
Riley: "She went running to L.A. to bone up on her history."
Xander: "No. I'm sure it's boneless."

Riley: "Having the inside scoop on the administration's own Bay of Mutated Pigs is definitely an advantage."
Willow: "It's like you're blackmailing the government. In a patriotic way."

Riley: "We like the ceiling fan."
Willow: "Yes. It's very, you know, kind of Old South."
Buffy: "But without the unpleasant slavery associations."

Willow: "I just don't see why he couldn't end up with Esmerelda. They could have the wedding right there, beneath the very bell-tower where he labored thanklessly for all those years."
Tara: "No, see, it can't end like that, 'cause all of Quasimodo's actions were selfishly motivated. He had no moral compass, no understanding of right and wrong. Everything he did, he did out of love for a woman who would never be able to love him back. Also, you can tell it's not going to have a happy ending when the main guy's all bumpy."

Willow: "It frightens you? I frighten you?"
Tara: "That is so not what I meant. I meant impresses. Impressive."
Willow: "Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is."

Xander (in the hospital): "Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place."
Giles: "It's dreadful."
Anya: "It's like communism."

Buffy: "Everybody knows their jobs. Remember, the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn."
Spike: "Well, not exactly the St. Crispin's Day speech, was it?"
Giles: "We few. We happy few."
Spike: "We band of buggered."

Anya: "I found one of those 24-hour places for coffee. Remember that bookstore? Well they became one of those books-and-coffee places, and now they're just coffee. It's like evolution, only without the getting-better part."

Buffy: "You know what they say. Those of us who fail history? Doomed to repeat it in summer school."

Andrew: "Hello! Screen-wipe, new scene. I had nothing to do with the devil dogs. I trained flying demon monkeys to attack the school play. School play, dude."
Warren: "That was cool. That was kinda cool."
Jonathan: "Remember, everyone was like, 'Run, Juliet'!"

Todd: "I mean, it's not like we work at Burger World, or the Happy Bun, where the power structure is simple. No, here at the Palace, you gotta keep your friends close, but your enemies? Closer. It's like Machiavelli says. You know Machiavelli, right?"
Buffy: "Tall guy, bleached mullet, works day shifts?"

Xander: "Poems. Always a sign of pretentious inner turmoil."

Buffy: "Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode."
Spike: "Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages."

Dawn: "Translation's going to be a bitch. Did you know that ancient Sumerians do not speak English?"
Buffy: "They're worse than the French."

Faith: "Man, look at that. My hand's shaking. Demons, vampires, women in the penitentiary system, none of that freaks me out."
Wood: "That's exactly what The First does. Finds your Achilles heel."
Faith: "Nah, it just talked to me. What? It does a heel thing, too?"

Giles: "In addition to being ancient, it's clearly mystical."
Buffy: "Yeah, I figured that one out when I King Arthured it out of the stone."

No good excuse for missing last week, but I promise I'll get the next entry up next week,

Billie

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Star Trek: The Changeling

McCoy: "What do we do now? Go up and knock?"

Another entry in the sixties computer paranoia column, this time with a tiny, confused talking atomic bomb. At least Kirk had a lot of previous relevant experience in talking a computer to death.

I don't dislike this episode, although I've always found Nomad's origin and characteristics somewhat contradictory and confusing. Nomad was supposedly the result of a collision between an Earth probe tasked with searching out new life, and an alien robot tasked with sterilizing soil samples. How did it acquire the power to wipe out four billion lives? And how did it get around? How could Nomad have warp capability? It was the size of a Chatty Cathy doll.

Its other powers were wildly super, too. Nomad killed Scotty and brought him back to life. It brainwiped Uhura without damaging her, although she recovered rather quickly. It couldn't have been a total wipe, or where did the Swahili come from? It would have been interesting if Uhura hadn't recovered so quickly and her memory loss became an issue in later episodes. Yes, I know they didn't do character arcs so much in the sixties, but it would have been cool.

