True Blood: Frenzy

Jason: "Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible. Or the Constitution."

I loved the Queen's "day room" so, so much. It was luxurious and utterly weird, and it's hard to pull off a combination like that. And it suited her, come to think of it, because the Queen is indeed luxurious and utterly weird. The Yahtzee game and some of the things she said were just hilarious. (She was cheating at Yahtzee. Who cheats at Yahtzee?)

Why does the Queen know who Sookie is? How close are the Queen and Bill? Or was it just because the Queen's "human" is Sookie's cousin Hadley? Queen, yes, I get it, hard to make excuses and get away, but why didn't Bill leave sooner? Sookie obviously needed him in Bon Temps, even though she wasn't in danger at the time. At least Bill now knows how to take down a maenad. I think.

We finally know why Maryann targeted Bon Temps: Tara's ordeal with Miss Jeanette opened the door. That even makes sense. I'm among the scads of fans who are tired of the Maryann plot, though. I wonder if they should have held back the crazy for awhile, and accelerated later in the season? Character actor William Sanderson (Bud) doing a square dance half naked may have been my favorite black-eye scene, period. There could have been a lot more of that instead of all the orgies.

I totally understood what Sookie said about her house being defiled. She's had a terrible time lately, and what Maryann has done to her house is probably like bitter frosting on a really awful cake. Sacrilege. That scene on the kitchen floor was pretty funny, though, with Sookie braining Mike the coroner with a saucepan.

Jason is now convinced that God sent him to the leadership conference so that he could save Bon Temps. Who knows? Maybe he's right. His speculations about Sam were too funny; I laughed throughout that entire Jason/Andy conversation in the truck. Note how all of Jason's theories about what Sam can do in animal form had to do with sex. I also loved how Andy called Jason a damn fool, and Jason promptly walked into a tree.

Sam was terrific. He told Jason and Andy the truth about himself. He took care of Arlene's kids. He went to Eric for help. And for me, Eric was the highlight of the episode. Children, yum. Teacup humans. :) Taking off straight up into the air, but only after carefully buttoning his suit coat. I even loved the self-conscious way he kept trying to make his hair lie down flat post-flight while he was arguing with Bill.

And hey. Gorgeous grey suit. Yowsa. Not that I didn't like the black tank top.

A great big egg? Really? What is it? A dinosaur egg? The future "god" imagining itself into existence? Did Daphne pop one out before she died after a romp around town as an ostrich? I found myself hoping it was just really weird performance art, because this is getting way too bizarre.

I take brief notes when I watch the show, and looking at part of last night's made me laugh out loud:

grey suit
Eric can fly!
house is defiled
vamps eating kids
Yahtzee

Bits and pieces:

-- For Hoyt, blood turned out to be thicker than... well, this metaphor isn't going to work on a show with vampires, but Jessica shouldn't have gotten between Hoyt and his mother. At least not this early in their relationship. I hope it's not over for those two crazy kids.

-- Eric confronted Bill about giving Sookie blood the night they met, and Bill actually looked guilty.

-- Sookie and Lafayette are both dreaming about Eric. Lafayette is clearly not having as much fun, though. Eric as Lettie Mae was just too disturbing. How am I supposed to fantasize about a hot vampire when he's in a church lady dress?

-- Lettie Mae shot cats with her BB gun. And she chose the worst possible time to listen to Tara. Typical.

-- Tara was an utter idiot. Yes, she's in love, but she was an idiot.

-- Lafayette just killed Karl. And replaced him as Maryann's chef, unfortunately.

-- Potato chips, Snickers, and hot sauce casserole. Gah. And poor Hoyt just found out his father killed himself. It hasn't been a good day for Hoyt.

-- I particularly liked the subtle way that Bill cringed a little every time the Queen said something obscene or profane. He was freaked when she said they should have sex, but didn't let it show. Much.

-- Hadley doesn't know Gran is dead, and Bill didn't tell her.

-- Lafayette has fuzzy purple handcuffs. Of course he does.

Quotes:

Jessica: "Did you hear all those nasty things she said about you? And me?"
Hoyt: "She's my mama! She gets to! Where the hell are you from?"

Queen: "What gives you the right to say no to the femoral blood of a good woman? You know what your problem is, William? You are a snob. I hate snobs. Tiny tiny souls. Or penises. Or both." That was pretty insulting.

Jason: "I read a book about this. This is Armageddon. This is the oral history of the zombie war." I honestly don't know where Jason came up with that one.

Cop: "Chinese fire drill?"
Jason: "Russian roulette."

Sam: "Hopefully someday I might be able to give you something you need."
Eric: "Can you give me Sookie Stackhouse?"
Pam rolled her eyes. Is she jealous?

Eric: "Come on, Pam. They're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans." Okay, much to do on the True Blood discussion list about Eric chomping on kids. But note that he didn't say they were delicious in English; it was in Swedish. I choose to believe he was joking with Pam, and said it in Swedish so as not to scare the kids.

Queen: "It seems your friend Mr. Northman is here."
Bill: "It's definitely time for me to go."
Queen: "This alpha male posturing. You two really should just fuck each other and get it over with. I could watch."
This reminded me of Buffy telling Spike to wrestle it out with Angel, and oil of some kind being involved. :)

Another witty, fast moving episode. Three out of four stakes,

Billie

All of my True Blood reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 11)

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Torchwood: Captain Jack Harkness

Jack: "It's not my name, it's his. I took his. But I didn't realize he was so hot."

Jack goes back into the past, and falls in love with himself. A new and interesting take on narcissism.

From the start, we could tell that this was a time period that meant a lot to Jack; there was such joy on his face, and familiarity as well. He told Tosh that his experiences in WWII were when he was a con man. Would that be before he met the Doctor and Rose, or after? What is Jack's real name? Tosh asked him, but he didn't tell her. Will we ever know?

Anyway. Since the real Jack Harkness (I'll call him Captain Harkness to differentiate him from our lead character) was involved with a woman and living in 1941, I'm guessing he was bi or closeted, and his strong attraction for our Jack brought him out, so to speak. That dance and that kiss had a powerful effect on Captain Harkness. He seemed to be experiencing a moment of genuine joy and self-acceptance ... the day before he died. Better than not at all, I suppose. Our Jack's philosophy is live for today, for tomorrow you may die. For Captain Harkness, that was literally true. Of course, our Jack can't die. Maybe he needs another philosophy.

That was some incredibly sexy kiss. John Barrowman can screen kiss like nobody's business. But wouldn't two men dancing together in front of a bunch of GIs raise some eyebrows in 1941? Yes, everyone on the dance floor was staring at them, but no one reacted. Maybe it was the "tomorrow we die" spirit and the shock of seeing the Rift open. But I kept thinking of that woman who called Tosh a racial slur; it just seems like someone would freak. The romantic in me is glad it didn't happen, though. Like I said, that was some kiss.

As Jack was falling in love with his doppelganger and bonding with Tosh, Owen and Ianto came to blows. Owen wanted to open the Rift to find Diane, his Lost Love. Ianto was all rational and trying to keep Owen from destroying the world, and let me point out that Ianto also lost his lover recently and had clearly learned from his earlier stupidity. Ianto showed true loyalty toward Jack, too. And shot Owen. Too late, but still.

What Owen did to the Rift brought Jack and Tosh back to the present. The wonderfully named time-traveler Bilis Manger was never explained, though, and whatever it was that he wanted from changing Tosh's equation, he got it. He was smiling. This can't be good.

Bits and pieces:

-- According to "Everything Changes," Captain Jack Harkness, American volunteer RAF, 133 Squadron, disappeared on January 21, 1941. Jack introduced himself as Captain James Harper. I wonder if JH are Jack's real initials?

-- Why didn't Jack know what his namesake looked like? He certainly knew a lot about the real Captain Harkness, since he was impersonating him for so long. Yes, this was way before photo IDs, but you'd think Jack would have seen at least one photograph.

-- Okay, one more. If Captain Harkness disappeared in 1941 and our Jack took his name and used it, then Captain Jack Harkness *didn't* disappear in 1941; there should have been reports *afterward.* Right?

-- Jack told Captain Harkness about talking his best friend into signing up when they were very young, and being caught over enemy lines, where his friend was tortured to death. Jack said the enemy were the worst possible creatures, but they let Jack go.

-- The half a formula here and half a formula there was too obvious a McGuffin, but okay.

-- Tosh was on her way to her grandfather's 88th birthday, so she was (conveniently) in a party dress. Her determination to fix the situation and get the formula to Torchwood was commendable; she even bled for it. She also showed a lot of friendship and compassion for Jack.

-- Tosh's laptop battery died awfully quickly. Even mine doesn't go that fast.

-- Bilis Manger had a Polaroid camera. When did they come out? Did Bilis bring it from another time?

-- Jack told Captain Harkness that he had no one right now. But isn't he canoodling with Ianto? Is that just a casual sort of thing for Jack, sleeping with one of his employees?

-- Nice crossover touch: there were "Vote Saxon" posters on the Ritz in the present day sequences. I wonder if I missed some earlier in the season?

