Star Trek: Balance of Terror

Kirk: "He did exactly what I would have done. I won't underestimate him again."

Terrific introduction to the Romulans, arguably the coolest bad guys in the Star Trek universe. A whole race of warriors who look like Spock. What's not to like?

The heart of this episode (in more ways than one) was the battle of wits between Kirk and his opposite number, the Romulan commander whose name we never learn. The commander's growing respect for Kirk and his reluctant but exacting adherence to orders he disagreed with made him remarkably sympathetic. Although they were both following orders, Kirk and the Romulan Commander had a tremendous amount of responsibility on their shoulders, and they were both fully aware of their role in history. The message of the episode was that enemies usually aren't monsters; they can be an awful lot like us. Or in this case, like Spock.

There was again more xenophobia directed at Spock, and from the same chair on the bridge (Stiles), which was apparently staffed by revolving buttheads. Spock's loyalty was never questioned for a moment by Kirk, though, or by the others on the bridge. If Spock felt even a moment of indecision at firing phasers at beings who looked like him, he didn't let it show.

This episode featured the first real space battle in the series, and it was a good one. I particularly liked the cloaking device, and the way Kirk had the Enterprise shadowing the Bird of Prey like a reflection. I also loved the Enterprise warping out and outrunning the Bird of Prey's phaser blast. Guess you can't swerve when you're at warp, huh?

The universal translator hasn't been mentioned yet (sorry, that's a bit of a spoiler) and the fact that there has never been contact between humans and Romulans makes us wonder how the Romulan commander could give that final farewell to Kirk and be understood. But it was still a strong scene that worked for the story, and actor Mark Lenard, who was undoubtedly cast as the Romulan Commander because of his strong resemblance to Leonard Nimoy, did a wonderful job.

Mark Lenard returned later in the series as Spock's father, Sarek. (How could they throw such a strong resemblance away?) Sarek was a popular character with the fans, and Lenard did conventions for years. I remember he used to tell Klingon jokes.

Ben says...

Two things come to mind when I ponder this episode: cool outer space action and man-love.

This was my favorite episode as a kid, mostly because of the exciting action and tense drama, but it may also have been the pinnacle of Star Trek bro-mance. This episode had the Kirk-Spock bond, the Commander-Centurion love, the brooding mixed race sexual tension of Stiles-Spock, and then finally the Romulan Commander's and Kirk's expressions of dominance/submission at the end.

Perhaps I read too much into it all, but I was always struck by the intensity of the male relationships in this episode. Although I don't think it was this episode in particular, it's this emotion in the relationships between the men in Star Trek that I think has inspired so much of the homoerotic "slash" fan fiction over the years.

And, yes, it was a rip off of every World War 2 submarine movie, but so much fun. While watching it I was struck by the old nuke as a booby trap/mine trick, which you may recall was exactly the method Commander Sheridan used to destroy the Black Star, silly Minbari just don't learn from history. (This last aside to demonstrate, if there was any lingering doubt, that I am the complete Nerd).

Back to Billie for Romulan stuff:

-- It was established in this episode that there was a war with the Romulans a hundred years ago under more primitive conditions, and that a Neutral Zone was set up between them and us.

-- The names of the Romulan homeworlds (Romulus and Remus) come from our own mythology, evoking negatives that we associate with the worst of Rome. They have a ruler, a "Praetor," who didn't sound very nice. The Romulan commander's second was called "Centurian."

-- Loved the Bird of Prey ship exterior. The interior was sort of cramped, though, and pink seemed an odd decorating choice for Romulans. They appeared to have color-coded uniforms, too, much like Star Fleet. (Actually, I don't think we've heard the term "Star Fleet" yet.)

-- The helmets that the crew wore were appropriately bird-of-prey-like, and looked uncomfortable. They were undoubtedly created so that the make-up crew wouldn't have to do half a dozen ear jobs.

-- The Romulan Commander's crew was a lot worse than Stiles; after the Centurian was killed, the Commander was left with a ship full of bloodthirsty morons. One of them returned later as a Vulcan idiot in a later episode, "Amok Time."

Bits and pieces:

-- Star date 1709.2. Space, on our side of the Neutral Zone. And Outpost 4, one of a number of outposts on our side of the Zone.

-- The plot of this episode was ripped off from a submarine movie called "The Enemy Below." But hey, it worked.

-- McCoy mentioned that there were three million Earth-type planets in our galaxy. That would be nice.

-- The wedding "chapel" was decidedly non-religious, with an altar consisting of candles and a backdrop that looked like an abstract Christmas tree. As Kirk was performing the wedding ceremony, Janice Rand stood behind him and gazed at him longingly. (Her character description in a nutshell.) The two of them did some unprofessional clutching on the bridge, too.

-- There was a Commander Hansen at Outpost 4. Any relation to the absent Lieutenant Hansen?

-- Um, Spock on the floor "fixing the phasers"? I get that he was fixing a *relay*, but it was an overly dramatic and clumsy plot device.

-- At one critical point, most of the bridge crew trooped into the briefing room. Who was left in command? I'll pretend it was Uhura, since she was practically the only one left. Later, Uhura took over navigation from the nasty Stiles, who ran down to help out with the phasers.

Quotes:

Spock: "Earth believes the Romulans to be warlike, cruel, treacherous. And only the Romulans know what they think of Earth."

Spock: "Vulcan, like Earth, had its aggressive colonizing period -- savage, even by Earth standards. And if the Romulans maintain this martial philosophy, then weakness is something we dare not show."

Stiles: "I was suggesting that Mr. Spock might be able to decode that transmission."
Kirk: "I assume you're complimenting Mr. Spock on his ability to decode."

Romulan Commander: "You and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you friend."

Classic episode. Four out of four cloaking devices,

Billie

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Persons Unknown: Exit One

“Do you believe in the process?”

Our heroes are running ragged. They’ve been in a state of high alert for a couple of weeks now, and they’re starting to crack. Tori, Blackham, and Charlie are starting to occupy their default panic positions of desperation; Janet and Joe are working out their problem-solving issues; and Renbe…well, I guess I was wrong about him.

Tori attempted to solve her problems the only way she knows how: sex and allure. If she’s to be believed, her father pimped her out so he could advance up the civil service food chain. This strikes me as rather unlikely, but I suppose we should believe her. Who would make up a story like that? Her note to her father seems to have succeeded, although there’s no guarantee that it was her father who received it. I wonder if we’ll see her again? (The previews for next week might have answered that question, but let’s keep the comments spoiler-free.)

Blackham, meanwhile, seems to default to annoying and grasping. Blackham’s blackmail attempts were funny until they went horribly wrong. He’s such a sleaze that I started to hope Charlie would do him in. And Charlie: wow. He proved the fifth rule of Agatha Christie: never try to blackmail a murderer—it’s a sure ticket to a cyanide cocktail. Did he really kill his wife just because she was annoying, or was that just a dig at Blackham’s bad ideas?

Janet and Joe went on an episode-long equivalent to the misguided van-escapade of a few episodes ago. They walked, they talked, they avoided honeybees, and they wound up back where they had started. I don’t understand how they could have gotten so turned around, especially since they walked past the same field of haystacks twice. Oh, well.

So Joe’s in on it, eh? Interesting. He’s an inside man who is increasingly sympathetic to Janet. And his restaurant contact asked him whether he believed in the process, which might be a sign that this is some sort of character-strengthening exercise. I certainly hope not.

I was more shocked by what Renbe said to his editor. Last week, I thought he was being set up as Janet’s ex-husband. His confusion, getting brained in the alley, breaking into the P.I.’s offices—all of those moments made me certain that he was just what he appeared to be. Now, though, he’s claiming to be Janet’s ex. Is he lying? Is he telling the truth? Why on earth would he say that? The benefit of this being a 13-episode series is that we know they’re not ret-conning. I’m not sure that makes his revelation, if it was that, any more believable, though.

Bits and Pieces:

• The women were willing to share information; the men weren’t. I don’t know what to make of that. Nor do I know what to make of the fact that all three women are victims: Moira, with the awful orphanage; Tori, with the sexual abuse; Janet, with the childhood abuse.

• Blackham: “I’m calling it FreshAirrr, with three Rs.” I laughed every time he said it.

• Moira, as I discussed last week, plays the victim card to get people on her side. This week, did Joe do the same thing with the honeybees? It’s an interesting approach to forming alliances, especially if we think about it in context of The Usual Suspects. (And don't give away the end of that movie in the comments!)

• I don’t think I’ve mentioned Sartre’s play No Exit, but the title of this ep reminded me of it. “Hell is other people,” indeed. Especially if you’re there with Blackham.

This episode left me with more questions than answers. I don’t know who or what to believe. There are nine episodes left, and what I’m most curious about is how they can draw this out for another 360 minutes.

Two and a half out of four telegrams.

(Season One, Episode Four)
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Vampires

We love vampires. Well, we love some vampires more than others. And the rest? We love syphilis more than we love them. (Ew, syphilis.) In fact, we love some vampires so much that we're declaring July our first-ever Vampire Month. Look for movie reviews, book reviews, and interviews with the writers about which vampires they love more than syphilis. (Ew.) And, of course, stay tuned for more retro Vampire Diaries and Moonlight reviews, as well as new reviews of that little show called True Blood. In the meantime, click for a complete compendium of all our vampire coverage since the dawn of mankind. Well, since the dawn of the site.

