Sherlock: A Study in Pink

Sherlock: "The game, Mrs Hudson, is on!"

Sherlock is a reboot of the Sherlock Holmes franchise and is the brain child of Doctor Who head-writer Steven Moffat and The League of Gentlemen's Mark Gatiss. It's also set in modern day London. Sounds awful? That's what I thought. In fact, I was completely prepared to hate this programme. How can anything good come of moving an iconic 19th century detective to the 21st century? Is the character of Sherlock Holmes even relevant these days? More importantly, can his unique brand of deductive reasoning cut the mustard in this modern age of GPS, computers and forensics?

I'm not what you would call a Holmes obsessive. But I do own (and have read), all of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's detective stories (both short and long). I'm also immensely fond of Granada Television's The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (starring the inimitable Jeremy Brett), and own every episode of the BBC's Sherlock Holmes Radio Dramas (featuring the excellent Clive Merrison). So I'm reasonably familiar with Holmes'world. What I don't like is when production companies take unnecessary liberties with the source material. So it was with some trepidation that I approached Sherlock. I've been hurt before. Guy Richie's 2010 blockbuster, Sherlock Holmes, left me crying in my Shreddies (The cereal, not the underpants). Why should this be any different?

Initially, Sherlock feels a little like Doctor Who -- which isn't surprising as both Gatiss and Moffat are script-writers for the show. So the humour's familiar, as is Sherlock's infuriating sense of self-superiority, and eccentric mannerisms. But the only time travel in evidence is the jump from the Victorian era to modern day London. Benedict Cumberbatch works well as a modern day Holmes; whom he plays with just the right amount of narcissism and empathy. He's untidy, immodest, energetic, sometimes manic, and treats poor Mrs Hudson like she's his House-keeper. Yet Watson -- despite being understandable frustrated by his new house-mate's oddness -- seems strangely as ease with his eccentricities. And just one episode in and Holmes is already asking the diminutive Watson for advice on social etiquette. So even at this early stage, it's obvious that the two men get along.

Naturally, the concept demands a certain amount of mythology tinkering. You can't take a character from the 19th century and just plonk him in the 21st without making some concessions. So mobile phones and computers are in; as are cars and modern police practises. Watson writes a blog rather than for The Strand. The three pipe problem has become a three nicotine patch problem (the new Sherlock doesn't smoke, and claims not to take drugs). There's also the the odd vulgarity and occasional innuendo to pep things up. But, generally, the tweaks feel organic and are in keeping with the change in perspective.

And visually, despite the series being set in modern day London, it does have a curiously Olde English feel to it. The cobbled streets outside Billy's Café; the Georgian windows, all add to that feeling of old world charm. And 221B Bakers Street, with its roaring fire, and the glorious Mrs Hudson (played by ex-Doctor Who companion, Aunt Sally,) makes for a suitably cosy base of operations.

The modernisation of Watson, also, feels surprisingly natural. Like the Watson of old, he's a veteran of the Afghan war. Obviously, it's a later war than in Conan Doyle's vision. And, thankfully, Freeman's portrayal of Watson is as far removed from Nigel Bruce's bumbling sidekick as you could ever hope to see. Freeman's Watson is a pensive individual, with a troubled history -- the twist being, rather than being adversely affected by war -- he actually misses it. He craves the excitement, and the adrenaline rush of danger; making him the perfect companion for Holmes.

Through the efforts of a mutual friend, the two men meet. Watson, invalided out of the army, is feeling disconnected and useless and, Holmes -- already a budding consultant detective -- needs an assistant and someone to share the rent. And so they move in together. The gay issue is addressed almost immediately, multiple times, and with humour. But, unlike Guy Richie's Holmes, Moffat's Holmes is refreshingly asexual. He snubs Molly Hooper's romantic advances, mistaking her offer of coffee for an actual offer of coffee -- before going on to insult the size of her mouth. It's not that Holmes hates women. He's always understood their allure. He's just never entirely trusted them. And, as he stresses to Watson, he's married to his work.

It was a clever move to remove Mark Gatiss from the credits. That way the big surprise remained intact. Mark Gatiss just had to be Moriarty. Yet, in the end, somewhat comically, he turned out to be Sherlock's older brother, Mycroft. I do like Mark Gatiss. He's a solid performer, and seems perfectly suited to his character. And, by the looks of things, Moriarty will be featuring in the series. Jeff the Cabbie, despite saying that Sherlock would never know the name of his sponsor, couldn't help but but blurt out "Moriaaaaarty" before dropping dead.

I was perhaps less enamoured with Lestrade and Donovan. Lestrade has none of the confidence, quickness or energy of his Victorian double. His performance in front of the press was desperately weak; almost pathetic. And him telling Anderson to look away, although vaguely amusing, undermined his authority completely. Holmes describes classic Lestrade as the best of a bad lot -- both tenacious and determined -- which Rupert Graves' Lestrade definitely is not. At least, not yet. And Sally Donovan needs some fleshing out, too. She did little more than name-call all episode.

The speed at which Watson recovered from his limp took some believing -- but it served to illustrate both Watson's suitability as Holmes' side-kick, and Holmes' superior powers of deduction. Holmes was able to deduce, purely from his gait, that Watson's problems were mostly psychosomatic. And Watson's pause, before jumping across the rooftop, effectively mirrored his own leap into the unknown. The man he was at the beginning of the episode, and the man he is at the end, are polar opposites. It's as if being with Holmes brings out the best in him.

The conclusion could have been stronger. Was Watson close enough to see both men about to swallow the pills? Would he seriously have shot Jeff the Cabbie without telling Holmes? Would Jeff being a genius have given him any real advantage in a game of chance? Maybe. Maybe not. But the psychological show-down between Holmes and Jeff was worth the price of the licence fee alone. Did Holmes choose the right pill? We'll probably never know. But it was fascinating to see Holmes' near pathological need to be proven right take him down such a dark and dangerous road.

Bits and Pieces:

-- The title “A Study in Pink” is a play on the title of the Sherlock Holmes novel “A Study in Scarlet” (on which it's loosely based).

-- In "A Study in Scarlet" it's Lestrade who suggests "Rache" may stand for Rachel -- and Holmes who deduces it's German for revenge -- so a nice reversal there.

-- Holmes' website is called “The Science of Deduction” (as is chapter two of "A Study in Scarlet).

-- Looks like they're setting up Anthea as a possible love interest for Watson. But what was she fiddling with all episode? A mobile phone or a hand-held game?

-- "A Study in Scarlet" also featured a cab driver with an aneurysm, and poisoned pills as a means of dispatch.

-- Surely a “No shit, Sherlock” gag is in order at some point?

-- Why would a Cabbie "naturally" have enemies wishing to kill him?

-- Watson still possesses a gun, a souvenir, presumably, from his time in the military. (Although I'm wondering whether they even do that any more.)

-- Holmes still plays the violin.

-- I liked the visual representations of Sherlock's deductions. No more having to sit through minutes of tedious explanatory dialogue.

Quotes:

Holmes: “I said dangerous, and here you are.”

Watson: “So why are you talking to me?”
Holmes: “Mrs Hudson took my skull.”
Watson: “So I'm basically filling in for your skull?”

Mycroft: "You're not haunted by the war, Doctor Watson. You miss it. Welcome back."

Holmes: “I'm not a psychopath, Anderson, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.”

Holmes: “Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street.”

Jeff: “There's a name no one says. And I'm not going to say it, either.”

Jeff: "I've outlived four people, that's the most fun you can have with an aneurysm."

Watson: “Who's Moriarty?”
Sherlock: “I have absolutely no idea.”
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Vampire Diaries: Let the Right One In

“Revenge. They want revenge.”

Our heroes and our villains are choosing sides. Damon, Elena, and Alaric made an alliance to save Stefan, the tombies are replaying the civil war, and Jeremy is trying to bat for the other team. With only five episodes left until the finale, it seems like some serious battle lines are being drawn.


Alaric and Damon—are the kids writing the slash fiction about them yet? They should be. Alaric wants to kill Damon, and definitely judged him for killing nice Ms. Gibbons. But he also agreed with Damon’s assessment of Elena’s chances for surviving chez tombie, and I caught a glimmer of respect in his eyes when Damon refused to risk Elena’s life. Plus, he saved Damon’s life. They were bad-ass.

Damon, for all his psychopathic tendencies, really does step into protector role when Stefan is gone, doesn’t he? Does he do it for Stefan? For Elena? For himself? My money is on him not knowing why he does it. Damon is guiding by more than just animal instinct, he just doesn’t know it.

As I am not a Mayor Lockwood fan, I very much enjoyed Pearl tricking him into thinking she was interested as a ploy to get more information. She wound up getting more than she bargained for, though: now she knows about Anna’s interest in Jeremy, and that Jeremy is a Gilbert. I wonder how Pearl would feel about turning Jeremy. I could see her making a case for it, both ways.