Quotes:

Tosh: "Pearl Harbor, Jack."
Jack: "Doesn't happen 'til the end of the year."
Tosh: "Granddad stayed in London, but he was persecuted. If I stay stuck here, what will happen to me?"
Jack: "I'll take care of you."
He would, too.

Owen: "I'm tired of being in awe of the Rift. I'm tired of living with Jack's secrets. We don't even know who he is."

Owen: "You're just a tea boy."
Ianto: "I'm much more than that. Jack needs me."
Owen: "In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad, wet dreams where you're his part-time shag, maybe."
Notice how when Owen says something offensive to his workmates, he always implies that they're sexually unattractive to make them feel bad about themselves. He's done it to Tosh and Gwen, too. I don't think he's done it to Jack. But then again, it wouldn't work on Jack.

Tosh: "He would have been so proud that you took his name. Because here you are, saving the world."

Three out of four stars,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 12)

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Torchwood: Combat

Jack: "The weevil has landed."

Fight Club with weevils. No, let me rephrase that. A bad episode about Fight Club with weevils. Yes, let's search for the meaning of life by getting mauled. That works. In fact, this entire episode was one long metaphor about nasty, aggressive guys being brainless alien animals.

Speaking of Owen... I know I am way too negative about him, but I can't seem to stop myself. But I must say that it was out of character for a womanizer slash misogynist like Owen to miss Diane so much that he wanted to die. Gwen was nice enough to offer him a shoulder, something very few former lovers would do, and he treated her like garbage. What a jerk.

Although again, Owen wasn't a complete loss. He showed a lot of courage, as well as an ability to go with the flow, to do a seriously good job while undercover. And he had a difficult time watching Mark beating a tied-up weevil. Do weevils have rights? Torchwood really should do something about the weevils other than keep them in tiny dank cells. How about a habitat, like a zoo? What about mating, and baby weevils? How about writing them out of the series? I really don't like weevils.

I did like Jack a lot in this episode; he was the high point. He's like a force of nature. In fact, he was pretty much showing what real masculinity was all about in an episode overflowing with testosterone poisoning. In contrast, Gwen was rather weepy and girlie while also turning into Suzie, what with the dosing Rhys with Retcon after telling him the truth about Owen. That's the first step on a dangerous road for her. Let's hope she doesn't take another one.

Rhys actually resorted to the "If you go now, don't come back" speech, which is always a sign that the end is near. I sort of can't blame him. What guy wouldn't be threatened by a guy who looks like Jack just barging in at dinner and taking his girlfriend away? Gwen really needs to tell Rhys the truth, or move on. She can't just stay stuck in the same place in their relationship, not knowing which way to turn or what to do.

Which was nicely illustrated by the scene where she brought pizza into the Hub, just like she did in the pilot episode before she learned the truth about Torchwood. She can't go back to that point now, no matter how much she wishes she could.

Bits and pieces:

-- I thought it was appropriate that Owen's undercover business was in jellied eels. It suited him. He's a jellied eel.

-- Owen snarling at the weevil was outright ridiculous.

-- If weevils are wild, vicious animals, why do they wear clothes?

-- Jack didn't die, but Owen nearly did.

Quotes:

Jack: "You know what they used these warehouses for during World War Two? Storing the bodies of dead G.I.'s. Sometimes you can know too much history."

Gwen: "Why are we still doing this, me and you?"
Owen: "Fine. Let's not. I was getting bored with your fuck tricks, anyway."
I'm tempted to call him a jerk again, but jerk just isn't a strong enough term for him.

Tosh: "You call it Janet?"
Jack: "Barbara just never seemed right."

Mark: "The ultimate extreme sport. Too much disposable income, not enough meaning, that's us."
Not enough brains, more like. What about, say, competitive boxing? Not suicidal enough, even with the prospect of possible brain damage?

One star,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 11)

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Torchwood: Out of Time

John: "What, did you fall through time, too?"
Jack: "Yeah. You could say that."

I like time travel stories. This one was quite good.

I particularly liked that it was just about three displaced people in time: no monsters, no aliens, no demons except the ones in their own minds. Torchwood can pull off serious and profound, and that's no small thing. But I have to admit I got a bit tired of it before the end, almost certainly because of the focus on the Owen/Diane love story. Funny how he magically turned into a gentleman just for this one episode. Pardon my sarcasm.

Absolutely loved the exuberant shopping scene. It was like Christmas, slowly followed by something much like an emotional group funeral as they realized how everything they knew and everyone they loved were irrevocably gone. Especially John; it would have been kinder and certainly less traumatic if he had never found his son. Emma was young enough to move on and probably make a good life for herself, but even Diane, who wasn't that much older, simply couldn't make the adjustment. I can't imagine why having lots of sex with Owen wouldn't keep her happy. Sorry, there I go again.

This was a good episode for Jack. He was coming off as remote and brutal in the last few, but here, he could relate in a big way since he is out of his time, too, and had actually been around in the fifties. It was sweet of him to stop fighting the inevitable and let John kill himself. Although in retrospect, shouldn't Jack have tried to get John to wait a little longer? John could have taken off with Diane in the end. At least they wouldn't have died alone, if that was what happened to her.

For me, the strongest moment was when Gwen told Emma, "It's like two separate worlds. There's Torchwood and there's real life." Of course, that was the point -- that being in Torchwood is like being an alien or a displaced time traveler, that they feel completely out of touch with so-called normal people. Normal people like Rhys, who finally caught Gwen in a great big lie.

Gwen all but admitted to Emma that her love life with Rhys doesn't thrill her. It's over with Owen. Is it about to be over with Rhys? If it is, I can see Gwen falling apart. She really depends on Rhys; he's her anchor.

Bits and pieces:

-- Jack told John that his life was "just bearable." Jack also told John that there is no life after death. I guess Jack is in a position to know.

-- Wasn't there a Next Generation episode with this same plot? TNG was once my favorite show, but it's been a long time since I've seen it. Maybe it's time to watch it again.

-- Jack didn't die in this episode. But he held John's hand while John died. That was incredibly kind of Jack. Not something just anyone would have done.

Quotes:

Gwen: "At least it wasn't a spaceship full of aliens."
Jack: "That might have been easier."

Ianto: "There are wave bouncing detectors which emit high frequency radio waves and then look for reflections..."
Diana: "Bananas!"
Ianto: "Of course, bananas are far more interesting."

Diana: "They sell films in boxes, and you can watch them at home."

Gwen: "This is Rhys, my long-suffering boyfriend. And he lives here."
Emma: "Don't your parents mind?"
Gwen: "Emma's parents are a bit religious."
Rhys: "Oh. Better not tell them you saw my morning glory then, eh?"

Jack: "You don't get reunited, John. It just goes black."
John: "How do you know?"
Jack: "I died once."
Once? I guess it wasn't the time to say, hey, I've died so many times I've lost track.

Three stars,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 10)

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Torchwood: Random Shoes

Eugene: "I didn't really know what the eye was anymore, but I was damned if I was going to let it go for thirty-four pounds and a banana milkshake."

Episodes based around someone else with a minimum of regular cast tend to be chancey, and mostly, they don't work. I was impatient with this one early on, but it turned out to be rather touching.

I honestly didn't pick up on what was going on until near the end, when Eugene swallowed the alien eye and promptly got hit by a car. All through the episode, the alien eye was doing its job: it was looking behind Eugene at what came before, and allowing him to see it all from a different perspective. This was actually the first *good* alien artifact, because it allowed Eugene to achieve his heart's desire and have some closure to his brief, somewhat meaningless existence.

Eugene did more with his little look back than he'd done in his entire life. He was the center of a Torchwood investigation. Found out who his true friends were. Reunited his estranged father with his angry little brother. Made his grief-stricken mother proud. Saved Gwen from dying the same way that he had.

Gwen again really did seem to be the only one in Torchwood with a heart, the only one who cared what actually happened to Eugene. Owen was outright nasty to her. There was serious, angry tension between them. They must have broken up, and we didn't see it happen. Yay. On the breaking up part, that is. I would have enjoyed seeing it happen. I wonder if there was screaming and slapping.

Bits and pieces:

-- Eugene Jones, Torchwood groupie. How do you get to be a groupie of a secret organization?

-- Owen forced Gwen to do an autopsy. Has she had medical training we haven't heard about?

-- Most Obvious Symbolism was of course the photos of the random shoes. Gwen wanted to figure it out, but it really didn't mean anything. Much like life, huh?

-- Jack didn't die in this episode. Eugene just winked out in the end. Again, no glimpse or suggestion of an afterlife.

Quotes:

Gwen: "I just feel that there's something going on."
Owen: "Marvelous. Thank you for that Disney moment."

Josh the videostore guy: "See, a lot of people come in here. They don't want to be themselves any more. They want to be someone else. They want me to transport them." A bit pretentious, there.

Eugene: "Maybe I never quite lived up to my early promises of maths genius, but that's because I was waiting for the alien to collect his eye and change my life."