The most confusing thing was Spock mind-melding with Nomad (although it was definitely the best part of the episode). Was Nomad a being? Wouldn't he have had to have a mind for a mind-meld to work? If he was a blend of two computers, how could he have been?

At least Nomad's voice was cool, and was a bit of a precursor of the Hal computer in 2001, A Space Odyssey (which was probably in production when this episode aired). I remember we used to imitate him a lot. "Error! Error!" "Sterilize! Sterilize! ...." Wait a minute. That sounds an awful lot like "Exterminate! Exterminate!"

That's it! Nomad was a Dalek!

So with all of the plot holes in this episode, why did they make it the basis for the first Star Trek movie?

Ben says...

The first five minutes of this episode were probably where I realized they really needed seat belts on the bridge. This was a thing in science fiction of the late 60’s. You tip the camera back and forth and everyone throws themselves from one side of the room to the other. My siblings and I would throw ourselves back and forth across our rec room whenever we saw this or similar scenes (it was even better when watching the unremembered Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea). This continued until my youngest brother got knocked through a window into the back yard.

"Non Sequitur, your facts are uncoordinated."

Oh, sorry Nomad. Actually, this episode had a really interesting underlying idea relating to the creation of the modern computing revolution and to the concept of the Tabula rasa. The idea that we and computers have similar hardware into which could be placed pretty much any software was not at the time the elementary point that it is today. This point is woven throughout the episode: Nomad's original accident, Uhura re-education, and even the final joke about how Nomad would have made such a Doctor, are all about this now ubiquitous but at the time revolutionary idea.

"Non Sequitur, your facts are uncoordinated."

Oh come on, Nomad, that was pretty good. Okay, how about the whole talking the computer to death thing? A) We have already seen this quite a bit, and B) it never works in real life, I am trying it on my PC right now with no... *BBXZZTT*

Back to Billie for bits and pieces:

-- Star date 3541.9. All of the action took place in space. The Melurian race on four planets was destroyed.

-- The Earth space probe that was the initial part of Nomad came from the 2000s.

-- Nomad managed to take out four red shirts. Not a record, but close.

-- Apparently, warp ten is impossible. But they did it, anyway. Warp eleven, too.

-- In this week's hair report, Kirk's looked like he was having a permanent bad hair day. Maybe his good hairpiece was at the cleaners.

Quotes:

Scott: "That mechanical beastie is up here."
Scott was brash and impulsive again. Perhaps a leftover from his irrational behavior in the "Chariots of the Gods" episode.

McCoy: (re: Scott) "He's dead, Jim."

Spock: "That unit is a woman."
Nomad: "A mass of conflicting impulses."
Strike one!

Spock: "It almost qualifies as a life form."
McCoy: "That's a laugh."

Nomad: "Mister Spock is also one of your biological units, Creator?"
Kirk: "Yes."
Nomad: "This unit is different. It is well-ordered."
(Spock smirks)

Uhura: "The ball is blu...ey?"

Kirk: "It's space happy. It thinks I'm its mother."

Spock: "My congratulations, Captain. A dazzling display of logic."
Kirk: "You didn't think I had it in me, did you, Spock?"
Spock: "No, sir."

Kirk: "What a doctor it would have made. My son, the doctor. Gets you right there."

Two out of four Daleks,

Billie

All of our Star Trek reviews are archived here.
More about Ben here.
Photo credit: Memory Alpha

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Fringe: Olivia

“You can’t just keep running.”

The Season Two finale left us with Peter and Walter back Over Here, accompanied by a woman alternately called Boliva, Oliviate, or Fauxlivia. Our Olivia (now with auburn hair) is stuck Over There as a pawn in Walternate game/war/vendetta. This episode’s focus on Over There, and on Olivia’s experiences, was exactly as creepy, disorienting, and disturbing as it should have been.


This episode is basically an escape-and-chase thriller, but that’s not why it is so strong. What makes it good is the series of conversations that Olivia take part in: with the psychiatrist, with Lincoln Lee, with her mother, and with Alterna-Francis. What makes it great is the extended conversation with the cab driver Henry, played by Andre Royo of The Wire.