This was an incredibly violent episode. Lots of punching and blood and random staking. Whereas Damon, Stefan, Pearl, Anna, and even Isobel are focused on manipulating circumstances to their liking, the rest of the tombies, especially the surly ringleader, just like to hurt people.

Meanwhile (I use that word a lot in these reviews, don’t I? It’s because there are so many subplots.)…anyway, Meanwhile, just as Matt’s mom got into a happy, maternal, mystery-casserole place, Caroline discovers Vicki’s body buried in the outback. Poor Matt. Poor Matt’s mom. Poor Jeremy and Tyler, who found out at the same moment, from Mayor Lockwood, who didn’t even try (or know to try) to break it to them gently.


Bites:

• Anna: “I’m not going to turn someone who, everything they know about vampires they learned from Netflix.” And let's not forget the chat rooms. Wait, let's do forget those.

• Elena: “I’m not blaming you, Damon. I’ve accepted the fact that you’re a self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities.”

• Damon: “I have two liters of soccer mom in the fridge.”

• Damon: “Your merry little band of vampires spent the day torturing my brother.”


And Pieces:

• Did Anna have a lone braid in the back of her hair? Has she been watching Lost?

• I am surprised that vampires from the 1860s would enjoy loud, mediocre rock.

• Stefan is dark and scary now that he’s had a taste of human blood. Can Elena deal? More importantly, what does it mean that her boyfriend is supercreepy, but her ex needs more of a huge than Caroline can provide?


Three out of four mystery casseroles.

Return to series index

(Screencap courtesy of vampire-diaries.net. Thanks!)
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Star Trek: The Return of the Archons

Man: "Come for the Festival, ayuh?"
Kirk: "Yes."
Man: "Got a place to sleep it off yet?"

Was this a communism metaphor?

I like plots about dystopian futures. There's so much that can be done with them. Not that this was a particularly strong entry in the genre, since it was mostly computer-related technophobia combined with Old Testament-style dogma. When holographic Landru said, "You will be absorbed. Your individuality will merge into the unity of good", Dan immediately said, "We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own." A little precursor of the Borg there, but nowhere near as good.

"Festival" wasn't explained, but it certainly seemed to be blowback from everyone being so calm and peaceful all the time. (One wonders if something similar is happening on planet Vulcan, huh?) I did like the scene where all the quiet, peaceful people suddenly stopped, picked up sticks, and started toward the landing party. Villagers with pitchforks. Good times.

Of course, the big question was, how dare we interfere in the society of the people of Beta 3, no matter what it was? Landru didn't come from the Archon, after all; Landru *destroyed* the Archon. Spock did mention the Prime Directive, only to get shot down by Kirk, who countered that the Directive only applied to living, growing cultures. I don't know. I think if there was a provision like that in the Prime Directive, Spock would have been familiar with it. Does Kirk really get to decide how the Prime Directive is applied? I guess he does.

The best part of this one was probably the colonial garb (Kirk looked really good in the tail coat and string tie) and the fact that, for some reason, everyone was sleeping in what looked like Victorian bunk beds. I guess a society where everyone bounces from quiet, peaceful nonentity to participants in an orgy of sex and violence doesn't have a need for double beds. Spock in bunk bed. Sounds like the punch line of a joke, doesn't it?

Ben says...

Okay, maybe Sulu wouldn't be zapped so often if he didn't just stand there while the slow moving Grim Reaper Smile Police just kind of sidle on over to him.

This is more proof that the writers and producers of Star Trek weren't dumbing down anything, even when the episodes were not the most memorable. The struggle between the collectivity and the individual is probably the central struggle of the twentieth century, and they address it head-on here. Contrast this with the Borg in the Next Generation, much more compelling from a television point of view, but did anyone ever think maybe the Borg had a good idea about how to save a decaying society? (If you raised your hand to say yes, please report for assimilation.) On the other hand, this episode saw (as recently noted by historian Tony Judt) the tendency that the more perfect the solutions to the last century's social issues, the more disastrous the result (see Fascism, Communism and untrammeled faith in Markets as three of many examples).

Then again, maybe it's just a metaphor for the 9 to 5 rat race. Conform during the workday and you can go nuts around 6 (Hey, I may open a bar called "The Red Hour").

Back to Billie for bits and pieces:

-- Star date 3156.2. The planet was Beta 3.

-- The starship Archon disappeared a hundred years ago. We had starships a hundred years ago? I guess we did.

-- Sulu was the first to get zapped. I seem to remember him being the first to get zapped in "The Squire of Gothos." Maybe Sulu is just prone to zapping.

-- I'm sure the plots about computers as evil, soulless objects that take over worlds reflect the trend toward general technophobia in the sixties.

-- It was certainly convenient that the Landru computer was hidden right there in town, and even in the same building. No running around to cities all over the globe looking for it.

-- Spock punched out one of the Grim-Reaper-like enforcers. Maybe he didn't trust himself to find the guy's neck under that robe.

-- Reger and Marplon (were they going for Roger and Marvin?) were pretty timid for resistance fighters. Good thing Kirk carried out their revolution for them.

Quotes:

Kirk: "You'd make a splendid computer, Mister Spock."
Spock: "That is very kind of you, Captain."

Two out of four Victorian bunk beds,

Billie

More about Ben here.
Original air date: February 9, 1967
Photo credit: Memory Alpha

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The X-Files: Born Again

Case: The death of Detective Barbala, who appears to have been thrown out a window by an eight-year-old girl.
Destination: Buffalo, New York

‘Born Again’ takes us back to basic freak-of-the-week territory when, during an investigation of a suspicious suicide, Mulder and Scully encounter Michelle Bishop, a psychologically damaged young girl who may have telekinetic powers. When Michelle seems inexplicably connected to Charlie Morris, a police officer who died before she was born, Mulder begins to suspect that Michelle is Charlie, born anew and seeking revenge on his killers.

Aside from Mulder’s efforts to secure definitive proof of the human soul’s existence and some minor arguing over Scully’s continued lack of belief in the paranormal, this episode doesn’t have a whole lot going on other than the mystery of the dead police officers and Michelle’s connection to them. This central story is actually more engaging than I remembered, even though it’s basically the same kind of material you’d find on a typical procedural show these days. I found it a little difficult to follow the specifics of why Charlie was killed by his fellow officers --- too much vague talk about a drug bust in Chinatown, Charlie thinking they were doing something wrong, and the other cops wanting to “scare some sense into him” --- but the post-humus vengeance motive was pretty clear, regardless of the whys and wherefores. Plus, Michelle was exceedingly creepy, and made for an entertaining antagonist. I can definitely see why her mother and therapist would find her a bit frightening.

In the end, I’m not really sure Mulder would have gotten what he wanted from Michelle if she had undergone another past-life regression. He notes in his field journal that Michelle had no memory of the terrible events she witnessed or the trauma of Charlie’s death. To me, that makes it seem more like she was possessed by a lingering spirit, rather than suffering from strong past life memories (and the associated enhanced psychic abilities). Once Charlie’s spirit was able to resolve his issues, he moved on and she remembered nothing. She got to be a normal kid again. It seems strange to me that she’d be so completely cleansed of the traumatic experiences if it was a past life issue and not a possession.

Other Thoughts

This week our guest cast included Maggie Wheeler as Detective Lazard. She’s fairly well known as Janice, Chandler’s annoying girlfriend on Friends. I liked seeing her here all dressed down and with a much less annoying voice. I also loved her character noting that she’d heard of Mulder and Scully because her brother was a cop in Baltimore and knew about their work on the Tooms case.

The dismembered dolls in the therapist’s office were very unsettling. I find baby dolls creepy under normal circumstances, but the collection of uniformly maimed dolls was exceedingly freaky. Even more shuddery was learning that Charlie Morris’s corpse was mutilated in the exact same way. Yikes!

I kind of liked the origami connection between Michelle and Charlie. I never thought an origami giraffe could be so eerie.

Tony marrying his dead partner’s widow, after helping to kill him and cover up his murder, is pretty darn cold. I don’t think I’d be feeling as forgiving as Anita. Please, do hurt him some more.

I enjoyed watching Scully go toe-to-toe with Mulder, taking the piss out of his paranormal phenomenon arguments. Something “unexplained” was definitely going on in this case, but she’s right that he often lets himself get blinded to more probable explanations because he’s so obsessed with all things freaky and the Truth. Every once in awhile he needs a reminder that he’s an officer of the law. “No grand jury is going to listen to that kind of testimony! We still will not have an actionable case.”

I found it difficult to believe that Michelle would be able to sneak out (again) to terrorize the Fiores in their home. You’d think after being witness to two grisly deaths and a really troubling hypnosis session, her mom would keep her under tighter lock and key.

Quotes

Mulder: “Plus, jumpers tend to open the window before they jump.”

Mulder: “Why is it still so hard for you to believe, even when all the evidence suggests extraordinary phenomena?”
Scully: “Because sometimes, looking for extreme possibilities makes you blind to the probable explanation right in front of you.”