Guy: "It's a plastic eye."
Eugene: "It's an alien body part, and I'm going to sell it on eBay."

Jack: "It's useful, fun, slightly terrifying. That's why they were in demand."

Eugene: "I'd trust you with my life if, you know, I still had one."

Possibly a three. Maybe just a high two,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 9)

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Heroes and Smallville and the fall season

This hasn't been an easy decision for me to make. I don't drop shows midstream; I tend to remain faithful to the sweet or bitter end. (I'm not oblivious to how I refer to my relationship with a particular show as a love affair.)

But I took on more shows than I should have, and last winter and spring were just too much for me. I was writing practically every night, and it stopped being fun. This is supposed to be fun. This is my favorite hobby, after all. Something has to give. And it's going to be Heroes and Smallville. Why? Because I just don't love them any more. Not the way I used to.

I'm almost certainly going to keep watching. I may even track my initial reactions so that I can incorporate them into any future reviews. Heroes and Smallville may be summer projects. Depends on whether this coming season does anything for me.

This fall, my priorities will be Supernatural, Dollhouse, and Dexter. This winter and spring, I'll be deeply into reviewing the final season of Lost. I'm committed to continuing with the Buffy comics until season eight ends, at which time I will almost certainly stop. I'm not a comic book person and it's been difficult for me to relate to the comics. I am absolutely crazy about True Blood and will review it live next summer. And I'll review Torchwood season four, if we get one, whenever it becomes available to me.

Josie K. is still planning to review Fringe and Chuck. Paul Kelly is going to continue covering Doctor Who as it airs on British television, and he's working on season four as I'm writing this. Jess Lynde is working on retro reviews and will be pitching in as we all review this fall's premieres.

Feel free to post comments about any or all of this, and about the fall season. I love my readers, and your opinions mean a lot to me.

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Torchwood: They Keep Killing Suzie

Jack: "We've been talking to the wrong corpse."

Torchwood is a tough place to work; your corpse *and* your stuff stay with Torchwood forever. Talk about your job owning your soul.

The Torchwood staff hadn't really dealt with what happened to Suzie; they had just stuffed their feelings about it into a drawer in the morgue with her. And there she was, back from the dead, stirring up old feelings, and trying to kill Gwen, her replacement. That'll show you for taking my job away from me, you interloper.

Suzie pretty much represented the direction Torchwood was going before Gwen was recruited: cold, cruel and calculating, the research and interests of Torchwood at the expense of anyone who got in the way. But she was also the one that initially got the glove to work, and that required compassion. Did Torchwood make her evil, or was it the glove? I think it was probably both. Gwen was the "new" Torchwood. It was her essential goodness that got the glove working, and her compassion for Suzie's plight that nearly got her killed.

(I have to say, that was a pretty deep chess game Suzie was betting her life on, though. If it had fallen apart at any point, it wouldn't have worked. Like, what if Gwen hadn't been able to work the glove? If they hadn't figured out about the knife? What if poor amnesia-pill Max had gotten hit by a car before he carried out his directives?)

This episode's Most Obvious Symbolism was that beautifully photographed drive in the dark car at night as the directionless journey of life toward the mystery of death. Gwen was life and Suzie was death, but they were slowly trading places; those shots of them alone with all that empty space outside the car were particularly striking. Suzie told Gwen that there was nothing after death, repeating what that dead teenager said in the pilot episode. But then Suzie said that there was something out there in the dark and it was moving. Later, she told Jack it was coming for him. How could she know that if there was nothing?

Jack's coldness and brutality were even more evident than before. He had absolutely no trouble firing pointblank at Suzie half a dozen times. He deliberately said "Torchwood" around mad Max in the cell, just to see him go nuts. Yes, somewhat funny, but Max was an innocent victim, too.

In the end, Jack and Gwen were staring at each other while "I've Found the One I Waited For" was playing in the background. All the while she's still with Rhys as well as, we assume, having an affair with Owen. And did Ianto just make an appointment with Jack for a romp in Jack's office? Jack probably wants both Gwen *and* Ianto. Quite possibly at the same time.

Bits and pieces:

-- The title should have been "We Keep Killing Suzie."

-- I liked the banter. Ianto in particular was quite droll, not once but several times.

-- Gwen confessed that she thinks about Jack and wonders what he is, pretty much all the time.

-- Alien artifacts tend to be bad. They hurt everyone, or turn people into psychos. The glove, the "ghost machine," the mind-reading pendant. Even retcon pills are dangerous.

-- The hole in the back of Suzie's head and the way it transferred to Gwen was icky and effective.

-- They were in cars at night, time was running out, and suddenly, they were on the pier and it was day. That was night becoming day a bit too quickly. Okay, let's just think of it as symbolic.

-- Ianto pointed out that gloves come in pairs.

-- The ISBN Detective Swanson gave Tosh wasn't for Emily Dickinson; it was for The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. "ISBN" stands for International Standard Book Number, by the way. Many books published in the last few decades have one, but certainly not all.

-- Despite Suzie's evil, she was hurt that no one had missed her, that everyone seemed to like Gwen so much more. Indira Varma did a great job as Suzie. I even thought the name was great. You don't expect such devious evil from someone named Suzie.

-- Jack didn't die in this episode, but Suzie certainly did. So did Gwen. And Owen heard Suzie say that she'd killed Jack.

Quotes:

Jack: "How many people have we given amnesia pills to?"
Ianto: "Two thousand and eight."
Owen: "Hey! What if they all become psychotic?"
Tosh: "Do you have to sound so happy?"
Owen: "Yeah, I'm just saying, 'Mean Streets'."

Owen: "You know, we never gave it a cool name."
Tosh: "I thought we called it the Resurrection Gauntlet."
Owen: "*Cool* name."
Ianto: "What about the Risen Mitten?"

Owen: "Give Ianto a stopwatch and he's happy."
Ianto: "It's the button on the top."

Tosh: "That's all we are in the end. A pile of boxes."

Jack: "That's one for Ianto. Risen Mitten, Life Knife, and that old classic, Stun Gun."

Gwen: "I've got my own function at Torchwood. And I'm a lot more than just a replacement."
Suzie: "Have you slept with Owen? (silence) There you go. Replaced me completely."

Detective Swanson: "You're locked inside your own base?"
Jack: "And it's not funny."
Detective Swanson: "How am I supposed to help you, exactly?"
Jack: "We need a book of poetry. It's not funny."
I liked Detective Swanson.

This was the best episode so far. Four out of four stars,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 8)

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Torchwood: Greeks Bearing Gifts

Tosh: "So I'm shagging a woman and an alien."
Mary: "Which is worse?"
Tosh: "Well, I know which one my parents would say."

Despite its flaws, this was the second episode in a row with lots of character development goodness.

The mind-reading pendant got Tosh a lot more than she bargained for. The thoughts Tosh kept hearing on the street were just great -- very clever, although not up to the standards of the Buffy episode "Earshot." Hearing Owen and Gwen thinking about their supposedly secret affair and acting like naughty children was quite funny, too, in an embarrassing sort of way. Owen's attitudes seem to be rubbing off on Gwen. Too bad it isn't the other way around.

Tosh is desperate for love and attention, or Mary wouldn't have gotten to her so quickly or affected her so profoundly. I had to assume that Mary used some sort of alien mojo on Tosh, too, because I just couldn't imagine an employee as loyal and hardworking as Tosh shooting her mouth off about Torchwood to some strange woman in a bar that she just met.

More gay sex. It's the gay sex sci-fi show. Jack was established as bisexual in Doctor Who, Gwen was kissing a woman in episode two, and now it's Tosh's turn. Fine with me, except it still feels like we're getting sex for the sake of sex. And what are the odds that we'd get three bisexuals in a five person office? Okay, Gwen was under the influence, so officially only two. So far, that is.

I really liked Jack in this episode. He seemed a lot more like an ageless, unflappable immortal, figuring out the transporter, getting rid of Mary, saving Tosh from her mistakes. Okay, a little manic, but John Barrowman is nearly always just plain fun to watch. And we got another tidbit in our what-the-heck-is-Jack sweepstakes: Tosh couldn't read Jack's mind, except once when he deliberately threw a specific thought in her direction. Tosh said it was like Jack was a dead man. Doesn't seem likely when he can eat and drink and have sex, but hey, he *was* dead, and resurrected. Even Jack doesn't know what he is.

Tosh now knows that Owen will never go for her. I can sort of see why Owen finds Tosh annoying. She's brilliant and good looking, but she doesn't play well with others, has no outlets, and seems to lack a sense of humor. She thinks she wants Owen, but what would she do if he suddenly went for her? I don't know if she'd jump at it, or back away in confusion. Tosh, find someone else. Really.

Well, at least Owen isn't the last person Tosh has kissed any more. And Tosh may have momentarily outstripped Jack in the sex-with-aliens department.

Bits and pieces:

-- Tosh was born in London in 1975, and lived in Osaka as a child. Her parents were in the RAF. She began working for a government science think tank at 20, and has been in Torchwood for three years. When was she a prisoner?

