Torchwood: Children Of Earth (Day One)

The 456: "We are coming. We are coming... back!"

Wow... that was pretty damn decent. I was unsure how well the mini-series format would suit Torchwood, but it actually worked rather well. I was listening to an interview with John Barrowman on Radio One this afternoon and he seemed to suggest that, in future, they may use the extended story-arc format again (assuming for a moment that Torchwood has a future). If tonight's episode was anything to go by, then bring it on!

The longer treatment gave the characters a chance to breathe and I'd say all of them benefited from the extra screen time. Ianto and Jack spent much of the episode trying to come to terms with their being a couple. In fact, there was a strong focus on family this week. We even got to see Ianto visiting his sister and Jack visiting his daughter, Alice (what the...?). Which, admittedly, seemed sweet at first. But when Alice realised that Jack was only there to study his grandson, Steven, she was rightfully pissed off with him. Ianto too only seemed interested in his family because of wanting to study his niece. Which is a sad refection on the lives of both men. The pair of them have become so detached from their families that they're virtually strangers. And both are married to their careers. Which, I suppose, makes them ideally suited for each other.

There were some outrageous jokes in tonight's episode. I'm not sure anyone other than Russell T. Davies could have gotten away with them. So I'm glad he wrote this first installment. Otherwise we'd have missed out on some corking humour. Blunt, brutally crude, but undeniably tittersome.

They pulled a crafty one on us, too, by making us think that Rupesh Patanjali was a prospective Torchwood employee. Being a doctor, he would have made the perfect replacement for Owen. The recruitment method was similar to that used on Gwen. Rupesh was given just enough information to lead him to the base. And I actually fell hook, line and sinker for his story. Which made him shooting Jack all the more shocking. Still, he got his comeuppance. They all do, eventually.

I'm guessing from next weeks preview that Jack will survive. If he doesn't, then welcome to one of the craziest plot twists known to man. Permanently offing the show's main character in the first episode of a five part story, is a sure way to kill off the series. So that's not going to happen. I'm just not sure how he can survive. Being shot is one thing. Being exploded from the inside out is quite another. That has to make a mess of your internal organs... your skeleton... in fact, pretty much all of you. But I have faith they can reassemble him, and that he'll come back as handsome as ever.

And what a brilliantly effective enemy. We've not been properly introduced to The 456 yet, but the effect they had on the children was freaky.

So, a solid start to a week full of Torchwoody goodness.

Bits and Pieces:

-- Did any Doctor Who fans recognise Mr Frobisher? He played Caecilius in "The Fires Of Pompey".

-- No Martha or Mickey so far. Which, dare I say it, is good? And Martha on her honeymoon? Let's hope she didn't marry Mickey.

-- No Tosh or Owen either... which was a less welcome reality, and actually a little sad. It feels strange not having them there.

-- Gwen's pregnant and Jack has a daughter and grandson! Some interesting story possibilities there.

Quotes:

Ianto: "It's weird. It's just different. It's not men. It's just him. It's only him. And I don't even know what it is really... so I'm not broadcasting it."
Rhiannon: "Oh no, honest... I won't say. If you want it kept quiet, I swear, I won't say a word. I promise."
Johnny: "Aye aye, gayboy. She says you're taking it up your arse!"

Rupesh: "She saw her place in the universe and it was tiny. She died because she thought she was nothing."
Gwen: "I went through that. Even now I get terrified. But at the same time... it's brilliant. And beautiful. And completely bloody magic."

Jack: "Alice, you're the one who asked me to stay away. I'd come round here every week if you wanted me to... every day."
Alice: "Yeah. I just can't stand it dad. I look older than you do and it's never going to stop. I get older and older and you stay the same. One day you're going to be standing at my funeral... looking just like you did when you were standing at Mum's. No wonder she was so furious. You make us feel old."


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Highlander: Justice

Katya: "I went from being her mother, to being her older sister, to her younger sister. But she was always my little girl."

Immortal babe audition episode number three: Justina Vail as Katya. I actually liked Katya. And Justina Vail did end up with a series, although it wasn't a Highlander spin-off; shortly after this episode aired, she landed the female lead in the sci-fi series, Seven Days.

I thought the core of Katya's story was intriguing. Immortals adopting and raising mortal children would be an ultimately painful exercise, but it would certainly happen at times. And there was an interesting feminist theme as well, injustice toward women, women as property. There was a lot of good interaction with Duncan, too, and you could tell Duncan was relating to Katya because of what happened to Richie. Duncan and Katya had some convincing chemistry.

On to our established criteria.

1. Charisma? Yes, absolutely. The camera loves Justina Vail, and she definitely carried her part of the episode. I thought she was one of the two strongest candidates. (The other hasn't auditioned yet.)

