Star Trek: The City on the Edge of Forever

Edith: "I think that one day they're going to take all the money that they spend now on war and death..."
Kirk: "And make them spend it on life."

"City" is widely acknowledged to be the best episode of original Star Trek. Written (mostly, anyway, and there's controversy) by well-known science fiction writer Harlan Ellison, it's time travel tragedy at its most moving.

If we didn't care about Edith Keeler, this story wouldn't work. But we do. It's her optimism, her practical altruism and her prescient visions of the future that make her such a good character, worthy of Kirk's love and our respect. She was a woman of the future born in the wrong time, a world leader who should have been, but never was. She represented the things that are wrong with this world that we're never quite able to make right. Joan Collins did a good job with the part, too. You'd never know that she later became famous playing Edith Keeler's exact opposite.

I have to give gold acting stars to William Shatner, too. Usually it's Spock who is constantly alienated from his surroundings, but here, Kirk was, too. His love for Edith, his frustration with the circumstances, and that final scene in the street were all done very well. I always thought that the most tragic thing was not that Kirk had to let Edith die, but that he actually had to physically stop McCoy from saving her life, too.

What is the Guardian? Who created it? It said that it was its own beginning and its own ending -- but then it said it was "made to offer the past in this manner." It doesn't matter. The Guardian is a fascinating plot device that doesn't need an explanation. Although I liked that they actually addressed the impossibility of Kirk and Spock arriving in 1930 in the same part of the world as McCoy. It even made sense.

I never cared much for the way DeForest Kelley interpreted all of the yelling of "Killers! Assassins," although, granted, there wasn't a lot more he could have done with it. But the scene in the alley was quite possibly Kelley's best in the entire series. The emotional pain he showed when he talked about primitive hospitals and how people used to be "cut and sewn like garments" told us everything we ever needed to know about McCoy, the depth of his compassion for others, and why he became a doctor.

This episode still gets to me. I still remember how I felt when I first saw it, and what a profound effect it had on me. It's a classic, and well deserving of all of the accolades it has received.

Ben says...

There is nothing more romantically romantic than the time travel romance, especially the tragic separation by the cruel hands of father time. Think about Christopher Reeve and that damn penny or dreamy Eric Bana in that terrible movie (no, not the Hulk, the other one). Have you no mercy, you clock-watching bastard!

Oh, well. Kirk got over it.

An unambiguously great episode, it is interesting as a stand-alone piece of fiction and as a meditation on the nature of peace and violence which is still entirely relevant today. We all would love Edith Keeler to be right, but all fear that she is not. It is interesting that Star Trek almost always came down on the side of the establishment belief system in most matters (bad hippies, war is necessary, etc). This was even true in the show's attitudes about race and gender which, although progressive, were really right in the mainstream of American thought by the late sixties (I mean Superman was fighting the KKK in the late 1940's when, sadly, that was not necessarily the consensus in the country at all). This is probably also part of its enduring popularity. Shows which really take people places they hadn't already been heading to often make a splash, but rarely endure the way Star Trek has.

Back to Billie for bits and pieces:

-- No star date was given, and we never learn the name of the Guardian's planet. Which is appropriate.

-- I guess we can assume that the bum who killed himself with the phaser wasn't as important to history as Edith Keeler was.

-- I used to be into old movies, and it always bothered me that the key phrase was "Clark Gable movie." He wasn't famous in 1930.

-- Can we assume Spock didn't see the date on the obituary? It would be unlike him to miss something that crucial.

-- I noticed that Edith Keeler was wearing a locket around her neck in nearly every scene. Or was it a watch? A watch would have been a nice bit, considering it's a time travel episode.

-- Uhura, like other female crew members in other episodes, had to say, "I'm frightened." I think Nichelle Nichols gave the line a better reading, though. Hey, I'd be frightened, too.

-- Is this the first time it is intimated that Spock is a vegetarian?

-- Some of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home echoes "The City on the Edge of Forever." Star Trek went to the time travel well quite often. Fortunately, they usually did a good job.

Quotes:

Guardian: "A question. Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question." Wow. Long time.

Kirk: "My friend is obviously Chinese. I see you've noticed the ears. They're actually easy to explain."
Spock: "Perhaps the unfortunate accident I had as a child..."
Kirk: "... the unfortunate accident he had as a child. He caught his head in a mechanical... rice picker."

Kirk: "We have a flop."
Spock: "We have a what, Captain?"
Kirk: "A place to sleep."
Spock: "One might have said so in the first place."

Spock: "I am endeavoring, ma'am, to construct a mnemonic memory circuit using stone knives and bearskins."

Kirk: "Let me help. A hundred years or so from now, I believe, a famous novelist will write a classic using that theme. He'll recommend those three words even over I love you."

McCoy: "I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist."

Four out of four stone knives and bearskins, of course,

Billie

More about Ben here.
Original air date: April 6, 1967
Photo credit: Memory Alpha

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True Blood: Fresh Blood

Eric: "You know I love you more when you're cold and heartless."

So Eric did have a plan. Unfortunately, it involves sacrificing himself in order to take out Russell, revenge his family, and incidentally, save the world from a vampire Hitler. You know, I've never been one of those fans who says that if a certain character dies, I'm not watching any more. But if Eric dies the true death in the finale, my departure is a distinct possibility.

I'm going to proceed under the assumption that Eric will survive somehow, and that Russell will not. Hey, maybe Sookie will save Eric after Bill manages to save her. Or maybe Eric will burn less quickly than Russell. Didn't Godric say that he was so old he would go quickly? And yes, I adore Russell and I'd love it if he hung around being deadly and megalomaniacal and really funny forever, but the Big Bad usually dies in the season finale. It's in the job description.

I loved seeing Eric experience the sun for the first time in a thousand years. I also liked that Eric enlisted Bill in his plan, and that Eric and Bill both kept trying to impress upon Russell that Sookie was the world's one and only fairy blood dispenser. Eric's brave farewell to Pam, and her tears as she watched him walk into the sunlight -- just lovely. Eric and Pam have become the reasons I watch True Blood, and I mean that.

Where is all this witch stuff going? Did the V release something evil in Jesus? (When Lafayette suddenly saw him wearing that mask, I jumped out of my chair.) Is Holly as pure in intent as she seems? I was getting flashes of Miss Jeanette during that scene in the woods. The thing with Arlene's baby is weirding me out, too. Are we dealing with a Rosemary's Baby situation in the making? I hate evil baby plots, by the way.

Sam is taking "no more Mister Nice Guy" to heart, and clearly doesn't realize how much people love him. I did feel bad for Tommy, who just lost his first real parent. And Tara's reaction to both Andy Bellefleur's confession and Sam's tirade was unexpected. I like Sam and Tara as a couple and I think they could be good for each other, but is that really where the story is going? It's hard to tell where Tara's head is at these days; she's just been through too much trauma.

I've had little interest in Crystal so far, but forced to breed with her half brother? Poor thing. But she just doesn't feel like good news for Jason. Jason doesn't choose his girlfriends wisely, anyway. And I'm starting to wonder if Hoyt is making a mistake as well. I've been all yay Hoyt and Jessica, but letting her bite him might be a serious mistake, considering her control issues. One little lesson with Pam isn't going to do that much.

I really should have enjoyed the Bill/Sookie fantasy in the car about a normal life in the 'burbs, but I think I'm just too tired of them as a couple. Enough already. Do I need to repeat my mantra about banging my head against the wall if Bill and Sookie are still a couple at the end of the season?

Bits and pieces:

-- Pam was using silver spray, a vampire form of pepper spray. Sookie should stock up.

-- Eric's ring tone for Pam is "Ain't We Got Fun." :)

-- Ginger was back again and screaming. I like Ginger. She's a hoot.

-- Arlene got a scene where she was covered with blood, just like everyone else in the cast.

-- Holly used salt in her ritual. Salt is used a lot for protection on my other favorite show, Supernatural.

-- Yvetta stole all of Eric's money. Tommy stole all of the Sam's money. Maybe Tommy and Yvetta should get together somewhere, way out of town, pool their money, and catch a plane for Rio or something.

-- What's with the Hitch stuff? It's probably going to be about the coach giving the kids V. Maybe busting a criminal like that will get Jason on the force? (This particular plot reminds me of the creature from the black lagoon take-off on Buffy called "Go Fish." Once, twice, three times a fish guy.)

-- So Maxine was behind Summer seducing Hoyt. Not a surprise. And that was just part one of their Evil Plan. I hope part two doesn't involve staking Jessica.

-- "Suckers suck. Die, fangers!" Graffiti spraypainted on Fangtasia.

-- Before the episode, HBO aired "In Memoriam", a montage showing all of the characters that have died up until this point. Very Academy Awards-like, except for the spraying fountains of blood and slomo flying body parts. Truly funny, even though it ended sadly with Gran and Godric.

Quotes:

Bill: "I am older and stronger. You are no match for me."
Pam: "This is not just about your relationship, you infatuated tween."
Point goes to Pam.

Eric: "Apparently, you wanted my father's crown for your vast collection of meaningless shit."

Eric: "You would be invulnerable. If I'm wrong? Kill me tomorrow." Very Scheherezade. It worked, too.

Arlene: "I've got the body of a tired teenager."

Russell: "Your country is dying to be conquered."
Sookie: "You don't know much about America."

Jason: "I saw a boy there once. He was making awful noises and chewing on something dead."
Crystal: "That's my double cousin Buford. He ain't right, but he never hurt nobody."