Mulder: “Michelle is eight years old, that means she was conceived at roughly the same time that Officer Morris was killed.”
Scully: “Do me a favor, Mulder, let me say it: reincarnation.”
Mulder: “Metempsychosis, transmigration, re-embodiment, call it what you will.”
Scully: “All based on the coincidence that Michelle Bishop and Officer Morris both practice the obscure art of paper folding?”

Scully: “So where does that leave us?”
Mulder: “One short step away from proving the pre-existence of the human soul.”

Mulder: “All evidence suggests that Michelle Bishop is Charlie Morris.”
Scully: “Mulder …”
Mulder: “Short of her growing a mustache, how much more apparent does it have to become for you to accept it?”

Scully: “Pathologists are paranoid by nature.”
Seriously? Is Mulder secretly a pathologist? Because he’s way more paranoid than Scully.

Final Analysis: A reasonably engaging episode, featuring a suitably creepy freak-of-the-week.

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Moonlight: 12:04 AM

Mick: "Shepherd's risen, all right. And he is pissed."

Audrey certainly lucked into the right private detective, didn't she?

The crazed cult leader plot has been done to death, so to speak. It was pretty obvious right from the start that Donovan Shepherd thwarted his own execution because he'd been turned, and I'm glad they didn't try to pretend the audience wouldn't figure that out.

Of course, this episode wasn't about Audrey being stalked by undead Donovan Shepherd. It was about four-year-old Beth being rescued by undead Mick St. John. The similarities of the current case (and clandestinely searching through Mick's files) helped Beth to remember what she had forgotten. I liked that Beth didn't confront Mick with the photos and accuse him of stalking her, that she didn't berate him for keeping it from her, that she didn't have to be told. The writers resisted using it to create an artificial wedge between Beth and Mick. Yay.

The closing scene was lovely, even though the symbolism was ridiculously obvious. Beth finally gave a little girl thank-you kiss on the cheek to her vampire guardian angel, who cowered before the symbolically breaking dawn like the movie monster that he is.

And (I know, I'm repeating myself) I liked that, after fluttering all over the place in the last episode, Mick got to be a tough guy again. Threatening the movie producer with a real sword. Getting tossed down a mountain. The macho beheading scene. And I really enjoyed Shepherd's minion continuing to spout threatening lunacy as Mick was twisting his nose.

Where was Josh? Was that his boss that just wound up in the morgue? It also seemed odd that there was no Coraline, especially when Mick was so weirded out and hot under the collar about her last week. I guess she was the subtext, huh? I also missed Josef. Although I can't quite see Mick taking Beth and Audrey to him for protection, a la Spike.

Bits and pieces:

-- The opening scene showed Mick cutting a bullet out of his arm, not because it would keep hurting him, but because he wouldn't be able to go through a metal detector at the airport. Nice bit of set-up to remind us of the extent of vampire invulnerability before the execution scene.

-- The actor who played Donovan was suitably creepy, but maybe too theatrical. Sort of like the actor you'd cast in summer stock to play Charles Manson.

-- I liked the bits about Hollywood (true crime as entertainment). And the upside down religious aspects of vampire resurrection, with Shepherd being turned by a vampire priest, and Mick literally rocking a confessional.

-- That little girl playing Beth in the flashbacks did not look four years old. It would have been a tough role for a four-year-old to play, though, and an older child probably would have remembered Mick's face.

-- Come on. After being pursued by the media for fourteen years, Audrey never considered that Beth might just have been looking for an in-depth story? Yes, she wasn't. But in real life, she would have been.

-- It's been a couple of months since the pilot.

-- This episode was written by producer Jill Blotevogel, who wrote my favorite episode of The Dead Zone.

Quotes:

Beth: "Audrey's demon was in prison, and she never felt safe. The police never found the woman who took me, but somehow, I always felt safe."

Mick: "Donovan Shepherd was big for awhile. He had the grunge charm of Kurt Cobain and the media savvy of Donald Trump."

Mick: "I thought about being an actor back in the seventies, but I think I really just wanted to be Steve McQueen."

Mick: "Mi casa es su casa. That's Spanish, by the way, for keep her out of my stuff."

Mick: "I would recommend not going to the office."
Beth: "Okay."
Mick: "Okay. Or upstairs. Or through the gray door."
Beth: "Wow. This all sounds so Alice in Wonderland."
Mick: "Beware of the bottles that say drink me, okay?"
Maybe Mick did all that tantalizing warning because subconsciously, he really wanted Beth to find the photos. Yes, I like that.

Three out of four prop movie swords,

Billie

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Haven, so far

[This review contains spoilers for the first three episodes, "Welcome to Haven," "Butterfly," and "Harmony."]

Nathan: "Keep your hands where I can see them."
Audrey: "What am I gonna do, pull out another gun?"

The "quirky small town with a supernatural secret" has been done to death, and the SyFy channel is not known for consistency when it comes to the quality of their original series. But I have to say that I was more entertained by the first ten minutes of Haven than the first two full episodes (which were all I watched) of The Gates and Happy Town.

The female lead, FBI agent Audrey Parker (Emily Rose), is particularly strong, and I like her a lot. Audrey grew up as an orphan with no past and discovered during this pilot episode that she may have a connection to Haven, a town that appears to be trying to kill her. So far, the situation with Audrey's possible mother in the old newspaper photo feels like an excuse to get her to stay in town, because otherwise, why would a talented, ambitious FBI agent stay in weird little tiny little Haven? But it's true that finding out about one's past is strong motivation, and of course, there are the mysterious "troubles." So okay.

And the other characters certainly didn't bore me. I like the town's detective, Nathan Wournos (Lucas Bryant), and his ideopathic neuropathy (loved the EMT telling him he would get his tenth MRI for free). The producers also get points for casting Eric Balfour (Six Feet Under) (okay, and the Buffy pilot) as Duke Crocker, which is just an exceptionally cool name for what might be a cool character. Nicole de Boer guest starred in the pilot, and I've always been fond of her, too. The producers of Haven also did The Dead Zone, so she's worked with them before.

Since this review is late (I had intended to post a review of the pilot, but other stuff got in the way), I can report that I liked the second episode ("Butterfly"), too, even though it wasn't quite as strong as the pilot. They get big points for the big metal ball. Loved the big metal ball. And the third episode ("Harmony") was a good one; Lucas Bryant got a chance to shine -- or more accurately, to freak me out. You'd think never feeling pain would be a good thing, but there's something about his malady that is just super creepy. (Yes, I know, Stephen King, of course it's creepy.) Eric Balfour's Duke was fun in this one, too. I'm a bit confused about his history with Nathan, but I'm certain we'll learn more as the series progresses.

I particularly liked the ending of "Harmony", because about three quarters through, I was saying to Dan, "Wouldn't it be great if that nice couple could just go off on the boat and be together forever? And they could take those two catatonic guys with them." And son of a gun, it happened. If there can be a feel-good ending to a horror story, that was it.

Haven is just fun to watch. It strikes the right note between scary and ludicrous. (And again, points for the big metal ball.) I have no idea if the show will succeed, but I'm getting a charge out of it, and looking forward to it every week.

And I'll close with a quote from the pilot.

Audrey: "Santa Barbara?"
Marian: "Yes. Have you been there?"
Audrey: "Twice. Once for a pedophile, the other for a serial killer."
Ted: "Marian and I are thinking of moving there and buying a shop."
Audrey: "Oh, it's beautiful. It's... it's... beautiful. And a lot safer now."

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The X-Files: Tooms

Case: The return of Eugene Victor Tooms, who is up for release from the sanitarium.
Destination: Baltimore, Maryland

‘Tooms’ brings us back to the early days of The X-Files by resuming the story of Eugene Victor Tooms, genetic mutant extraordinaire. When Tooms is deemed capable of rejoining society by the court, Mulder embarks on a one-man surveillance mission to ensure that the quietly creepy killer does not claim the last of his five livers before going back into hibernation. Meanwhile, Scully struggles to balance her boss’s insistence that the X-Files investigations proceed “by the book” with her desire to help her partner catch an unconventional murderer.

This episode is a fantastic last hurrah for one of the series’ best villains ever. What a thrill to see that name again as the camera panned over the sanitarium door! Chills started running up my spine at the sight of those creepy yellow eyes, and I was excitedly unnerved at seeing that outstretched hand reaching for the outer door knob. What a treat to get one more hour with Doug Hutchison’s disturbingly calm predator! I’m almost sad that Tooms came to a grisly (and quite memorable) end at the mall. I’ll miss his quiet little smiles, which were as maddening as they were unsettling, and his transfixed, longing stares at his prey. I guess you can only go to that well so many times, but Round Two with Tooms was, once again, The X-Files at its creepy best.