2. Acting ability? Yes, she was good. Katya had more of an immortal vibe than the others so far; she felt older and wiser while still looking quite young, and she was able to pull off being the "mother" of a woman who looked older than herself. She did fine with the accent in the final flashback, too.

3. Athleticism, especially with a sword? She didn't look silly with one in her hand; in fact, she looked pretty good. She looked scary with a crossbow, too.

4. Compelling immortal flashbacks? The Buenos Aires flashbacks really didn't tell us much about Katya herself, but the 1362 one certainly did. No wonder Katya didn't have much faith in men, or in the justice system.

5. Really great hair? She had a distinctive shorter hairstyle that worked for her. She also did several hair styles and colors in the flashbacks, and they all looked great on her.

But where could they have gone with a series about Katya? Would she have been some sort of feminist avenger? What did she do with her life, other than raise Elena? I don't think we ever even learned what she did for a living. And now we never will.

Armando was a bore as well as a murderer. It was a shame so much of the episode was about him. And what a terrible father. All those guards and servants, and he didn't have anyone watching his little girl, who was roaming alone around the huge estate that had a pool full of dirty water? So okay, he showed he really loved his daughter in the end. He still didn't deserve her. What if she does something to really piss him off at some point? Will he shoot her, too?

Flashbacks:

-- 1958 Buenos Aires. Katya encountered and adopted Elena, a homeless six-year-old.

-- 1996 Buenos Aires. After ten years of marriage, Armando discovered Elena in bed with another man, and he killed them both. Learn to count to ten and walk away, Armando. Really.

-- 1362 England. Katya, a barmaid, was the victim of serious injustice; her noble lover's father had her convicted of witchcraft and stoned to death just to get rid of her.

Bits and pieces:

-- After six years of the series, we finally learned Duncan's official current cover story: that he was born in Glasgow in 1962, orphaned very young, and he was raised in the United States by his maiden aunt Judith, who died of a stroke when he was 17.

-- The long arm of coincidence wasn't quite as long this time since Duncan met Armando in a fencing club. (When Armando invited Duncan home for lunch, I thought for a moment that Armando was just hot for Duncan.)

-- Duncan said that he had never raised a child. I bet that with 68 marriages to mortals, Methos probably has. Connor MacLeod had a mortal daughter, Rachel, in the first movie, too.

-- Duncan's barge was still in its minimalist phase.

One of the better audition episodes,

Billie

All of my Highlander reviews are archived here.
(Season 6, episode 8)

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Doctor Who: Love and Monsters

Jackie: "She's so far away. I get left here sometimes and I don't know where she is. Anything could be happening to her, anything. And I just go a bit mad."

Three years on and I'm still in two minds about "Love and Monsters." Was it a clever experiment which paid off? Or an ill conceived filler episode necessitated by a tight schedule and Tennant's inability to be in two places at once? I don't have a problem with the Doctor-lite episodes. I enjoyed "Blink" and "Turn Left" tremendously. And, to be fair, there was much to like about "Love and Monsters." But there was also much to groan at. And the reason for that groaning can be summed up in one word... Abzorbaloff.

I can't lay the blame entirely at Peter Kay's feet. He wasn't responsible for the unconvincing fat suit they made him wear (which made him look like Fat Bastard's poorer cousin -- of Austin Powers fame). I'm aware too that Abzorbaloff was the creation of 9 year boy from Colchester; so, likewise, it would be disingenuous to point the finger of blame at the costume department. But Abzorbaloff was a terrible villain. He never came across as anything other than Peter Kay in a rubber monster outfit. And when he started to fart... well... we were suddenly back in Slitheenville again. Only Abzorbaloff made the Slitheen look positively dazzling in terms of social etiquette and realism. Which, rather than being praise for the Slitheen, is a kick in the pants for Abzorbaloff. He was just plain awful.

Initially, Russell T. Davies intended to cast Kay in the role of Elton; but Kay, concerned that the character was too much like a role he'd already played (that of Eric Gartside), asked to play the villain instead; a request which Davies duly granted. Was it a decision which paid off? Hmmm... the jury's still out on that one. To my eyes, it was hard to see past the fact that underneath all that blubber was Peter Kay; from his shout of "avanti" (culled from the John Smiths bitter ads) to his broad Lancashire accent. Once that kicked in, all I could hear in my head was "Garlic bread? Garlic? Bread? Dirty Bastards!"

Admittedly, the episode was mostly played for laughs; and for the most part it hit the mark. There were undoubtedly some funny gags on offer. And Elton was an amiable enough character, with kooky friends and an unusual obsession -- so it was easy to connect with him. It was a clever idea, too, to weave Elton through the Doctor's earlier adventures, thus giving us a unique insight into the life of an ordinary individual who, through no fault of his own, gets caught up in the Doctor's wake. But despite the humour, Elton's story was essentially a sad one. It started out positively enough, with his interest in the Doctor bringing him into contact with other like-minded individuals who eventually become his friends (and in the case of Ursula, his lover). But unfortunately, they all ended up getting absorbed by Abzorbaloff; all but the lovely Ursula, who managed to survive the experience, albeit in the form of a paving stone (seriously?).