I hate getting a cliffhanger right before a two-week break, don't you? Three out of four infatuated tweens, and let's try to hang in there until the finale on September 12,

Billie

And everyone, I'm loving each and every comment and thanks to everyone and I know it's hard to resist, but PLEASE -- no book spoilers in the comments, or I'll have to delete them. Thanks!

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Farscape: Throne for a Loss

When Rygel is kidnapped for ransom, the crew discovers he has a vital component of Moya’s control circuitry in his possession and they are forced to stage a rescue. Meanwhile, Zhaan attempts to help one of the kidnappers detox from a gauntlet weapon that injects the user with a powerful stimulant.

‘Throne for a Loss’ was pretty much all about the smack down. We saw our crew alternately suffering and doling out beatings, interspersed with a whole lot of in-fighting. Rygel was kidnapped, beaten, trapped in mud, suffocated by a boot to the neck, revived, stuck in bag, and then repeatedly kicked and battered. Crichton, Aeryn, and D’Argo battled each other and the Tavlek kidnappers, leading to several knockout punches and D’Argo getting shot. Even “Am I the only species in creation that doesn’t thrive on conflict?” Zhaan went several rounds with the young Tavlek male she was attempting to help through gauntlet withdrawal. Lessons learned?

--- D’Argo is very angry and wants to be in charge. “This ship needs a leader, and none of you have what it takes!”

--- Aeryn really is a ruthless force, who thrives on battle and slaughter. “I am going to take out every last Tavlek. No survivors, no mercy.”

--- Crichton prefers negotiation to guns blazing. “You didn’t kill ‘em.” “Guess I’m not that kind of guy.”

--- Everyone hates Rygel, and he knows it. “Won’t they ransom you?” “They couldn’t if they wanted to. And they don’t want to because they hate me! Ha, ha, ha, ha!”

And most importantly …

--- Don’t frell with Zhaan. She’s way scarier than our supposed warriors. “How would you like your arm torn off?! […] Hear me. I could rip you apart right now! Ka’Lenn help me, I’d enjoy it!” Plus, she didn’t even flinch when the Tavlek punctured her wrist! Damn, Blue.

In spite of all the fighting --- or should I say because of it? --- this was a very funny episode (that chilling moment with Bekhesh killing Rygel, notwithstanding). I was pretty much laughing throughout, from everyone amped up under the influence of the gauntlet, to the running gag with Crichton calling the Tavleks “Tavloids,” to Crichton and Aeryn bickering about each other’s plans, to Crichton overloading the pulse rifle, to Rygel being repeatedly battered about during the rescue. Even the hard, driving action music was funny. Plus, we ended with that hilarious and gross parting shot from Rygel after “purging” the control crystal: “I did wash it. [Aeryn hesitates, but then takes the crystal.] Well, I think I did.”

Other Thoughts

Apparently this episode was aired out of sequence, too. After ‘Back and Back and Back to the Future’ instead of before. I wonder if the change was the result of production issues or some kind of network interference.

Lots of Aeryn and Crichton in very close quarters this week. During the D’Argo attack alone, he was grabbing her and holding her against him every time they turned the corner (literally!). Combine that with all the fighting, and I’m starting to get the Sam-and-Diane romantic vibe coming off them.

Even though he’s becoming more helpful, Rygel is still a “royal pain” that most of the crew would have been all too happy to leave behind. Crichton initially wanted to retrieve him simply because he was part of the team, but by the episode’s end, I think even he was sorely tempted to leave “the little hairball” behind.

Rygel: “Which means you’re gonna have to take me back as I am, or disembowel me here.”
Crichton: “Don’t you tempt me, Fluffy!”

Zhaan really set herself a thankless task in trying to help the Tavlek. And a fruitless one, at that. It’s pretty hard to help someone who doesn’t want your help. And an addict that doesn’t think he has a problem isn’t going to quit.

I’m amused by Crichton clinging to his pop culture references even though no one understands them. It makes for a fun parallel with the others using cultural references that mean nothing to the audience. (I’d stick in D’Argo’s quote about his head pounding like a something, something day parade (?), but even though I played it back several times, I still can’t understand what he’s saying.)

The head and torso makeup for the Tavleks was pretty good, but the hands didn’t look very made up at all. It was a bit disconcerting to see human hands paired with such an alien face. Come to think of it, D’Argo has the same issue.

Rygel claimed to just be goading the Tavleks by raging on about being buried in mud, but after what we learned in ‘I, E.T.’ I imagine it actually was tantamount to an act of war!

What was with the foliage on the planet? Is there really foliage like that in Australia, or did they spray paint a bunch of leaves neon blue?

We got another fun “bonding” moment with D’Argo and Aeryn while she was recovering from the gauntlet. Yet again finding common ground in their estimate of Crichton’s utter uselessness.

Aeryn: “Imagine. Somewhere out there there’s a whole world full of Crichtons. And how useless that must be. […] Who would’ve thought there’d be a race more clumsy and pathetic than the Luxans?”
[D’Argo pulls his arm away and her head hits the ground.]
Aeryn: “Ow!”
D’Argo: “I’m sorry. You know how clumsy we Luxans can be.”

World-building bits: Fire snakes, razor grass, Moylian death spiders, oculars, D’Argo’s very impressive Qualta blade (“It is more than just a sword”), and Luxan healing processes (“Bleeding freely is the only thing that will help heal the Luxan. The wound isn’t cleansed until the blood flows clear”).

I especially enjoyed that last one. My husband and I often joke about “until the blood runs clear” if one of us has a small wound. Plus, Aeryn beating on D’Argo to facilitate healing was just hilarious. I love the look on her face when she gives him that two-handed pounding after he baits her by calling her a barbarian.

Quotes

Rygel: “I need them to look up to me.”
D’Argo: “Why? We don’t.”
Rygel: “Well you should.”

Crichton: “Pilot, get a tractor beam on that ship!”
Pilot: “Tractor beam? What’s that?”
Crichton: “Graviton field, retro-ray, super glue! Whatever it is you yanked me aboard with.”
Pilot: “You mean the docking web?”

Zhaan: “Soft, yes. Weak, no.”

Pilot: “Secure for acceleration. Crichton has an idea.”
Zhaan (groans): “Did you say Crichton?” [Exasperated grumbling commences.]
Man, even Zhaan is down on Crichton this week!

Jotheb: “The imperfection is yours.”

Crichton: “Oh, don’t *tisk* me! This is not over with. And when it is, you and I are gonna sit down and have a serious talk.”
Aeryn: “Sure. When this is over you and I will probably be dead.”

Zhaan: “Is nudity a taboo in your culture? Are you ashamed of your bodies?”
Boy: “Yeah, we would be, if we looked like you.”
Zhaan: “I doubt it.”
Wow! Did Virginia Hey have to get full body makeup for that scene? That must have taken forever for just that one simple shot.

Rygel: “I can’t eat this. I couldn’t eat this. I mustn’t eat this.”

Crichton (to Aeryn and D’Argo): “If the gauntlet brings out the real you, both of you, think long and hard about therapy.”

Crichton: “Hey! Check out the critter!”

Crichton: “Because, uh, he’s not really a king.”
Bekhesh: “He’s not?”
Rygel (in the bag): “I’m not?”
Crichton: “He’s an escaped mental patient. Delusions of royalty.”
Rygel: “You’re the mental patient if you expect anybody to believe that I’m --- oof!”

Crichton: “Rygel is an obnoxious gasbag, and who’s gonna shell out for that?”
Rygel: “He’s right. I’m unloved, unwanted, unpopular --- [Bekhesh kicks him] --- (gasps) unconscious.”

Bekhesh: “It’s been so long since anyone’s told me the truth, I don’t recognize it anymore.”

Final Analysis: Even though our fugitives spend most of the episode fighting and beating on each other, Rygel’s kidnapping and the gauntlet make for a funny and entertaining outing.

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2010 Emmys: What Won, What Lost (Pun!)

Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you, with great fanfare, the Emmy results for the categories we care most about. Way to go, Jane Lynch, Neil Patrick Harris, John Lith-wow, and Ryan Murphy!