-- "Dr. Sato", played by the same actress, was in a first season episode of Doctor Who called "Aliens of London." Was she in UNIT then? I don't recall.

-- Tosh learned that Ianto is in terrible emotional pain; he's barely functioning, although he's hiding it extremely well.

-- Again, strong indications that Owen is very good at his job. Even if he did get the skeleton's gender and cause of death wrong at first.

-- Jack was standing contemplatively on a high place again. Maybe he likes to feel that he is master of all he surveys. Maybe he just likes high places. Personally, heights always make my knees feel weird.

-- Jack talked on the phone with the Prime Minister.

-- They never did explain why an alien would chain smoke. It seemed like it had something to do with her alien physiogomy, but I wish they'd said so. Mary's first victim was a killer of prostitutes, too. I thought they were going somewhere with that one, but no.

-- Why are mysterious alien pendants always green?

Quotes:

Jack: "Just once I'd like to walk into one of these tents and find it's a party. You know, with food and drink, people dancing, a girl crying in the corner."

Gwen: "Any idea what it is?"
Jack: "Not a clue. Could be a weapon. Or a really big stapler."

Gwen: (thinking) "I wonder if I could get Owen to come down to the vault. No, couldn't have sex in front of a weevil. I couldn't even do it in front of Trevor Kendall's cat."

Owen: "They ate eyeballs, they drank blood, they had sex with animals. But they did not pluck out each other's hearts because obviously, that would have been weird."

Jack: "So you secretly fight crime. Is that it, Tosh?" Tosh may have made some mistakes, but she saved that woman and her son, and stopped Mary from ripping out any future hearts. Not a bad day's work, Tosh.

Jack: "It's a two-man transporter. Or whatever you people may be. You might be squids for all I know. A two-squid transporter."

Mary: "You smell different than them."
Jack: "That's nothing. It's when you compare teeth with a British guy. That's when it's really scary."
Mary: "What are you?"
Jack: "I don't know."

Jack: "I reset the coordinates."
Tosh: "Where to?"
Jack: "To the center of the sun. It shouldn't be hot. I mean, we sent her there at night and everything."

Two stars,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 7)

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Torchwood: Countrycide

Owen: "I hate the countryside. It's dirty. It's unhygienic. And what is that smell?"
Gwen: "That would be grass."

You really get to know your work mates when you go camping together and get kidnapped by cannibals.

Yes, I'm being sarcastic, but in fact, this was the first episode with some real character meat in it, pardon the pun. Take our cast, remove them from the city they know so well, have them rely totally on each other in a gruesome life and death situation. It's character development 101. And it worked for me.

The "last person you snogged" scene was inspired, because it told us a choice bit about each of them. For Ianto, it was Lisa, tragic love affair ending with death and a lot of overacting. For Gwen, it was Rhys, of course. We learned that Owen is the type who kisses and tells, and now everyone knows what he and Gwen did on that slab in the Torchwood morgue. Sadly, for Tosh, it was an offhand Christmas kiss from Owen. If she's that fixated on a casual kiss from a workmate, and hasn't kissed anyone else in the meantime, she is way too alone, and Owen means a lot to her. Jack didn't say who (or what) he'd kissed last, although at one point he looked rather intently at Ianto. Maybe he was thinking of that prolonged mouth-to-mouth that Ianto doesn't remember.

When Gwen got shot, we finally saw a different side of Owen: he has an excellent bedside manner. He got her calmed and relaxed as he tended to her; it even became oddly intimate, the way she had her hand on his neck as he was removing the bullet fragments from her side. It made me like him. Well, no. Okay, maybe just a little. And it made sense of the two of them starting an affair. Gwen is feeling alienated from her old life and from Rhys, and Owen knows what she's going through.

There were some other intriguing character tidbits. Tosh told Ianto that there wasn't a cell she couldn't get out of, so Tosh was a prisoner at some point. Jack told the guy he trapped that he'd been a torturer once, his job had demanded it. And Ianto knew he was out of his element. He was very aware that the other four all get high on danger, while he does not. And yet, he was able to distract those, um, people, so Tosh could escape. Ianto thinks of himself as outside of the group, and yet he did his job bravely and quite well.

Jack was the most distant, and his behavior the most puzzling. He kept insisting that Tosh and Ianto were fine when he must have realized that they weren't. Was he in denial? Trying to keep Gwen and Owen focused when there was nothing they could do for the others? In the end, he literally crashed to everyone's rescue in a tractor, guns blazing, shooting nearly all the bad guys; he wanted to kill them all.

Unlike Jack, Gwen didn't want to kill them all. Gwen wanted to know *why* they did what they did; she wanted to understand them. Gwen cares too much, which is probably why she went for Owen after he showed her his more sensitive side. That guy asking if he could whisper the truth into Gwen's ear was outright shuddery. I was expecting him to pull a Hannibal Lector and take her ear off. Good actor. Very creepy.

The character interaction was the highlight for me, but I should probably discuss the plot, too. The vicious cannibals living in the sticks has been done before; I can (again), without trying hard, come up with two other series who have done the same plot, and of course, there are movies. But (again), it's the execution that counts, and this episode was tense and frightening from beginning to end. We didn't actually see the bad guys until more than halfway through the episode, and as I've probably said a thousand times, what we make up in our own minds is always scarier. And when they arrived, it actually got worse. Bravo.

Bits and pieces:

-- The problem wasn't aliens, for the second episode in a row. Although I've always thought that people who can kill without conscience aren't really human.

-- Every ten years? How could an entire village contain people with no consciences? And how could those who were really into it wait ten years to do it again?

-- The hanging carcasses of dead animals behind the pub and the closet full of shoes were both impressively creepy. So was the extreme isolation.

-- I really liked Eve Myles' performance in this episode.

-- Jack didn't die this time, even though the body count was exceptionally high.

Quotes:

Jack: "No other race in the universe goes camping. Celebrate your own uniqueness."

Tosh: "Need a hand getting it up, Owen?"
Owen: "If I did, I wouldn't ask you."
Ouch.

Owen: "Jack?"
Jack: "Are we including non-human life forms?"

Owen: "Do you want a quip about feeling a small prick?"
Gwen: "No. But thanks for offering."

Owen: "Lie back and think of Torchwood."

Tosh: "It's worth the risk to protect people."
Ianto: "And who protects us?"

Icky, but pretty darned good. Three stars,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 6)

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True Blood: New World in My View

Maryann: "What are you?"
Sookie: "None of your business!"

Welcome home, Sookie! Candles on the floor, dirt smeared on the walls, sacrificial altar in the front yard... I've heard of roommates trashing the place, but this is ridiculous. What the heck was the zapping that Sookie gave Maryann? Sookie was as surprised as Maryann was. (Yes, I've read the books, so please -- no book spoilers in the comments!)

Jason saved the day *again*. He won the battle of Merlotte's by using his tiny brain, like his sister told him to. And Jason as the god, with the mask and gloves, was quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen yet on this show. I especially loved Andy holding up the "horns" behind him.

Apparently, Maryann's end game is to sacrifice the entire town of Bon Temps to her god, starting with Sam. (Arlene said the gift of Sam would bring "him" into this world.) All the good, bad and otherwise citizens have been literally blinded -- Jason walked into Merlotte's with a chainsaw and a nail gun, and no one even noticed. At least we know now that they can be fooled and subverted, even though Terry fought the effect when Arlene was in danger. And Sookie and Bill together, with a combination of telepathy and glamour, were able to retrieve Tara from the brink. They can't do that one by one to everybody in town, though.

The altar with the rotting food on it was just disgusting. Rather cross-like, too, and very much a parallel to what the Fellowship was planning for Godric. In fact, Sam, like Godric, was willing to sacrifice himself to save his friends. He cares about the people in his town. I think that was a big self-revelation for Sam, who has always seen himself as not only an outsider, but outside the human race. Probably why he couldn't bring himself to leave, too. I have really liked what they've done with Sam this season.

I have to give the actress credit, because Maxine Fortenberry under the influence was extremely funny as well as ooky, and Jessica's frustration with her was even funnier. Did Jessica just blow her chances at being the future Mrs. Fortenberry? I can imagine Hoyt forgiving a lot, but probably not matricide-in-law.

What can the Queen of Louisiana do? Is there a vampire National Guard? Please, your highness, I beg you to send in the sheriff of area 5. I got used to Eric's presence. A brief, albeit wonderful dream sequence was better than no Eric at all, but not enough for me.

(Please send Pam, too; it's been too long since we've seen her.)

Bits and pieces:

-- Bill did his best, but Maryann is unbite-able. Which we sort of already knew, given what happened in "Scratches."

-- Maryann said Bill would leave Sookie cold. Was that a threat or a prophecy?

-- You know, I'm fine with Christian symbolism, but I'd prefer that it didn't go too far in that direction. Ancient Greek religions aren't devil worship.

-- Andy had a nanny called Annie.