But (and I hate to keep harping on about this), the mixture of comedy and tragedy, again, just seemed totally off kilter. It was impossible to be afraid of Abzorbaloff because of the sheer absurdity of his appearance (how small were those underpants!!!) And likewise, it was hard to be moved by the death of Elton's mother and the loss of his new friends, with an obese, farting alien on the loose. A farting alien with a face growing out of his arse, no less! No doubt the shows younger audience found it all pretty hilarious. But it was a retread of an old plot gag I'd sooner have not seen revisited. Which is a shame because the story could have carried so much more in terms of dramatic impact.

On the plus side, Jackie had a great week in terms of character development. We're so used to seeing her as Rose's mum, that it's easy to forget she's a person in her own right; and a beautiful one at that. I was surprised at how well she scrubs up. However, it was sad to see how emotionally vulnerable she's become. And how lonely; reduced to picking up strange men in the Launderette for male companionship. Yet despite her semi-disapproval of Rose's way of life, it was heartwarming to see how protective she still is of Rose. And it was nice to see that same trait mirrored in Rose, as she took Elton to task at the end of the episode for upsetting Jackie.

Some interesting closing remarks from Elton too, which presumably relate to the season finale. There's a price to pay for touching the Doctor. Elton's mother paid that price with her life. As did Elton with the loss of his friends at L.I.N.D.A. The question is, how long can Rose and Jackie go on before the cold fist of inevitability comes knocking at their door?

I'd give it another 2 weeks.

Bits and pieces:

-- All that running around at the start was a bit Scooby Doo, wasn't it?

-- The reason this episode doesn't have much of the Doctor and Rose in it is because they were off filming another episode.

-- L.I.N.D.A. stands for London Investigation N Detective Agency.

-- No more Blue Peter competition designed monsters please!

-- Victor Kennedy mentions the Torchwood files and the Bad Wolf Virus.

Billie says...

I sort of enjoyed most of this one the first time I saw it. But I kept putting off watching it a second time. For me, that's the ultimate indication that an episode is not a success.

It was a clever idea, though. Five lonely people searching for the Doctor, coming together into a combination intellectual society, book club, and rock group. Such a good thing for all five of them. Why couldn't it have stayed that way? Maybe that was why I was so disappointed in this episode. Because the five lonely people coming together and finding meaning in each other worked; their destruction did not. This was a story that deserved a happy ending, not a face stuck forever in a slab.

One thing that did work was lonely Jackie and her "power surges," her realization that her loneliness and missing Rose (and even Mickey) was the real reason why she was trying to seduce Elton. Jackie showed real integrity. And again with the hinting that Rose is going to die. Tragedy is waiting for Rose and Jackie. Rats.

Quotes:

Elton: "I'm into all sorts of things. I like football. I like a drink. I like Spain. And if there's one thing I really, really love, then it's Jeff Lynne and the Electric Light Orchestra. 'Cause you can't beat a bit of ELO."

Ursula: "His name is the Doctor."
Elton: "Doctor what?"

Bliss: "What I'm trying to do is sum up the Doctor. What he means to us. What he could represent and what he should represent and what he... never won't represent... sort of thing."

Elton: "I wasn't after her. I was looking for the Doctor."
Jackie: "Oh, I know that. I worked that out. 'Cause it's never me, is it?"

Rose: "Is it me, or is he a bit Slitheen?"

Doctor: "What's the twin planet of Rexicoricophalvitorius?"
Kennedy: "Clom."

All of our Doctor Who reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 10)

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Highlander: Unusual Suspects

Fitz: "She loves me, laddie. If there's one thing I know, it's women."

Highlander does Clue. Juliette in the music room with a clarinet. Fitz sure knew how to pick them, didn't he?

This was one of the brighter lights of the brief, benighted season six. There wasn't anything in the way of drama or character development; I kept thinking of Monty Python and the Three Stooges. But it was a great idea, too -- an immortal as the victim of a standard, everyday human murder. It was the English country house Agatha Christie And Then There Were None, with a Highlander twist.

It was completely in character for Fitz to drag Duncan into solving his own murder, and to be unable to stay on the sidelines. And it was also funny how bad Duncan was at it, considering all of the "Duncan MacLeod, immortal detective" episodes they inflicted on us earlier in the series. I particularly loved him crossing out names on his list, as if he was trying to be Hercule Poirot. He even had a moustache.