(The winners are in bold)

Best Drama Series

• Breaking Bad
• Dexter
• The Good Wife
• Lost
• Mad Men
• True Blood

Best Comedy Series

• Curb Your Enthusiasm
• Glee
• Modern Family
• Nurse Jackie
• The Office
• 30 Rock

Best Actor in a Drama Series

• Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad)
• Michael C. Hall (Dexter)
• Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights)
• Hugh Laurie (House)
• Matthew Fox (Lost)
• Jon Hamm (Mad Men)

Best Actress in a Drama Series

• Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
• Glenn Close (Damages)
• Connie Britton (FNL)
• Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
• Mariska Hargitay (L&O: SVU)
• January Jones (Mad Men)

Best Actor in a Comedy Series

• Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)
• Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
• Matthew Morrison (Glee)
• Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
• Steve Carell (The Office)
• Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)

Best Actress in a Comedy Series

• Lea Michele (Glee)
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures…)
• Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie)
• Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)
• Tina Fey (30 Rock)
• Toni Collette (United States of Tara)

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

• John Slattery (Mad Men)
• Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)
• Martin Short (Damages)
• Terry O’ Quinn (Lost)
• Michael Emerson (Lost)
• Andre Braugher (Men of a Certain Age)

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

• Sharon Gless (Burn Notice)
• Christine Baranski (The Good Wife)
• Christina Hendricks (Mad Men)
• Rose Byrne (Damages)
• Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
• Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)

Best Guest Actor in a Drama Series

• Beau Bridges (The Closer)
• Ted Danson (Damages)
• John Lithgow (Dexter)
• Alan Cumming ( The Good Wife)
• Dylan Baker (The Good Wife)
• Robert Morse (Mad Men)
• Gregory Itzin (24)

Best Guest Actress in a Drama Series

• Mary Kay Place (Big Love)
• Sissy Spacek (Big Love)
• Shirley Jones (The Cleaner)
• Lily Tomlin (Damages)
• Ann-Margret (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit)
• Elizabeth Mitchell (Lost)

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

• Chris Colfer (Glee)
• Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)
• Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family)
• Jon Cryer (Two and A Half Men)
• Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
• Ty Burrell (Modern Family)

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

• Jane Lynch (Glee)
• Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live)
• Jane Krakowski (30 Rock)
• Julie Bowen (Modern Family)
• Sofia Vergara (Modern Family)
• Holland Taylor (Two and A Half Men)

Best Guest Actor in a Comedy Series

• Mike O’Malley (Glee)
• Neil Patrick Harris (Glee)
• Fred Willard (Modern Family)
• Eli Wallach (Nurse Jackie)
• Jon Hamm (30 Rock)
• Will Arnett (30 Rock)

Notable Other Winners In Categories I Didn't Consider When Drafting This List

• Best Directing for a Comedy Series: Ryan Murphy (Glee)
• Best Directing for a Drama Series: Dexter
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Buffy quotes for every occasion. Part 5: The Perils of Dating

Giles: "Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time."

For a show that was at its core about the empowerment of women, sex on Buffy the Vampire Slayer always seemed to turn into a Very Bad Thing.

Buffy started by falling in love with a much older vampire who took her virginity, turned evil, and then tried to kill her, her family and all of her friends. She moved on to a supersoldier who couldn't handle the fact that she was stronger than he was. And then she had a violent, passionate affair with another vampire that became abusive... except that Buffy was the abuser. And that may have been her healthiest relationship of the three. Spike clearly should have stayed with Drusilla.

Let's see. Xander dated various supernatural monster women (including Cordelia) before nearly marrying a demon whose purpose in life was punishing men. Giles hooked up with Jenny, and she died. He hooked up with Joyce, and she died. He hooked up with Olivia, and she was completely freaked out by the Gentlemen and left Sunnydale forever. After an unrequited fixation on Xander and getting dumped by Oz, Willow fell deeply in love with Tara -- and we all know what happened to her.

But at least they all made us laugh while they were doing it.

* * *

Willow: "When I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or witty, or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away."
Buffy: "It's not that bad."
Willow: "No, it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk."
Buffy: "You really haven't been dating lately."

Miss French: "Have you ever been with a woman before?"
Xander: "You mean, like, in the same room?"

Buffy: "He tried his hand at felony sexual assault."
Willow: "Oh, Buffy, the hyena in him didn't..."
Buffy: "No, but it's safe to say that in his animal state his idea of wooing doesn't involve a Yanni CD and a bottle of Chianti."

Xander: "We read about it all the time. People meet on the net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show ... horrible axe murder."

Buffy: "Anyway, he was being totally irrational."
Willow: "Love makes you do the wacky."

Devon: "What does a girl have to do to impress you?"
Oz: "Well, it involves a feather boa and the theme to 'A Summer Place'."

Oz: "You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk."
Devon: "She doesn't have to talk."

Willow: "Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life."
Buffy: "Good for you."
Willow: "Well, I didn't choose yet."

Oz: "I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting."
Willow: "Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes."
Oz: "Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?"
Willow: "Oh! I can't!"
Oz: "Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable."

Cordelia: "You, you, you. What about me? It's one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the creature from the Blue Lagoon."
Xander: "Black Lagoon. The creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields."

Faith: "Yeah, but you gotta have stories. I mean, I've had my share of losers, but you... you boinked the undead. What was that like?"

Spike: "She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?"

Buffy: "So you want to go out tonight?"
Willow: "Strangely, I feel like staying at home. And doing my homework. And flossing. And dying a virgin."

Buffy: "It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix. As far as we know."
Willow: "Oh, right. Me and Oz play Mistress of Pain every night."
(silence)
Xander: "Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?"

Buffy: "It's just... Do you get the feeling that we're kind of in a rut?"
Angel: "A rut?"
Buffy: "You never take me any place new."
Angel: "What about that fire demon nest in the cave by the beach? I felt that was a nice change of pace."

Buffy: "Well, at least we all have someone to go with now. Some of us are going with demons, but I think that's a valid lifestyle choice."

Buffy: "What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?"
Spike: "Maybe I left her."
Harmony: "She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days."

Anya: "I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now."
Xander: "And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith."

Guy: "Eyeballs, man. Blindfold chicks and have them stick their hands in the bowl and tell them it's eyeballs. They love that."
Xander: "And here I was wasting time buying them flowers and complimenting them on their shoes."

Willow: "You need to stop thinking about Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis."
Xander (loudly): "Nothing can defeat the penis!"

Willow: "What if the girl wants to, and the guy doesn't? That's a bad sign, right?"
Xander: "Could be. Or the girl caught the guy in one of the seven annual minutes he's legitimately too preoccupied to do it."

Willow: "Well, things with Oz are weird. And I talked to Buffy about it, but I think we're in guy-ville here. I need a translator from the Y side of things."
Xander: "Well, last time I checked, I had the creds. Hit me."
Willow: "What does it mean when a girl wants to... you know."
Xander: "If you're doing it, I think you should be able to say it."
Willow: "Make love."
Xander: "Wild monkey love, or tender Sarah McLachlan love?"

Willow: "Okay, say that I help, and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper, and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops. It feels like the whole world's made for you two, and you two alone. Until the day one of you leaves, and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition."
Riley: "Yep, that's the plan."
Willow: "I figured it was."

Buffy: "I really like being around him, you know? And I think he cares about me. But I just feel like something's missing."
Willow: "He's not making you miserable?"
Buffy: "Exactly. Riley seems so solid. Like he wouldn't cause me heartache."
Willow: "Get out. Get out while there's still time."

Giles: "I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone."
Anya: "Oh, do you mean an orgasm friend?"
Giles: "Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said."

Buffy: "Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were going to do dumb things like hold hands through the daisies going tra la la."

Xander: "Anya, this is crazy. We had a little fight. It just means that we have to work our way through some stuff. It doesn't mean that we rebound with the evil undead."

Buffy: "Suck up."
Riley: "What? It's a nice outfit. Besides, 'I'm here to violate your firstborn' never goes over with parents."

Buffy: "Do you think that I spent the last year with you because you had superpowers? If that's what I wanted, then I'd be dating Spike."

Anya: "Hey Olaf! You're as inadequate a troll as you were a boyfriend. You're hairy, and unattractive, and even women trolls are put off by your various odors. Your menacing stance is merely alarming. And your roar is less than full-throated."

Joyce: "Honey, did you somehow, uh, unintentionally lead him on in any way? Send him signals?"
Buffy: "I do beat him up a lot. For Spike, that's like third base."

Spike: "I've changed, Buffy."
Buffy: "What, that chip in your head? That's not change. That's just holding you back. You're like a serial killer in prison!"
Spike: "Women marry them all the time!"

Harmony: "Wait. I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning. Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Drood-zilla."
Spike: "Harm..."
Harmony: "You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking. 'Cause my answer is the same as always. No threesomes unless it's boy boy girl, or Charlize Theron."

Buffy: "Last night was the most perverse, degrading experience of my life."
Spike: "Yeah. Me too. "

Anya: "It isn't always about looks, or a beating heart. Sometimes intimate, sweaty relations with the wrong person just seems like a good idea at the time."

Holden: "I just think you're in some pain here, which I do kind of enjoy 'cause I'm evil now, but you should just ease up on yourself. It's not exactly like you have the patent on bad relationships."
Buffy: "Wouldn't it be cool if I did?"

Buffy: "Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you."
Wood: "Great. I'll draw up the paperwork."

Buffy: "Maybe he knows that I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me."
Willow: "Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity."

Do stop by for more quotes next Sunday. I think I have two or three more to go.

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Moonlight: Sonata

Mick: "I can't close the door on Beth."

Throughout the series, the door to Mick's apartment has symbolized the division between Mick and Beth. He's a vampire. She's a human. What sort of future can they have?

On the one hand, there is the inherent inequality in human/vampire relationships, exemplified by Josef and his "freshie." Beth was fascinated, revolted and upset when she walked in on Mick and Josef munching on Simone. Beth wants Mick to be faithful romantically, but that's not all -- she apparently wants blood fidelity as well but at the same time, she's uncomfortable with the very idea. (I just made up that term, 'blood fidelity'. I like it.)

On the other hand, Mick turning Beth so that they can be together forever has drawbacks, and not just risking an eternal coma like Josef's Sarah. What happened to Emma and Jackson certainly makes eternal love less attractive. Boredom and infidelity killed Emma. Well, that and stupidity; she should have kept her mouth shut. And frankly, Jackson should have walked away.

But anyway, back to the door symbolism. Throughout the series, we've often seen Beth coming to Mick's door and getting turned away. I thought it was lovely that in the end, Mick came to Beth's door, and she finally let him in. They're together, finally, behind that closed bedroom door. Mick and Beth overcame what was separating them. They don't have to go the way of Josef and Simone, or Jackson and Emma; they can make their own rules. Will Mick eventually turn Beth? We'll never know. I think we all have to draw our own conclusions. (Do you think they will? Post a comment!)