The Latest: Buffy Quotes For All Occasions by Billie Doux

TV Shows

Angel
Buffy
True Blood
Vampire Diaries
Supernatural (Hey, there's a vampire episode! It counts!)
Moonlight

Book Reviews

Justin Cronin, The Passage
Charlaine Harris, The Sookie Stackhouse Series
Charlaine Harris, A Touch of Dead
Stephanie Meyer, Twilight, New Moon, and So On

Movie Reviews

From Dusk Till Dawn
Let Me In
Twilight
Twilight: New Moon
Twilight: Eclipse

Writers vs. Vampires: Blog to the Death

Billie on Vampires
Jess on Vampires
Dimitri on Vampires
Josie on Vampires

Buffy Quotes by Billie Doux

Part I: Everyday Conversation

Not enough gore? Check out our Scary Movie Page


Got a vampire suggestion? Post it in the comments, or in our Suggestion box!
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True Blood: It Hurts Me Too

Lorena: "The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away. Forever."

I apologize in advance for the pun, but that final sex scene was really twisted. And it had to be frustrating for Bill, who wanted Lorena to suffer, not get off on it. Maybe she considers a flaming lamp in the face as foreplay.

The King of Mississippi says that Bill's only option is to turn Sookie. I wonder if the point of this episode is that mixed marriages never work? It's true that Bill's relationship with Sookie has kept her in constant danger for the past two seasons, and now Bill has cheated on Sookie in a way that gives rough sex a whole new meaning. Changing monarchs and states was sweet of Bill, as well as smart, but it isn't going to save Sookie from Lorena, is it?

That Bill flashback was intense and moving, and I absolutely felt for him. Lorena was practically gentle with Caroline. I wonder if she let her live, or if she went back later and killed her? No, I don't think so. Bill would never have stayed with Lorena so long if she had killed Caroline. I think Lorena really does love Bill. For whatever it's worth.

You know, I don't usually find sex scenes confusing, but I wasn't really sure what Franklin was doing to Tara. (And I'm not sure I want to know.) Franklin is super creepy in a sexy sort of way, obviously bad trouble, but I just love him. That dueling fangs scene with Jessica and the head in a bag was too funny. This show needs a character like Franklin. Think about it. Lorena is mostly hateful, the king is devious but practical, the queen is downright weird, Pam and Jessica are absolutely marvelous comic relief, and Bill and Eric are our sexy undead leading men. We need a scary vampire, don't we?

I liked Alcide, too. Perfect casting; he's exactly the way I pictured the character in the books, and it's hard not to like him. Imagine what would have happened if Sookie had gone into that bar alone? And you know she would have.

I wish Sookie had stayed in Louisiana, though, because there is finally something going on between Sookie and my guy Eric. She's looking at him with genuine interest, and there's a new gentleness in the way he's treating her. And they just bonded over killing a guy and burying a body together. (Jessica should have been there to take notes.) Hey, Sookie -- forget that troublesome vampire Bill and that big, sexy werewolf Alcide. Thousand year old Vikings are the bomb.

Bits and pieces:

-- The HBO screen that showed at the beginning had fangs popping out of the HD logo. :)

-- How many people have died in Sookie's house now?

-- Sookie paid for Eggs' funeral, for Tara's sake. That was sweet.

-- Sheriff Dearborne quit. Does that mean Andy will be promoted? And Jason will be hired? Loved the hieroglyphics test paper and nudity dream. Who hasn't had those?

-- Arlene's baby daddy must be Rene. What she just did to Terry was stupid and infuriating.

-- Poor Sam. Mom and Dad are dishonest and lack class, as well as rocking the dirty underwear look, but little brother is downright felonious. Sam will never get rid of them now that they know he has a lucrative business. Shapeshifting adoptees, beware.

-- Eric gave Lafayette a car? The best part of that scene was how Lafayette tried to get as far away from Eric as he could while still sitting next to him. :)

-- Alcide and the bouncer at the bar talked about Alcide's ex, Debbie, announcing her engagement to Coot the following night. As a fan of the books, I've been waiting for Debbie, and I won't get more spoilery than that.

-- Jessica waiting tables at Merlotte's is a comedy skit waiting to happen. Let's cross our fingers.

-- Were there hands in the bag too?

-- Unfortunately, no episode next week. It's a human holiday in the United States.

Quotes:

Eric: "I got your rug all wet."

Russell: "It's like Armageddon in here every time someone chips a dessert glass."

Pam: "Spit it out, cupcake. I'm in the middle of something."
Jessica: "Right. You remember how I was asking how you, you know, what
you would do if you, like... killed somebody by accident?"
Pam: "Did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a theoretical chainsaw?"

Pam: "Lie back, sweetheart, and think of Estonia."
Was that the same dancer Eric was having six hours of sex with?

Jason: "There's two kinds of people in this world. People who got no dreams, people who got dreams and don't do nothing about it, and people who go out and fulfill their dreams."

Jason: "I got a lot on my mind lately."
Lafayette: "That must feel new."

Bud: "Every time we clear one murder, two more spring up. It's like crab grass."

Terry: "It's not you, it's me? If I had a nickel for every time... I'd have fifteen cents."

Three out of four werewolf bars,

Billie

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Wonderfalls: Cocktail Bunny

Objects: Brass Monkey, Cocktail Bunny
Missions: “Tell him nothing,” “Save him from her,” “She’s going to kill him,” and “Lick the light switch”

‘Cocktail Bunny’ focuses on the emotional fallout from Jaye losing Eric because she listened to the animals. It begins with Jaye putting a wax lion through a very funny “slow melt on the coffee burner” torture sequence, as she tries to suss out why the animals made her break her own heart. She’s clearly an emotional wreck, and it doesn’t get much better from there, as she smashes a slew of smooshed face wax lions in a fit of rage after they taunt her by saying, “You’ll never get rid of all of us.” Enter Dr. Ron and a prescription for five-days-a-week therapy for Jaye.

Later, after seeing Eric with Heidi at The Barrel, Jaye finally succumbs to a cleansing cry with Mahandra, but soon gets a new mission: “Save him from her,” which she interprets as a directive to save Eric from Heidi. When she demands a further explanation, the brass monkey tells her “She’s going to kill him, and it’s all because of you.” Jaye proceeds to get nuttier and nuttier, as she investigates, stalks, and attacks Heidi, then escapes police custody and breaks into the honeymoon suite to save Eric. Unfortunately, it turns out Heidi was just slipping Eric a “male potency drug” to foster marital relations and wasn’t trying to kill him. A bereft and borderline psychotic Jaye goes to Dr. Ron’s office to confront the brass monkey, and inadvertently ends up saving Dr. Ron (with an assist from her mom) from a truly psycho former patient who was planning to murder him. In the end, she does “save him from her,” but she still doesn’t get the guy, as Eric tells her he’ll be returning to Jersey once Heidi finds them an apartment. Sob!

The Universe is not doing a very good job of revealing its master plan here. Eric is still with that Heidi bitch, and Jaye is still heartbroken. I feel a bit like the writers are treating the audience the way the animals treat Jaye. “Why make me make a home, if you’re just gonna make me break a home?” They get us to fall for Jaye and Eric as a couple, give us a small taste of how great it could be, only to yank it away, leaving us devastated. “Why? Tell me there’s a reason.” Maybe Jaye having to experience the pain of losing love is also part of the Universe’s master plan to make sure she and Eric really have a shot somewhere down the line. Hopefully, all will be revealed soon.

In the meantime, they are bringing the funny and some pretty raw emotion. I think it is great we got to really delve into Jaye’s pain. After it was so difficult for her to open herself up to Eric in the first place, losing him has to be emotionally devastating for her. It wouldn’t have rung very true if she just carried on like it was no big deal. Sure, putting on a brave front for Eric and her family makes sense, but in her private moments we needed to see her angrily confront the animals and let herself really cry. Good stuff. Caroline Dhavernas has been doing a wonderful job conveying the full spectrum of Jaye’s emotions in these last several episodes.

It was also nice to see Jaye’s support system try to help her through this rough patch. Mahandra was wonderful. I loved the scene with Mahandra cradling Jaye in her lap as she cried her heart out. “Cry until you can’t cry no more. I want to see salt deposits on your cheeks when you’re through.” The moment brought back some broken-hearted couch crying memories of my own. I also loved Mahandra jumping out of the closet to defend Jaye after Aaron told her she was acting crazier than usual, without even thinking about how it might expose her “torrid little affair” with Aaron. That’s true friendship.

Karen was also wonderfully supportive, even though Jaye was pretty resistant to her. She encouraged Jaye to see Dr. Ron, and even went so far as to question Eric about Jaye’s emotional state. “I’ll tell you how upset she is, if you tell me what she’s upset about.” And even though Karen recognized that her efforts were pushing Jaye away, she kept letting Jaye know she was there for her and trying to find a way to help. I initially suspected Karen was the one sneaking in to Dr. Ron’s office to view Jaye’s therapy sessions, in an effort to learn what was wrong with her daughter. But when she brought over Jaye’s photos without looking at them, I realized she wouldn’t have spied on Jaye that way (even if she may have wanted to). In the end, after talking down psycho killer, Angie, Karen got rewarded with a genuine moment of connection with Jaye. “I do have some wisdom to impart, sweetheart.” “I know. I’m sorry.”