There were so many fun bits. The bodies piling up in the meat locker. The portrait with the peepholes. Duncan talking to a moose head. Marie the maid trying to ward off murder by holding a crucifix in front of her. The piercing scream Juliette let out every time someone turned up dead. Juliette was a hoot; I just loved the entire conversation Duncan had with her while she had his hand seductively clutched to her breast.

As soon as I saw the many suits of armor, I knew someone would end up in one, but wow, that must have been uncomfortable. And I wonder if dragging Roger Daltry around in it completely ripped up the gorgeous floors at that gorgeous estate, wherever it really was?

Flashbacks:

-- 1929 England. Fitzcairn Manor, North Tidworth. This was only the second episode to take place entirely in flashback. The Stone of Scone was better, though. And telling us it was October made the ending with Fitz and the stock market crash too obvious.

Bits and pieces:

-- No Methos, Amanda or Joe. But we did have one final adventure with Fitz, which was good.

-- The inconsistency of how long it takes an immortal to resurrect has always driven me nuts. Juliette shot both Duncan and Fitz in the meat locker, and they resurrected in a minute or two. But Fitz stayed dead after being poisoned long enough for the police to come, for a doctor to declare him dead? Did the body just "disappear", then? If so, why wasn't it mentioned? And what was in the coffin?

-- Roger Daltry has impressive biceps. I don't remember seeing him sleeveless on Highlander before.

-- There was trademark Dennis Berry fog in the meat locker. :)

Quotes:

Fitz: "You have got to rearrange the grouse shoot."
Duncan: "Are you insane? Give them all guns?"
Fitz: "It's brilliant! Give them all guns, and the killer is bound to shoot you."
Duncan: "Oh, yeah. That *is* brilliant."

Juliette: "Poor Fitzie. Grouse was his favorite, you know. Oh, how his face would light up when he'd tear their little drumsticks off! How I miss that silly, sweet little man."

Marie the maid: "My life is over! I loved him like a butler. Like a brother, a brother."

Duncan: "I swear. I swear I'll find the guilty party."
Fitz: "Yes, and how bloody difficult is it going to be? There's only one bloody suspect left! Even you couldn't screw that up!"

Three out of four stars,

Billie

All of my Highlander reviews are archived here.
(Season 6, episode 7)

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Doctor Who: The Satan Pit (2)

Beast: "The lost girl. So far away from home. The valiant child, who will die in battle, so very soon."

When this episode first aired, it was widely rumoured that Billie would be leaving the show at the end of the season. But this was our first real hint as to the nature of her character's departure. Whatever happened to a nice gold watch and a box of chocolates?

So, who or what is the Beast? Is he the fraudster the Doctor seems to think? Or is he the real deal? Whoever he is, he can clearly read minds. Virtually everything he said seemed to touch a nerve with the crew. He also seemed able to predict the future. How else could he have known about Rose's impending doom? When the Doctor asked the crew "what makes his truth any better than mine", I found myself thinking... err... he seems to know everything and you seem to know zilch. That's what makes his "truth" more compelling. The Doctor's strength usually lies in him being ahead of the game, but tonight he was hopelessly on the back foot.

So his fall into the chasm was symbolic of his descent into the unknown. Usually, he's brimming with self-confidence, but tonight sees him uncharacteristically subdued. He has no plan. Nor does he have any knowledge of the Beast on which to base a strategy. Hence his unwilling journey into the pit. To learn. Even to be proved wrong, if necessary. Whatever it takes to conquer, arguably, the most perplexing foe of his career.

And what an ugly creature the Beast turned out to be. The Beast's design (according to Doctor Who Confidential) was based on the artwork of Simon Bisley. Coincidentally, Bisley is one of my favourite 2000AD artists ever -- responsible for such "zarjaz" strips as Sláine (The Horned God) and The ABC Warriors (The Black Hole). His muscular grotesquery is clearly in evidence. I wonder if Bisley got paid for the compliment? Probably not. But a memorable monster nonetheless. Massive too!

And in traditional fashion, as soon as the Doctor leaves the base, Rose takes over the mantle of leader. Her rousing rhetoric was undoubtedly more effective than the Doctor's "aren't humans brilliant" tosh. It took her no time at all to rally the troops. Would the crew realistically have responded to her leadership so readily? Hmm... I'm not so sure. Zach may well have been the reluctant captain, but he was far from incompetent. Maybe, after finding himself isolated in control room, he saw Rose as their best chance of survival and decided to roll with it. Whatever the reason, Rose did a pretty decent job of shutting down the Ood and saving the crew. Apart from poor Mr Jefferson. But his character was so two dimensional, I really wasn't affected by his death.

Rose's grief at the Doctor's "death", however, I did connect with. Even in death she refused to leave him. Until Zach finally took charge and forced her into abandoning the base with them. And what a gripping last ten minutes. Top marks again to Will Thorp for his portrayal of crazy Toby. He went totally mental in the escape rocket. And Rose, again, saved the day by bolt-gunning the rockets window and sending Toby out into space.