Even though it ended sadly with a double execution, I got a charge out of the impromptu vampire posse carrying out a prison break on the streets of L.A. It was just fun. It reminded me of one of Anne Rice's early vampire books -- I think it was Queen of the Damned, where a bunch of vampires got together and decided what to do about a seriously problematic rogue vamp, like an undead summit of sorts. And it also allowed us to say goodbye to all of vamps in the series.

Where would Moonlight have gone if it had gotten a second season? Yes, there was that list of vampire names turning up on Talbot's desk, and that might have been interesting. I'm sure Mick and Beth would have had romantic growing pains as they continued to meet clandestinely at the morgue. I bet we would have seen the return of Coraline and the French Royal Vampire Family, and I bet Logan would have become a cast member. Maybe the situation with Josef's beloved Sarah would have been resolved in an interesting and unpredictable way.

Actually, I would have loved learning more about the Cleaners, because they rocked.

Bits and pieces:

-- Jackson was played by Jonathan LaPaglia from the sci-fi series Seven Days. And the head Cleaner was played by the wonderful Claudia Black from Farscape. With Alex O'Loughlin, that made three Aussies in this episode doing American accents.

-- Emma and Jackson were married for 150 years. Mick and Coraline were married for 33 years. I wonder if they were actually together for that entire time?

-- Josef founded Hearst College. He said he lost a bet with William Randolph.

-- Lisa the permanent co-ed vampire said she'd been in college for forty years. I can kind of see that. But how does she pay for it? Student loans are forever. Mine certainly is.

-- All those wedding licenses. No one ever wondered about that? Mick did say they rarely had human guests, but I thought vampire secrecy was important. Jackson and Emma just died because of it, didn't they?

Quotes:

Beth: "I feel like I'm back at my high school prom."
Josef: "You know, prom wasn't really big back in the 1700s. High school, either. The plague. The plague was big."

Mick: "We call them 'freshies'."
Beth: "Is it like a paid arrangement, or friends with benefits?"

Josef: "Hi, Beth. We were just having drinks."
Beth: "I can see that."
Simone: "We should go."
Josef: "But this is so awkward. I love awkward."
Mick and Josef "sharing" Simone was surprisingly sexy.

Mick: "Police found blood on Dominic's body. I was just making sure it
wasn't Simone's."
Beth: (sarcastically) "They have laboratories for that."

Beth: "You okay?"
Mick: "Yeah. Well, I got hit in the face with a sacred ass paddle."
Beth: "Karma."

Beth: "It's so romantic."
Mick: "They probably have a double wide freezer as well."

Simone: "We're just a blip in their lifespan. To love us is to watch us die."

Mick: "Questions?"
Logan: "Can my code name be Lando Calrissian?"

Logan: "Leeeeeroy Jenkins!"
(I'm told this is really hilarious if you know World of Warcraft. I don't know World of Warcraft.)

This series had so much potential, and Alex O'Loughlin, Sophia Myles and Jason Dohring were so great together. Moonlight just missed the return of the vampire craze by months, too; I bet the CBS execs were kicking themselves. "Vampires are hot now! We threw away hot vampires!"

Four out of four freshies,

Billie

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Persons Unknown: And Then There Was One/Shadows in the Cave

Wow, that was unsatisfying.

Even Phineas P. Bear (pictured, right) is unhappy.



And Then There Was One

Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None (aka Ten Little Indians) is a beautifully plotted mystery novel. It is deft, agile, witty, sneaky, and suspenseful. The twelfth episode of Persons Unknown was not.

The cliffhanger (from the web-only episode; my review has a recap if you don’t want to watch it) was quickly resolved, and then quickly unresolved. Madam Director said she wouldn’t red-card the town, and then body bags appeared as fast as the restaurant workers disappeared. Joe and Ulrich cleared everything up: our heroes were meant to kill themselves off. Ulrich, besotted, decided to help everyone escape. So they made his head explode.

They didn’t get me with the bait-and-switch this time. It was pretty clear to me that it was Charlie beating up Blackham (or not), that Erika/Theresa couldn’t have injected anything into Charlie, that Moira’s psychotic break came out of left field, and that Graham probably would have survived what appeared to be a two-story drop.

What did throw me off were the disappearing bodies. That was a major plot point in the movie Identity, which was itself a psychological spin on Christie’s famous novel (with a terrible ending; don’t watch it if you haven’t yet). The Programmers were still in the town, but they weren’t hip to the heroes’ wacky plan. Odd.

But that doesn’t matter, as our heroes seem to have escaped in a van. Wait. They’ve tried that trick before. Which brings me to…

Shadows in the Cave

This episode was fairly suspenseful, at first because the idea of being declared insane despite telling the truth is terrifying. After Janet escaped the hospital, I started to realize there was no way they could wrap this up by the end (which was equally suspenseful). And they sure didn’t.

After the van crashed, Janet found herself in a San Francisco hospital. Moira and Erika/Theresa wound up in Morocco, of all places. Graham was in a white room, similar to the one we saw in “Static.” Bill and Charlie were joyriding their way through the Midwest (not, all things considered, a bad way to spend a day.) I guess that everyone woke up disoriented, wherever they landed—but why was Janet the only one with bruises?

Kat and Renbe, meanwhile (after having flown or driven to Iowa and back, with no money), were abducted again. And I think Renbe is wanted by the police, again. Perhaps because Janet’s story about the town meshes with his story about the town, which means they both must be lying. (Ah, logic.) When last we saw her, Kat was trapped in a cage evocative of the first part of Lost, Season Three, and that spectacular episode of Firefly about the Mudders. Maybe she and Ambassador Fairchild will get it on while Renbe watches on an old-fashioned screen.

But why am I wasting time with all that? What really matters isn’t that Janet got to see her daughter, however briefly, or was betrayed by her mother, or that Blackham seems to know more than he lets on. What matters is how it all ends.

It didn’t.

The producers obviously thought they’d get a second season. As we left it, our heroes (except caged Kat) are divided into two groups: Joe, Renbe, and a bunch of newbies are in a town identical to the one we’ve experienced for the past 13 episodes: Tori is the new manager. Janet, Graham, Moira, Erika/Theresa, Charlie, and Blackham have all progressed to Level Two, and the old night manager is their new guide. Level Two is on a big freighter in the middle of the ocean. Which brings me to…

Some Lightweight Doc Josie Theorizing

I’m pretty sure the ship was called the Almas Perditas (Lost Souls). It may have been traveling towards a storm, or that might have been an island off in the far distance. Traveling over water towards an island is a scenes straight out of Dante’s Purgatory, which implies…well, it implies that the writers are again using iconic religious imagery. I’m not sure it implies much more than that. If there were to be a second season, and if Purgatory (with its video-game-like levels) were the guiding conceit, I’ll bet our heroes would have moved rather quickly to Levels Three, Four, and maybe even Five. At some point there would have been some symbolic forgetting.

Bits and Pieces

• Every one of the heroes complained about having to take the stairs. Throughout, I’ve been amazed they didn’t take them more. They’re only on the third story. That’s only two flights of stairs!

• Charlie and Blackham were camping in a cactus patch. Why there, of all places? Who sleeps that close to thorny things?

• The meeting of the board of directors was very dimly-lit. I don’t know why.

• There’s some movie that has a scene with the hero (Nicholas Cage?) in prison; he breaks out only to realize he’s on a freighter. What movie is it? Is it the last scene of a movie? Should we not say, for fear of spoilage?


This wasn’t satisfying, but I’m not sure that’s anyone’s fault—wrapping everything up neatly would have been silly, if they didn’t know they were being canceled. Even if they did, how else could this have ended? Miraculously taking down the all-powerful Program?

I am glad that they didn’t go the “it was all a dream/game/fictional construct” route. I’m really thankful for that, in fact—I hate it so very much. I’m also thankful that it means I don’t have to delve too deeply into Plato, which wouldn’t be much fun for you or for me. I’m also not going to do a “Thoughts on the Series” section, because I’m just done with this show.

Instead, I will leave you with our last Persons Unknown rating, and thank all five of you for continuing to watch with me:

One out of four body bags.
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Moonlight: What’s Left Behind

“Children are a precious gift. I just like their blood.”

This episode felt like an ode to pre-modernism LA architecture. Back when times were simpler, people used coal, men were men (and not vampires), and women built airplanes but couldn’t change spark plugs. Oh, and those manly men slept with their presumed-dead best friend’s wife and nearly sired an illegitimate child who was raised by someone else. Y’know: the good ol’ days.

In her review of “Click,” Billie noticed that most of the barriers separating Mick and Beth had disappeared. This episode reminded us of another: all the life that Mick lived before he knew Beth, either as an adult or a child. I found this overwhelmingly touching, especially because it reminded me so much of Jack and Ianto’s conversation about precisely this topic in Torchwood: Children of Earth.

Beth and Mick have tabled the having-kids issue, at least for now, but it does introduce a potential problem—I wonder if it would have been explored later. Josef wishes he’d had a child—and he doesn’t even believe in regrets. Since this is my last Moonlight review (Billie’s doing the final episode), I want to say one last time: Jason Dohring is delightful.

