Doctor Who: Aliens of London (1)

Rose: "He's not my boyfriend, Mickey. He's better than that. He's much more important."

The theme this week was "consequences." Rose returns home, twelve months after leaving earth, to find herself on the missing persons list and in the doghouse with her nearest and dearest. It was Rose's choice to travel with the Doctor. But one thing she didn't bargain on is how that decision would affect those left behind. While Rose has been missing, Jackie has quite naturally been worried to death, and boyfriend Ricky... sorry, Mickey, has been the main suspect in her murder enquiry. Evidently, her absence has caused quite a stir. And now, quite rightly, Jackie wants answers. But what's Rose supposed to tell her? That she's been traveling through time and space with a Time Lord and that somehow they got the numbers wrong? Jackie may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but she's no fool.

The villains this week were the Slitheen, a flatulent family of aliens from Raxacoricofallapatorius. Tall, ugly and ferocious, they infiltrate 10 Downing Street, replace the Prime Minister... and generally fart all over the place. Scary? Or just plain disgusting? I'll leave you to decide. I have to confess, I found them a touch uninspiring. The Slitheen themselves are a curious mix of "man in rubber suit" and CGI. The scene where General Asquith peels off his skin to reveal his inner alien self, probably best demonstrates the limits of the CGI team... or maybe just the budget. Plus, the farting is amped up to ridiculous proportions (and this coming from a man who lives in a country where farting is practically an art form). It did lead to one memorable line however... "Excuse me. Do you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?" I did chuckle at that one. But the non stop guffing did stop making me guffaw after a while.

Farting asside (sic), I thought the Jackie/Doctor relationship was dealt with honestly. Jackie doesn't trust the Doctor and with good reason. Her daughter's been missing for twelve months, whisked away to goodness knows where, by a man twice her age (or more precisely 47.36 times her age, but Jackie's not to know that). And since Rose doesn't want to talk about where she's been, Jackie can only surmise that something untoward has happened. Yet, she has to accept the Doctor, or risk losing Rose all over again. It's every parent's worst nightmare.

For us, however, it's comedy gold. At the beginning of the episode, the Doctor tells Rose that he doesn't do families; and he so doesn't! Jackie's domestic set up baffles him. He struggles to cope with Jackie's crowded flat, seems bewildered by Billy Croot's interest in her, and only just manages to retain control of the TV remote. Talk about a fish out of water. He later admits that the experience was just "too human" for him. Yet after his arrest, he's back to his confident, laughing self again. Clearly, he thrives on danger.

And the question remains: what should Rose do now? Should she stay or should she go? Time travel is an inexact science, particularly in the TARDIS, with its freakish mix of space age technology, bike pumps and rubber mallets. There are no guarantees that what happened this time won't happen again. Rose tells the Doctor at the start of the episode that she can't subject her family to any more lies or turmoil. Which means what, exactly? That her time traveling days are over?

Bits and Pieces:

-- Actress Naoko Mori played Dr Sato in this episode. The same actress played the part of Toshiko Sato in sister show Torchwood. Same character, same actress, different show.

-- The Doctor tells Rose he's 900 years old. How this fits in with the seventh Doctor being 953, I'm not altogether sure. I suppose time travel's the answer... somehow.

-- A couple of firsts -- UNIT (United Nations Intelligence Taskforce), a recurring fixture in classic Who, is mentioned for the first time this week. And this was also the first two parter of the new series (the last being 1989's Survival).

-- We had our third "Bad Wolf" reference too. A young boy spray paints the words on the side of the TARDIS.

-- A couple of UK cultural references this week. Firstly, we had children's TV show Blue Peter, demonstrating how to make a UFO cake. Secondly, a reference was made to alien expert Patrick Moore -- Patrick's actually a renowned British astronomer and presenter of the BBC's astronomy programme The Sky At Night.

Billie says...

Fart jokes? Really? I thought this wasn't supposed to be just a children's show any more. The only time I've ever found a fart joke funny was in the movie Blazing Saddles. And even then, it went on several farts too long. The Slitheen could have been truly scary if they'd spent more time with the CGI versions and less with the costumed stunt guys and sound effects.

It's a shame, too, because so much of the episode was a lot of fun and somewhat intriguing. The alien ship crashing into the Thames, people contemplating the possibility of a real first contact and partying in the streets. I liked the UNIT stuff and the Doctor's history in bits of the internet, too.

And I loved Harriet Jones, MP Flydale North. Who wouldn't?

Quotes:

Jackie: "Did you find her on the internet? Did you go online and pretend you're a doctor?"
Doctor: "I am a doctor!"
Jackie: "Prove it. Stitch this, mate." (whacks him in the face)

Rose: "She's never going to forgive me. (pause) And I missed a year. Was it good?"
Doctor: "Middling."
Rose: "You're so useless."

Rose: "Did you know this was going to happen?"
Doctor: "Nope."
Rose: "Do you recognise the ship?"
Doctor: "Nope."
Rose: "Do you know why it crashed?"
Doctor: "Nope."
Rose: "Oh, I'm so glad I've got you."

Rose: "My mum's here."
Doctor: "Oh, that's just what I need. Don't you dare make this place domestic."

Doctor: "Take me to your leader."

Doctor: "Excuse me. Do you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?"

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(Season 1, episode 4)