And a great reunion scene between the Doctor and Rose. The "stuff of legend" indeed!

Bits and pieces:

-- Danny Webb (who played Mr Jefferson), for some reason, reminded me of Bill Nighy; except he wasn't funny.

-- The crew represented the Torchwood archive.

-- Tonight was the Doctor's first attempt at articulating his feelings for Rose. He makes make a similar failed attempt in "Doomsday". For such a verbose man, he really struggles to say things.

-- The Time Lords invented black holes, apparently.

-- If the Beast was imprisoned before time, and before the universe was created, how was he imprisoned on Krop Tor? And next to a black hole? Both would have come into existence after the universe's creation, surely?

-- If killing the Beast was part of the system failsafe, why wasn't he just dumped into the black hole in the first place?

Billie says...

The science fiction answer for myth and legend thing is always fun. Except we never really got an answer. Other than that the Devil of many cultures and religions actually did exist, and someone was smart enough to booby-trap him.

I liked the Doctor pacing back and forth, completely fearless, talking to that immense beast, figuring things out. And I liked the pockets of oxygen chase in the "ventilation shafts" (rather like Aliens, with poor Jefferson playing the part of Vasquez). Yes, it wasn't all that logical with the airtightness -- especially when Rose looked up and saw a grate leading to a corridor -- but it made for some effective suspense.

With the Doctor falling for miles into the pit, and Rose in a rocket ship getting sucked into a black hole, it really did feel like the end of *something* was coming. And something is. Rose is going to die in battle. Has to happen, I suppose. She and the Doctor are obviously in love, and we can't have that.

Quotes:

Doctor: "No, sorry, I'm fine. Still here."
Rose: "You could have said, you stupid..." (radio feedback)
Doctor: "Whoa! Careful!"

Beast: "The lost girl. So far away from home. The valiant child, who will die in battle, so very soon."
Rose: "Doctor. What does that mean?"
Doctor "Rose, don't listen."

Doctor: "That's why I keep traveling, to be proved wrong."

Doctor: "If you talk to Rose, just tell her... tell her... oh, she knows."

Rose: "I'm not going."
Zach: "Rose, there's space for you."
Rose: "No, I'm gonna wait for the doctor, just like he'd wait for me."
Zach: "I'm sorry, but he's dead."
Rose: "You don't know him. 'Cause he's not... I'm telling you he's not. And even if he was, how could I leave him, all on his own, all the way down there?"

Rose: "Go to Hell!"

Rose: "It said I was going to die in battle."
Doctor: "Then it lied."

Ida: "You two, who are you?"
Doctor: "Oh, the stuff of legend."

All of our Doctor Who reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 9)

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Highlander: Black Tower

Marek: "Look around you, MacLeod. I told you I'd accomplish great things."
Duncan: "You make toys, Marek. Get over it."

Watching Adrian Paul do anything is rarely a waste of time, and this episode had its moments. But you know what? We've seen this episode already in season one -- it was called "Bad Day in Building A." And wasn't there a movie with Bruce Willis?

No Methos, Amanda, or Joe, yadda yadda yadda. Why? The producers said they only had Adrian Paul for a limited number of hours in season six. Then why not use the rest of the cast, you idiots? That's what any other intelligent producer would do. You know, I have now written reviews for nearly every episode of this series as well as for each of the horrifically bad movies, and I honestly think the producers of Highlander succeeded by accident. They never knew what their strengths were. If they had had any idea what worked on their own show, season six would have been about the rest of the cast, a move in a new direction, and set-up for a spinoff that would have worked.

Okay, I guess I should stop bitching and talk about the episode.

The game thing and the princess in the tower was okay. I did like the way that the idiotic Dice thought the whole situation was a set-up for a video game, although he should have realized the truth a lot more quickly than he did. And I liked the way they incorporated that video theme into the flashbacks and the quickening.

Duncan ended his no-kill streak and took out Marek. Had to happen. I think they should have come up with a more important reason or a more important villain for Duncan to give up his new obsession with peace and zen thing, though. It was like, I gave it awhile after Richie died, but so much for that.

Flashbacks:

-- 1634 Scotland. Post-Connor Duncan witnessed Marek's first death and didn't realize at first that Marek was a potential immortal, so he helpfully buried him. If Duncan had been more experienced, he might have saved himself some trouble several hundred years later.

-- Another portion of the same flashback showed that Marek was doing that hunting humans crap when he died. And a third showed Duncan and Marek coming to blows.

Bits and pieces:

-- Throughout the episode, I kept thinking, who is that woman, and why should we care? Of course, she was a plant by the bad guy. It couldn't have been Amanda, because she probably would have gotten out of that situation without Duncan.