Lots about monsters this week. In the closet, hiding in disused basements covered over by freeways, even the monstrous toys (like the T. rex) that the boy used as plastic guardians. Mick connected (or pretended to connect) with the kidnapper over their shared love of the dark, but his having possibly sired a child reminds us that he’s still got a lot of humanity, even if he’s not human.

So Beth’s an investigator for the DA now? That’s great. Mostly because I said to myself at the beginning of the episode “I wonder if she can be an investigator for the DA now?” Psychic powers, indeed.


Bites:

• Guy: “You seem familiar, somehow.”
Beth: “Oh, he was all over TMZ last week.”

• Beth: “What about a lock of hair from a family Bible or something?” Oh, gross. Who keeps their extra hair in a Bible? That’s what shrines are for.

• Mick: “Should I be jealous?”
Beth: “Of course. Even if I have no romantic interest in him, your jealousy makes me feel desirable.”

• Josef: “I left my cell phone here. I spent 400 years without one, and now I can’t go a day.”
• Beth: “I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves. We haven’t even slept together yet. It may not be any good.”


And Pieces:

• “Italy” looks an awful lot like the same part of Griffith Park where they filmed “Love Lasts Forever.” And the exterior shots of the house looked like Wisteria Lane.

• This episode felt like an ode to pre-modernism LA architecture.

• When I was little, I was afraid of the monster that lived in the living room. I would protect myself by putting a bowl of water with a ribbon in it outside my bedroom door. The plan was that the monster would fall into the bowl of water, get caught in the ribbon, and drown. It worked well: I was never eaten.

Another good one:

Three out of four Echo Parks.
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Star Trek: The Alternative Factor

Kirk: "So you're the terrible thing? The murdering monster? The creature?"
Alt-Lazarus: "Yes, captain. Or he is. It depends on your point of view, doesn't it?"

I actually put off watching this one, and wasn't looking forward to writing about it.

With focused writing, better effects, and an actor better suited to the part, "The Alternative Factor" could have been compelling. It could even have been one of the strongest episodes in the series. It is a perfect example of why effective execution is as important as a good story. Think of where they could have gone with this. A man voluntarily sacrifices himself and spends eternity in an inhuman hell to save two universes -- what was he like? What if he had been giving up his family? What if we had learned more about both Lazaruses, other than that one was a lunatic and the other a saint?

The parallel universe idea is undoubtedly cool (and will be a lot cooler, several episodes from now). But what Alt-Lazarus said didn't make sense -- that if Kirk destroyed his little time ship, the other would be destroyed as well. By what? Would it have just vanished into thin air at the same time? Or would the alternate Kirk have destroyed it? If so, where was he? (And for that matter, where was the alternate Enterprise?) Pretty much anyone would rather have died than spend eternity with a mad man in photographic negative hell. If it would have taken out Lazarus, too, then why didn't alt-Lazarus just kill himself?

And why did Kirk trust alt-Lazarus to save the galaxy? I mean, the galaxy is sort of important. I don't think I'd trust just anyone, especially when his opposite number was crazy. And why wasn't alt-Lazarus crazy, too?

What bugged me most was a simple plot point. Lazarus kept slipping out of Sick Bay and wandering around sabotaging the ship, even after the dilithium crystals started disappearing. Why wasn't he confined? And afterward, when his importance was known, I mean, if you have one guy who could deep six the entire galaxy, what about putting him in a cell under really, really heavy guard? What about a special order to execute him? There was precedent. Think of Talos IV.

And what Star Fleet told Kirk at the beginning of the episode made no sense, either. What would be the point of evacuating starships if the entire galaxy and possibly all of existence was affected? I'd send in every ship in the fleet, and ask my allies to do the same. I'd invoke general order whatever and fry the planet around Lazarus. Wouldn't you?

It may not seem so, but I hate picking holes in stuff that I love. I love Star Trek. This episode is not one of its shining lights.

Crossover weirdness:

The television series Here Come the Brides (1968-1970) was about mail-order brides in the old American west. It isn't the sort of series that you'd think would lend itself to a Star Trek crossover, but the characters and setting were featured in Barbara Hambly's Star Trek novel "Ishmael." And Here Come the Brides starred Robert Brown (Lazarus), David Soul (who appears later in "The Apple") and Mark Lenard, who played the Romulan commander in "Balance of Terror" as well as Spock's father later in the series. As Spock would say, fascinating. Okay, weird.

Ben says...

Evil twins again, really? I hadn’t realized how many evil twin episodes there were and we aren't even through season 1. And this one is clearly the stinker of the lot, so I don't have much to say about it specifically.

Instead, a few words about evil twins generally. It is well-known that in any pair of twins, one will always be evil. (Oddly, in a set of triplets you have a good one, a flummoxed one and a tall one. And with octuplets the eldest girl is generally a Disney Princess... but I digress). From Star Trek, we also learn that the evil one will be better drinkers, but not smooth with the ladies ("The Enemy Within"), made of anti-matter ("Alternative Factor"), often a robot ("What are Little Girls Made Of?"), and not big on the whole greater good thing. The good twin is frequently a milquetoast, but generally wins in the end because of inherent sweetness... wait, stop him... argghhh... it's my evil twin! He has taken over these comments! Ignore the preceding comments as the words are clearly made of pure anti-matter (or possibly the related "justdoesn't-matter") .

Did I mention there were too many evil twin episodes this season?

Back to Billie for bits and pieces:

-- Star date 3087.6. The Enterprise visited an uncharted, unnamed planet.

-- "Code factor one" means "invasion status."

-- Shatner kept trying unsuccessfully to make all of the strange exposition work. He threw himself into it with Shakespearean zeal, and a lot of extensions of the letter "s".

-- A security team of four was beamed down to the planet with Kirk and Spock. And they all survived.

-- Do I even need to mention the biblical Lazarus? No, I won't bother.

-- Was this our first mention of dilithium crystals?

-- Lt. Masters was played by Janet MacLachlan, who has a long list of screen credits.

-- The shrill music signaling that the universe was in danger came out of nowhere and was mostly irritating, not alarming.

-- The planet appeared to be a location instead of a sound stage.

-- In this week's hair report, Robert Brown's waggling Fu Manchu beard was a poor make-up choice. It stuck to itself a couple of times, and even partially disappeared during some scenes.

Quotes:

Spock: "I fail to comprehend your indignation, sir. I've simply made the logical deduction that you are a liar."

Kirk: "You'll be trapped inside that corridor with him forever. At each other's throats throughout time."
Alt-Lazarus: "Is it such a large price to pay for the safety of two universes?"

One out of four dilithium crystals,

Billie

More about Ben here.
Original air date: March 30, 1967
Photo credit: Memory Alpha

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Moonlight: Click

[The CW, in its infinite wisdom, decided to skip three episodes and jump to the series finale of Moonlight last night. Fortunately, Josie and I have psychic powers and both of us were writing ahead. So we'll be posting the last few, um, post-haste.]

Beth: "So where does a vampire take a girl on a date?"

Most of the initial dramatic conflicts introduced at the start of the series are gone, and the barriers separating Mick and Beth don't seem quite so insurmountable any more.

Mick has calmed down a lot about the human/vampire relationship thing. (Although if he's going to date a human, he needs to go out and buy an actual bed.) His new acceptance of himself makes him more fun, more relaxed, although he was seriously stressed by the loss of the saint-like non-Brittany Brittany.

Beth has changed, too, and even more dramatically. She gave up her job at BuzzWire partly because it might endanger Mick. And then she surprised me by actually asking Josef to take out nasty paparazzo Dean Gordon. She's not the ADA's girlfriend any more; she's definitely moving away from Josh's world and into Mick's. Even though Talbot, the new ADA, has "cutesy pie love interest" written all over him. Why? Why not just keep Josh in the show? But then we wouldn't have had that amazing death scene. And Beth would probably still be with him. I answered my own question; moving right along.

Josef's role has increased in the past couple of episodes (yay) and the best scenes in this episode were all Josef-related, starting with the Josef/Mick step-sire banter and ending with Beth asking Josef to kill a human being to protect Mick. I love the contrast between Josef's extremely youthful appearance and the glimpses of maturity under his snark (a bit like my beloved Methos on Highlander, as I'm sure I've mentioned before). Josef may tease about it, but he cares deeply about Mick. And Beth knows it, because she does, too.

So the series has changed. We're post Josh, post BuzzWire, and post Mick being a human again. Pretty big changes in a new series, and sort of surprising. The producers must have been thinking pretty hard about where they wanted to go with the season two that unfortunately, they never got.

Bits and pieces:

-- The Queen Mary, permanently docked in Long Beach, is often used in filming, including the movie Mick mentioned (The Poseidon Adventure). I've been there twice, and it's a pricey tourist trap but definitely worth seeing. It's even supposed to be haunted.

-- Josef's office is slowly recovering from the bombing.

-- Jason Abbott was played by Eddie McClintock, future star of Warehouse 13.

-- I did learn something from this episode: the singular of paparazzi is paparazzo.

-- I was under the impression that pre-digital, vampires couldn't be photographed at all. In this episode, it was established that they just come out blurry.

Quotes:

Talbot: "We went through some pretty heavy stuff together."
Beth: "It's not like you get kidnapped by a plastic surgeon every day."

Mick: "So how do you want to do this?"
Beth: "It's called dating."
Mick: "Right. We go out, get to know each other."
Beth: "You've known me since I was four."
Mick: "Okay, it's weird when you say it like that."