Although the engaging game of cat-and-mouse between Tooms and Mulder may have been enough to carry this episode on its own, ‘Tooms’ also has a pretty strong B-plot which gets back to the series’ roots by bringing back the ominous Smoking Man and his efforts to shut Mulder and the X-Files down via Scully. His newest puppet arrives in the form of Assistant Director Walter S. Skinner. “Agent Scully, we have reviewed your reports, and frankly, we are quite displeased. Irregular procedure. Untenable evidence. Anonymous witnesses, inconclusive findings, aggravated by vague opinion.” I actually had to double check that this was Skinner’s very first appearance, because I’ve become so accustomed to his presence over the years. I liked that, even though he initially seems like the latest in a string of talking heads insisting that Scully keep Mulder in line, he repeatedly shows a certain level of discomfort with the role and with the Smoking Man’s hovering presence. Plus, at the end he demonstrates a small spark of independence by seeming to question the Smoking Man’s purpose. At the very least, he’s questioning whether there might actually be something to Mulder’s crazy theories. There may be hope for him yet.

I also loved how this reminder of where we started emphasized how far Scully’s and Mulder’s relationship has come, not just for them, but for us. Back in ‘Squeeze’ Scully was clearly struggling with her loyalties, and we didn’t know which way she’d turn. But in this episode, even though she was getting serious renewed pressure from the bosses, there was never a doubt in my mind that she would bend the rules to help Mulder. She really went the extra mile, too: taking over his unauthorized surveillance; pursuing “off the record” means of investigation with the forensics doctor; and flat out lying to Skinner to provide Mulder with an alibi. I was initially a bit surprised by that last one, but she did say she was willing to put herself on the line for him in their wonderful stakeout scene.

Scully: “Mulder, I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anyone but you.”
Mulder: “If there’s an ice tea in that bag, could be love.”
Scully: “Must be fate, Mulder. Root beer.”

Other Thoughts

This week’s “I knew you when” guest actor: Paul Ben Victor as Dr. Aaron Monte. How exciting to see Vondas from The Wire in ‘Baltimore’ again! I know this actor has appeared in countless other things, but he’s now firmly implanted in my brain as Vondas.

Gillian Anderson is really starting to look pregnant now. They are trying to hide it with giant, unflattering suits, but you can see it in her face.

As excited as I was to see Tooms again, I was fairly stunned to learn that he was even being considered for release. He killed at least four people, right? Why would he be eligible for parole mere months later? I guess I had forgotten that he was remanded to the psych ward for his assault on Agent Scully and not for murder.

Mulder is a terrible expert witness. If he really wanted Tooms to stay locked up, he should have toned down his presentation style and dialed back on the crazy theories. It is too much to expect the parole board to swallow his genetic mutation and hibernation theory, especially when he sounds completely manic describing it. He tells Scully he doesn’t care how it sounded, but come on! What’s more important: his obsessive drive for the Truth or keeping a killer behind locked doors?

Tooms licking his gloves after picking up the dead rat was just repulsive.

I really liked that they brought back Frank, the detective from the Powhatten Mill murders. His emotional connection to the case made quite the impression in ‘Squeeze,’ so it was nice to see him getting a chance to try to put the killer that haunts him back behind bars.

The toilet? Seriously? Can Tooms really squeeze himself into something as small as plumbing pipes? I’m having trouble suspending disbelief on that one.

I was surprised it took seeing the sandwich for Scully to think of using the dental records. I thought of it as soon as the pathologist mentioned the gnawing on the ribs. Of course, forensic procedurals weren’t all the rage back when this episode was made. It probably seemed like a clever intuitive leap the first time I saw it. An early House moment, instead of “Duh!” moment.

I loved that Mulder was “watching” the original version of The Fly! A campy classic.

Quotes

Skinner: “In short, Agent Scully, it is your responsibility to see that these cases are by the book.”

Mulder: “If you release Eugene Tooms, he will kill again. It’s in his genetic makeup.”

Mulder: “Think they would have taken me more seriously if I wore the grey suit?”
Scully: “Mulder, your testimony, you sounded so …”
Mulder: “I don’t care how it sounded, as long as it was the truth.”

Scully: “Mulder, that’s going to entail unorthodox methods of investigation.”
Mulder: “Look, Scully, if you’re resistant because you don’t believe, I’ll accept that. But if you’re resistant because of some bureaucratic pressure, they’ve not only reeled you in, they’ve already skinned you.”

Mr. Green: “I hope you’ll be comfortable, Eugene. The room in the back is small. But I’m sure you’ll be able to squeeze in.”
Tooms: “I’m sure.”

Mulder: “They’re out to put an end to the X-Files, Scully. I don’t know why, but any excuse will do. I don’t really care about my record, but you’d be in trouble just sitting in this car. And I’d hate to see you carry an official reprimand in your career file because of me.”
Scully: “Fox …”
Mulder: [Laughs.] “I even made my parents call me ‘Mulder.’”

Scully: “Agent Mulder could not have done it, because he was with me.”
Skinner: “Agent Scully, you wouldn’t be lying to me, would you?”
Scully: “Sir, I would expect you to place the same trust in me, as I do in you.”

Skinner: “You read this report? ... Do you believe them?”
Smoking Man: “Of course I do.”
The Smoking Man’s first words?

Final Analysis: Another Season 1 favorite that takes us back to the beginning, by revisiting our very first freak-of-the-week and by bringing back the Smoking Man and the government conspiracy to shut down Mulder’s passion project. Plus, we get to meet A.D. Skinner for the first time!

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Star Trek: Court Martial

Kirk: "It's not all bad, Mister Spock. Who knows? You may be able to beat your next captain at chess."

Did they forget they were doing a sci-fi show?

Military courtroom drama doesn't do much for me. Unless, of course, it's Humphrey Bogart on the stand losing his marbles or Jack Nicholson yelling, "You can't handle the truth!" But at least some military courtroom drama is well-written and interesting to watch. This episode was not. And there was zero suspense. Did anyone watching this in 1967 actually believe Kirk might be convicted, even for a moment?

So let's see. Lt. Commander Finney was in a pod during the ion storm and Kirk had to jettison the pod after a red alert. No one found the pod afterward, and yet there was a search on the Enterprise to find Finney in case he was injured and couldn't call for help. We never even learned why the pod had to be jettisoned, anyway. Even worse, the supposedly faulty computer was relied upon to find Finney. Evil computers were a continuing theme on Star Trek; at least this time, it wasn't the computer's fault.

The other technologies came off even worse than the faulty chess-playing computer. McCoy spent a significant amount of time on the bridge using a device that looked like a microphone to eliminate heartbeat readings, but Spock was able to block out the heartbeats in the transporter room with the touch of a button. The sabotage to the Enterprise looked like black cables tied to protrusions in the Jeffries Tube. And how likely is it that the only control panel on the captain's chair would contain buttons for "Yellow alert," "Red Alert," and "Jettison Pod"? How many pods does Captain Kirk jettison every week?

My favorite part was the coda, where we learned that Sam Cogley, the Clarence Darrow clone, was defending Ben Finney. I also enjoyed the psychedelic sixties outfit and huge rectangular earrings that prosecuting attorney Areel Shaw was wearing at the officer's club. She was yet another former amour of Kirk's. I don't know... maybe she should have recused herself?

Ben says...

I think Billie is right overall. This is not a great episode on a theme we have seen done better in lots of places. (Although I would love it if my work chair had buttons on it allowing me to signal red alert and then jettison various people. Okay, maybe I am just having a long day today).

That said, you know that speech that Cogley makes when Kirk first shows up about the law being in books and not on your I-Pad. I can really get behind that. Some of you younger readers may not be familiar with this, but at one time knowledge was transmitted in a system of analog structures made of wood products and imprinted with dyes, they were called books. They were organized and kept by an order of warrior–monks called librarians (wait, I may be getting carried away again). Completely accidentally, this episode gets at the slipperiness of the computer-mediated reality we live in, where we have words like "ground-truth" to describe what is actually happening in the world versus the representations online or on video (which I guess are the new reality). I sound as crotchety as Sam Cogley myself here... wait, I’ve got to go, those kids are on my lawn again.

Back to Billie for bits and pieces:

-- Star date 2947.3. Most of the action took place at Starbase 11. And the pod incident took place on 2945.7.

-- The Enterprise apparently has a personnel office. I guess there would have to be, wouldn't there?

-- Ben Finney hid in the same spot that Kirk did in "The Enemy Within." Apparently, it's the place to hide.

-- Kirk and Finney served together as ensigns on the U.S.S. Republic.

-- The Intrepid was mentioned. It'll be mentioned again.

-- There was a two pod "receiving" transporter in what appeared to be Stone's office. Why would one be needed?

-- The dress uniforms were back, and this time we saw the women's version; Shaw's was like the mini, but it went down to her knees. It also didn't have a spot available for ribbons. I guess female officers don't get ribbons. At least it looked a lot better than the shimmery sailor suit that Finney's daughter Jame was wearing.

-- Speaking of Jame, her opinion of Kirk changed radically mid-episode with no explanation. In an episode with so many writing flaws, not a surprise.

-- Spock was referred to several times as Vulcanian instead of Vulcan. He even referred to himself that way.