Olivia’s conversation with the psychiatrist was completely open. She told her everything she knew, but the psychiatrist (who surely knows more than she is telling) didn’t support her assertions. As we find out later, though, Olivia’s memories are being altered so that she gradually becomes Fauxlivia. Walternate says this is so she can help the OverThereians figure out how to stop the destruction of reality. I don’t believe him. I think it’s revenge. I think Walternate wants to take something of Walter’s and make it entirely his own. If he gets to save the world, that’s a bargain.

Andre Royo and Anna Torv were basically re-enacting Collateral, in which Jamie Foxx plays a Magical Negro© who drives Tom Cruise around LA. But I’m willing to forgive this rather clichéd use of a fabulous African-American actor precisely because he is so fabulous. We saw last season, especially with episodes like “Peter,” just how wonderful Fringe could be when it took its time and allowed conversations and interactions to develop both the plot and the characters’ relationships. Here, that means that Henry starts to believe and/or trust Olivia, who continues to tell the truth as she searches, fruitlessly, for a way to get back home.

I think, but am not sure, that the major turning point for both Olivia and Henry came when she accidentally said “Frank” instead of “Peter.” It’s a sign that the memory-changes the Fringe Division is making are working. Henry caught her slip, and I think it pushed him over the fence into the realm of belief—and that’s why he followed her. But what I’m more interested in, at least at this very moment, is how Olivia herself reacted to it.

Olivia’s encounter with her mother, besides making me cry, was her personal turning point. She had realized her memories and skills (like sharp-shooting) were being altered. Lincoln Lee told her she couldn’t keep running, and she’d exhausted all the ways she knew of getting home. When she began to remember her mother’s home, her childhood home, and specific events in it, did she become Fauxlivia? Or did she realize that she could access both sets of memories (Fauxlivia’s implanted ones, and her own “real” ones) and begin to play the game?

I hope it’s the latter. I want Olivia to still be Olivia, fighting the good fight from inside the belly of the beast. Her conversation with Alterna-Francis, after her epiphany in her mother’s house, was a little off. It took her longer to laugh at his jokes than it normally would. Just shock, or something more?



Things Are Getting Weirder and Weirder All The Time:

• Henry made the “fist of power” at Olivia, which was also used on the protester’s signs outside of the newly-ambered opera house. Is he part of the resistance against the Fringe Division and DoD? How active is the resistance?

• So many great details about Over There, all of which are catalogued on other sites. So I’ll just mention that Fringe has taught me that those big bicycle things are called “penny farthings”; the longest-running show on Broadway is called Dogs (sorry, T.S. Eliot); and JFK is still alive and politically active, which seems impossible, as he was born in 1917. Maybe it’s John F. Kennedy, Jr., who passed away in 1999 Over Here.

• No Massive Dynamics Over There, but Brandon works for the DoD.

• It looks like the credits will be red for Over There episodes and blue for Over Here episodes.

• Just a few minutes of Walter, Peter, and Fauxlivia. But we’ll get more of them this week. How long will this go on? It’s very interesting.

• It was implied that Henry’s daughter had died. Something Fringe-related?

• Beautiful imagery throughout, especially of reflections. I pondered calling Fauxlivia "Aivilo," but it sounds too much like an Italian pasta dish.

This was a great, understated episode (except for the exploding propane tank, of course). Fabulous mythology building, but even better character development.

Three and a half out of four penny-farthings.

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Supernatural: Exile on Main Street

Dean: "Am I the only one here that thinks that this can't all just be fine?"

I am completely weirded out. What just happened?

Most of this episode was Dean actually hallucinating, but in fact, the entire episode felt unreal to me. And there were a number of clues that it might very well be unreal. The episode began with an alarm clock going off, like Groundhog Day. (Or "Mystery Spot.") The scratch marks were a deliberate reference to Nightmare on Elm Street. The bad guys were djinns, masters of unreality, and Dean was living a "normal life" much like he did in "What Is and What Should Never Be." Even the new credits were a broken reflection.