-- Along with Die Hard and "Bad Day in Building A," this episode also strongly reminded me of Slayerfest '98 in the Buffy episode, "Homecoming." There were even brothers.

-- According to the Watcher's Chronicles, the idiotic Dice became a Watcher after this little incident. Fun little detail.

-- Marek's company was Keram, which is Marek backward. That makes him number 47. And maybe I'm fudging it a bit because I'm hoping we hit 50 by the end of the series.

If this episode had aired in the first couple of seasons, I probably would have given it three stars. But now? Forget it,

Billie

All of my Highlander reviews are archived here.
(Season 6, episode 6)

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True Blood: Scratches

Eric: "You surprise me. That's a rare quality in a breather."
Sookie: "You disgust me."
Eric: "Perhaps I'll grow on you."
Sookie: "I prefer cancer."

Sookie nearly died, for a second time. More than enough to make her realize that the supernatural world is, well, dangerous. And dating a vampire isn't like dating someone of another race, or the same sex. It's a whole other thing.

Sookie has also decided that Eric is the root of all evil. And yeah, okay, Lafayette, I get it, but Eric just saved Sookie's life. He got her a very strange but effective doctor. He offered her his own thousand-year-old blood. He sent Pam (in her favorite pumps) and Chow to scout out the attack site. I couldn't believe Sookie had the nerve to slap him. She was practically vibrating with fury, while Eric was at first amused, then a bit angry, and then obviously turned on. It was like really angry flirting. Eric is a lot colder than Bill, less emotional, more contained. I find him fascinating. I find the possibility of him with Sookie fascinating. Bring it on.

So. Orgy. Black-out eyes, disappearing boar, juniper berries in the scary-looking blood red soup. I'm sure it must have something to do with the bull guy attacking Sookie. Which means that Daphne is involved, too, since she was hiding some familiar-looking vertical claw scars under her Merlotte's uniform. How come the poison didn't kill Daphne? Did it "turn" her into something, instead? Sam is ready to bug out of town, and I think he has the right idea; he just might not have gotten out in time.

Tara may be ready to take off, too. I haven't had a lot to say about Tara lately, but I was proud of her for walking out on Eggs and the orgy. Why didn't Maryann's mojo work on her, though? Is Tara supernatural, too?

I thought Jessica was going to make kibbles and bits out of Hoyt, but instead they wound up smooching on the couch. She didn't even bite him. They make a cute couple. (His mother is going to hit the roof.) Jessica isn't acting as badly as I was expecting. She's almost... dare I say it... sweet. Maybe it's because Bill is a much better parent than her own obviously were, despite his constant "as your maker, I command you!"

Meanwhile, back at the Leadership Conference, Jason's conscience is getting to him, and Sarah appears determined not to let him get away. I don't think Jason is responding so much to God's love as he is to Sarah. They have this thing going on: praying together, knee to knee; whipped cream and banana pudding, uh oh. Jason was praying for a sign and Luke hit him with a pillow. Jason, that was a sign. Leave before something terrible happens. These are scary people, Jason.

It seems strange to say when we had a vicious attack by a bull man and a sex orgy by Maryann's pool, but this episode moved a little more slowly than last week's. I enjoyed it a lot, though.

Bits and pieces:

-- Bill didn't kill Jessica's family. Not a surprise.

-- No immortality for Lafayette. At least he's alive and out of vampire prison. I bet Lafayette won't be dealing V anymore.

-- During that second driving scene, Bill wasn't watching the road. I know they're on a sound stage, but it always drives me nuts when they do that. I keep thinking, if you were in a real car, you'd be driving off the road, you idiot.

-- Eric is over a thousand years old. I knew that because I'm a fan of the books but I don't think it's been explicitly stated before. Correct me if I'm wrong.

-- Maryann learned how to roll massive joints in Ibiza.

-- Tiny Doctor Ludwig. Doesn't seem to be human. What was she in the books? Goblin?

-- Dead or not, Jessica is only seventeen. Can she buy blood in a bar? Is blood restricted like alcohol? I guess it couldn't be, could it? Do vamps carry ID?

-- Sarah Newlin believes she lost her sister Amber to vamps. No proof, though.

-- I actually have two tee-shirt comments this week. Sookie looked really cute in the red and black Fangtasia tee; Eric was right. (And I think he was being possessive, too.) And Sam was wearing a faded tee that said, "Boggy Bayou third annual mullet festival."

-- Tara can do some interesting things with that big gorgeous head of hair she has.

-- Change into sneakers next time, Pam.

-- No episode next week. Rats.

Quotes:

Eric: "She is extremely lazy, but loyal. How's yours? Jessica?"
Bill: "Petulant. Dangerous. Afraid."
Eric: "I'm glad to see you two are bonding."

Maryann: "Sam seems like a wonderful sensitive guy, but all instincts scream 'unevolved'."