Quotes:

McCoy: "You're the most coldblooded man I've ever known."
Spock: "Why, thank you, Doctor."

Kirk: (after kissing Shaw on the bridge) "She's a very good lawyer."
Spock: "Obviously."
McCoy: "Indeed she is."

One out of four jettisoned pods,

Billie

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True Blood: I Got a Right to Sing the Blues

Russell: "Tell me what you are."
Sookie: "I'm a waitress."
Russell: "Yes, and I am Marie of Romania."

When I begin a review, I usually start with the prevailing theme of the episode. This one was such a violent jumble that all I could think of was half-naked men and a whole lot of blood. And did you notice that all of the violence was inflicted by women? Not what I would consider a valid feminist theme, but it was a nice change of pace.

Again, I have to give gold acting stars to Stephen Moyer. I'm definitely not a fan of torture scenes, and since it was an integral part of the third book, I knew it was coming. But instead of the usual torture scene cliches, Bill kept Lorena off balance by showing compassion for the human being she once was. It wasn't exactly charitable; I'm sure he was trying to get her to kill him. But again, instead of a one note performance of vicious unreasoning evil, Lorena reacted with tears. She was horribly upset and confused. It was effective and even sad, seeing two vampires who once loved each other come to this point. Surprisingly well done.

And how appropriate that Lorena tortured Bill in the slave quarters, since it said a lot about their relationship. Completely different from Eric's relationships with both his maker and his progeny. Is Russell Lorena's maker? They've never said, have they? Did I miss it?

As Lorena was tearing into Bill, Tara was tearing into Franklin. When she went for the spiky medieval mace thing, I kept thinking, no, Tara! Grab the axe and chop off his head! Even though I really didn't want her to kill Franklin, and I somehow doubt that he's dead. And he's not going to be happy with Tara after this. I mean, he shaved for her and everything.

Sookie's conversation with Russell was interesting, but lacked a conclusion. At least she held her own, even in the face of possible torture. (That tough girl theme again.) We did learn that Russell is three thousand years old and clearly, he hasn't lost his voie de vivre. And we know his ultimate agenda now. Like Lex Luthor, he wants to kill a lot of people and take over the world, make it like it used to be in the good old days before overpopulation, pollution and climate change. Good luck with that, Russell. I don't think the American Vampire League will approve. Or then again, maybe it would.

It's hard to tell how Eric feels about anything or anyone, with some obvious exceptions. He loved Godric. He loves Pam. (Only Eric knows what he thinks of Bill.) I believe Eric cares for Sookie, and only acted like she meant nothing to him so that he wouldn't give Russell a hostage. And of course, he wants revenge on Russell. So it seems unlikely that Eric just changed loyalties and turned gay all of a sudden. Gee, could it possibly be a ploy? Russell appears to be falling for Eric's seductive wiles, but who wouldn't? How far is Eric going to take this? I can imagine that a vamp as old, cold and smart as Eric isn't going to flinch at seducing a man he despises to get what he wants.

Jason's new love affair ended abruptly when he took flowers to Crystal's door and discovered she already had a fiance. Jason should move on, although I doubt that he will. While they were having splendor in the grass, Jason observed that Crystal was really warm. Weres run hot. Aha. And what was the point of Jason beating up that kid who reminds him of himself a few years ago? Okay, I might have answered my own question there.

You know what? I'm not interested in Jason and Crystal. Moving right along.

More dueling redheads! Jessica showed compassion toward Arlene, who can't seem to help being prejudiced against the undead. And just when I thought Jessica was evolving, she bit that nasty woman in the ladies' room. At least she didn't kill this one, so good for Jessica. I just wish she were getting more screen time this season.

We were right about Tommy and the dog fighting, although I didn't see Mama coming. The fact that it's a really sick family business makes sense, though. Poor Mama. Joe Lee has got to go down.

Bits and pieces:

-- Russell and Talbot have been married for seven hundred years? Russell acts like a devoted husband, but I wonder if he just goes through the motions. Would he be capable of killing Talbot and feeling nothing?

-- Russell the gay vampire king keeps proposing to Sophie Ann, the gay vampire queen. This time (with Eric's encouragement), she finally said yes. Those two crazy kids might just make it work. Are Russell and Talbot legally married? What's a little bigamy between royals?

-- Hadley was mentioned but not seen. I bet Russell would have been interested if he'd known Hadley was Sookie's cousin. Was she listed on the family tree?

-- Lafayette's endearing little love affair was over before it began when Jesus learned that Lafayette was a V dealer. Why introduce Jesus and Lafayette's mother if the story's over? I'm sure it's not. Jesus revealed that he has no idea who his father was, and that his mother was raped. That seemed like an interesting tidbit for a character we might not see again.

-- Considering what a small amount of V did to Jason, why didn't Coot and Debbie O.D. on Bill? Maybe weres don't O.D.

-- That brief bit on television featured Nan of the American Vampire League and Rep. David Finch, the guy that Lafayette blackmailed a season or two ago.

-- After Sookie and Tara took down a were guard and escaped (more girl power), Alcide showed up as a white wolf. That seemed odd. You'd think he'd have curly black fur.

-- Lorena was playing Billie Holiday's "I gotta right to sing the blues" during the ick scene. Have to acknowledge the other female Billies. There aren't a lot of us.

-- Franklin mentioned shaving in order to look nice for Tara. I guess that answers our questions about whether vampire hair grows. Eric's hair will grow back.

-- I don't usually mention costume, but I loved the queen's white suit and her Mister T strings of pearls. And the lottery tickets. Like Yahtzee, she gets fixated on the strangest things.

-- "Marie of Romania" sounded familiar, so I looked it up. There was a real Marie of Romania, course (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_of_Romania). Well, Russell is three thousand years old; for all we know, he *was* Marie of Romania. But I was remembering the verse by Dorothy Parker:

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

Quotes:

Lorena: "I would just love to rip you open and wear your ribcage as a hat." Hello to the imagery! I'm pretty certain Buffy said that same thing to Whistler.

Customer: "And how are those prepared?"
Arlene: "Those are dumped out of a can into a big pot and heated up. Where do you think you are, lady? Red Lobster?"

Lafayette: "Well, that sucked. And not in a good way."

Sookie: "Once I threw a chain at somebody and it wrapped around his neck by itself, like that face crab thing from Alien."

Tara: "I want to have the most amazing sex any human can have before I give myself to you... and death."
Franklin: "Kinky."

I'd say three out of four spiky medieval mace thingies,

Billie

All of my True Blood reviews are archived here.
Photo credit: HBO

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Persons Unknown: Smoke and Steel

The Great Unnamed Organization (GUO) routinely kidnaps people who have lots of untapped potential, puts them through a sort of life-coach wilderness adventure trial by fire, and the sets them on their merry way to succeed, become powerful, and owe it all to GUO. Despite the vast number of people who do this, only one—whom we have yet to meet—has any objection to this coercive brainwashing. Everyone else feels like they owe it all to the program.

It’s an interesting case-study in Stockholm Syndrome, if you take a second to think about it. But this week’s Persons Unknown didn’t allow us this second: instead, along with all the information that Joe imparted, we got Renbe and Kat playing Amazing Race in Italy, Blackham searing Joe against the fence, Erika playing games, and Janet being wishy-washy.

Charlie actually seems to be falling for it—either that, or he’ll say anything to get Joe on his side. But I found his assertion of his own happiness at being kidnapped rather convincing. He believes it. How creepy is that?

Janet, on the other hand, went full-on Patty Hearst for most of this episode, willing to defend Joe against all reason. What finally made her mad was the tangible proof that Joe was working for the GUO: the files that the restaurant guy planted. I don’t understand how the files were the deal-breaker. For me, finding out that Joe was part of the group that had kidnapped me and put my life in danger, repeatedly, would have been a warning sign. But maybe I have trust issues.

Even though Janet got angry enough to have the boys lock Joe up, she still defended him in the restaurant and killed the Random GUO Guy whose name I haven’t bothered to learn. That’s a horrible death, being burned by hot oil. (I was worried at first that he would still be alive after they put him out, but thankfully no.) Terrible, painful, tragic. I’ve worked in restaurants, and I know how dangerous kitchens can be—heck, I’ve got some scars of my own to prove it. But despite all that, I laughed when he caught on fire. It was so slapstick, and I so didn’t care about what this mean for him, for Joe, or for Janet.

Erika is now our repository of information. She knows about McNair, about Blackham the Blackmailer, about Janet and whatever she told her shrink. She’ll use that information in some sort of heavy-handed way. I wonder if she read Moira’s file? And—hey!—when did Blackham and Erika make up? When she said she wanted a drink, I thought he’d play the jerk and not bring her one. But he did. Which doesn’t make sense.

Renbe and Kat are still evading the law with help from the wealthy, sexy, very-full-head-of-hair Stefano. Next week, South America! Will our team make it to the checkpoint in time, or will they be detoured by the GUO? And what’s happened to Joe? Did he melt in the water, like the Wicked Witch of the West?