How could Sam just let Dean grieve for him for an entire year? I just didn't believe it. Sam couldn't remember how he felt when Dean was in Hell? Sam even rejected Dean's offer of the Impala, the symbol of their connection. In fact, Sam didn't feel like Sam. He creeped me out. Of course, if most of this episode actually was real, it makes sense that Sam has changed. Even if I hate it.

And Grandpa Samuel Campbell creeped me out even more than Sam did, because he just felt evil -- like he was still the Yellow-Eyed Demon, who (coincidentally or not) had a return engagement. The assortment of Campbell cousins creeped me out, too. And why did Samuel keep a captured djinn hidden from the boys? Don't get me wrong: it would be cool to have Mitch Pileggi around as a real family member. But he'd better have a damned good reason for lying to the boys.

So everyone felt "off". Except for Dean, who was still Dean. He was still drinking, and it felt like he was going through the motions. The holy water under the bed and the devil's trap at the door told us that Dean knew the hunting life wasn't over for him. I really liked the opening montage contrasting his old life with the new one, as well as the lyrics of "Beautiful Loser", which fit Dean like a T. Dean's new drinking buddy knew nothing about him. And what about Lisa? They seemed happy, Dean was being faithful, and she said it had been the best year of her life. But all she said about their lives together was that Dean was a good father to Ben. What about her? It was like she was waiting for him to leave her.

So much of this episode was an off-center callback to the pilot, like we were seeing it through a carnival mirror. Sam came for Dean this time. Lisa burned on the ceiling. The Yellow-Eyed Demon fed Ben instead of Sam. I usually feel a strong connection to Supernatural, but this episode made me feel like a stranger.

Maybe that was the point. We don't know what's going on, just like Dean.

Bits and pieces:

-- New credits, this time with broken glass.

-- A year has passed, if this is indeed reality. Dean was living with Lisa in, I assume, Cicero, Indiana. Dean's truck had an Indiana plate.

-- Okay, Bobby did feel like Bobby, but he kept the truth from Dean, too. That was just wrong.

-- Where is Castiel? Why wasn't he answering Sam? And Dean didn't even ask about Adam. Is Michael in Hell, still in Adam's body?

-- Liked the djinn's tatts climbing up their arms. It was much like Willow and the magic books on Buffy.

-- Who was the hunter who died in front of Lisa's house? Was it another cousin that they just didn't bother to mention later, much less mourn?

-- There was a poster that said, "DJ Sam" on the boards outside the abandoned hotel.

-- Sam used Dean's golf clubs to kill the djinn, because you can never have too much symbolism. I think the djinn poison was also a metaphor for the poison that Dean brought into Lisa's life.

-- I also liked the stars in the ceiling above Ben's bed. It worked as a reminder of Dean and Sam living beneath the stars. Or maybe a reference to what the boys experienced in heaven. Hey, I could make it mean pretty much anything.

Quotes:

Dean: "You have no idea what's in some peoples' walls. It could eat them alive."

Dean: "I got a permit for it."
Sid: "What, to shoot the Bleekman's dog?"

Gwen: "My god, you've got delicate features for a hunter."

Samuel: "Lots of resurrections in your face today. It's all right. Take a minute."
Dean: "It's gonna take a little more than a minute."

Bobby: "Just don't touch the decor, okay? Assume it's all loaded."

Samuel: "You don't know what you're part of, Dean. You know, you had ancestors hacking the heads off vamps on the Mayflower." Really?

I hope this episode makes more sense later on in the season. Two out of four djinns,

Billie

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Smallville: Lazarus

Lois: "I'm the last one to know."

Wonderful opening, good follow-through, and a terrific ending. I'm very encouraged.