Josef: "You should put it up on your Facebook page."
Mick: "You've seen my Facebook page?"
Josef: "Of course I've seen your Facebook page."

Josef: "I'm not your sire."
Mick: "You're kind of my step-sire."
Josef: "No."

Mick: "You went out with Jean Harlow?"
Josef: "I mostly stayed in with Jean Harlow."

Mick: "Some guy wrote a book about it. He called it The Poseidon Adventure. Exaggerated things a bit, but I like to think the Gene Hackman character was based on me."

Mick: "It's not like you've slept with a vampire."
Beth: "Maybe once in college, but I was really drunk."

Mick: "The camera, lost boy. You should be ashamed of yourself, making a living like this. Talk about bloodsuckers."

Boy: "In the name of vamp solidarity, we'd love to help. But..."

Logan: "You know, Tierney spends a thousand a month on cat grooming. Cat grooming." Well, if I were a zillionaire, I'd spend a lot on cats. Not cat grooming, though. I'd open a huge no kill cat shelter.

Beth: "You are going to get so tired of watching me eat."
Mick: "I hope so."

Josef: "Let's just say there was a particularly rowdy night at Garbo's I wouldn't want documented."
Beth: "Don't tell me. You're the reason she wanted to be alone."

The Tierney plot was so-so, but the rest of it was terrific. So how do I rate it? Should I take an average?

Billie

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NewsFlash: SyFy Superheroes and a Super Cast

The SyFy network has just released casting information for a new show called Three Inches, about a superhero with a tiny power. The cast includes James Marsters (Buffy, Angel, Torchwood, Caprica), Stephanie Jacobsen (BSG: Razor, TTSCC), Naoko Mori (Doctor Who, Torchwood), Alona Tal (Veronica Mars, Supernatural), and Julian Richings (Death on SPN). Filming starts this week.

The full press release can be found here. The program sounds silly, but I’ll probably watch it just for the cast. What about you?
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Moonlight: Fated to Pretend

“There’s so much living to do.”

We knew it couldn’t last. I expected it to last a bit longer than this, though. Mick’s humanity had a shelf life of about six months, but he wasn’t taking into account his most human quality: mercy.

Mick finally asked Beth out on a date—I guess the Moonlight writers are following the Joss Whedon dictum of only allowing people a brief moment of happiness before someone has to die. His (Mick's, not Joss Whedon's) willingness to fight for Beth, while human, and to lose his humanity to keep her safe was incredibly sweet. Even Josef was touched, and his “What you’re asking of me” moment was so perfectly delivered that it just confirmed Jason Dohring’s inherent fabulousity.

All that emotional, lovey-dovey stuff was really wonderful, but the rest of the episode wasn’t spectacularly plotted. There were lots of moving pieces, and as I understand it, they break down to: Maureen was killed because she was looking the death of a politician’s wife. She was killed by a vampire who thought she was going to reveal that his plastic surgery practice was just a front for dealing rare blood types—he’d siphoned a bit of the politician’s wife for profit.

That was a dead end, investigation-wise, as was the donut dietician. (This sounds impossible, except that there is a cookie diet that’s quite popular in LA.) Rather, the wife died because he husband was driving drunk; his daughter covered for him because she didn’t want to be alone, but her grief made her want to come clean. Because of that, she hacked into Luis Perez’s email account to alert Buzzwire. Also, there’s something going on with Josef’s charity work, a scam, and Oprah. And Luis’s immigration status.

The crazy plotting was all about people who want to be something other than what they are: thinner (the dead woman), mayor (the aspiring politician), guilt-free (the daughter), a citizen (Luis). Mick desperately wants to be human for two reasons: to enjoy all the tasty goodness of 21st century LA, and to regain his lost optimism. I wonder if being a vampire makes a person more cynical, or if Mick is more able to deal with all of his Coraline-baggage since his blood is pumping?

At the end of the day, though, Mick is what he is: a willing hero who will risk his life to save a stranger (the daughter) and give up his life to save his love (Beth). Awww. :-)



Bites:

• Interior designers: “Think mid-twentieth century modern, Palm Springs, Rat Pack.”
Josef: “I’ve been there, done that.”

• Beth: “Maureen, if this is another Brangelina-alien-baby thing…”

• Beth: “It was much more fun when you were a vampire. It’s a shame you can’t do that sexy vampire jumping thing.” With air quotes.

• Logan [looking at cat]: “You brought lunch.”

• Josef: “Cool! It’s like role-playing, without the leather.” For some reason, this reminds me of Veronica Mars and Duncan Kane: Veronica: “Can I ask you a question?” Duncan: “Yes to costumes, no to props.”

• Josef: “Was her body found in the La Brea Tar Pits? That’s the only person I killed this week.” Inventive. I like it.

• Politician: “The pillar on which we will build our shining city…” That’s a rather precarious perch for a city. I’m not even sure that much overblown rhetoric could fit on top of a pillar, much less all of LA.

And Pieces:

• The best part of Mick’s human montage was, for me, him hitting the snooze button on his alarm. The best way to start the day.

• I don’t know where that pier is. Is it in Malibu? He seemed to be headed in that direction.

• Hiding things in a box of tampons was a plot point in a Jonathan Kellerman novel—I forget which one. Billy Straight?

• Vampire can’t even taste food, or coffee. That sounds awful.

• The Mick and Luis chase scene was hilarious.

• Josef is one scary vamp.


Three and a half out of four donut dieticians
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Persons Unknown: Seven Sacrifices

NBC is not airing this episode; it is only available on their Persons Unknown website. It’s not a stand-alone, though—what we learned will definitely be relevant for the two-part season finale to come. For that reason, I’m including a synopsis for those of you who dislike watching TV online.

Recap

Moira and Graham slept together. This means a lot to Moira—we know that because she wrote the word “love” on her wall. They also got suspicious about how “chummy” Blackham and Charlie were getting with Liam Ulrich, Night Manager. What they don’t know is that, while at first Blackham wanted to join the program, Charlie eventually convinced him not become Patty Hearst.

Erika revealed that her real name is Theresa Randolph.

Theresa Randolph/Erika became worried that Janet was falling for Ulrich, and tried to get Joe to see her side of things. (This is the “the enemy of my enemy…” technique.) Joe eventually did, and punched Ulrich.

Janet played a confusing game: she seduced Ulrich, very effectively, and while she told Erika that she could “handle it,” it seems like she might be getting sucked into her own lie.

Meanwhile, Kat and Renbe made it back to SFO. Renbe was promptly arrested for the kidnapping of his ex-wife Janet, and the SFPD found six severed thumbs in his bag. Kat was evicted from her apartment because the news ran an article fingering her for the theft of painkillers from pediatric cancer patients (holy hand-grenades!); fired from her job because her newspaper was bought out; and stripped of all of her money by powers unknown.

Various national governmental agencies began to poke around Renbe’s six severed thumbs, and the detective let Renbe go free, because to do otherwise would be to kill the Kat/Renbe plot. Luckily, Renbe had secreted a seventh severed thumb in a bottle of tequila. So they’ve got that going for them.

Ulrich, during Janet’s seduction, preached the gospel of the program. Turns out, our behavior is determined simply by our environment and our “ancestral DNA.” 50 years of research has decided it. I’m not even going to touch this. My ten-foot pole is in the repair shop.

Ulrich, by episode’s end, is certain that Janet is “on board,” because their “connection” will make them useful to the program. Once he tells this bit of news to Evil Boss Lady (thus tipping his hand as far as his infatuation with Janet), she declares that “Town 27” needs to be flushed, and Ulrich (I think) killed.

The old Night Manager, with some cool scars and an even cooler eyepatch (argh!), is now Evil Boss Lady’s amanuensis.


Review

I have to hand it to NBC: they’ve managed not to air the best episode we’ve gotten in a long while. Blackham and Charlie, Janet and Ulrich, Joe and Erika/Theresa, even Kat and Renbe all moved their alliances around. Each character had an emotional arc that was realized in a satisfying way.

Janet’s attempts to seduce her way out of the town (and her obvious manipulation of Ulrich’s sudden infatuation) had a parallel in his story of how he reacted in the same Level One scenario: he tried to kill everyone in his town, hoping to end the experiment right there. (That may have been part of Joe’s motivation for shooting him, but that wasn’t addressed.) Trying to burn six people to death, and trying to seduce a man who works for the enemy are certainly miles apart on the morality spectrum, but ultimately they’re the same thing: using other people as pawns for one’s own gain.

Erika/Theresa bonded with Joe over their hatred of Ulrich. That bonding paralleled Charlie and Blackham—specifically, the way that their own relationship began to be defined by Ulrich and their shifting emotions regarding him. On the other hand, I had the odd sensation while watching this episode that Charlie and Blackham were originally written as one character, but that he was split into two so that his mercurialness wouldn’t be entirely internal.

I still don’t understand how Ulrich could have fallen for Janet so hard, so fast. Oh, well. Kat and Renbe’s plot seemed equally ludicrous: they need to be in the US for some reason, but getting them there was not done with much dexterity.

A few other nit-picks: I got the distinct impression that when Charlie and Blackham were having a drink, it was nighttime. But later conversations made it seem like the entire episode only took a day. Also: Janet walked with great purpose throughout the episode. But where was she going? She just kept entering and leaving rooms.