-- Sam in nothing but an apron was, um, well, that was something. He seemed more naked with the apron on than without it. I wonder if Sam Trammell knew how many nude scenes he'd be doing when he signed on.

-- Loved the Queen's "palace." It was exotic and weird, as one might expect from a vampire queen's abode.

-- Okay, sorry, but I have to talk about Eric again. Bill told Sookie she would have a physical reaction to Eric's blood, but it's obviously not just sexual. In both dream sequences, it was about love. Very romantic.

Quotes:

Andy: "This whole town's going down the crapper."

Jessica: "Thank God you're home. She's gone, like, totally batshit."

Sookie: "The new waitress at Merlottes?"
Jason: "There's a new waitress at Merlottes?"
Bill: "We should talk to her."
Hoyt: "She's dead. She had her heart cut out just like the other one."
Sookie: "Fudge."

Lafayette: "Jesus and I agreed to see other people. That don't mean we don't still talk from time to time."
Best line in the episode. I really liked how Lafayette put this.

Lettie Mae: "If I hadn't left such a hole in this girl, maybe whatever's in there wouldn't have crawled in." Lettie Mae actually kinda sorta redeemed herself. Almost.

Jason: "If we're gonna get out of here, we're gonna need even a bigger divergence."

Jason:"What's he saying? I can't hear inside this thing."
Andy: "I don't know."
Sam: (louder) "Smite me, Lord!"
Jason: "I don't even know what you're saying, man."
Sam: (yelling) "Smite me, motherfucker!"

Andy: "That's the last drink I'll ever take."

Bill: "You have to do exactly as I say."
Tara: "I'm not your fucking slave girl."
Lafayette: "If ever there was a time to listen to a white man, Tara, this'd be it."

I didn't go for this episode quite as much as the last one; I think the Fellowship/Godric side of the plot has done more for me than what's been going on in Bon Temps. But it was still a strong, exciting, fun episode. Three out of four stakes,

Billie

All of my True Blood reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 10)

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Torchwood: Small Worlds

Gwen: "Fairies. Are you kidding me?"

Fairies. Protecting chosen little girls from pervs. At least near the woods in Cardiff, anyway.

I think they were trying for a specific creepy mood in this story about ancient, terrible creatures of earth, but in fact, it just wasn't Torchwood-like and I didn't believe it, no matter how many dire things Jack said about them. (Not John Barrowman's fault; he gave it his all.) Maybe it would have worked if the fairies had turned out to be aliens. Probably not, though. I think the premise was doomed from the start.

For me, the best part of this episode was Jack with Gwen, and Jack with Estelle. (Jack is the big reason why I watch Torchwood, which I'm sure is obvious.) I liked that Jack went to the trouble to check up on Estelle, and that he tried to lie to her as little as possible by refusing to discuss his "father." We could tell when he held her body in his arms that he really did love her. He loves. He's not just a gorgeous, mysterious cipher.

Gwen learned that Jack not only can't die; he doesn't age, either. And he's been around for awhile, if he was in the military in 1909. I haven't written much about Jack's origins, but (if you're a Torchwood purist who wants nothing to do with Doctor Who, bail out of this paragraph now) in the first season of Doctor Who, Jack was introduced as a fifty-first century time agent turned con man. Jack died defending the Doctor, and was mysteriously resurrected by Rose, who was channeling the heart of the Doctor's time machine. This experience was obviously what made Jack immortal. The Doctor and Rose left Jack behind far in the future, not knowing what had happened to him -- or if they knew, it was never addressed. How did Jack wind up in the Earth's past?

It was definitely bizarre that Jack let the fairies take Jasmine in the end. He certainly had reason and it wasn't a fate worse than death, though; she was happy to be the chosen one, and all she wanted was to be with them. It was a fate worse than death for her mother, though. She lost her child and her long time boyfriend in the space of a few minutes. Poor thing.

Bits and pieces:

-- At her poorly attended lecture, Estelle showed some of the five Cottingley Fairy photos that were taken in 1917. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cottingley_Fairies

-- The flashback to 1909 and the weird deaths of fifteen soldiers didn't contribute much to the story. I think it was intended to explain why Jack gave in and let Jasmine go.

-- Choking people to death with rose petals was suitably creepy. I particularly liked the ickiness of the fairy sticking his hand down the boyfriend's throat.

-- In the last episode, Jack said he didn't sleep. This episode opened with Jack in bed. Um, which is it?

Quotes:

Jack: "So we pretend to know what they look like. We see them as happy. We imagine they have tiny little wings that are bathed in moonlight."
Gwen: "But they're not?"
Jack: "No."

Ianto: "I blame it on magic mushrooms."
Jack: "What you do in private is none of our business."
Was Jack flirting with Ianto?

One star,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 5)

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Torchwood: Cyberwoman

Owen: "It's wrong. It's beyond wrong. It shouldn't be here."

When I saw this episode the first time, I hated it; I had never watched Doctor Who back then and (blissfully) didn't know what a Cyberman was. I know now. And with more Who background and twenty twenty hindsight, I found some of this episode to be quite fun. I said "some."

It mostly served as a window into Ianto, a character that up to this point has been a nonentity that served coffee. He actually does have a personality, after all. He lost his temper. He cried. He lied to his mates. He made deadly mistakes for the sake of love. In fact, I think the writers went too far with the theme. Ianto violently emoted for about ten minutes past my personal limit, there was way too much of Jack and Ianto screaming at each other, and it was definitely not John Barrowman's best acting. But okay.

I did think that hide and go seek in the darkened, powerless Hub with a scary, slashy monster was pretty cool. Except that everyone was running for their lives, and then all of a sudden, everyone was kissing. It created an odd break in the tension. Jack was giving Ianto some rather sexy mouth to mouth. I thought Gwen's cell phone ringing with Rhys asking her to tape Wife Swap just as she was cheating on him with Owen was really hilarious. (Wife Swap. Get it?) What's up with Gwen? Jack has shown a strong interest in her and has done everything but make a pass, and she's kissing Owen? Does she actually have eyes and ears?

All that was the high point. Cyberwoman herself was the low point. It looked like she was wearing the musical comedy version of the supposedly terrifying cyber suit. If the Cybermen were only halfway through the process of upgrading her, why did they stop and make her a special suit with a pointy Madonna boob plate and a special decorative hole for her belly button? Lisa's near death by barbecue sauce and pterodactyl was very Clash of the Titans, and come on -- if she can survive a scalpel in the stomach, what made Jack think the pterodactyl could peck her to death? Plus, how could someone transplant their own brain into another body, even by remote control?

Dr. Tanizaki and the poor pizza delivery girl met a horrible, undeserved, brain-slashy death. What a wicked web we weave, Ianto. Let that be a lesson to you.

Bits and pieces:

-- Lisa Hallett was from Torchwood One, and we were told she was partially upgraded during the Battle of Canary Wharf ("Doomsday").

-- The basketball and pub scenes were too obviously the writer's way of telling us that Ianto was isolated and not one of the gang.

-- Toshiko questioned Jack's orders not once, but four freaking times. He'd better write her up.

-- Jack's wristband is much like the Doctor's sonic screwdriver.

-- Jack said that nearly dying made him feel alive. Actually, it appeared that he didn't *nearly* die; he was electrocuted to death twice. The other Torchies saw it, too, but probably didn't realize how dead Jack was.

Quotes:

Jack: "And she said, 'Do you know how difficult it is to find a man in this city? He had a nice flat, all his own hair. So frankly, a couple of tusks I can live with.'"

Ianto: "I'll hide the body. Everything's going to be okay." Ianto, Ianto, those two statements never go together.

Jack: "Ianto, I need to hear those beautiful Welsh vowels."

Ianto: (to Jack) "You could have saved her! You're worse than anything locked up down there! One day, I'll have a chance to save you, and I'll watch you suffer and die!" This is an interesting statement in retrospect, if you're looking at it from later on in the show, which I am. I hope that wasn't spoilery. I didn't say *how* it was interesting, did I?

Tosh: "I used my initiative! I'm sorry!"
Jack: "When I want you to think for yourself, I'll tell you!"

Despite much that amused me... one star,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 4)

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Torchwood: Ghost Machine

Jack: "The problem with seeing the future is you can't just sit and look at it. You got to try and change things."

The last episode was about sex. This one was about strong emotion. And it was much better. (Not that there's anything wrong with sex.)

It's nice to know that *something* can get to Owen; he couldn't let Lizzie's long-ago murder go unpunished. He showed genuine fury toward killer Ed Morgan, whose emotional illness and suicide-by-Gwen garnered no sympathy from me. Yes, these things aren't black and white, but I was with Owen on that one. Poor Gwen.

Another dangerous alien artifact, like the glove. You'd think it would be useful in solving murders or some such, but all it did was make everyone miserable. The big message was that some things should be left alone, that yes, sometimes it's better not to know. That particular theme was also repeated in Gwen's home life. Rhys is aware that she's lying to him. But they still seem to be happy because he knows when to leave something alone. That's a surprisingly good guy Gwen has there.