A lot of this one was a return to season one. Lois got to be the scarecrow in the cornfield this time, with the big red S on her chest. We were reminded of how Clark met Lex. There were a number of really awful Lex clones. And we got a petite homage to the Christopher Reeve movies, with Clark forced to choose between saving Lois and saving a lot of other people. And he managed to do both. Better. Not to mention that he almost but not quite flew.

I am so pleased that Lois knows, that she saved Clark's life and finally saw what he was. I'm not so pleased that she decided to take Perry's offer and leave for Africa, though. But at least it's a big step forward in the Lois/Clark non-relationship relationship.

And I really liked the father versus father theme. Throughout the series, Clark has struggled unsuccessfully to forge a relationship with Jor-El, or more accurately, with Jor-El's life recording, or whatever. For years, Jor-El has slammed Clark, given him impossible tasks, and made his life hell. I loved that the ghost of Jonathan countered all that with praise instead of blame. Like he was saying, screw Jor-El, I believe in you, son. It was just what Clark needed.

Tess is miraculously healed. So much for that fatal injury. And now she's raising little Alexander. I've made no secret of the fact that Lex Luthor was why I got into this series, and I appreciate that they want to bring Lex back in some way in the final season. But if Michael Rosenbaum isn't planning on one last curtain call, I sort of wish they'd just drop it.

I was also not so happy with Chloe as Dr. Fate. Maybe I just didn't quite get what was going on there. Was it just a way to write her out? And what happened to Oliver? Who was working him over?

Dan was really pleased with the brief introduction to Darkseid. Here's where my comic book ignorance makes it hard for me, because I don't know who Darkseid is. If you don't know, either, here's the Wikipedia link. Not that it told me much of anything. If you have a strong opinion about Darkseid, I'd love to hear it. Post a comment!

Lots of set-up for the final season, and there was a nice feel to this episode, like they were going for broke. We all know they've held back because the series kept getting renewed, and I'm happy that they're clearly not going to hold back any more.

Bits and pieces:

-- Allison Mack's credit has moved to the end, and Erica Durance is now second.

-- I know it was probably unintentional, but when Clark "died," he went to the cornfield. (Jerome Bixby's "It's a Good Life.")

-- Alessandro Juliani from Battlestar was back, and yay for that. You know, having their own doctor works a whole lot better than constant visits to the Smallville (or Metropolis) medical center.

-- Was that Brandon Routh's Superman costume in the box Clark got from his mother? It sure looked like it.

-- Clark, when you're talking to a ghost, don't look away. They always disappear.

-- In this week's hair report, Jonathan's hair has gotten pretty long in heaven, hasn't it?

Three out of four melting Warrior Angel action figures,

Billie

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Vampire Diaries: Bad Moon Rising

“Isn’t killing cute, defenseless animals the first step in becoming a serial killer?”

This episode was full of great scenes, great lines, and the return of my beloved Alaric (albeit with terrible puffy hair). So the different parts didn’t quite add up to a cohesive whole, and this felt like the first part of a two-parter. So the werewolf thing is kinda boring. This was still the most enjoyable hour of my week. (Is my life pathetic, or what?)


Caroline the Control Freak

A huge part of that enjoyment is due to Caroline. If someone had told me that Season Two would have a lot more Caroline, I would have been horribly dismayed, but this has turned out to be a fabulous decision on the part of the writers. She is such a unique vampire. She has all the usual baby vampire problems, like uncontrollable blood lust, but she’s also still very much Caroline. And, on top of all of that, she has a new gravitas—more than I would have thought the actress was capable of. Her interactions with Stefan showed that she still has a hilarious flighty side, but I wonder if her control-freak tendencies (and constant desire to be queen) will push her on to Katherine’s side. And I wonder what the means for her relationship with Bonnie, who has some control-freak tendencies of her own.