Reflection

With only two episodes left, I want to point out a few things so I can say “I told you so!” if they become important in the finale:

Sometimes the shots that are supposed to be from the surveillance camera seem to move more than cameras in ceilings, or located in odd corners, could. In fact, many aspects of this show are extremely “meta”: the opening credits, which flash to an old broadcast screen before getting into the show proper; the fact that the governing conceit is called the “Program”; the reality-TV-like idea of people trapped in a town; the way that the voyeurism of the Program employees is attacked, despite constant reminders that we’re voyeurs, too.

There was a theory floating around, back in those distant days before the finale, that Lost was some sort of consciousness-download self-help video game. In other words, we weren’t watching “reality” (whatever that means in the context of TV), but a simulacrum in which each moment could be progress or backsliding. When people died, they did so because they’d achieved whatever it is they wanted to achieve, and so had “won” the game. [I may be getting parts of this theory wrong. If so, my apologies.]

I keep returning to this idea, the more that I am puzzled by the all the meta-narrative stuff I just mentioned, as well as the way that time behaves oddly on this show, and—most importantly—the fact that I can never figure out what people are supposed to be doing when they’re off camera. Really: where was Janet going with such purpose? Where? I think this is bugging me so much because I can’t tell if it’s intentional or just shoddy story-telling.

I’d hope that Persons Unknown wasn’t going to go to a “it’s all a dream/video game/fictional construct” place, because that always makes me feel cheated. But the title of the last episode (“Shadows in the Cave”), which alludes to Plato’s allegory of the cave, has me wondering.

We’ll find out in just a few days whether that’s relevant. If so, I’ll talk more about Plato then. Yippee.

In the meantime, please enjoy the above picture of the supercute, superquizzical baby seal. Yippee!

Two out of four severed thumbs.

(A big no-prize to whoever correctly tabulates the number of references to fingers and hands in this review.)
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Farscape: Exodus from Genesis

While hiding from a Peacekeeper Marauder in a strange debris cloud, Moya is boarded by an alien species intent on completing its reproductive cycle. When the temperature starts rising and Aeryn’s health is threatened, the crew discovers the massive infestation, as well as some uncanny duplicates of themselves.

‘Exodus from Genesis’ is funny, freaky, and gross, while also featuring some serious moments that further develop the relationships amongst Moya’s crew. The focus this week was on Aeryn and her slow but steady transition from detached outsider to respected member of the team --- both from the perspective of the crew and in her own mind. At the beginning, she told Crichton she needed neither friends, nor family, and was clearly upset about getting caught up in “this little mutiny” before she could become a Marauder commando, an elite force vaunted for their discipline and ruthlessness. Even as she’s succumbing to the heat sickness, she can’t fathom why the others on Moya would want to help her. “Why would the others care? My kind imprisoned them. I’m sure they haven’t forgotten.” It takes a brush with the living death to make her truly see that, despite her background, the others do care about her, and there may yet be some value in friends and “lesser life forms.”

Meanwhile, the others are starting to realize that she is more than just a Peacekeeper to them. When John accuses D’Argo of wanting Aeryn to die because of what she is, D’Argo says he sees her as a comrade now and admits that “the part of me that wants Aeryn to live, is greater than the part of me that wants all Peacekeepers to die.” Likewise, after working with Aeryn, Pilot is surprised to discover that he sees her differently than other Peacekeepers. “It is strange to be so close to a Peacekeeper I do not fear.... That, is a compliment.”

‘Exodus …’ also devoted some time to Crichton’s ongoing struggle with his new life and relationships. Just opening the doors is a challenge for him, much less figuring out how to gain D’Argo’s and Aeryn’s respect. As Zhaan tells him, it is going to take actions, time, and patience. I really enjoyed John’s little “therapy sessions” with Zhaan. It was nice to see there’s at least one person on the ship who doesn’t berate and belittle him, and Zhaan is a wonderful listener and advisor.

As they come to terms with their place on the ship, John and Aeryn are also starting to form a deeper relationship. They had some moments of genuine connection in this episode, including the “sickbed” scenes and their final scene on the terrace. I especially loved the look on Crichton’s face as he refused to end her life, and again after she asked him if he could have kept his promise (which, by the way, he never made). He’s certainly developing strong feelings for her, even if at this point it may be nothing more than a “comrade in arms” bond born of shared circumstance.

Other Thoughts

Rygel also continued to build on his progress from last week, by exploring Moya’s walls and “communing” with the Drak monarch on behalf of the crew. “Rygel is not my sovereign.” “He is today.” Sure, at this point he’s mostly being forced into helping and really just doing things that will also save his own bacon, but he’s still slowly becoming a team player.

Zhaan’s role and abilities continued to get fleshed out. She’s a priest, a healer, a counselor, a biological scientist, and a painter! Quite the jack-of-all-trades. And she makes it seem so effortless!

Some of the effects this week were pretty cheesy looking. The baby Drak dance in front of Crichton (and his subsequent fight with it) was so silly it had me laughing out loud. Plus, some of the doubles in the same frame weren’t very effective and the shot of Rygel entering the nest didn’t look great.

Even though some of the effects shots with the Draks were weak, the creatures themselves were shuddery. Like giant cockroaches from hell! I was literally getting the shivers every time we heard them skittering about in Moya’s walls. I really hate roaches.

Several scenes were very reminiscent of Alien and Aliens, particularly Zhaan examining the dead bug, the giant hive, and the birthing of the eggs.

World-building details: the dentic for cleaning one’s teeth; the Marauder commandos (“Five man crew. Highest level of training. Success measured by body count.”); Sebacean heat delirium (“As our cells overheat, the nervous system shuts down. First short-term memory, then motor functions, the last to go is long-term memory.”); and Delvian spirit painting.

Moya’s terrace is pretty darn cool. How awesome would it be to stand on that thing, looking out into the vastness of space?

Quotes

Crichton: “Look, you’re not in this alone. Everybody on board has had their lives derailed from what they thought they were gonna be --- should be. We’re stuck together. And as long as we are, we might as well be …”
Aeryn: “What? Family? Friends? [Laughs.] I want neither.”
Crichton: “Somebody’s gotta be there when you need it.”

Crichton: “With Aeryn and D’Argo, it’s like everything’s a test. It’s like I’m in some never-ending frat hazing at Alien U.”

Zhaan: “John, they’re soldiers. Win their respect.”
Crichton: “Exactly how do you do that? I mean, short of cutting someone’s throat.”

D’Argo: “Sebaceans lack the gland necessary to regulate extreme thermal increases.”
Crichton: “Wait. Crais and those other bastards chasing us are cold-blooded? Literally?”
D’Argo: “It’s a weakness not enough of them die from.”

Crichton: “Sounds like an ugly way to die.”
Aeryn: “We don’t die. Our body lives on in that state. It’s called the living death. It’s the only time we kill our own for mercy.”

Zhaan: “And how will you tell us from them?”
D’Argo: “We will cut off the tip of our small finger for identification.”
Crichton: “How about something a little less permanent?”

Rygel: “It’s hotter than squag! Gah!!!”

Rygel: “If I sit perfectly still they don’t advance. Yet, when I move … they get disagreeable.”
D’Argo: “Right. [Pause.] Don’t move.”
Rygel: “If we ever survive this, Luxan, you must become my advisor.”

Aeryn: “Before the living death takes hold, you have to be prepared to kill me. Promise.”
Crichton: “No, not a chance.”
Aeryn: “You said I’m not alone. A friend would do this for me. Family would do it swiftly.”

Zhaan: “Time and patience.”
Crichton: “Time and patience. Is that your answer for everything?”
Zhaan: “Yes, because it’s always the right answer.”

Aeryn: “You know … I always thought that lesser life forms were useless. Just something to be squashed.”
Crichton: “Yeah, it’s humbling when you realize that … [smiles] You’re not talking about the Draks, are you? [She smiles back.] Fine. Well on behalf of lesser life forms everywhere, I accept the … compliment.”

Final Analysis: The Drak genesis was an interesting sci-fi tale, featuring giant space cockroaches and replicants, but the real meat of this episode is the shifting crew dynamic and character development, especially for Aeryn Sun. Good stuff.

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True Blood: I Smell a Rat

Eric: "It's not just the blood. You know you have feelings for me."
Sookie: "Eww."

Eric, Eric, Eric. Can you say 'mixed signals'?

Eric usually plays it close to the chest, but he is sure he's going to die and he's obviously torn. He needs to take revenge for his family, and he has feelings for Sookie, and he needs to use Sookie in order to take revenge for his family. So basically, he's screwed.

Talk about a volatile romance. Eric kissed Sookie passionately, carried her off, and chained her in the basement. Sookie may say "eww," but she has feelings for Eric, too. She (1) visibly started when he said he wouldn't be around much longer, (2) ran to Shreveport to confront him, and most importantly, (3) kissed him back. And she's finally starting to internalize the fact that Bill hasn't been honest with her (hence the title of the episode). What does Eric have in mind? Is he protecting Sookie, or using her for bait? Possibly both?

People get high on vampire blood. Vampires get high on fairy blood. Do fairies get high on human blood? Did I just pass right over the revelation that Sookie is a fairy? I like the interesting twist that fae blood protects vampires from sunlight. It's a biggie, and it explains Sophie's and Russell's deep and abiding interest in Sookie.

Bill says his love for Sookie is pure, and unaffected by the intoxicating taste of fairy blood. Except that I don't believe him. I want Sookie with Eric. And I'm starting to think I'm going to get my wish. If Eric meets the true death instead, my enthusiasm for this series is going to plummet.