We learned some interesting stuff about Jack. He lives in the Torchwood offices, and doesn't sleep; he has no real life to speak of. Hard to imagine that one could feel sorry for a gorgeous immortal, but there you have it; I do. No break from eternity, ever. Why doesn't he sleep? Is it that he won't, or that he can't? If he can't, why isn't he stark staring mad?

That scene where Jack taught Gwen to shoot was just loaded with sexual innuendo. He's interested. Gwen was very aware of it, but she was a good girl and went home to Rhys, instead. I honestly don't know how she could resist him. I don't know how anyone could resist him. Talk about intense emotion. And putting something dangerous away and never using it.

Bits and pieces:

-- Seems funny to me, an American, that a police officer wouldn't know how to fire a gun, but I know that it's different in the UK. And frankly, I wish it were like that here.

-- Rhys apparently didn't know how to use the washer. I think it's because he didn't *want* to use the washer; he wanted Gwen to come home and do it. I call that "selective incompetence."

Quotes:

Jack: "Alien, of course. Gorgeous nanotechnology. Makes NASA look like Toys R Us."

Gwen: "Bernie Harris. The scarlet pimpernel of Splott." Wasn't the Scarlet Pimpernel a good guy in disguise, though, not an immature blackmailer?

Jack: "The twenty-first century is when it all changes. And I hate to commute."

Three stars?

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
Screencap credit: Demon-Cry.net
(Season 1, episode 3)

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Torchwood: Day One

Gwen: "Okay. First contact with an alien, not quite what I expected."

An alien comes to Earth, possesses a human woman, and then she tries to have sex with everyone. This sounds terribly familiar. I could think of at least two other series that have done the same plot, and I wasn't even trying hard.

It's always about the execution, though; even a well-worn plot can shine if it's done well. Unfortunately, this episode was not done well. And it felt like they were deliberately getting in our faces with sex, sex, and more sex. Sex with aliens, girl on girl, prurient curiosity about Jack's sexual orientation. Although I must admit that my favorite scene was at dinner when Jack left the table and everyone immediately started talking about him. Is he straight or gay? American? CIA? What's with the coat? Gwen has known Jack for a day and already knows more critical stuff about him than they do.

The Torchwood staff came off as a bit hardened and shallow. Jack and Tosh were friendly toward Gwen, but Owen was hostile and Ianto seemed to be a stuffed shirt. The voraciously sexual alien pretty much paralleled the single-but-obsessed-with-sex state of everyone in Torchwood, except for their newest member.

Gwen is not like them. She still relates to the human race. They were all about the alien, and she was all about the victim. (Even Jack cared more about the hand in a jar than Carys.) Gwen is bringing humanity back to these jaded alien hunters; she makes everyone see things differently. And she's the only one who has a life outside of Torchwood. Although, unfortunately, she is still downplaying her job and lying about it to Rhys. Someday he'll find out, Gwen. They always do.

Bits and pieces:

-- The opening saga sell comes off as mildly cheesy. Outside the government, beyond the police. All that artful posing with guns.

-- The Hub itself and the Torchwoodmobile, all impressive. So why are the prison cells so tiny and utterly dank?

-- Torchwood has bodies in storage, suitable for all occasions.

-- Jack flirted with Gwen, and kissed both Gwen and Carys. I thought for a moment that Jack would volunteer to have sex with Carys in order to defuse her, somehow. Could he survive being turned into powder?

-- Even though she kissed Gwen, the alien seemed to be the only one we could be sure was heterosexual. Well, except Owen. He seems to be a phobe, another reason for me to dislike him. Owen, in fact, showed Olympic-level insensitivity toward pretty much everything.

-- Rhys is a transport manager.

-- A fertility clinic open late at night? That would happen.

Quotes:

Rhys: "What does it mean, special ops?"
Gwen: "It's no big deal. Mostly filing."

Tosh: "My god!"
Gwen: "He just..."
Jack: "Came and went."

Gwen: "What do you do to relax?"
Owen: "I torture people in happy relationships."

Owen: "Thought she said she had a boyfriend."
Jack: "You people and your quaint little categories."

Jack: "You know, strictly speaking, throttling the staff is my job."

Owen: "Period military is not the dress code of a straight man."
Gwen: "I think it suits him. Sort of classic."
Tosh: "Exactly! I've watched him in action. He'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough."

Jack: "She went for the ex-boyfriend. Lucky she's young. Work your way through *my* back catalog, we'll be here till the sun explodes."

One out of four stars,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
(Season 1, episode 2)

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Torchwood: Everything Changes

Gwen: "I'm getting tired of following you."
Jack: "No, you're not. And you never will."

Everything changes for a young police constable named Gwen Cooper, when her natural curiosity puts her in the right place at the right time for a truly major career change.

This is a strong pilot episode. Not the best I've ever seen, but far from the worst. And it's a great premise for a sci-fi series. Yes, they're bound to Cardiff, no Tardis, but there's the Rift in time and space to bring the flotsam and jetsam of the universe right to them. Torchwood the organization, as established in Doctor Who, has changed a lot. Or is it just that Jack took over and changed a branch office in Wales? And how come Torchwood is a secret, but the cops know they exist?

The resurrection glove was tantalizing and weird. It was believable that Suzie would murder people in order to test it. Suzie was obsessed with immortality and cheating death, and never knew that it was always right under her nose in the form of Jack, who apparently can't die. When Rose brought Jack back to life in "The Parting of the Ways," it must have changed him pretty significantly.

(There was a reference to life after death, too. Or rather, that there is none. When Jack asked the young, murdered John Tucker -- good performance, there -- what he experienced when he died, he said, "Nothing. I saw nothing. Oh my god, there's nothing!")

Characters? Promising. I like Jack and Gwen in particular. I like them a lot.

Jack is almost too much. He's dashing and killer handsome like a movie star from the forties, with style and charm oozing out of his ears. There's a strangeness about Jack, though, like he doesn't belong where he is, like he's a law unto himself. John Barrowman is a charismatic actor, and I loved the character of Captain Jack in Doctor Who. Easy to see why they'd center a spin-off series around him.

Gwen is us, the audience, our entry into the strange world of Torchwood. She's a good cop: dedicated, tenacious, cares about people. She lies to her nice boyfriend -- not because she wants to keep things from him, but because she doesn't want to burden him with the awful things she sees in her job. She doesn't want him lying awake at night, like she does. And yet, she's compelled to help people, to strive for law and order, even though it upsets her. She's absolutely lovely, but in a girl-next-door sort of way. Gwen is accessible, and easy to like.

Not much yet about the rest of the cast. Just some character bits about the artifacts they chose to take home with them. Toshiko Sato used her purloined artifact to do research, implying that she's a good person even though she was disobeying orders. Dr. Owen Harper came off as a jerk, taking that spray that made him irresistable so he could have fast, meaningless sex. That was essentially a roofie, Owen. Roofies are criminal, Owen.

Suzie Costello, of course, was made evil by the resurrection glove. One assumes she wasn't evil before. (Killing someone we thought was a cast member in the pilot was good misdirection.) Ianto Jones, the office assistant, was cute and buttoned up, and joked with his boss Jack about sexual harassment. That was pretty much it for him.

The twenty-first century is when everything changes. How, exactly?

Doctor Who related stuff:

-- Torchwood can definitely be enjoyed without having first seen Doctor Who. I can say that because I indeed watched Torchwood first. Although I became so interested in Jack's origins that I started watching Who, too.

-- Captain Jack Harkness was first introduced in season one's "The Empty Child." The reason for his current condition was given in "The Parting of the Ways," when he was killed and revived for the first time.

-- Jack: "One day I'll find a doctor, the right sort of doctor, and maybe he can explain it." Jack is looking for the Doctor, and can't find him. That must be why he's hanging around the Rift; he knows the Doctor will have to show up sooner or later to refuel.

-- The Torchwood Institute was originally established by Queen Victoria after her experiences in "Tooth and Claw."

-- Jack mentioned "The Christmas Invasion" and the battle of Canary Wharf ("Doomsday"). Rhys believed they were drug-induced mass hallucinations, and apparently, a lot of population believed that, too.

-- Actress Eve Myles (Gwen Cooper) first appeared as a character named Gwyneth in "The Unquiet Dead."

-- One of the first things we saw in the Hub was a hand in a jar. Gee. Who do we know that recently lost a hand? Who?

-- The word "Torchwood" is an anagram for "Doctor Who." I'm mentioning this because it had to be pointed out to me. Anagrams are not my strong suit.

Bits and pieces:

-- I liked the pterodactyl. Better than your average office pet. The weevil, not so much; it was pathetic. Better aliens, please.

-- Gwen's workmate Yvonne learned that Captain Jack Harkness, American volunteer RAF, 133 Squadron, disappeared on January 21, 1941. Same guy? It's unclear what happened to Jack after "The Parting of the Ways." Big hint that he wound up in Earth's past. How?