This show had so much potential. Is anyone still watching? Anyone? Anyone?

One platoon out of four entire Symbionese Liberation Armies.
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Don't You Just Love Vampires, Josie?

Yes, yes I do. Sadly, though, I gave myself the unenviable task of being the last of our vampire interviews, so I'm not sure I have many original insights to contribute. But if you find this interview boring, don't despair: Billie is compiling a list of the best Buffy quotes for next Sunday. A fitting end to Vampire Month.

What are your top 3 vampire TV shows?

Angel, Buffy. Vampire Diaries is good, but it’s not at Buffy/Angel-levels of awesome yet. Then again, neither were those shows in their first seasons, so who knows what will happen?


What are your top 3 vampire movies?

I’m just not a huge fan of movies in general. Too short for a long narrative arc, too long for the quick 45-minute jab. But From Dusk Till Dawn is the vampire movie I’ve watched most recently, so I’ll say it’s that one. I’ve got Let The Right One In (which Dimitri loves) sitting on top of my DVD player, but I haven’t watched it yet. See above, re: not a huge fan of movies.


What are your top 3 vampire books?

Stephen King’s ‘Salem’s Lot, Elizabeth Kostova’s The Historian, and Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Is that last one too pretentious? It really is good.

Wait! I want to add a fourth. The Song of Ice and Fire series, which is being made into the TV show Game of Thrones by HBO. There’s something vampiric going on, although the details aren’t yet clear. It’s the only fantasy series that I’ve read and enjoyed. And I’ve read it four times through.



Which vampire universe would you most like to be a vampire in?

Moonlight. Immortality, eternal youth, superpowers? Check. Problems with stakes, garlic, and bursting into flames in the sun? Uncheck. All the good, none of the bad. Plus, the vampires on Moonlight aren’t soulless—I’d hate to be soulless. Well, I guess I wouldn’t hate it once it happened, but I hate the idea of it now, as a souled person.


What are your top 3 vampire kisses?

It’s not quite a kiss, but Drusilla turning Spike in "Fool for Love" is fabulous. Ow, ow, ow!

Damon smooching a certain someone in the Vampire Diaries Season Finale comes to mind, too. (I won't say who, for those of you watching VD this summer for the first time.)

Hmmm…a third. Oh! Buffy pretending to be the Buffybot, kissing poor bloody Spike in "Intervention."


What are your top 3 vampire fight scenes?

Angel and Spike in "Smile Time." (Wee little puppet man, indeed.) Angel and Spike in "Destiny." Angel and Hamilton in "Not Fade Away." I'm not sure this counts, as Angel leaves the fight early on, but the battle with the Beast in "Reign of Fire," when Wesley pulls a giant shotgun out of his bigger-on-the-inside pockets, is my favorite fight scene in the whole wide world.

I think it’s time I re-watch Angel. It’s been too long.

Buffy’s first fight with the ubervamp, where she sustains internal injuries, is emotionally wrenching. I can’t remember which episode that was, though. Help, anyone?


Who's the sexiest/favorite female vamp?

Willow in “The Wish.” You can’t go wrong with a corset.


Who's the sexiest/favorite male vamp? (Because with vampires, aren't sexy and favorite the same thing?)

I would like to keep Spike as my pet.


Favorite Buffy quote?

There are a billion possibilities; I pepper my everyday speech with Buffyisms all the time, to the enormous confusion of my friends and associates. Turns out that if you tell someone they’re using “insane troll logic,” they get offended. But “time is what turns kittens into cats” can easily be worked into most conversations, even with non-Buffy-watchers, and just the other day I made a joke about somebody having the maturity of a blueberry scone.

I had a much longer list, but I lost it, and my Indian food just got here. Sometimes even Buffy has to come second to a good malai kofta.


Best vampire death scene?

Darla (the second time around). Or the Master’s death in "The Wish." The exploding vampires on True Blood are neat-looking, but awfully icky.


What do you like most about vampires?

I don’t know. I don’t really think of myself as a vampire fan, despite my Buffy and Angel devotion, and no matter how much Dimitri teases me. Then again, I don’t really think of myself as a genre fan, yet I write for a genre site, and Stephen King is one of my favorite authors. Maybe I have identity issues.

I really like stories. Stories with actual plots, stories that play with narrative structure and conventions, stories where I can identify with the characters, but not in a boring quotidian way. I like my books, my TV, and the few movies I watch to show me reality askew, and vampires are just a popular way of creating those slightly off-beat realities.

I’m also absurdly interested in the portrayal of time in narrative. (Yes, I know that’s weird.) Vampires do crazy things with time, and because they live for such a long time, their presence in a story usually makes the traditional A-B-C plot go all wonky.

I haven’t answered the question at all, have I? It’s my particular skill. (Yes, that’s a quote from Angel.)


What's the first thing you'd do if you were turned into a vampire?

I could lie and come up with an impossibly cool scenario involving black leather pants, my favorite 4-inch heels, and an elegant slo-mo fight with zombie hordes, but the truth is that I’d probably call my little brother to get his opinion on the evolutionary ramifications of whole undead thing.


Who would win, vampires or zombies?

Cavemen. [Sob.]


Team Edward or Team Jacob?

I’m with Jorge Garcia on this one.


Summarize in 100 words or less the vampire-movie screenplay you're secretly writing.

Vampire cowboys and zombie Indians. Sam Peckinpah meets Underworld meets Dawn of the Dead meets John Ford. All the parts will be played by pandas.







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The X-Files: Darkness Falls

Case: The disappearance of thirty loggers.
Destination: Olympic National Forest, Northwest Washington State

When thirty loggers vanish without a trace in Northwest Washington, Mulder and Scully take “a nice trip to the forest” to investigate their disappearance. Initially, the primary suspect is a group of “eco-terrorists” that have been actively harassing the logging company, but the agents soon discover a desiccated body trapped in an enormous cocoon and realize that something much more terrifying and dangerous is to blame.

I really loved ‘Darkness Falls’ when I originally saw it. I listed it among my favorites from the first season without hesitation. I remembered the terror of Mulder and Scully being trapped in that cabin, staring down that light bulb and hoping it would last until morning, then making a desperate run for it, but getting trapped in the car. The scene in which they are discovered in the Jeep, completely encased in cocoon material, really stayed with me, leaving me with this overall impression of a great thriller.

But after re-watching it for the first time in years, I’m forced to admit that the episode is not as good as I remembered it. The end is still very tense and the glowy bugs are pretty darn scary if you’ve got a bug phobia, but overall, ‘Darkness Falls’ suffers in comparison with ‘Ice.’ The two episodes have the same basic premise --- the agents get trapped in the wilderness and are terrorized by ancient creatures accidentally released by man’s hunger for knowledge or money --- but, unlike ‘Ice’ which was a taut psychological thriller primarily focused on the potential enemy within, ‘Darkness Falls’ has a clear external enemy and an overly heavy-handed environmental protection message. Much like ‘The Jersey Devil’ (another Chris Carter episode) the social commentary here is so strident, it borders on distracting. I actually got kind of tired of the endless harping from both Humphreys (the company man) and Spinney (the eco-terrorist).

Humphreys (bitterly): “Environmentalists have pretty much made sure that all the land you see here is untouchable. Force us to take our timber where we can get it. Even then we plant saplings for every tree we take.”

Spinney: “What about your offense, my friend? Huh? What about the offense against nature you perpetrate?”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for environmental protection, and I love the concept of a dangerous critter being released from old growth trees. But I don’t tune into The X-Files for an overt political message. I want to be entertained, and whenever Spinney and Humphreys got to sniping about their respective viewpoints, I was far from entertained. To paraphrase Ranger Moore, I’m as concerned for the environment as anybody, but I can’t condone Carter’s methods in promoting his message.

That said, I was fairly amused by both Humphreys and Spinney being done in by their own machinations. Like his loggers, Humphreys’ greed and his disrespect for nature led directly to his demise, whereas Spinney fell victim to his own weapons of sabotage when the escape Jeep blew out a tire on those metal spikes. Poetic justice, indeed.

Other Thoughts

Revisiting The X-Files is sure making for a fun “I knew you when” game with the guest actors. This week: Titus Welliver!!! (Silas Adams, Deadwood; Man in Black, Lost) Also sporting quite the ‘stache. That makes two episodes in a row for impressive mustaches on guest actors who’ve gone on to wider recognition!

I liked the ease of Mulder and Scully’s relationship in the opening “case initiation” scene, especially the gentle teasing and the way they smiled at each other. I really enjoy seeing these small signs of the genuine friendship they’ve developed.

Unlike last week’s werewolf, the green bug swarm was actually pretty creepy in small doses (at least when people weren’t spastically swatting at them). I completely understood Scully’s freak out when she saw they were all over her hand. I think I would have freaked out, too.

When Spinney showed up with the rescue Jeep, I had to laugh at Scully making a beeline for the back while Mulder and Ranger Moore pondered what they should do. Get me the hell out of here!