Other Thoughts

It was good to see Dr. Ron again. I was very amused by him continually misinterpreting Jaye’s conversations with the brass monkey as threats directed at himself. “You better tell me something, because I’m fixing to neuter you!” “She’s gonna kill him?” I also loved when he finally realized Jaye needed much more help than he could provide. Of course, in the end, he seemed to recognize that maybe she wasn’t as crazy as she seemed. I wonder what he thinks of her mental state now?

I liked the sweet little moment between Aaron and Mahandra in his room before she discovered the cameras. “Are you saying I make you happy?” “Yes, yes. You make me happy.”

Heidi was rocking some pretty sweet leather pants this week. Looking good, Jewel.

So Eric and Heidi aren’t sleeping together yet, huh? Guess he’s not feeling quite as forgiving and committed as he’d have everyone believe. Thank goodness!

How funny was Angie’s murder kit? Wonderfalls Poly-Blend T-shirt. Wonderfalls Happy Funball. 1 gal. Unleaded Gas. Wonderfalls windproof lighter. Ha! The blue vinyl jacket with the matching hat was also a hoot.

What was up with Angie singing the Facts of Life theme song during her murder fantasy? Who accompanies a murder with peppy ‘80s theme music? Ca-razy!

I loved the way Karen handled herself in the elevator. Her private facial expressions showed how freaked out she was, but she remained calm in her interactions with Angie. She even managed to get Angie to open up about her pain and her plan. Go, Karen!

The brass monkey’s response to Jaye’s demand that he explain why the animals talk to her was absolutely maddening. “Because you listen.” Aaargh!!!

Why is Eric hanging around for two weeks if things between him and Jaye are weird now? Does he want a little time to say goodbye to his interim life? Or is it something else?

My favorite little moment in the episode was Sharon, absolutely winded from running up multiple flights of stairs, stopping for a “refreshing” drag on a cigarette. Hilarious!

Quotes

Jaye (to Wax Lion): “Why make me make the man I love remarry his hussy bride? How is that helpful? Who does that benefit besides the hussy? Because I’m not in the business of benefitting hussies!”

Karen (re: Aaron): “He’s very concerned about you. He’s started praying. And you know how he feels about that sort of thing.”

Dr. Ron: “Do you do everything the monkey and the lion and the fish tell you to do? Even if it causes you pain?”
Jaye: “Yeah, they kind of wore me out that way.”

Jaye (to Heidi): “If you hadn’t wiped yourself with your first wedding vows, he wouldn’t have had to get them renewed.”

Jaye (to Heidi): “Looks like the credit card you used to pay for your sins got declined.”

Aaron (to the animals): “OK. I’ll ask you one more time --- where’s the monkey? Did he walk away? Can he walk away? Are you guys ambulatory?”

Mahandra (re: Jaye): “I can’t be happy when she’s sad. There are rules!”

Mahandra: “Did you record us having sex? Oh my god. Is it on the internet? Oh my god. I’m a naughty black door woman. Back door woman! Oh my god!”

Jaye (re: the animals in Aaron’s room): “Is this a shrine?”
Aaron: “No. It’s, a … display.”

Police Detective (re: the list of charges against Jaye): “… and leaving a Number Two in the good doctor’s desk drawer. And I’m not talking about the pencil.”
Eww!

Jaye: “Me and the monkey are gonna have words!!!”

Jaye (to Brass Monkey): “Was this all a big set up? Get me to turn a few tricks for the Universe, break my heart, then ship me off to the crazy house before I can squeal?”

Eric: “Heidi went back to Jersey.”
Jaye (hopefully): “She did?”
Eric: “She’s looking for our apartment. And when she finds it, I’m going back to Jersey, too.”
Sob!

Final Analysis: A fun episode with good twists and some great laughs, but I’m still feeling as heartbroken as Jaye.

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Star Trek: The Conscience of the King

Lenore: "All this power surging and throbbing and under control. Are you like that, Captain?"

Not a very good episode. But it's nice to think that live theater will make it to the stars.

A colony planet with eight thousand inhabitants, food stores unexpectedly destroyed, supply ships that wouldn't turn up for awhile, no subspace twenty years ago (one assumes) -- what to do? Kodos obviously regretted that his daughter had turned into a monster, but other than that, he still seemed to think that killing four thousand of the "less important" people was the right move, and that he would have been a hero if the supply ships hadn't come early.

Unfortunately, the focus of the story wasn't an exploration of the evil of eugenics; it was psychotic, nineteen-year-old Lenore. Were we supposed to feel bad that Kirk got emotionally involved with a very young woman that he was seducing for information? It was obvious pretty early on who the murderer was (especially these days when television is a lot more subtle); the real mystery was why Kirk didn't see fit to tell his senior officers about Kodos, something nearly any sane person would have done. But that would have eliminated several scenes of Spock figuring out the situation and annoying McCoy, which was the best part of the episode.

It's a shame that the Shakespearean theme wasn't better used, too. Arnold Moss, who played Kodos/Karidian, gave an overly dramatic interpretation of the part and treated every line as if he were projecting it to a large audience. And Lenore (Barbara Anderson) closed the episode with a veritable Shakespearean word salad as she overacted her way into a padded cell. (At least she gave it her all, and had rather amazing eyes.)

What was a teenage James Kirk doing on Tarsus IV? We never did find out. Were his parents there, and if so, how come they survived the massacre while Kevin Riley's didn't? And Riley, who was such a hoot in "The Naked Time," was pretty much wasted. Too bad.

Ben says...

It's funny how we are always fighting the last war. It's easy to forget that the Second World War was about as far away from Star Trek as the first Gulf War is from us. It looms so large over many episodes (we'll get to the actual Nazi episode soon enough).

In this episode, the Nazi... I mean Tarsian war criminal is on the run after his eugenics-driven culling of his colony's population. This brings me to my most important thought on the subject of this episode. If you are a hunted war criminal, then lead actor in an interplanetary acting troupe ... maybe, just maybe ... not the best choice. Perhaps you should go on So You Think You Can Dance in Zero-G, or maybe Federation Idol (Spock as judge, "I find your performance illogical... dawg"), or maybe run for school board on the planet of lawyers and bounty hunters. But I digress.

This is also one of the episodes that establishes the Star Trek obsession with all things Shakespearean, another element that runs through the whole series so strongly that the swan song movie for the Trek Classic crew is "The Undiscovered Country", which is itself a Shakespearean reference. Personally, I have always preferred the Bard in the original Klingon. But again, I nerdishly digress.

Back to Billie for bits and pieces:

-- Star date 2817.6. Cygnia Minor earth colony. The massacre twenty years ago took place on Tarsus 4. The Astral Queen was supposed to take the troupe of actors to Benecia. I seem to remember a ship called the Astral Queen on the new Battlestar Galactica.

-- Half of Tom Leighton's face was gone. What's the state of plastic reconstructive surgery in the future?

-- We saw the Observation Deck. And learned that the Enterprise duplicates Earth conditions; it's darker at night. What about people on the graveyard shift? Do they have to work in the dark?

-- We got the red alert whoop whoop whoop.

-- Some of the crew were watching "Hamlet" on view screens. I thought that sort of made having a live performance pointless.

-- Why was Riley alone in Engineering? Why was he left alone in Sick Bay, too, considering Kirk knew someone was going to try to kill him? Because it made for better drama, I suppose.

-- Uhura sang "Beyond Antares" for Riley. In "The Naked Time," Riley was also alone in Engineering and singing. It seems to be his thing.

-- More bright pink walls, and a purple sky on Cignia Minor.

-- Loved Lenore's blue furry mini. Janice Rand looked affronted. Or possibly jealous.

-- DNA testing would have blown the entire plot out of the water. Comparing photographs and voice prints? So twentieth century.

Two out of four bad Shakespearean actors,

Billie

More about Ben here.
Original air date: December 8, 1966

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About Us: Paul Kelly

This is the last in our "About Us" series. Meet Paul Kelly!

What area of the world do you live in, and what do you do? (Because we all know you don't make any money doing this.)

I live in England; more specifically, in "God's own county". I'm mostly a music teacher, though I do post the occasional article in my local rag.

What show or shows are you covering on the site?

Just Doctor Who at the moment. I'm also to blame for the Heroes, Lost and Battlestar Galactica webisode reviews. And when the wind's blowing in the right direction, I submit the occasional book/movie review.

Fill in the blanks: "If ______ weren't already doing a great job, I would review _____."

Along with Billie, I'd quite fancy a stab at Glee. As for shows now over, I'd quite like to have done Terminator:TSCC, and maybe Firefly, too.

What's your favorite television show of all time? (Okay, top five will do if you can't narrow it down to one.)

Dexter, Lost, Veronica Mars, Firefly and Battlestar Galactica. I'm also partial to the X-Files, Alias and Babylon 5. As for English TV shows, I like Doctor Who, Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes (and, yes, I did enjoy how the show ended).

What was the first show you fell in love with?