-- The Torchwood Hub is accessible via invisible lift beneath the Wales Millennium Centre in Cardiff. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wales_Millennium_Centre

-- According to Jack, the Cardiff Hub is Torchwood 3. Torchwood 1 in London was destroyed in the battle of Canary Wharf. Torchwood 2 is in Glasgow, run by a "very strange man." Torchwood 4 is missing.

-- Jack seems to like standing on the top of big buildings. Maybe he thinks it gives him perspective. Maybe he has a god complex.

-- What if Gwen had made notes on paper instead of on her computer? It's what I would have done.

-- This week's Most Obvious Symbolism: The closed off floor in the hospital where Gwen encountered the Weevil. Secret stuff going on in a normal, open place, sort of up the stairs instead of down the rabbit hole. Why seal off a floor of the hospital? It was just plastic, too; it wouldn't have kept the weevil in or out. Didn't make sense.

-- Jack died in this episode; Suzie shot him in the head. Only Gwen has seen Jack die and revive.

Quotes:

Jack: "Contraceptives in the rain. I love this planet. Still, at least I won't get pregnant. Never doing that again."

Andy: "It's all DNA today, like that CSI bollocks. CSI Cardiff. I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a kebab."

Jack: "And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time."
Ianto: "I try my best."
Jack: "And he looks good in a suit."
Ianto: "Careful. That's harassment, sir."

Gwen: "So. You catch aliens?"
Jack: "Yep."
Gwen: "You catch aliens for a living."
Jack: "Yes, we do."
Gwen: "You're an alien catcher."
Jack: "Yes, I am."
Gwen: "Caught any good aliens?"
Jack: "Tons of them."
Gwen: "That's a hell of a job."

Jack: "It's an amnesia pill. My own recipe, with a touch of denial and a dash of retcon. Wake up tomorrow morning and you'll have forgotten everything about Torchwood. Worse still, you'll have forgotten me. Which is kind of tragic."

I tend not to rate pilots, but this was a good one. It certainly caught me and got me watching,

Billie

All of my Torchwood episode reviews are archived here.
(Season 1, episode 1)

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Doctor Who: The Last of the Time Lords (2)

Master: "Dying in your arms. Happy now?"

You know, maybe the Academy's policy of having kids look into the time vortex was one they should have rethought.

I enjoyed some of this one. I really did. But the Doctor as a tiny elderly big-eyed muppet in a bird cage was just a bridge too far for me. Everyone in the world reviving him by chanting his name was way too Peter Pan, too. I was just shaking my head and saying, no, you've got to be kidding me.

And "I forgive you"? Come on! Killing billions, enslaving the remainder, making plans to destroy other worlds? Yes, the Master was once his friend, and yes, the Master was the only other living Time Lord, but geez! What does someone have to do to piss the Doctor off? All that, and we got a hint that it wasn't over. That hand with the long red fingernails picking up a... was it a ring? from the Master's funeral pyre. It's like leaving that one Dalek. They can't completely close that plot hole. Maybe they should.

I do give them credit for doing a really big story. You always see megomaniacal villains threaten to destroy the world, but you rarely get to see them actually doing it. And maybe it would have worked if they'd hung on to Derek Jacobi and avoided the muppet fiasco. But how could the Master have created a new Gallifrey? Was he hoping to have half-human half-time-lord babies with Lucy? It was fitting that Lucy was the one to stop the Master. But again, they really didn't show us why. She seemed to be all into him in part one.

Even Jack in chains wasn't as much fun as it could have been. Couldn't they have stripped him down? :) And hey, it's not that I want to watch Jack die over and over, but I had gotten the distinct impression that the Master was going to do just that. Did they run out of time?

The best part of the episode was again the Doctor, Jack and Martha, mostly at the end. Martha's goodbye to the Doctor made me cry. If this is indeed the end of her travels, she certainly got to go out big. And I'm glad that she has too much self-respect to spend years pining for the Doctor, hoping he'll finally notice her. Plus, I think she was interested in that hot young doctor Tom Milligan. She may get a doctor of her own, after all.

Finally, I really liked that the Doctor asked Jack to travel with him again. Jack just spent a year in chains for the Doctor; he certainly earned it. That final bit about Jack as the Face of Boe was just hilarious, and made perfect sense. Although how did he manage to mutate into a big giant head?

Bits and pieces:

-- The time reversal was no help for all those poor things trapped at the end of the universe in metal balls. And you know, after Daleks and Cybermen, I knew there would be people in those balls. Too predictable.

-- The president was still killed, too. Oops. President-elect.

-- The Master called the elderly Doctor "Gandalf." That was rather fitting.

-- Jack grew up on the Boeshane Peninsula. He was first one to be signed up for the Time Agency, and a poster boy. "The Face of Boe, they called me."

-- I guess it wasn't all bad. I bet Martha's parents got back together.

-- Jack was killed by the Master's storm troopers.

-- "Titanic," huh? I rather wish they wouldn't keep sticking a preview at the end of a season finale. It's always distracting and feels jammed in.

Paul Kelly says...

Like Billie, this episode also reminded me of Peter Pan. Saying the Doctor's name at a predetermined point in time, thus bringing him back to health, was a dead ringer (concept wise), for JM Barrie's “do you believe in fairies... clap your hands... don't let Tink die”. There were numerous messianic parallels too... from the rejuvenated Doctor's outstretched arms... to his forgiveness of the Master. No wonder the Master shrieked in protest. I felt a bit like it myself.

Out of all the episodes which could have benefited from an extended running time, this would have been my last choice. It just made an already weak episode drag on for that much longer. The CGI Doctor was an embarrassment. The plot was average. The Master was dire. In fact, it's hard to find something good to say about it.

Is the Master really dead? His refusal to regenerate, apart from being really rather stupid (a real super villain would have settled for incarceration, and then spend a millennia trying to escape)... it also seems to have sealed his fate, seemingly forever. But then we saw a woman's hand picking up the Master's ring -- which suggests that the door's been left open for his return. I'm not sure how, but the writers could no doubt wangle it if they tried hard enough.

The season finales seem to be getting weaker. I dread to think what next years will be like.

Quotes:

Tom: "You've been in space?"
Martha: "Problem with that?"
Tom: "No! No, just... wow. Anything else I should know?"
Martha: "I've met Shakespeare."
Yeah, I don't think I could resist dropping that name, either.

Master: "Revenge. Best served hot." Clearly, he's never heard of the original Klingon proverb.

Master: "Is that your weapon? Prayer?"

Jack: "Hey, I need that!"
Doctor: "I can't have you walking around with a time traveling teleport. You could go anywhere. Twice. Second time to apologize."
I thought that was way unfair. Jack was a time agent and it was originally his own vortex manipulator, after all. But yeah, it would have been a too convenient and possibly inappropriate plot device for Torchwood.

Doctor: "You're an impossible thing, Jack."
Jack: "Been called that before."

All of our Doctor Who reviews are archived here.
(Season 3, episode 13)

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True Blood: I Will Rise Up

Sookie: "You big lying A hole!"
Eric: "Bill, you're right. I believe I can sense her emotions."

Eric, Eric, Eric. What is it with me and those blond bad boy vampires? We saw two distinct sides of him here: a deeply emotional side, as well as an extremely naughty side.

Godric's suicide was surprisingly moving, as well as terribly painful for Eric. I even cried a little, as much for Godric himself as for Eric's pain at losing him. Eric may think he doesn't know what love is, but he is certainly capable of depth of feeling. And I'm sure he was grateful that Sookie was there for Godric in the end.

It's difficult to tell what Eric truly feels for Sookie. He did cover her with his own body so that she wouldn't get hurt, no matter what his motivation was. (And could anyone, even a vampire as devious as Eric, think several chess moves ahead that quickly? As in, omigod a grenade is about to go off, I'd better jump on top of Sookie so that I can get her to suck debris out of my chest?)

Was it dirty pool on Eric's part? Absolutely. Is all fair in love and war? I guess it depends on whether or not Sookie still has free will, erotic dreams about Eric or no erotic dreams about Eric. (And hey, could I have one of those? Really? I actually watched that scene eight times, hoping to give my subconscious some hints.)

Seriously, though. Rewind that scene and listen to what Sookie and Eric are saying to each other. It was like a real conversation, not a dream conversation. They were so tender and honest with each other, so loving. Eric talked about it being their beginning. (And about how much he wants to turn her.) But note also that Lorena was sitting in the corner directing the whole thing. I don't think that dream was all Eric. I think Lorena was using their new blood bond to get Sookie away from Bill.

In fact, this blood bond thing made me wonder if Sookie's relationship with Bill was actually real. She drank a lot of his blood, not once but twice. Are any human/vamp romantic relationships real? Does this explain why vampires are so sexually attractive to humans -- is it just a mere chemical reaction? Does it explain why Jason had that weird dream about Eddie? Is Lafayette currently having erotic dreams about Eric, too?

I doubt that Sookie hates Eric as much as she says she does; it feels like she doth protest too much. It's common for two characters fighting a strong attraction to each other to spar with words, after all. She touched Eric's hand when he was leaving the roof, too. I don't think she would have done that if she genuinely hated him. (And good on her for being sharp enough to realize what Godric was going to do. Sookie is no brainless cupcake.)