Terry: "If I were you, I wouldn't be my first choice."
Sam: "Actually, you're not. I can't reach Sookie, and who knows where the hell Lafayette is, Arlene's got enough on her plate, Tara's going through some personal stuff right now. So you're all I got."
To misquote Joss Whedon... Sam, have you ever actually heard of tact?

Steve: "What's going on out there is a war." Steven gestured toward the window. Jason took him literally and looked out the window. :)

Sarah: "I'm gonna go get the whipped cream."
Steve: "You know, my wife must think you're pretty special. Sarah doesn't whip out her pudding for just anybody."

Jessica: "He makes me sleep in a hole."
Hoyt: "My mama keeps her doll collection in my closet."

Jessica: "I have fangs. They just come out and I can't control them. This is so embarrassing. I'd die if I weren't already dead."

Sookie: "The more open my mind gets, the more evil I see."

Three out of four stakes,

Billie

All of my True Blood reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 3)

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Doctor Who: The Impossible Planet (1)

Doctor: "I promised Jackie I'd take you back home."
Rose: "Everyone leaves home in the end."

When the visual effects are as stunning as this, it kind of makes you wish we were off-world more often. So a gold star to visual effects gurus The Mill tonight. K37 Gem 5 looked spectacular, as did Krop Tor and the ruined city. Even the Ood, despite their rubber exteriors, were a triumph. It's amazing what you can do with a ballcock float, a bulb and a beard made of tentacles. It was, however, difficult to know what to make of their predicament. Is it ethical to wish the emancipation of a species which have no desire to be free? From a human perspective, it's easy to think that all slavery is wrong and that freedom should always be striven for. But what if that freedom means death?

The invisible presence which haunted Toby Zed was outright creepy -- which only goes to prove that the evil we can't see is often more frightening than the evil we can. If a voice behind you said "don't turn around or you'll die" (apart from crapping your pants), what would you do? Mind games, indeed. In the end Toby did turn around. And he didn't die. At least, not yet.

There were probably more peripheral characters this week than were strictly necessary. As a result, some were underdeveloped (Danny and Jefferson) and others were destined for a quick death (Scooti). Toby's characterization was also a bit thin, but his presence was so pivotal to the story, it wasn't really a problem. A top notch performance from Will Thorp. The possession sequences were excellent; particularly the scene with him stood on the planet's surface, all demoned up, beckoning to Scooti through the window. If that was the smile of a sane man, I'll eat my hat.

There were also some nice moments between the Doctor and Rose. Without his Tardis, the Doctor was forced to contemplate a life of normality... of mortgages and carpets... and of potentially sharing a home with Rose. He was also struggling with guilt. His promise to Jackie, that he would always take Rose home, seemed impossible to keep without his Tardis. Not that Rose seemed particularly bothered. She was far less traumatised at the prospect of settling down than the Doctor. Especially if it was the Doctor she was settling down with. And it was cute to see Rose kiss his helmet. Awww... they're like a real couple.

I did have one small gripe this week. The Doctor's "aren't humans brilliant" shtick is wearing a bit thin. We know that the Doctor loves humankind. He's said it enough times. So why do the writers insist on telling us over and over again? And did anyone really need a hug? Didn't that just make the Doctor look a little... well, silly?

But all in all, a great episode. Roll on "The Satan Pit".

Bits and Pieces:

-- Some interesting scriptural references sewn throughout tonight's episode, mostly culled from the New Testament. We had the Beast and his number (Rev 13:18). Abaddon (Rev 9:11). The Beast and his armies rising from to pit to make war with God (Rev 16:14-16). Legion (Luke 8:30). Lucifer (Isa 14:12). Satan (Job 1:6).

-- Some great opening humour from the Ood...."We must feed! We must feed... you... if you are hungry." And it's reassuring to know that future technology needs a good kick every now and then too.

-- Tardises are grown, not built? Says who? I thought K9 had a set of Tardis blueprints?

-- The lines "And how can man die better than facing fearful odds. For the ashes of his fathers, and the temples of his Gods," are from Thomas Babington Macauley's poem, "Horatius".

-- "Sorry, I'm so sorry." Again?

-- The "Christmas in Walford" quote was a reference to UK soap Eastenders.

Billie says...

Not much to add to what Paul said. We really should disagree more often; it would make for a more exciting joint review, wouldn't it?

This episode had style and coolness. I liked the idea of the impossible planet and the black hole. I liked the crew, and the possessed guy did a great job (although I kept thinking of Dark Willow and the books.) The Ood were suitably creepy; I thought their faces looked like a tied bouquet of dead snakes.

The Doctor and Rose actually seemed to be somewhat happy about the possibility of setting up house together -- Rose a bit more than the Doctor. They have officially started to feel like a couple to me. She actually kissed his helmet. Honey, you be careful on this mission and come home safe, you hear?