Babylon 5 was the first show which really blew me away. The Shadow war stressed the hell out of me. Babylon 5 was the first show I ever watched where the main characters felt genuinely flawed, and I was never sure they were going to live from one week to the next. Why did they have to kill Kosh? Why? (*rents garments asunder*).

What shows would you consider to be your guilty pleasures?

I've got loads... NBC's Ed, ABC's Modern Family (so clearly, I've got a Julie Bowen obsession going on), ABC's The Wonder Years (I used to cry at that a lot... and I'm relatively stable, mentally). I suppose Veronica Mars should be up there, too, since I'm a grown man.

Who's your favorite male television character? Same question for female.

Unquestionably, Malcolm Reynolds. He's so damn cool, and funny, and handsome... and other things I'm not. Female wise, probably Sydney Bristow; because of her ass-kicking antics, and the fact that she's quite soft inside and knows how to cry (like me, when I'm watching The Wonder Years).

Favorite television theme songs?

Phantom Planet's “California” (from The OC). Remy Zero's “Save Me” (from Smallville). The Theme music from Mr Ed. Joe Cocker's “With a Little Help From My Friends” (from The Wonder Years). The Hawaii Five-O theme music. Laurie Johnson's theme music to The Professionals (TV theme music or porno music? Discuss).

The Tales of The Unexpected theme music used to scare the crap out of me... as did Henry Mancini's "The Pink Panther".

We love movies, too. What's your top five movies?

Blade Runner is my favourite film of all time. If I told you how many times I'd seen it, you'd talk about me behind my back (and I'd probably deserve it). And now I own 5 versions of the movie, I can't see things improving any time soon.

Other films I really love are Donnie Darko, Solaris (the 2003 remake, oddly enough), Dances with Wolves (Oh, Mary!), Cypher (Oh, Lucy!), V for Vendetta (O, Padmé!), AI (Oh, FFS!)... and delving into the (more) embarrassing stuff, Some Kind of Wonderful, Atonement and Big Fish. That's about five, isn't it?

We love books, too. Who are your favorite authors? What are you reading right now?

Right now I'm (again) reading “Cat's Cradle” by Kurt Vonnegut. My other favourite authors are: Philip K Dick, Stephen King, Robert Jordan (despite volumes 8-10 of his WOT series bordering on the slow), Graham Greene, Stephen Lawhead, Ray Bradbury, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Ellis Peters.

My favourite classic is Alexandre Dumas' “The Count of Monte Cristo”. Everyone should read the unabridged version of that book before they die (Robin Buss translation). In fact, at over 1200 pages, it may be the reason why you die.

When did you realize you were a hopeless geek?

Excuse me! I'm actually exceptionally cool. (He says, straightening his tin foil helmet and doing the Vulcan salute.)

Star Trek was, I suppose, when the rot started to set in. That opened my eyes to sci-fi, and it was a downwards spiral from there. I'm also a gigantic fan of British sci-fi comic 2000 AD. I started reading it at 9 (the age, not the hour) and I still buy it today.

And, games wise, I'm a long-time player of Guild Wars (so I love pwning bitch-ass noobs... whatever that means), and I still play Oblivion more than is good for my health. I'm also old enough to remember Jet Set Willy, the original Space Invaders and Asteroids (affectionately known as haemorrhoids in our house; probably because it was a pain in the arse).

What's your sign?

The Southern Cross. (Rest in peace, Ronnie.)

What's in your iPod/MP3 player?

Good grief, it's positively heaving with stuff. Being a music teacher, I listen to just about everything, so my iPod reflects that. There's Dream Theater, The Liquid Tension Experiment, Hiromi, David Bowie, Audioslave, Rage Against the Machine, Blondie, Anna Netrebko, The Bluetones, Bob Marley, Maria Callas, Bruce Springsteen, The Smiths, Damien Rice, Felix Mendelssohn, The Foo Fighters, Echo and the Bunnymen, Greenwheel, Muse, Pink Floyd, The Sixteen, Joe Bonamassa, Black Sabbath, KT Tunstall, Marillion... I could go on, but would rather stop before I get to Adam and the Ants and Abba..

What's your least favorite chore around the house?

Cleaning the windows. So quite literally “around the house” in my case.

What's your favorite flavour of ice cream?

Carte D'or Mascarpone. (Incidentally, a good name for a Guild Wars character: maskerpwny.)

Cats or dogs? Elvis or the Beatles? Sam or Dean?

Allergic to both (but fond of both). The Beatles, because they wrote their own stuff. And probably Dean.

Right, I'm off to watch Blade Runner... again.

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Vampire Diaries: You’re Undead to Me

“What do we really know about him, anyway?”

Take that, dramatic irony! Since the beginning, we’ve known about Stefan and Damon, but our heroine hasn’t. What really matters, though, isn’t that Stefan drinks bunny blood and requires a 1000 SPF ring. He’s a Seinfeld fan, and a good cook. He still struggles with that lying thing, though. Like having his brother locked in the basement.

This was one of those transition episodes, building up towards Stefan’s big reveal to Elena, building up to some resolution between Damon and Caroline, building up the Logan angle. It’s always hard to know what to say about these episodes. It’s even harder with this one, since Damon was too vervained to get a single snarky one-liner in—and, no, I don’t think his joke about needing someone to mow the lawn is up to his usual standard. Although it was awfully on-the-nose.

Stefan and Elena are languishing: they know, and we know, that they’ll wind up together. But teenage angst and TV show rules dictate that they wait a while. Caroline continues to be drawn to Damon, who has some sort of medium-relationship with that crow. Jeremy and Vicki are enjoying their altered states, and Bonnie’s struggling with hers. The look on her face when she accidentally lit the car on fire was astonishingly vacant. Her powers are certainly growing, and she doesn’t seem too concerned about the harm she’s causing.

The council is getting going, too. If Logan had only listened to Elena when she told him what she was looking for, this season would have taken a very different shape. And, by the way, where does Elena’s aunt come into all this? Why doesn’t she get to join the council and take her sister’s place?

By the end of the episode, Elena pieced together the vampire thing, Damon escaped (and killed uncle Zach), Logan found the magic watch, and Jeremy and Vicki are on the skids. As I recall, the next two episodes were when I became a convert. It’s one specific moment that did it for me: I’m already semi-giddy with anticipation.

Bites:

• Stefan: “In the Dark Ages, when a vampire’s actions threatened to expose or bring harm upon the entire race, they would face judgment. They sought to re-educate them rather than punish them.” Ambiguous pronouns aside, this seems unlikely. The impulse to change someone’s mind rather than punish their bodies began in the Enlightenment. See Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison by Michel Foucault.

• Caroline: “You’re going for stripper-pole vibe this year…Maybe we should watch the cars in slow motion.” Why save the stripper-pole vibe for a single day? I try to look like lounge-act hardware at least twice a month.

• Elena: “Sorry…ugh…so not sexy.” I get stuck in my sweaters all the time, so I feel sympathy. Cardigans, babe. Cardigans.

• Matt: “She’s big on trust. So whatever you’re holding back from her? The more you try to hide it, the harder she’ll try to figure it out.” That’s not trust. Isn’t that the opposite of trust?

And Pieces:

• Stefan has a very eclectic set of tastes in books, movies, and TV shows.

• I am enchanted by the implication that the Salvatores replicate without women, and seem to spontaneously generate uncles. Maybe they have a magic ring for that, too.

• Instead of starting with a bite, this episode began with a betrayal: Stefan punishing Damon. Neat twist.

• Damon bit Vicki (again!) in the penultimate scene, but the real nail-biter came when Elena asked Stefan what he was at the very end.

Oh, I don’t know. Two and a half out of four…um…chickens parmesan.

Return to series index



(Season One, Episode Five)

(Screencap courtesy of vampire-diaries.net. Thanks!)

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Wonderfalls: Lying Pig

Objects: Mounted Fish, Wax Lion, Lying Pig, Shirt Serpent
Missions: “Mend what was broken,” “Spit out your gum,” “Check out time,” and ”Get to the church on time”

‘Lying Pig’ picks up slightly before the end of ‘Safety Canary’ and shows us exactly what led to Eric being in Heidi’s embrace when Jaye walks into The Barrel. Fortunately for Jaye, Heidi is the one making all the advances and the feeling isn’t mutual. Upon Jaye’s arrival, Eric quickly ditches both women, leaving them to “chat.” Jaye is prepared to tear into Heidi full force and fight for her new man, but is brought up short by the Mounted Fish telling her to “mend what is broken.” And thus commences a maddening, hilarious, and ultimately painful outing that finally gets Jaye to admit her feelings about Eric, but ends with her in a heartbroken daze agreeing to be the witness at Eric’s quickie remarriage to Heidi.

Aaargh!!! I was frustrated after the last episode, and through a large part of this one, but now I just feel gut-punched. Eric cannot be getting back together with Heidi. The woman broke her vows to him before they’d even consummated their marriage! Jaye may be closed-off, evasive, and frustrating, but she never broke promises to Eric. And Eric just confessed to Mahandra that he loves Jaye! He just can’t get back together with his cheating, lying, pig of a wife after all that!