Caroline’s entire conversation with Stefan in the woods was hilarious. I feel like people may throw fruits and various meats at me, but…was there a spark there? Caroline and Stefan could be a fascinating couple. Don’t get me wrong, I like Stefan and Elena. But I wouldn’t hate some bizarre dramatic love triangles. I wouldn’t hate watching Damon’s reactions to that, either. And now that Matt is an ex…

Lycanthropic Lockwoods

The Lockwoods are still not that interesting. But the information that werewolf bites are fatal to vampires? That’s a great addition to the mythology. When Stefan was investigating the van, he seemed both his usual impervious “hey, it’s Tuesday” self, but with an edge of fright that vampires in this universe don’t typically have. The scene was also genuinely scary.

But why hasn’t Tyler Lockwood started wolfing out yet? Isn’t he a bit old to be so inexperienced? Why didn’t his dad ever give him the werewolf equivalent of the birds-and-bees talk? And didn’t those chains on Uncle Lockwood remind you of Oz? I miss Oz.

Tyler’s reaction to being shut down by that girl was hilarious. (I’m also just really happy he didn’t get violent.) It’s a nice contrast to the violence of Uncle Wolf, as well as Caroline biting Matt.

(I tried to make this section of my review hang together. Couldn’t be done.)

Damon at Duke

This entire plot felt like set-up to me. Elena still hates Damon, and she’s willing to manipulate him. Isobel’s research assistant Vanessa will surely make a re-appearance (luckily, not as Alaric’s new girl). Katherine is Slavic and her original name is Katerina Petrova. Doppelgangers are bad news. Werwolves are Aztecs. (I am unclear on how the Aztec werewolves made it to Virginia. But I like the sun/moon dichotomy. I’d never thought of Lon Chaney and Bela Lugosi that way.) All interesting, and all sure to lead somewhere eventually.

The most affecting parts of the road trip plot happened once everyone got back. Alaric is now with Jenna. (Hooray! I hope that doesn’t mean that one of them has to die.) And Elena admitted that she manipulated Damon. He saw this as evidence of her being Katherine-esque, but it’s really a sign that she actually does hate him. She wouldn’t do that to a friend, but he’s fair game. I’m dying to see how this gets resolved. How do you forgive someone for killing your little brother?


Bites:

• Tyler: “What’s the deal with the freaky underground cellar?”
Mrs. Lockwood: “We don’t talk about those kind of rooms…This is the South, honey, but no one likes to reminisce about the old slave days.”

• Elena: “You touch her, and I swear I will never speak to you again.”
Damon: “What makes you think that has any power over me? ‘Cuz I took an arrow in the back for you? You are severely overestimating yourself.”

• Caroline: “So you’re saying that now I’m basically an insecure, neurotic control freak on crack?”

• Vanessa: “Does vervain really work?”
Damon: “Nope, not at all.”
Vanessa: “Can he hear us?”
Damon: “No. That would be creepy.”
Vanessa: “Can he read minds, too?”
Damon: “You know, if you want to see me naked, all you have to do is ask.”
Good to know.

• Caroline: “Why are you looking at him with your serious vampire look?”
Stefan: “My what? My ‘serious vampire’ look?”
Caroline: “It’s different from your ‘worried vampire’ look, neither of which stray too far from your ‘hey, it’s Tuesday’ look.”

• Damon: “I know I chipped a little off your wall of hatred.”

• Katherine: “Don’t be frightened. We’re going to have so much fun together.”

And Pieces:

• Courtney Ford, who played Professor Isobel’s assistant Vanessa, was on Dexter. And I totally didn’t see that crossbow coming. (I was probably too distracted with figuring out where I knew the actress from. That’s my excuse.)

• The two sides of Caroline’s personality were symbolized by her dark eye make-up and her cute pedal pushers.

• Alaric, Damon, and Elena doing “research” reminded me of Buffy, especially since “research” seemed to consist of flipping through stuff quickly.


Three out of four Aztecs in Virginia

(Screencap courtesy of vampire-diaries.net.)
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Undercovers: Pilot

Home run! What a pleasant and unexpected surprise.