In other news, gold acting stars for Ryan Kwanten, because this was Jason's best episode so far. That scene with Tara was so touching, and of course, Tara would be much better for Jason than the confused and duplicitous Crystal. I was hoping he wouldn't blow it by telling Tara about Eggs, but he couldn't help it. What a Jason thing to do.

The Lafayette/Jesus acid trip... well, I was turned off and uninterested, but I'll reserve judgment. There were a couple of interesting things, though. Jesus' grandmother did spells to protect people from evil, and his grandmother could cure infertility, definitely not using their powers for evil like his grandfather appeared to be. And I think Lala's g' g' g' grandmother Mae and Jesus' g' g' grandmother Winnie were lovers. Did anyone else come to that conclusion?

Jesus and Holly, the new waitress, both seem to be kind people who are truly interested in helping others; let's hope that's true. I am assuming this is season four set-up?

What just happened with Sam? Did the writers completely assassinate his character? The revelation that he committed a double homicide came out of freaking nowhere. Yes, they swindled him and she shot first, but it didn't make me happy that he was stealing as recently as 2003; I thought it was something he did as a teenager only to survive. Are those bodies buried in Bon Temps? Sam was sitting in front of the same tree. Again, is this season four set-up?

And what's with our star-crossed Jessica and Hoyt? I've actually lost a bit of interest in that romance, but it just heated up and turned a corner. How will Hoyt react to V? Actually, the best part of that scene was Jessica picking up Tommy and tossing him into the woods like a football. I could watch that about twenty more times without getting tired of it.

Russell's homicidal farewell to Talbot's stand-in was bizarre. I thought at first that he was going to pick up a stranger that looked like Talbot and create a replacement, and that it could have been how he found the original Talbot, and maybe their love wasn't deathless, after all... but no. The "anti-vampire backlash" was fun, too (just seeing Steve Newlin on television again was worth it) although the flaming cross was a bit much. Like the persecuted minority metaphor wasn't strong enough already.

Bits and pieces:

-- Eric made out his will and left everything to Pam. Lovely. We learned Pam's full name: Pamela Swynford de Beaufort. You know, I'd love some Eric meeting Pam flashbacks. It would be so much fun.

-- Eric has a farm? That doesn't seem like Eric.

-- I really enjoyed the Eric/Bill confrontation. Good times.

-- Crystal is a werepanther. Cooler than a werewolf. I prefer cats, anyway. Not that I have a high opinion of the Norrises. I pretty much concur with what Lafayette said about them. See Quotes section below.

-- Tara is now Vehemently and Voraciously anti-Vampire. And who can blame her?

-- How did Hadley know about the fae thing?

-- I hadn't realized that this makes three kills for Jason; I forgot about poor Eddie. At least Franklin's death was unambiguous.

-- Terry is a sweetheart. I think Arlene's timing was way off, though, if she's going to get rid of it now. Bon Temps is apparently the supernatural capital of Louisiana. Who knows what Arlene could give birth to?

-- Summer was wearing an electric pink lacy bra. Very in character.

-- Congratulations and best wishes to Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, who got married this past Saturday. Is it wrong of me to hope for the irony of their characters breaking up directly afterward?

Quotes:

Sookie: "I'm a fairy? How fucking lame."

Pam: "Why are you doing this?"
Eric: "Because, Pam, Russell Edgington was maybe the oldest and strongest vampire on the planet before he eviscerated a newsman live on TV. Now he's also the craziest, and his rage is directed at me. Do the math."

Lafayette: "Them fuckers is a whole new dimension of trash."

Steve Newlin: "If I were less of a Christian, I'd say, told ya. But of course, I take no joy in this dark time." Too funny. Love him.

Arlene: "I ain't doing salt shakers while innocent people are being attacked by vampires."

Sam: "I got two rules in my bar: no dancing and no religion."
Holly: "Good to know."
Both rules are Maryann-related, aren't they?

Eric: "If I meet the true death without having at least kissed you, Sookie Stackhouse, that would be my biggest regret." Yum.

Eric: "What?"
Pam: "Blah blah vampire emergency blah."
I love Pam so very much. I truly do.

Another terrific episode. So far, season three is my favorite. Three out of four dancing statues,

Billie

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Persons Unknown: Identity

Last week, I vowed to say three positive things about Persons Unknown. Here we go: First, they totally hooked me with the bait-and-switch. B, I enjoy Irish accents. Lastly, I gave my cat a cardboard box with a bath towel folded neatly in it, and he spent the whole episode looking supercute, right next to my couch.

The Bait And Switch: In which Josie reveals that she is not very bright.

Last week, Kat and Renbe showed up in what I assumed was our heroes’ town. I spent the first 40 minutes of this episode operating under that assumption. Kat and Renbe were hiding, the blue-jumpsuit guys were running around, and our people were locked in the hotel and then sedated. It made sense.

Until it didn’t. I was preoccupied (not by the cat…well, not too much) with wondering how Kat and Renbe were staying away from the cameras that seem to be everywhere, so I didn’t look for confirmation that they were in the right town. Even when the blue-jumpsuit guys pulled some dead bodies out of thin air, I still thought they’d brought the bodies themselves and then moved them again. (See above, re: not very bright.) It wasn’t until the massive shoot-out and then the quick cut to Moira and Graham sitting in the gazebo that I finally realized I’d fallen for the bait and was now flopping around on the deck of someone’s yacht, thoroughly gutted.

Well, at first, I thought it was just inept editing. But after rewinding it three times I finally caught on. Why the bait and switch? We needed to keep Renbe and Kat in play. We’ve learned that they’re following the wrong path out of the forest (metaphorically). We’ve learned that the Program has numerous small towns all over the world. We also learned that they’re willing to kill their test subjects, which brings me to:

I Enjoy Irish Accents: In which Josie finds joy in the fact that she’s not important enough to be kidnapped, brainwashed, and forced into submission by an evil unnamed organization.

Liam’s conversation with the director, upon mental review, was quite vague. They talked about Janet, the town, and how sad they were that such drastic measures had to be taken. It wasn’t until later that we found out they weren’t talking about our town. Now we know the stakes…well, I think we’d already guessed the stakes. But now we really know them.

Liam should be a fascinating character, but he’s not. Right now, he’s a walking plot device. He caused trouble for Joe and Janet, in one of those Ebertesque idiot plots in which a key point could be cleared up if people just talked to each other. He sedated everyone for some reason, with some sort of wonder drug. Were they brainwashed during that time? Is that why Blackham is all cheery now? (Wait, he was cheery before the brainwashing…oh, never mind.) Why Janet has gotten over her issues?

By the way, those issues? Liam telling Janet that she’s gotten over them is a prime example of weak storytelling. Whenever one character tells another character how the first character feels, an implication fairy dies. Liam’s newfound obsession with Janet—complete with touching a screen on which her face appears—came out of the blue. Why is he so drawn to her? Why is Joe? Don’t get me wrong, she’s a pretty lady. But she’s not magnetic or extraordinary or covered in dozens of plump breasts. What makes her so appealing to Liam, so suddenly, when he knows what’s on the line?

(Irrelevant question: when you heard Liam Ulrich, did you simultaneously think of Angel, Spike, and the drummer for Metallica?)

Cat in a Box: In which Josie learns to be thankful for the small things, and Marcel Mauss grins wryly, up in heaven.

The Program gave our heroes gifts. Meaningful gifts, sure. But not nearly as pleasant or welcome as a nice cardboard box with a neatly folded bath towel in it. (Because that gift can’t be topped, can it?) The gifts said: “We know you. We’ve known you for decades. We’ve been following you since your childhood traumas.” That’s damn creepy. It also raises a few questions for me: Why would they bother? Why do they have that much money, and why are they willing to spend it this way? Why have they picked these people, and what do they want in return? Why am I still bothering to watch this show?

That last question is inspired by the fact that I have begun to feel simply annoyed by this Program. (Yes, that is a pun.) I cannot imagine why the people who work for them, who have evidently undergone precisely this training, stayed. I cannot imagine what this training is supposed to do. I cannot imagine why they would follow such a ragtag bunch of people, which must require a huge financial outlay. I cannot understand how they justify kidnapping, brainwashing, and killing people, or how they could do so without being discovered for this long.

I’m not sure whether we’ll get answers to all of those questions. “Identity” is the 10th episode. NBC will not air “Seven Sacrifices,” which imdb claims is the 12th episode. (It is available on the NBC website.) Next Saturday, August 28th, NBC will air a “two-hour finale,” which I assume will comprise the 11th (“And Then There Was One”) and 13th (“Shadows in the Cave”) episodes. Or perhaps imdb is wrong, and this order makes sense.

What does that mean for us, constant readers? I will review the three remaining episodes. Look for “Seven Sacrifices” sometime this week, and a longish review of the “And Then There Was One”/”Shadows in the Cave” two-parter next weekend, or perhaps Monday if I’m feeling lazy and the LA heat wave doesn’t break. I will assuredly riff on Agatha Christie, Plato, and the troubling camera angles in this show. In fact, it might be time for me to dig out my never-published 2000 word post on Plato and the Lost finale.


One out of four cats chasing a Mauss. (Hopefully this show will come together with all the surprising elegance of that delayed punchline.)

(Once again, I have been unable to find a decent screencap for the show. So, in keeping with the pre-established unbearably cute animals hugging theme, I chose the supercutest cat photo I could find.)
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