Jaye’s animals are heinously cruel to put her through this! She’s finally stopped letting her fear get in the way of potential happiness. She’s ready to take a chance on love, but those accursed animals won’t let her act on it! Aaargh!!! At this point, I’m pinning all my hopes on there being a method to this madness, which will allow things to ultimately work out in Jaye’s and Eric’s favor. Maybe Eric has to face and work through his lingering issues with Heidi before he is truly ready to be with Jaye. Yes, that must be it. It will all work out for the best in the next episode. Right? Do you hear me writers?! That Heidi bitch does not get to win! Jaye does!

OK. Deep breaths. For all the frustration and heartbreak, ‘Lying Pig’ did feature several amusing subplots with Mahandra and Aaron, and Darrin and Karen. Even the Jaye, Eric, and Heidi parts were funny at times. I couldn’t help but chuckle at Eric’s repeated comments about Heidi staying off her knees and his various near-fainting spells (including a reprise of his chapel anxiety). Jaye accidentally hitting Heidi with the TV was a laugh out loud moment, and I was pretty entertained by Eric’s subsequent disappointment that it was only an accident and not something Jaye did during a fight over him. Jaye and Heidi facing off in the hotel suite was also good for a few laughs. (“I was practicing!” Seriously? Lamest excuse for adultery ever.)

I really enjoyed watching Mahandra deal with her feelings for Aaron. Apparently, I’m not the only one who thought their liaison was a bit incestuous. I busted out laughing when she blurted to Heidi, “You, like, did it with your brother!” and later ranted to Eric about Jaye, “Maybe it’s because she’s freaked out. Here you are, her friend, practically her brother, and all of a sudden she’s thinking about you in dirty ways. It’s freaky, OK?” Projecting much, Mahandra? At least she worked through her reservations and fell happily into Aaron’s “I’m just here for the fish” freak arms again. Those two could be good for each other.

The subplot with Karen being angry about Darrin’s inattentiveness felt fairly disconnected from the other happenings in this episode (except for the like father, like daughter “You really need to take your hand off me” moment), but was still enjoyable. Karen’s transition from snarky anger to proactive retribution was great (“Actually, I’m feeling a wee bit peckish”). She looked truly fantastic in that black dress. Guess Darrin just needed a little visual reminder that his wife is worth fighting for. Plus, the Sharon-Darrin spy team was highly entertaining, especially Sharon’s horrified “She is eating his pickle!”

Other Thoughts

Well, they cleared up my confusion surrounding the overall timing of the series. It has been three months since the events of the Pilot.

They also sort of addressed Mahandra’s change of heart regarding Jaye and Eric’s relationship. “Wait a minute --- you encouraged Jaye to break up with me?” She made a mistake, plain and simple. She even shifted back to being OK with it, especially once Jaye and Eric separately confessed to her that they might love each other. I guess finding a possible relationship with Aaron gave her new perspective.

I loved that Jaye went to Aaron for help with her animal troubles. Even better was him just accepting it and trying to help her without passing judgment. “So it’s not just the cow creamer? Interesting.” They even got to have a sweet brother and sister moment when she sincerely thanked him and he told her not to worry about it.

Although, how funny was it that Aaron’s notion of “taking care of it” for Jaye was to gather all the animals in his room and attempt to get them to talk to him? “Talk to me. Please?” Part of his dissertation research? Or part of his “meaninglessness in a universe that has meaning” existential crisis?

I really enjoyed the Mahandra and Eric heart-to-hearts. I like that these two have a friendship outside their relationship with Jaye. I really enjoyed how she stood up for him when Heidi showed up at the bar, and then later told him it was OK to still love his wife. Plus, the miscommunications about “the shrew who ruined my life” and “crazy women and the losers who love them” were amusing.

It was also nice to see Eric sticking up for himself with Heidi. “I wasn’t the only one who made promises. And I didn’t break mine.” And, “You were my life, Heidi. And you’re the one that dropped out.” Too bad he went back to her in the end. Aaargh!!!

I loved Sharon’s WTF expression after Aaron came strolling through with the flamingos.

“Jamakan Bacon” 100% slow-cooked island pork. Hilarious!

Heidi’s velour track suit with the white fur jacket and the high-heeled Converse high-tops cracked me up. She was screaming “stereotypical Jersey girl.” All she needed was bigger hair.

Quotes

Eric: “How’d you get in here anyway?”
Heidi: “I bribed the busboy.”
Eric: “Same way you tipped the bellman on our honeymoon?”

Heidi: “But here I am, begging you to forgive me.”
Eric: “Don’t get on your knees. Wouldn’t help your case much.”

Aaron: “You sound just like my sister.”
Mahandra: “I am not your sister! I mean --- I had a very nice time. Thank you.”

Mahandra: “Are you saying I’m glowing? I’m not glowing. I am a woman of color. We just do that, alright?”

Mahandra: “Oh, please. First of all, if you think Jaye made him less frustrated, you’re sadly mistaken. And what he did and what you did? Not even in the same league.”

Jaye: “No riots. I just threw it out the window. But it was an accident! You know … if the cops ask.”

Heidi: “This whole thing is your fault.”
Jaye: “Ah, while normally that’d be true, this time I’m quite certain you’re the crazy one.”

Jaye: “The bellman, lady. On your honeymoon. Between us, you win the skanky ho contest.”

Eric: “That’s what I want in my life.”
Jaye: “Insane parents?”
Eric: “Something worth fighting for.”

Mahandra: “You just let him walk out of here with the Heidi Ho?”
Jaye: “Oh! [Snap.] I wish I’d said that.”

Jaye: “I think I might love him.”
Mahandra: [Gasp.]
Jaye: “See, that hurt!”
Mahandra: “Jaye! You have to tell him. He’s been waiting for you to tell him. Go! Go right now.”

Eric: “I can’t just walk away.”
Jaye (resigned): “You’re not that guy.”
Eric (sadly): “No. I’m not.”
Jaye: “And that’s why I’m crazy about you.”

Final Analysis: Another funny episode, but this time with an ending that stomps your heart flat. Please let this be the Universe making sure Eric works through his issues so he can really commit to Jaye! Please?
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Doctor Who: The Pandorica Opens (1)

Unknown voice: "Silence will fall".

This was a massive episode. Not only were the stakes enormous, and the cliff-hanger whopping, we were treated to perhaps the biggest assembly of Doctor Who baddies the show has ever seen. And not just fifth season villains, either. We got to see Autons, Cybermen, Sycorax, Daleks, Judoon, Sontarans, and a whole host of other nasties too numerous to mention (except I do mention them later). It was like fanfic times 10 to the power of 23 (I did the math). It was also rather brilliant. I almost had a nerdgasm.

I'll admit, I'm usually the first to moan when they try to pack too much into one episode. Characters end up underused. The story often becomes diluted, the pacing erratic. But I'm not ready to give up on Liz 10, Churchill, and Van Gogh just yet. Maybe they'll end up saving the day. With the Doctor locked inside the Pandorica, Amy dead, Rory an Auton, and River Song trapped inside an exploding TARDIS, someone's going to have to do something. I'm hard pressed to remember a cliff-hanger so fraught with disaster. It's a shame Harriet Jones isn't still alive. Someone needs to chew bubblegum and kick ass, ASAP.

The Alliance of villains, I thought, worked beautifully. It wasn't so much the make-up of the alliance which was intriguing, but the cause which united them. The Doctor's existence threatens the survival of every living thing. If the TARDIS explodes, then everything ceases to exist. Which is a complete reversal of the usual end of season formula. It's usually the Doctor fighting to save the world from some alien threat. This time, it's the alien threat trying to save the world from the Doctor. It's no longer about conquest. It's about survival.

Despite Karen Gillan's insistence in an interview this week that Rory was dead, his appearance was a predictable, though welcome, development. You don't kill off a main character mid-season and just leave him for dead. But what a freaky-ass way of bringing him back. If indeed that is Rory. The Roman soldiers were just characters from a book, brought to life by the Nestene Consciousness. They were never real. Which must surely mean that Rory's not real either. But, if the psychic snapshot was taken after Rory's death, then why was he in it? And why was he in that photograph, dressed as a Roman Centurion? Wasn't Rory wiped from existence? And if the image was taken before his death, then how is it that he remembers dying?

Even if it's not Rory, since non-Rory (for use of a better term) has Rory's body, his memories and believes himself to be Rory; who's to say that he's not? The Doctor's doppelgänger in "Journey's End", despite looking and acting like the Doctor, was materially different. Rory's an exact duplicate. If he's the same in every respect, then how is he not Rory? Could non-Rory continue in Rory's place? Would that be weird? I can't decide whether this would be a happy ending or not.

River Song also said something tonight which confused me. (This was a big week for confusion.) In “the Time of Angels” Song said she'd been taught to fly the TARDIS by the "very best" -- before quipping that the Doctor had been busy that day. Yet tonight, contrary to her first admission, she confessed that her instruction had indeed come from the Doctor. And since Song was in the Storm Cage Holding Facility for killing the "best man" she ever knew, does this mean she'll eventually wind up killing the Doctor? Is that why Octavian was so tight-lipped about the identity of the man she killed?

The biggest shock of the night came when the Pandorica opened. I spent most of this episode trying to work out who would be inside; Omega, Davros, The Master, The Black Guardian... but nobody really fitted the bill. But, the Pandorica was empty. There'd never been anyone inside. It was a prison built specifically for the Doctor – the most feared creature in the whole of the Universe.