Steven and Samantha Bloom are the center of the series, and we all know that happily married couples are boring. I can see where the writers thought very carefully about how to make the Blooms' relationship exciting and romantic. They were both spies five years ago, but they never worked together; when they fell in love and got married, they left the agency but kept a solemn promise never to discuss their careers -- ever. Meaning that, as far as the spy game goes, they are a complete mystery to each other.

In this pilot, Steven and Samantha were lured back into the life and carried out their very first mission as a team. They worked in tandem professionally and like they'd been partners forever, but they kept learning new things about each other in a most delightful way. Samantha Bloom (played by the interestingly named Gugu Mbatha-Raw) is clever, charming, kick-ass, and seriously world-class gorgeous. Steven Bloom (Boris Kodjoe) is a fairly good match for her, although I wasn't as crazy about him as I was about her (maybe I didn't like his weird facial hair). They click well as a couple. It's not easy to do snappy, spicy, romantic banter this good.

Can the Blooms' marriage survive the spy life while they run a catering business at the same time? Will it create obstacles in their marriage? Will they learn things about each other that they just can't handle? Is the Pope Catholic? You know what? I'm actually interested in finding out. (About the Blooms, not the Pope.)

The supporting characters really shone, too. The talented Gerald McRaney made Shaw, the stereotypical gruff and acerbic boss, seem like a whole new character. Leo Nash (Carter MacIntyre) was so instantly lovable that when he was captured, I truly didn't want him to get hurt. And Hoyt (Ben Schwartz), with his inappropriate and overwrought case of hero worship on Steven, made me laugh over and over again.

Yes, there was a lot of Alias and a good bit of Mission Impossible, but that's not a bad thing. I liked the place cards taking us to faraway places, even though they were almost certainly all Los Angeles. (Except I've actually been on that street in Paris, and it looked damned convincing.) Dan laughed out loud when the series credits were shown fifteen minutes into the episode, because that was something they often did on Alias.

And there was a rocket launcher. Because, to paraphrase Joss Whedon, you have to have a rocket launcher.

I confess that I watched the premiere of Undercovers only out of a sense of obligation to J.J. Abrams. But this one could very well be a winner -- Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but a whole lot better. If they can keep up the quality of this pilot and take our spy couple in new and interesting directions, this show is going to be a hit.

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Glee: Audition

"I've never had balls in my mouth. Have you?" - Sam

Welcome back, Gleeks! I hope that your summer was as fun as tonight's season premier was. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous at how it would be - Glee was completely bipolar last year, and I was kinda concerned that it'd become such a hit that it'd just be too full of itself.

But if the aptly named "Auditions" is any indication, we're in for a fun ride. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised at how low-key, yet so very Glee, the premier ep was. So let's get started with the first Gleecap of the school year.


Initial first reactions:

• Seriously, Lea Michele has lost waaaaay too much weight. Not digging it. Not a fan of the bangs either, but I don't hate them like some people seem to.
• Also didn't love the music choices. Low key good, and performances good, but I don't think I'll be downloading all of the songs anymore.
• Oh, Sue, Sue, Sue - how much I've missed you. Especially now that you have an even more nonsensical nemesis. (Let's admit it, Will was never much of a match for you.)

When I was reading all the casting news in the spring and summer, I was like, "uh oh." A lot of shows - I'm looking at you, Lost! - have been tanked by expanding an already large cast, to the point that no one gets adequate story lines, and the viewers can't connect with the key characters.

Now that I've seen it, though, I'm giving Ryan & Co. a thumbs up for reinventing the show, while staying true to its roots. Casting Charice, Chord Overstreet (is that really his name????), and Dot-Marie Jones as Rachel, Finn, and Sue's respective rivals and mirrors was an ingenious way to set up the year.

Now, onto the scores!

The Good:

• Can I just say again how much I love the character of Coach Bieste? She was seriously laugh out loud funny. +5 points because she looks like Ken Tanaka with lipstick; add another 5 because I'm pretty sure she's wearing his clothes from last season.
  