Love triangles are good. I'm all for love triangles. In fact, this one is intriguing me so much that I almost wished the wanton destruction of Bon Temps would just go away. But I really did love two things about this week's installment: Lafayette storming in to kidnap Tara, and Sam literally as a fly on the wall. What clever writing. (The fly, I mean.) Andy didn't even blink an eyelash when Sam showed up stark naked. He must be getting used to the crazy.

Finally (Hoyt and Jessica seem to be constantly relegated to the end of my reviews, even though I love them) I knew bringing Jessica home to meet Mama was going to be a huge mistake. Maxine tried, but she just couldn't resist being nasty to Jessica. That's not love, that's smotherhood. Not a surprise that the toasted cheese and potato chip sandwiches just aren't working any more. It's rather sweet how good Jessica has been for Hoyt. What a lovely little subplot this has been.

Bits and pieces:

-- Eric's black tank top was perfect for bullet-suckage. I should have realized they had Alexander Skarsgard wearing it for more than just my viewing pleasure.

-- We got a truly lovely Sookie/Jason moment. He apologized for everything, and that couldn't have been easy for him.

-- Stan was killed, along with two other vamps and two humans. And goodbye, Luke MacDonald. He had the mentality of a fanatic, and Steve Newlin literally used him to death. It's hard to feel sorry for him, but it shouldn't have happened.

-- Maryann noted that it was easy to take Bud over. I think that explains why there were so many orgies that we got tired of them: she was using them to gradually take over most of the town. (It was also easy to take over Hoyt's mother, Maxine. Maybe it's a simple minded thing, huh?)

-- Tara is an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA), like me. She doesn't like being out of control and I think she's starting to fight it. Despite the circumstances, it was fun seeing Tara attack Lettie Mae.

-- I thought a small dog and an owl were both pushing it as far as body mass is concerned, but a fly? Okay, it's magic, I just need to adjust and move on.

-- Merlotte's is becoming a sort of sick tourist attraction. The murder capital of northern Louisiana.

-- Isabel is now Sheriff of area nine in Texas. I like Isabel. The now late Stan was an idiot. Especially since he admitted to killing papa Newlin.

-- The Newlins were wearing matching outfits again. Red and black this time. Were they deliberately wearing vampire colors?

-- What sort of position does Nan have? Bureaucrat? A representative of the vamp kings and queens?

Quotes:

Eric: "Suck it out."
Sookie: "Eric, I can't. It's too gross, and it's... you."
Eric: "Dy... dying."
Sookie: "Son of a mother..."

Sarah: "We are fighting for God's green earth. And daytime, and Christmas, and Easter Eggs, and all that is sacred and good. We are fighting for..."
Steve: "Human rights. Human rights!"
Sarah: "May I finish my thought?"
Steve: "What? You were done."
Sarah: "If he's not the center of attention, he just flips out."

Arlene: "It was a walk-in refrigerator. And you are one sick buzzard. Go find some road kill 'cause you ain't eating here."

Arlene: "Oh, come on. Coby will eat cat food if you put mayo on it."

Arlene: "Terry, please quit being so much more peculiar than you usually are."

Maxine: "Who do you think you're talking to?"
Hoyt: "My mama. Who hates Methodists."
Maxine: "I got my reasons."
Hoyt: "And Catholics."
Maxine: "Just priests and nuns."
Hoyt: "African Americans."
Maxine: "Hush. That's a secret."

Dream Sookie: "There's love in you."
Dream Eric: "Only for Sookie."

Maryann: "The god who comes demands his sacrifice. Where is Sam Merlotte?"

Godric: "A human with me at the end, and human tears. Two thousand years, and I can still be surprised." Quite a memorable character. Good job, sir.

Four out of four stakes,

Billie

All of my True Blood reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 9)

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Doctor Who: The Sound of Drums (1)

Doctor: "Don't you see, all we've got is each other?"
Saxon: "Are you asking me out on a date?"

I'm usually easy to please. And there was so much that was promising in the "Utopia" set-up, too. But no. So let's go with my standard "good bits bad bits."

The good bits were pretty much everything with the Doctor, Jack and Martha. I really envied Martha, who got to hang out and run for her life with two gorgeous immortals wearing cool coats. (Why do immortals always wear long, gorgeous coats? Duncan MacLeod did, too.)

I liked Jack finally being able to tell the Doctor that he'd rebuilt and changed Torchwood in his honor. I liked the perception-shifting keys, even though they were more magical than logical; I like magic at times. I liked the flashes of Gallifrey. I even liked the Doctor's attempts to get through to the Master.

But the Master was laughable, and I'm using that word for a specific reason. His silly ridiculing quips were supposed to be chilling, but he just didn't come off as Caligula, which I can only assume was their intention. He wasn't frightening. He wasn't even funny. I kept wanting to smack him and tell him to behave himself. There was just no subtlety in his evil; it was painted in such broad strokes that it was just too much. Why oh why didn't they give Derek Jacobi a ton of money and keep him on board for all three parts? He's so brilliant he might have been able to pull it off.

Not only that, but the Master's distasteful cheap shots made no sense. How could an alien Time Lord suffer from the human foibles of sexism and homophobia, especially since he seemed so obsessed with the Doctor? Plus, when you destroy so many people and such a huge part of the world, you can be certain there will be some sort of reset button.

So a very elderly Doctor, Jack and the Jones family are imprisoned on an immense flying aircraft carrier. The Tardis has been turned into a paradox machine. We still don't know what the Toclafane spheres are, but they're definitely psychotic, like the Master. Only Martha is free somewhere on Earth with Jack's vortex manipulator watch. Help me, Martha-wan Kenobe Jones. You're my only hope.

Bits and pieces:

-- At least there was good prep work for this. The John Smith two-parter. The Lazarus genetic manipu-whatever. Jack's obsession with the hand during the first season of Torchwood. Looks like they re-used the Downing Street sets from the Slitheen episodes, too.

-- Reporter Mrs. Rook went to first lady Lucy Saxon, certain she was innocent. Like the first lady couldn't possibly be in collusion with her husband. How incredibly stupid. At least Rook had backup.

-- Chips *and* jelly babies. I've never actually known what a jelly baby is.

-- Jack mentioned that Saxon was the minister of defense who first came to prominence when he shot down the Racnoss on Christmas Eve. I thought the whole alien thing wasn't being accepted by much of the public, though?

-- Saxon sent the rest of Torchwood on a wild goose chase to the Himilayas. Glad they covered that base.

-- The American president said he was the "president elect." That means he was just elected but hasn't become president yet, like Obama last December while Bush was still in office. Big oops.

-- The Master killed Jack with a laser screwdriver, and expressed a desire to do it again.

Paul Kelly says...

I really enjoyed "Utopia". Derek Jacobi was brilliant as the Master. Consequently, John Simm was always going to struggle. The bar had been set too high. It's not that Simm is a bad actor (he was superb in The Lakes and Life on Mars). It's just Russell T. Davies totally screwed up in his characterization of the regenerated Master. He tried to make him too zany... with the face pulling... and the Joker-esque gas pranks... and the zipping his mouth shut (I wish someone had). He was a total arse head... and, unfortunately, it was his over-the-top personality which stripped him of all menace. The rest of the cast tried to look frightened. But they never really convinced.

We had quite a few celebrity cameos too. There was ex-shadow home secretary, and all round beauty, Ann Widdecombe. British pop (pap?) band McFly. And last, and certainly least, Sharon Osbourne. He can tick my box any day? Dear God, is this what we've been reduced to?

The only parts of this episode which held my interest, were the brief glimpses of Gallifrey, and the Doctor waxing lyrical about his now dead home world. Plus, we got a fascinating insight into the Master's childhood... how, as part of his initiation into the academy, he stared into time and space -- only to go completely mad. But his recent regeneration must surely have unhinged him further. He was never as whacky as this, was he?

And for Billie's benefit (and anyone else who hasn't tasted the sickly little fellows), Jelly Babies are an English sweet (candy) made from a soft, sticky, jelly like substance and shaped like a baby. They're not unlike Gummi Bears, though their texture is quite different -- Jelly Babies are soft in the middle with a harder outer crust.

Quotes:

Doctor: "The Master was always sort of hypnotic, but this is on a massive scale."

Saxon: "Doctor."
Doctor: "Master."
Saxon: "I like it when you use my name."
Doctor: "You chose it. Psychiatrist's field day."

Jack: "So, Doctor. Who is he? How come the ancient society of Time Lords created a psychopath?" Good question.

Doctor: "Some would be inspired. Some would run away. And some would go mad." The Doctor said he ran away. Guess we know what the Master did.

Doctor: "Oh! I know what it's like. It's like when you fancy someone and they don't even know you exist. That's what it's like. Come on!"
(Martha looks at Jack. Jack looks at Martha.)
Jack: "You too, huh?"

All of our Doctor Who reviews are archived here.
(Season 3, episode 12)

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