But the Alliance have surely dropped the ball on this one They're operating under the misconception that only the Doctor can pilot the TARDIS. So locking him inside the Pandorica seems like an sure-fire way of averting disaster. But what they haven't figured on is that River Song can also fly the TARDIS – and is currently trapped inside it. And we still don't know who's been throwing the TARDIS back and forth through time. Thus we have a second, as yet unidentified, suspect. So locking the Doctor inside the Pandorica might not be the quick fix the Alliance imagine. The threat may still be out there. And the Alliance have just locked away their best chance of defeating it.

Despite the Doctor's rousing rockstar-like speech outside Stonehenge, it never really felt as though he had a plan. It was all just stalling and rhetoric. With Song's help, the Doctor did managed to figure out some of what was going on. But it was all too late. The under-henge was swarming with enemies. I love the way the Doctor keeps missing the big things (such as Rory being alive), and yet picks up on the small things, and turns them into events of seemingly massive importance. Why is Amy's house so big? Why are there so many rooms in Amy's house? What do these things mean? Anything? Nothing?

It's the small things I love about Matt Smith's Doctor. When Rory asked whether Amy had missed him, the look on the Doctor's face, quite literally, brought a tear to my eye. This isn't a Doctor confident of solving the world's ills. It's a man very much aware of his own limitations. I loved him pleading with the Alliance. Despite everyone in the room wanting him dead, he still wanted to save them.

Karen and Arthur had some great scenes too. Seeing Rory struggle against the will of the Nestene Consciousness was heart-wrenching stuff. As was him screaming "I am Rory" in one final act of defiance, before succumbing, and shooting Amy dead. Poor Amy. She really thought she could rescue him. Her refusing to leave him was sweet. She trusted in his goodness to the bitter end. But it wasn't enough to save her. She died, trembling, in Rory's arms.

It's difficult to know where they'll go from here. The Doctor's out of action, his companions are either dead or trapped, and the Alliance is holding strong. But there's a big piece of the puzzle still missing. Who is piloting the TARDIS?

Bits and Pieces:

-- The Alliance consisted of Atraxi, Blowfish, Chelonians, Cybermen, Daleks, Draconians, Drahvins, Hoix, Judoon, Nestene Consciousness, Roboforms, Silurians, Slitheen family, Sontarans, Commander Stark, Sycorax, Terileptils, Uvodni, Weevils and Zygons

-- The Blowfish and Weevils are from spin-off series Torchwood. The Uvodni are from The Sarah Jane Adventures.

-- The Chelonians, to my knowledge, have only ever appeared in written Doctor Who stories.

Some unanswered questions:

I thought I'd list a few things I'd like to know the answers to. Some may turn out to be significant, come the finale. Some may not. But here's what I have:

-- What was the significance of future Rory and future Amy waving at themselves in "The Hungry Earth?" Were they just sightseeing, as the Doctor suggested?

-- Why did future Doctor go back in time to visit Amy in "Flesh and Stone"? I missed this one first time around, but it does seem to be more than a mere continuity lapse.

-- Why did the Doctor go back in time to see young Amy Pond in the episode "The Eleventh Hour"? Now, this must be important!

-- Is Amy really cured? Remember her being taken over by that Angel in "Flesh and Stone"? Was the Angel in her mind really wiped from time?

-- Where's Aunt Sharon? This one's been perplexing me for months now.

-- Where is the Dream Lord? In "Amy's Choice" the Doctor saw his reflection in the TARDIS' console. Is it his disembodied voice we keep hearing?

-- In Van Gogh's picture were there two TARDISES or just one?

Quotes:

The Doctor: "People fall out of the world sometimes, but they always leave traces. Little things we can't quite account for. Faces in photographs, luggage, half-eaten meals. Rings. Nothing is ever forgotten, not completely. And if something can be remembered, it can come back."

River: "I hate good wizards in fairy tales; they always turn out to be him."

Doctor: "You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?"
Amy: "Yes."
Doctor: "Sorry... Look at me; I'm a target!"

The Doctor: "Rory, I'm not trying to be rude, but you died."
Rory: "Yeah. I know. I was there."

The Doctor: "No, please, listen to me. The TARDIS is exploding right now and I'm the only one who can stop it. LISTEN TO ME!".

River Song: "I'm Sorry, my love."
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Star Trek: The Menagerie

[This is the only two-parter in the original series. I'm reviewing it together.]

Spock: "Don't stop me. Don't let him stop me. It's your career, and Captain Pike's life."

As I mentioned earlier, Star Trek had two pilots. The first rejected pilot, "The Cage," wasn't aired in the initial run of the series because it had a different cast. But Star Trek was so budget- and time-constricted that they couldn't just throw away a perfectly good hour of television. So they wrote a really good script around it, and aired it anyway.

"The Cage" is exceptionally good sci-fi, especially for 1965. It's a fascinating idea: the perfect virtual reality, the seduction of living a life of fantasy, and its cost: the end of civilization. Maybe that's why the suits thought "The Cage" was "too cerebral" -- it was all about the mind. Or maybe they were turned off by the big heads on the Talosian "keepers." I always thought the keepers were done well, with tiny, weak bodies and huge throbbing heads. Maybe if they'd looked like sexpots and Pike had blasted them with phasers, the suits would have bought the first pilot, huh?

What would have happened if the suits had picked up Star Trek in 1965, with Captain Pike and Number One as the stars? Would it still have hit a nerve with fans, run three seasons, inspired the very first wave of fan fiction, returned as a hit series of movies, and inspired several spinoff series? I honestly don't know, but it seems unlikely -- and that's not just because Jeffrey Hunter died way too young in 1969. There was -- and still is -- something uniquely compelling about the character triumvirate of Kirk, Spock and McCoy that spoke to audiences almost immediately. The casting in "The Cage" just wasn't as strong.

Jeffrey Hunter never did much for me, but my feminist side mourns the loss of a female first officer wearing pants. I liked Number One, but I can see how studio execs in 1965 would have found her intimidating. I suppose it was just too soon for a woman as second in command. Fortunately, part of her lived on; her unemotional exterior, years of experience, and position as first officer was bequeathed to the character of Spock. In fact, "The Menagerie" is an exceptionally good story for Spock as a character. While retaining his cool, unemotional exterior, he showed that he was capable of extreme loyalty and compassion by risking his life not to save Pike's, but to rescue him from an intolerable existence imprisoned in a vegetative body. The present day story related well to "The Cage," because both stories were about technology taking us further than we truly ought to go.

It's also interesting that the Talosian mind games were supposedly so dangerous that going to Talos IV was the only death penalty offense in the Star Trek universe, but something similar -- the Holodeck -- becomes a form of recreation in Next Generation. Although the Holodeck actually was dangerous. It was always malfunctioning and killing people, wasn't it?

Ben says...

Four words: Green Orion Slave Girl. Now, not to get all guy on you, but that was a good idea. I know that for most boys my age it was Leia in the Brass Bikini from Return of the Jedi, but I was always more intellectual or something, and so: Green Orion Slave Girl... I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

Oh right, the Menagerie. What always struck me about this episode was that it's the tale of two Spocks. Both in terms of his characterization (basically: LOUD) in "The Cage" and in "The Menagerie" which establishes the depth of his loyalty to his friends. This is the episode that foreshadows Spock's sacrifice at the end of Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan and the actions of the whole crew in Star Trek 3: Save the Whales. The contrasts between Spock in the pilot and the framing story really suggest that the writers and actors realized that they had kind of written themselves into a non-emotional corner. What drives Spock if not emotion... well... basically lower key emotion like loyalty and connection with illogical humans. Along with "Amok Time" (cue: DA NA NA NANANANA NANANANA NAH… music), it establishes who both Spock and Kirk are and what's important to the characters for the whole of the Trek classic series and movies. Maybe not the best first season episode, but I think its the most important.

And did I mention the Green Orion Slave Girl?

Back to Billie for bits and pieces:

-- Star date 3012.4 (part one) and 3013.1 (part two). Starbase Eleven and Talos IV. The shuttlecraft from Starbase Eleven was called "Picasso." The ship Vina was on that crashed on Talos IV eighteen years before the action in "The Cage" was the S.S. Columbia. Pike was forced to relive a battle for his life on Rigel 7. (I've always loved that castle.)

-- Starbase Eleven featured purple cave formations, and pink and orange walls. The conference room on the Enterprise had stark furniture and walls that were colored by special lights. And since I'm talking about color, green Orion slave girls?

-- Spock served under Christopher Pike for eleven years, four months, and five days before Pike was promoted to fleet captain. The action on Talos IV took place thirteen years ago.

-- The Talosian keepers were played by women; the voices were dubbed.

-- The Enterprise computer, a prominent character in this episode, was voiced by Majel Barrett (Roddenberry), who also played Number One. In Next Generation, Picard called Riker "Number One" in an homage to her. I remember Star Trek novelist Peter David connecting the dots and making Number One the actual source of the main computer's voice, which was just lovely. Is it canon? If not, it ought to be.

-- McCoy mentioned the obviously faulty belief that Vulcans are incapable of lying.