• Plus, she makes even less sense than Sue ("You're all coffee and no omelet.") AND she refers to herself in the 3rd person. Now you know how the rest of us feel, Sue. +10
• Bonus points for making her actually sensitive, and not just another Sue - 10 points.
• The Brittany doll? Hysterical - plus 2.
• I have to say that the opening sequence was completely brilliant. It was funny, incorporated classic Glee elements (slushee!), and completely tongue in cheek. My favorite parts: Jacob interrogating Mr. Schue on the rapping, and comparing his song choices to "a drag queen's iPod." Looks like Ryan reads the boards after all - +25.
• God bless the return of Kurt's wardrobe - plus 5.
• God bless the unveiling of Other Asian's abs. Can we see more abs and less dancing? Plus 2.
• Speaking of dancing, damn, Brittany can dance. I don't know about her singing, but she is amazing - plus 2.
• Tina and Mike fell in love at Asian Camp - plus 5. Only because these things really exist. When I was growing up, every Taiwanese high schooler I knew hooked up with someone on The Love Boat.
• Loved "Telephone", although I was afraid Rachel was going to attack Sunshine - plus 2.
• Charice. Man, that girl can sing. I like Lea Michele's voice, but I've always thought it was a bit on the sharp side. Charice has soul and depth, something I seriously appreciate being an alto. And her rendition of "Listen"? I literally got goosebumps. Plus 15.
• Favorite moment of the night: Quinn tying her ponytail, and reclaiming her rightful place as Queen walking down the hall in her Cheerios outfit. I love me a good strut - plus 10.
• Will and Sue, conspiring together? Plus 10.
  

The Ehn...

• "Empire State of Mind" - while I liked the staging, esp the costumes and Kurt's Salt-n-Peppa hair, it felt awkward. The song wasn't vibrant enough to grab my attention. Minus 5.
• And I don't know about that "Billionaire" number either. But that might be because I was so distracted by the new kid's mouth - minus 10. The Bieber cut also really doesn't help - minus 2.
  
• Seriously, Sam has a big mouth. I can't get over it - minus another 10.
• I liked the closing number, but haven't we heard Rachel sing this one already? Minus 10 for lack of imagination, but recoup 2 for a great performance.
• I am so not into Lea Michele right now. She's too skinny, and I will admit, my opinion of Rachel has been influenced by Michele's off-screen diva behavior. Sorry. No deductions.
• Finn not on the football team? It'll probably make for interesting storytelling, but I'm not pleased - minus 5.
• Tina dumping Artie for Mike? Other Asian having enough of a storyline to justify a name? Minus 15.
• Poop cookies? Ewwwww. Minus 5.
  
• Finn's Cheerios audition was so good, it was bad. Really a plus 20, I was laughing my *** off.

And the total is... Oh, who cares? I can't add, and it clearly came out on top. I realized as I was writing this that I liked the ep a lot more than I didn't.

Quotes:
-- Sue: "The two of you are making a mistake, the likes of which have not been seen since the Mexicans sold Manhattan to George Washington for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross."

-- Brittany: "Coach Beiste didn't touch my boobs. Actually, I wanna touch her boobs."

-- Sue: "You're demoted to the bottom of the pyramid, so when it collapses, your exploding sandbags will keep everyone safe from injury."

-- Sue: "A person that has to pump her naughties full of gravy to feel good about herself clearly doesn't have the self-esteem to be my head cheerleader."

-- Puck: "Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?"
Sam: "I don't know. I've never had balls in my mouth. Have you?"

-- Tina: "You ignored me for weeks this summer."
Artie: "I was playing a marathon game of Halo, woman!"

-- Santana: "My eyes are up here, Jew fro."

So, "Audition" didn't have me jumping up and down with, er, glee, but it was a solid start to the sophomore season. While I am hoping that we'll have more kick-me-in-the-head amazing eps, in all honesty, I'd probably be happier with more even storytelling. And I ain't gonna lie - I love Britney, and I am sooooo looking forward to next week's ep!

2.5 out of 4 tennis balls. ... Read full post