The quarantine hospital at the end always reminds me of E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial. That movie really scared me when I was a kid, so the similarity just contributed to my final impression of the episode as a creepy success.

Quotes

Scully: “What am I looking at?”
Mulder: “Thirty loggers working a clear cutting contract in Northwest Washington State. Rugged manly men. In the full bloom of their manhood.”
Scully: “Right, but what am I looking for?”
Mulder: “Anything strange, unexplainable, unlikely. A boyfriend?”

Mulder: “In 1934, long before anyone even knew what an eco-terrorist was, a WPA crew working that same area vanished without a trace. Not one of those men was ever found or heard from again.”
Scully: “And you suspect what? Bigfoot?”
Mulder: “Not likely. That’s a lot of flannel to be choking down even for Bigfoot. Come on, Scully, it’ll be a nice trip to the forest.”

Spinney: “Darkness is our enemy.”

Scully: “What do you think?”
Mulder: “I think I’m gonna suggest we sleep with the lights on.”

Spinney (re: the loggers): “That would be rather poetic justice, don’t you think? Unleashing the very thing that would end up killing them? And your friend, Humphreys. And who knows? Maybe us. Sweet dreams.”

Scully: “You mean would I have made a decision by myself that would have affected the whole group?”
Mulder: “Oh, will you cut the sanctimonious crap?”
Scully: “Well, what do you want me to say? Let’s face it, Mulder, we might die up here. If we’re lucky, they’ll find our bodies spun up in a tree, or they may not find us at all!”

Quarantine Doctor: “She’s still not out of the woods, so to speak. She lost a lot of fluids. Two or three more hours of exposure, she might not have made it.”
Mulder: “I told her it was gonna be a nice trip to the forest.”

Quarantine Doctor: “The government has initiated eradication procedures. They’re quite certain that by using a combination of controlled burns and pesticides, they will be successful.”
Mulder: “And if they’re not?”
Quarantine Doctor: “That is not an option, Mr. Mulder.”

Final Analysis: Although it tells a similar kind of story, ‘Darkness Falls’ is not as strong as the earlier ‘Ice,’ because it gets a bit preachy with its environmental viewpoint. However, it still has some great psychological tension and is highly memorable.

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Vampire Diaries: There Goes the Neighborhood

Stefan: “I remember them, from 1864.”
Damon: “Yeah, about that.”

Melinda Clarke and the Pearl-led tombies really shook things up tonight. The title refers to both of them, but they couldn’t be more different: Kelly isn’t much of a mom, but Pearl runs her crew, and her daughter, with an iron fist. Neither Kelly’s laissez-faire policy nor Pearl’s dictatorship, though, really worked out the way they wanted.

Stefan and Elena’s awkward double-date with Caroline and Matt…well, it probably needed to be done, but I’m still bored by Caroline and Matt, so it wasn’t really the highlight of my evening. Stefan did do a great job of making himself seem like an average guy despite the ginormous house and super-sleek car. All that build-up was worth it, though, when Matt and Caroline walked in on Damon’s trip to cougar town. Kelly and Damon seemed to be working out pretty well, didn’t they?

Pearl has something of a rebellion on her hands. Some of the tombies are chomping at the bit, and even Anna is lying to her mom about what’s going on with Jeremy. We’ve seen what Isobel is capable of, and Katherine (in the flashbacks) has come across and devious and manipulative. Pearl’s a bit different: she’s in charge and she expects everyone to accept it. If they don’t, she punishes them. It’s very forthright.

Jenna finally got a chance to cut loose tonight, and she did it well. Despite the Jenna/Damon sparkage from a few episodes ago, she gracefully let Kelly Donovan enjoy the man-meat. And then she—with some vervain-assistance—managed to laugh off a thuggish tombie.

Jeremy and Elena still aren’t communicating. That can’t end well.


Bites:

• Stefan: “He waited 145 years to find out that Katherine didn’t care about him at all.”

• Pearl: “And the keypad is for texting, which is what you do when you don’t want to talk to someone.”

• Kelly: “You’re new around here.”
Damon: “On the contrary, I’m very old.” Okay, I have to stop now. I loved the entire conversation between Melinda Clarke and Damon.

• Anna: “You were all cute and floppy, and I wanted to make a good impression.” Yeah, the floppy always does me in, too.

• Caroline: “This is much better than watching Damon visit Cougar Town.”

• Matt: “…hooking up with a guy half your age.” Well…

And Pieces:

• Ms. Gibbons sounded just like a mom when she asked Anna if she wanted some blood.

• Don’t even get me started on Jeremy doing the stupidest internet research possible.

• We got confirmation that Pearl has 400 years on Damon, which, as we discussed in the comments, must mean that Anna is over 500 years old. Which I still have a hard time believing.

• I’d forgotten that Stefan didn’t know about the tomb vampires. Oops.

This was a transition episode. It did its job.

Three out of four apothecaries.

Return to series index

(Screencap courtesy of vampire-diaries.net. Thanks!)
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Star Trek: Tomorrow is Yesterday

Colonel: "I am going to lock you up for two hundred years."
Kirk: "That ought to be just about right."

This was a fun one.

Writer D.C. Fontana, who penned several terrific Star Trek episodes, must have thought about what a viewer would want to see in a situation like this, and that's exactly what she gave us. We saw Captain Christopher, someone from "our time" (well, it was our time when it aired), learn about the Enterprise and Star Fleet and aliens and how wonderful the future could be. And we saw Kirk and company dealing with their twentieth century counterparts. The best scene was probably Kirk telling his interrogator bits of the truth. He didn't seem truly concerned that he'd be trapped. He was probably pretty confident that Spock would get him out.

There are a few things that bother me now, although they didn't when I first saw it. Why didn't Kirk think about the consequences before telling Captain Christopher all about the future? Hasn't Kirk read science fiction? And transporting Christopher and the Sergeant back into the previous timeline was done in such a bizarre way. It might have worked better if they had both just disappeared from the Enterprise as they reached the appropriate timeline, or if their previous selves had disappeared and then reappeared after the beam in. Whatever. The logistics of time travel can make your head hurt.

But most of this episode did work for me. There were several classic antagonistic Spock/McCoy exchanges. I enjoyed seeing Kirk and company sneaking around the air base, trying to steal the visual proof of the existence of UFO's. And Captain Christopher was likable. His character worked as both a willing ally and a dutiful P.O.W., adhering to duty under extraordinary circumstances. It would have been terribly unfair to make him an unwilling prisoner of time.

And we learned some tasty tidbits. There are only twelve ships like the Enterprise in Star Fleet, which is a "combined service." Spock's rank was given as Lieutenant Commander, which I'm fairly certain wasn't mentioned before. And there is apparently only one transporter room. You'd think that on a ship the size of the Enterprise, there would be at least two, if not more.

Chicken soup in the transporter room? Really?

Ben says...

I like the contrast between this episode and Star Trek IV: Save the Whales, not so much for what it tells us about the Star Trek future as for what it tells us about how we thought about our present. The Sixties look militarized but neat, and the people who encounter the crew are all in the Air Force. By the Eighties, it's all chaos, punk rockers, and shouting in traffic. However, you still get the same military interrogation scene with the captured crewman telling the truth which no one believes (one trembles to think what that scene would look like today).

In fact, the whole thing is such an oft-repeated theme that it's fun to go back and see what may well be the first widely seen version (although Doctor Who was doing the same thing in Britain even earlier, I think this is still the series that introduced the plotline to U.S. audiences). Science fiction characters go back to the present where they originated, and hijinks ensue. You always have to run into your counterparts (Air Force Officers = Star Fleet Officers) or famous people. In the end nothing much changes, and time travel then hangs over the series as a solution to most serious problems (but a solution which we constantly and conveniently forget).

Back to Billie for bits and pieces:

-- Star date 3113.2, except that most of it took place on Earth in the late sixties. Kirk and Spock kept giving the future star date. No adjustments for time travel, apparently.

-- The shots of the base and the jets appear to be documentary footage. The first manned moon shot of the late sixties was mentioned. This episode was filmed in late 1966, long before the first moon shot in July, 1969.

-- It's fun to see the Enterprise orbiting Earth. There were several references to UFOs, and to the Enterprise (and other ships from the future) as UFOs.

-- Christopher is shocked -- shocked, I tell you -- to see women in the crew. Okay, he looked pleased, too.

-- Christopher's unborn son will be Colonel Sean Jeffrey Christopher, who led the first Earth/Saturn probe.

-- The faulty computer repair was completed on Sigma 14, a planet apparently dominated by unprofessional women obsessed with flirting. Giggly computer voice bad.

-- When Christopher needed to draw something, Kirk handed him something that looked a lot like an Etch-a-Sketch. And Kirk got a door in the base open using an unidentified futuristic instrument. Was it a magic door lock picker?

-- There are two "the bridge crew really need seatbelts" scenes. During the second one, Scott appeared to be crucified in front of his engines.