-- Note the paper printer on the older Enterprise's bridge, instead of a computer screen. Sort of an interstellar fax.

-- Commodore Mendez was never really there. Lieutenant Hanson was never seen again. The ship's doctor thirteen years ago was named Boyce; guess he found another job, too.

-- Uhura was back in red again. "The Cage" uniforms were gold, beige and blue, like they were in "Where No Man Has Gone Before." And the dress uniforms for the trial were nice. I especially liked the ribbons scattered in a sort of abstract pattern on the left breast.

Quotes:

McCoy: "Blast medicine, anyway."

McCoy: "Is confinement to quarters enough?" I loved this. As in, it's so improbable that you did something wrong, Spock, that I have no idea how to react. (I also think this was the first time we saw Spock's quarters.)

Pike: "I'm tired of being responsible for two hundred and three lives, and I'm tired of deciding which mission is too risky and which isn't. And who's going on the landing part and who doesn't. And who lives... and who dies."

Four out of four bubble-headed aliens,

Billie

More about Ben here.
Original air dates: November 17 and 24, 1966

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Persons Unknown: The Way Through

“I hate this place.”

I’ve mentioned elsewhere how much it irks me when the writers don’t seem to realize that the characters interact off-screen. Consider me irked.

This episode didn’t pick up where we left off: an entire week of digging has passed since last week. Now, maybe it’s just my inordinate fondness for The Great Escape, but I think that an entire tunnel-digging episode would have been fabulous. You can learn a lot about people when you’re digging together. Digging is hot, boring, dirty work: at the end of the day, over Szechuan eggplant and eggrolls, you’d tell stories. Funny stories, sad stories. You’d open up, because you’d be too tired to shut down. But our characters don’t seem to have done that. They seem to have just…dug.

In silence.

Without even changing their clothes.

That plan didn’t work, or the signal fire. I’d thought the fire would catch, and the people would be trapped in a blazing town with no way out. Instead, the Dharma Initiative dropped off a box of not-enough gas masks. Not surprisingly, the point of the gas masks was not to protect our heroes, but to punish those selfish enough to keep their own masks. Perhaps this is some self-help workshop, like The Game.

And now I’m out of things to say about the plot. That was fast.

Moira continues to be an interesting character, for two reasons: she dribbles out information in odd bits, and she definitely seems to latch onto people. It almost seems like a Survivor strategy: she continues to portray herself as a victim in one-on-one encounters, which means that at least two people will now inadvertently cast themselves in the role of protector if she’s in harm’s way. The second reason? She’s the only character who talks about anything!

Well, except for Blackham and Charlie, who seem to have an odd bond. Blackham saw what appears to be Charlie smothering his wife; Charlie, meanwhile, implied to some people that his wife is alive, but told Blackham that it was a mercy killing. Then Blackham revealed that he’s not really a used-car salesman. That man has an odd effect on his surroundings: he seems to incite people to violence. If he’s a plant, I don’t think he’s the only one. But he might just be playing his own game. A slimy, seedy game.

Janet, meanwhile, had a bit of a breakdown and then pushed through it. How interesting would it have been if there’d been just a hint that she and Joe were sleeping together? Or—even better—if we’d gotten a hint that two unlikely characters, like Charlie and Tori, had indulged in some cold comfort a few days ago, and were now avoiding each other? A touch, a shudder, a glance…I’d hoped for that sort of subtle layering from McQuarrie, but I’m not getting it.

I continue to hold out hope, but this episode really didn’t do much for me. The previews for next week look promising, though.

Bits and Pieces:

• “Never bring a bat to a gun fight.” Love this variation on The Untouchables.

• Tori: “There are some gasses you can’t see?” Is that a serious question?

• The Symbol of the Week is the tiny spoon and the big barrel of ice cream. The spoon will definitely snap before Janet finishes that tub.

• Renbe is being set up. Oh, and the private dick’s name was Edick. Funny.

I couldn’t find a good screenshot for this episode, perhaps because only twenty people are watching this show. So the image is of adorable baby panda stuffed animals hugging. I’d love to watch a show about baby panda toys trapped in a town, talking in their little voices about how to escape. “Oh, no! What do we do now, my panda-friend?” "Eek! We are in peril!" As long as they all survived, of course.

One out of four tiny wooden spoons.

(Season One, Episode Three)

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True Blood: Beautifully Broken

Eric: "You're going to invite me in so I can protect you. Or have passionate, primal sex with you."

When I think of True Blood, the word that usually springs to mind is "outrageous." This episode was definitely outrageous.

Nazi werewolves fueled by vampire blood? If they've been around since World War II and Eric never found out who their master was, it had to be a vampire. I assume that would be the King of Mississippi? Actually, seeing Eric and Godric undercover in SS uniforms was one of the best things about this episode. I wonder if Godric is one of those dead characters that will keep coming back forever, like Fitz on Highlander? That would be fine with me.

What does the King of Mississippi really want with Bill? He said he wants to marry the Queen of Louisiana. Does he think Bill is important to the Queen? I wonder if Bill really is important to the Queen? Whatever. That multi-course meal had me laughing out loud over and over again. Cruelty-free carbonated blood. Warm blood bisque infused with rose petals. The blood gelato was the best one. And I loved that toss off comment about Thai food.

I don't think Lorena will be all that forgiving after getting a flaming lantern in the face. Maybe Bill should have been a bit more diplomatic.

Alan Ball clearly got the memo that the fans wanted more of Eric and Sookie. The outright flirtatious interaction between the two of them was just yummy. He even appeared susceptible to her tears; his face in that scene was priceless, sort of a cross between dismay and confusion. I hope he isn't faking it for reasons of his own, because that will really tick me off.

And speaking of sexy vampires, it looks like Tara just got one of her own to help her beat up rednecks in the parking lot at Merlotte's. Franklin Mott (his name wasn't given in the episode, but it was in the credits) is almost certainly going to be great big trouble, something Tara most certainly doesn't need right now, but I thought he was cool. (I think I just put my finger on why I've dated so many wrong guys in my life.)

Earlier in the episode, Mott and his distinctive boots were going through Bill's secret files (Bill's secret files!) on Sookie and the Stackhouse family tree. Sookie and her grandfather were circled. I seem to remember Adele saying something about Sookie's grandfather having a gift. Aha.

In other news... now we know where all of Lafayette's money goes. That was actually quite touching. Alfre Woodard is an amazing actress, so I'm sure we're going to see more of Ruby Jean Reynolds. I bet we'll see more of Jesus, too. I mean Jesus the attendant, not the one Lettie Mae constantly brings up.

And then there's Jessica. I loved her not so subtly pumping Pam on how not to kill her prey, and her efforts to dispose of the body. Chainsaws, air freshener... doesn't Bill live next door to a cemetery? Do the math and get a shovel, Jessica.

Except the problem seems to have taken care of itself. Uh oh.

Bits and pieces:

-- Sam's adventures with his bio family made me think he should have left well enough alone. His homicidal little bulldog of a brother has trouble literally written all over him.

-- Hoyt hasn't given up on Jessica. That was sweet. It was also sweet of Jason to stop by and clean the mud, blood and broken branches out of Sookie's house.

-- Anna Paquin did a cute impression of Stephen Moyer saying, "Sookehhh."

-- Calvin Norris of Hotshot was running a meth lab?

-- Jason and Andy might as well tell the world what really happened to Eggs, because it's going to come out of Jason's mouth eventually, anyway.

-- Jason saw a mysterious blonde in the woods. Well, he hasn't had sex in at least a day, so I guess it's time to introduce a new love interest for him.

-- Terry has a diploma in anger management and an armadillo living under his bed. Okay. Arlene needs to tell Terry. Actually, if Terry were more strongly connected to reality, he would have figured it out by now.

-- Silver door. Nice touch.

-- Sam is 34.

-- A Snoop Dogg video entitled "Oh Sookie" aired after the episode. Very funny.

Quotes:

Bill: "Cooter? Seriously?"

Pam: "Let's go in the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirror."

Jessica: "But how do you stop?"
Pam: "I think about crying children with soggy diapers. Also maggots."

Eric: (to Sookie, who is crying) "Please don't do that. Makes me feel... disturbingly human."

Sookie: "It's five a.m. What are you doing eating my chicken in the dark?"

Jason: "There's werewolves?"
Sookie: "Yes."
Jason: "Shit. Bigfoot, is he real, too?"
Sookie: "I don't know. I guess it's possible."
Jason: "Santa?"

Terry: "Usually when I see things other people don't, it's because I haven't taken my medication."

Terry: "You know how to use one of these?"
Sookie: "I ain't that blonde."

Jason: "You're my best friend."
Andy: "Now that's just sad."

Jason: "I ain't never been in the front seat before."

Sookie: "Mister Northman, would you please come in?"

Better than the premiere. Four out of four bowls of blood gelato,

Billie

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Wonderfalls: Safety Canary

Objects: Safety Canary, Lovesick Ass, Mounted Fish
Missions: “Take a picture” and “Save the lovebirds”

‘Safety Canary’ seemingly picks up pretty much where we left off in ‘Lovesick Ass,’ with Jaye and Eric prepping for their first official date at the zoo. Unfortunately, their date goes horribly awry when Jaye is hounded to “take a picture” (ironically by a sign warning patrons not to use flash photography) and subsequently gets attacked by a traumatized macaw. Because Jaye’s actions get the birds’ handler reassigned and threatens to destroy the macaws’ mating efforts, she’s later directed to “help the lovebirds,” kicking off her latest string of crazy adventures. This week’s activities include “liberating” the birds from the zoo, creating a supportive mating habitat in her parents' laundry room, allowing the birds to escape, and then attempting to recapture them, all while trying to protect Eric from her man eater ways. By episode’s end, “love is in the air” for nearly everyone except Jaye, even though she spends the better part of the episode making out passionately with Eric. Go figure.

Sigh. This is another fun episode, but I can’t even begin to express my frustration with this latest turn in Jaye and Eric’s relationship. I never should have let myself get excited by the possibility of those two together. It just can’t be easy, can it? I understand they are “in the infancy of their relationship” and that “the bond is very delicate,” but couldn’t they have had at least one good date before Jaye tried to scuttle the whole relationship and Eric’s ex-wife showed up? Cruel, cruel writers. It makes sense that if Jaye has never been in love and really does like Eric the most of all the boys she’s liked, that she might try to protect herself and use her “animals as an excuse to avoid risk.” But I wanted to enjoy the treacly romance just a little longer, dammit! Darn that Jaye for standing in her own way!

With a little “help” from Mahandra, that is. I found Mahandra’s sudden shift in attitude perplexing. She was totally egging Jaye on to get with Eric in ‘Lovesick Ass,’ but is now insisting Jaye break things off with Eric. Did she have a change of heart when she saw how smitten Eric was? It isn’t like he was hiding his moony affection for Jaye before they started kissing. Why wasn’t she concerned until Jaye said there was no love to kill “yet”? (“You said yet. Three little letters and the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard fly out of your mouth. And also the most terrifying.”) I can appreciate her wanting to protect poor besotted Eric from the love-killing predator that she knows so well, but why encourage Jaye to go after him in the first place if she was concerned about “everything that boy’s been through”?

Speaking of Mahandra, I totally did not foresee a love connection between her and Aaron. It came out of nowhere and kind of felt a bit incestuous. And yet, it still worked somehow. Maybe because it makes perfect sense for them to bond over the craziness that is Jaye. I hope they combine their knowledge and realize that Jaye really is getting messages from inanimate objects. Could be fun.

Other Thoughts

I really loved the way they kept using the birds’ situation and characteristics to parallel Jaye and Eric. The juxtaposition of the opening narration with Jaye and Eric getting ready for their date was particularly amusing. “Lauren, our wild-caught female is an unwieldy, some might say, destructive bird. A lovely, lovely creature. She’ll chew through just about anything given half a snowball’s chance. Even a prospective mate.”

I was, once again, going to complain about the confusing weather changes between episodes --- they went from shorts and sweltering heat to sweaters and winter coats! --- but on further reflection, I realized this is an accurate depiction of the weather here in western New York. We had several stretches this spring where I bounced between shorts and sweaters all in the span of a couple days. Crazy!

However, the constantly shifting weather does make it a little hard to keep track of how much time has passed in the series to this point. How long has it been since Sharon and Beth first hooked up in ‘Pink Flamingos’? It feels like it has been several months at least, so it seems strange that Sharon would suddenly be second-guessing the relationship. Has it been less time than it seems?

Did Beth sleep with her ex-husband? Has she gone straight again? Thomas seemed awfully chipper when he left her place, and she really wanted to tell Sharon something. Poor Sharon.

The visual with Eric’s heart flying out of his chest and into Jaye’s destructive grasp was really funny (and kind of gross). “Somebody stop me, I can’t help myself!”

Jewel Staite, I love you. Ordinarily it is a pleasure to have you on my television screen. But right now, I hate you. Go back to your hole, Heidi!

I was amused that the poor exchange student from Prague is still in touch with both Sharon and Aaron.

Rufus and Penelope were very cute together, but that ending montage with their “meet the elephant” date seemed mildly obscene. And yet, I start laughing every time I picture it.

Quotes

Jaye: “Eww. Did that monkey just throw its food at you?”
Penelope: “In a way.”

Sharon: “Thank you for allowing me to be a rest stop on your road to heterosexual bliss.”
Beth (confused): “You’re welcome.”

Jaye: “And I’m not a love killer.”
Mahandra: “Well … actually, the bird lady is kind of right about that. Well, half right. You don’t just kill love. You stalk it, you toy with it, then you kill it. You’re the huntress and love is your prey.”

Jaye: “Love. Love is our higher law. And we’re here to save it. Not that it was ever in any danger. From me.”

Aaron (re: the birds): “Did the cow creamer tell you to do this?”
Jaye: “No. A stuffed donkey did.”

Penelope: “Why are you here?”
Aaron: “I wanna see an engorged cloacae.”
Penelope: “I told you. Your powerful sexual chemistry is too distracting.”
Aaron : “I get that a lot actually.”

Jaye: “I’m trying to save him. By avoiding him. So I can be with him. But I can’t go near him or I’ll destroy him. So if I can just manage to stay away from him, then maybe we could be together. [Pause.] Please don’t repeat that back to me.”

Mahandra: “Yeah, well, for all my innate magnetism, I haven’t really been attracting a lot of the brothers in the Greater Niagara Region lately.”
Aaron: “I’m somebody’s brother.”

Eric: “I don’t want to escape.”
Jaye: “You need to. You need to now, before you have to chew off your own leg to get free.”

Jaye (to Penelope): “I’ve never seen anyone work so hard to get someone else laid in my entire life. You’re like the total Mack Daddy bird pimp.”

Jaye: “Human interaction is scary. And it’s unpredictable. And you have to interact with other, … humans.”

Final Analysis: A good episode, but a very frustrating turn of events. The course of true love just never runs smooth, does it?


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About Us: Serena Yang

Here's the next installment in our "about us" series. Meet Serena Yang!

What area of the world do you live in, and what do you do? (Because we all know you don't make any money doing this.)

I live in a small island that is like nowhere else on Earth, where people wear edible clothes, drink Starbucks while biking to work, and pass by naked men with nothing on but a purple cape without even blinking. Welcome to San Francisco.

Professionally, I yell at people, color code, and herd cats. I recently got promoted, so now I can add "being overhead" to the list.

What show or shows are you covering on the site?

GLEE!

Fill in the blanks: "If ______ weren't already doing a great job, I would review _____."

How can you ask me that question? The reason I found this place to begin with is because of Billie's reviews of Buffy and Lost. As Josie said, it's part of my viewing experience. But the shows that I love enough to have an opinion on would be True Blood, Dexter, and Chuck.

What's your favorite television show of all time? (Okay, top five will do if you can't narrow it down to one.) What was the first show you fell in love with? What show would you consider to be your guilty pleasure?

Buffy is easily my favorite show - although I completely blame her for making me think it's ok to talk like a valley girl. My top 5 is rounded out by Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, Glee, and Alias.

Since I've been a tv addict most of my life, I can't remember when I first fell in love with a show - but I can tell you that the first show I remember watching obsessively was Buffy.

As far as guilty pleasures go - I openly admit to loving Gossip Girl and listening to Britney. So I have no shame, but I love L&O: SVU.

Who's your favorite male television character? Same question for female. Favorite television theme song?

Dexter, Casey from Chuck, and Eric from True Blood, and Adama from BSG come to mind. I'd have to say Buffy, Sydney Bristow from Alias, Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl, and Sue Sylvester from Glee.

I love the BSG theme song, but I love the Alias opening sequence.

What character do you identify with the most, and why?

Oy. A better answer would be what character do I aspire to be? There I'd say Blair Waldorf for her wardrobe, Sydney from Alias for her crazy talents, and every tiny female that could kick a**.

Actually, I want to change my answer to character I identify with most to Debra Morgan (potty mouth) and Greg House (crankypants).

We love movies, too. What are your top five movies?

Gladiator, Chicago, Mean Girls, The Last Emperor, The Dark Knight.

We love books, too. Who are your favorite authors? What are you reading right now?

Harry Potter - well, up until book 5, at least. I think Stephen King is incredibly talented, but I don't read too many of his books because they scare the crap out of me. (I slept with my windows closed and lights on all summer after reading Salem's Lot). I am - not surprisingly - a fan of historical fiction a la The Boleyn Girl. But my favorite author is JD Robb - trashy murder-mystery-romance novels that always entertain no matter how often I read them.

I read a bunch of nonfiction, particularly about human nature and group dynamics. I know, sounds really depressing. A good one is Stumbling Onto Happiness.

When did you realize you were a hopeless geek?

When I broke up with my (then) boyfriend because he couldn't fix my wireless router.

If you were an animal, what would you be?

A dachshund.

What's your sign?

Virgo, year of the fire dragon. I was destined to be an anal-retentive control freak.

What's in your iPod/MP3 player?

GLEE - of course! Lady Gaga also kicks it. Sometimes I listen to Beethoven.

What's your least favorite chore around the house?

Emptying the dishwasher.

What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Oooh... lychee. Or green tea. This is all, of course, a dream, because I'm asian and lactose intolerant.

Cats or dogs? Elvis or the Beatles? Sam or Dean?

DOGS! Beatles. Who?

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