-- This episode feels like it should have aired right after "The Naked Time." It certainly would have flowed a bit better than the black star explanation. It's sort of a shame that arc-like story episodes weren't being done back then.

Quotes:

Christopher: (entering the bridge) "And I never have believed in little green men."
Spock: "Neither have I."

Kirk: "I wouldn't mind so much if only it didn't get so... affectionate."
Spock: "It also has an unfortunate tendency to giggle."

Kirk: "Now you're sounding like Spock."
McCoy: "If you're going to get nasty, I'm going to leave."

Spock: "I made an error in my computations."
McCoy: "Oh? This could be an historic occasion."

McCoy: "Shouldn't they be coming up?"
Spock: "It is a fact, Doctor, that prowling by stealth is more time-consuming than a direct approach. In our case, a..."
McCoy: "Shouldn't you be working on your time warp calculations, Mister Spock?"
Spock: "I am."

Colonel: "Don't try to be funny. How did you get in?"
Kirk: "I popped in out of thin air."

Colonel: "What is that? Is that a uniform of some kind?"
Kirk: "This little thing? It's just something I slipped on."

Kirk: "Get your gear and report to the transporter room. And Captain Christopher, you only have about fifteen years, so you'd better hurry."

Time travel episodes were among the most popular on Star Trek. This was the first, and it was darned good. Three out of four little green men,

Billie

More about Ben here.
Original air date: January 26, 1967
Photo credit: Memory Alpha

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The X-Files: Shapes

Case: The death of Joseph Goodensnake, a Native American who may have been murdered by Jim Parker, a white rancher with whom Joseph had a reservation boundary dispute.
Destination: Northwest Montana

‘Shapes’ finds Mulder and Scully traveling to Montana to investigate a reservation homicide, which Mulder suspects may be linked to the very first X-file, initiated by J. Edgar Hoover in 1946. The original case involved a series of murders in which the victims were seemingly ripped to shreds by an animal, but when investigators trapped, shot, and attempted to recover the carcass of the suspected animal, they only found the body of a man. In the current case, Jim Parker claims to have been shooting at what he believed was an animal, only to discover he actually shot and killed Joseph Goodensnake. In both cases, Mulder believes the deceased men were shapeshifters who could change into wolf-like creatures.

The X-Files finally delivers the obligatory werewolf episode, with an unintentionally campy nod to Native American legend. This Season One classic is chock full of goofy special effects, moody settings, and fairly predictable plot turns. And yet, for all that, I’ve always found it rather memorable. I don’t know if I’ve randomly caught it in reruns too many times, or if it’s the highly comical wolf-man visuals, but ‘Shapes’ has always stuck in my mind.

The various werewolf attacks, from the opening teaser to the hairy growling monster running through the Parker’s darkened living room, were seriously cheesy. The rubber wolf mask was entirely unconvincing. I was actually laughing out loud at times, and it completely undermined the serious, rain-drenched, “creepy” atmosphere the creative team was trying to build. I realize special effects have gotten pretty advanced in recent years, but my guess is that this werewolf was pretty lame even back in the day.

That said, the X-Files take on the werewolf legend was kind of interesting. I liked that the creature was the result of possession by an “evil spirit” capable of turning a man into beast when its blood lust reaches the boiling point. Plus, no full moon or silver bullets. The possessed man would turn into a wolf every night until death, and could be taken down by standard ammunition. I don’t know if this version accurately reflects Native American myth, but special effects aside, ‘Shapes’ does offer a nice variation on the typical werewolf story.

Other Thoughts

Jim Parker was played by Donnelly Rhodes!!! How exciting to see the actor I’ve come to know and love as Doc Cottle on Battlestar Galactica. Sporting an awesome Sam Elliot circa Tombstone mustache, no less. Awesome!

And Lyle Parker was played by Ty Miller, whom I always remember from this episode and the Young Riders (does anyone else remember that series?). More recently, he did a 21-episode stretch as a nameless tech agent on Without a Trace.

I was very much on Charlie’s side in the “can we autopsy the body?” debate. Mulder too often lets his passion for the truth steamroll the legitimate concerns of others. “If they want Joe at rest, rather than used as a piece of evidence, that’s the way it’s gonna be. [...] All I know is, tomorrow... the day after, you’re gonna leave. But I have to stay here. I’ve gotta answer to these people.”

I appreciated the nod to series continuity when Scully referenced her dad’s recent death while trying to offer support to Lyle after his father was killed.

The lingering shot of the bear head on the wall as Scully helps Lyle up to the bathroom was rather conspicuous. It came as no surprise when Mulder mistakenly shot it to hell.

So does Scully believe Lyle was actually a werewolf? Or did she “see something she wasn’t ready to understand”?

Quotes

Lyle: “But I could feel it. Something not human. Out there. Watching me. The air was more still, the night animals more quiet. It was like nature herself was terrified.”

Ish: “Go home, FBI.”
Mulder: “How’d you know?”
Ish: “I could smell you a mile away.”
Mulder: “Well they told me that even though my deodorant’s made for a woman, it’s strong enough for a man.”

Scully: “Mulder, even if you’re right, and Joe Goodensnake did somehow have the ability to transform physically into an animal, he’s dead. Jim Parker shot him. And in a couple of moments, his body will be burned. End of mystery.”

Ish: “I sense you are different, FBI. You’re more open to Native American belief than some Native Americans. You even have an Indian name: Fox. You should be Running Fox or Sneaky Fox.”
Mulder: “Just as long as it’s not Spooky Fox.”

Final Analysis: ‘Shapes’ is an average episode with some fairly weak visuals, but, for some reason, it is one I’ve always remembered.

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Moonlight: The Ringer

“She’s a dead ringer for Katherine Coraline.”

Alex O'Loughlin spent most of this episode looking completely nonplussed—at Morgan, at the fire photos, at Beth’s idea that he was hitting on her co-worker. I found Mick’s reactions more interesting than the plot of the week, although the is-she-or-isn’t-she emotional roller-coaster definitely ended on a high note. Josef’s sassy comments were pretty delightful, too.

So Morgan is Coraline, huh? Somehow she’s either figured out how to become human, or she has managed to mask her vampire musk and super-fast healing tendencies, which is close enough for government work. Coraline is awfully manipulative: she put a lot of work into developing a convoluted plot involving arson, cancer, Proust, a fleur-de-lis (Who Dat?), and digital photography.

All for what? To get under Mick’s skin? To toy with him just when he’s making a connection with another person? To force him into re-turning her? (Re-turning as in making her a vampire again, not as in bringing her back to the video store.) Or does she just really, really want to torture Beth and finish off the job she didn’t get to accomplish all those years ago?

The scenes of Mick and Coraline meeting and beginning their torrid affair were pretty spicy. Mick is a singer—did we know that? (Will we get to see him croon?) At first I was amazed by Coraline’s heavy-handed seduction: ‘Hey, baby, will you undress me?’ is a bit on-the-nose for me. But she and Mick were evidently connecting, because he fell for it, hook, line, etc.

The symbol of the week is the plate-glass window that Coraline goaded Mick into smashing. She makes him crazy by remaining just out of touch, by putting herself in a position to be examined and to then astound the viewer. She wanted Mick to break the window, to break down the divide between them, and thus prove his lust. The window also recalls the scenes we’ve seen of Coraline’s “death,” when she’s looking through a window at Mick, begging him to save her from the fire. And, finally, it shows us how much has changed: in the 1950s, Mick was the looker. Now, Coraline is watching him, and she has the camera to prove it.

That same plate-glass window also reminds us of the separated-by-a-door scenes we’ve gotten between Beth and Mick. Their relationship is quite different from Mick’s and Coraline’s: Beth and Mick are more open, but also more hesitant. The have more self-imposed limits, and neither one is going to goad the other into smashing those limits with lawn furniture.

As I said, the plot of the week left me cold. But the triangle between Beth, Mick, and Coraline is extremely interesting, and I’m excited to see where the emotional arc goes for the rest of the season.



Bites:

• Mick: “At the oddest time, you might find yourself feeling lucky, like maybe you found somebody. And—bam!—that’s exactly when the ex-wife shows up.”

• Mick: “Well, gee, I don’t know if this crowd would like the devil’s music.” Really, in LA? We love those diabolical tunes out here, and always have.

• Morgan/Coraline: “Yeah, I have this 50s-thing I’m trying to shake.”

• Josef: “Coraline did not come back from the undead to exact vengeance on you.”

• Mick: “Hank Mattola is a vampire working with Coraline to stage the whole thing.”

• Josef: “I don’t do perspective.”

• Josef: “Vinyl recliners, they have crazed killers written all over them.”


And Pieces:

• Josef was four years old in 1603, so now we know that he was born in 1599.

• Morgan was reading Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past, also translated as In Search of Lost Time.

• Mick and Beth were doing the mirrored body-language thing at the Buzzwire office.

• Beth had never had an intense affair. Mick said they were like a “fever,” recalling episode four.


Three and a half out of four New Orleans Saints
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