Quotes:

Doctor: "This place was put together like a flat-pack wardrobe, only bigger... and easier."

Rose: "The Ood?"
Danny: "They're the Ood."
Rose: "The Ood?"
Danny: "The Ood."
Rose: "Well, that's ood."
Danny: "Very ood."

Rose: "Seriously, you like being ordered about?"
Ood: "It is all we crave."
Rose: "Why's thatm then?"
Ood: "We have nothing else in life."
Rose: "Yeah, well, I used to think like that - long time ago."

Doctor: "To generate that gravity field and the funnel, you'd need a power source with an inverted self-extrapolating reflex of six to the power of six, every six seconds."
Rose: "That's all the sixes."
Doctor: "And it's impossible."
Zach: "It took us two years to work that out!"
Doctor: "I'm very good."

Toby: "It's buried beneath us. In the darkness, waiting."
Rose: "What's your job, chief dramatist?"

Beast: "If you look at me, you will die."

Doctor: "Oh, did you have to? 'No turning back' is almost as bad as 'nothing can possibly go wrong' or 'this is going to be the best Christmas Walford's ever had'."

All of our Doctor Who reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 8)

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Highlander: Patient Number 7

Kyra: "We'll share the bed. Under strictly honorable circumstances."

On to immortal babe audition episode number two: Alice Evans as an immortal named Kyra. According to the Watcher Chronicles, she was born in 450 BC in Sparta. And more recently, she worked as a bodyguard until she lost her longtime mortal boyfriend (shades of Tessa) and came down with a bad case of hysterical amnesia.

Alice Evans, interestingly enough, just did three episodes of Lost this past season, playing young Eloise Hawking. I think Eloise Hawking was a much better fit for her acting abilities.

On to our established immortal babe criteria.

1. Charisma? Yes, she was dynamic and attractive. But Kyra as a character wasn't sympathetic. I didn't really care what happened to her.

2. Acting ability? Alice Evans did a good job with some difficult material. Although there were way too many close-ups of her looking wide-eyed and perplexed.

3. Athleticism, especially with a sword? She was definitely athletic; she did a lot of climbing and jumping about as well as fight scenes, some of them in a hospital gown. But that final duel wasn't her; it was obviously a stunt woman. Yes, I know, Sarah Michelle Gellar didn't do her own stunts on Buffy, but being able to handle a sword at least to some extent is pretty important on Highlander. She couldn't pull off a quickening, either.

4. Compelling immortal flashbacks? There was only one flashback, and it was the best part of the episode: Kyra picking a fight with Richelieu's guys, and sharing a teensy weensy bed in an inn with Duncan. I thought their flirting was fun, especially their conversation about the size of a Scotsman's weapon. But the flashback didn't have much about Kyra herself, other than that she worked as a bodyguard three hundred and fifty years ago, too.

5. Really great hair? Hard to tell. Her hair was an absolute rat's nest throughout most of the episode, including the flashback. What were they thinking?

Would a series centered around Kyra have worked? I don't think so. Evans is a good actress, but she didn't have an immortal vibe (if there is such a thing) and I didn't actually like her character all that much. I didn't believe her as a bodyguard, either, in the past or the present. Even the executive producer in the extras said this episode wasn't Highlander; it was La Femme Nikita. I disagreed. I didn't think it was La Femme Nikita, either.

Flashbacks:

-- France 1640: Kyra in very cool 17th century drag was accosted in a pub by two louts who worked for Cardinal Richelieu. She ended up sharing a very small bed with Duncan.

Bits and pieces:

-- Again, no Methos, Amanda or Joe. I should probably stop mentioning it. But I can remember when I first saw season six, I found it just incredibly frustrating. I am now articulating that frustration for posterity. :)

-- I thought it wasn't quite believable that Duncan and Kyra had sex *once*, three hundred plus years ago, and he remembered a birthmark on her body. Duncan has been with a LOT of women, after all, and I would assume that includes a large number of immortal women as well.

-- The scenes with the vicious villain and his two idiotic henchmen were really bad: all accents, inaudible dialogue, and violent melodrama.

-- So Kyra was hiding from the cops, and she and Duncan had dinner in full view on top of the barge?

Quotes:

Kyra: "Tell me. Is it true Richelieu has syphilis? Because if so, that's quite an accomplishment for a eunuch. Maybe he's not a eunuch. But I hear it's, um..." (she points to the tip of her little finger).

Kyra: "There's only one bed."
Duncan: "Then there's only one sensible course of action."
Kyra: "You mean, kill the innkeeper?"

Um, one star? Two stars? The first audition episode was much more of a Highlander episode than this one was, so it's hard to rate,

Billie

All of my Highlander reviews are archived here.
(Season 6, episode 5)

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Virtuality

Frank: "I'm asking if you know fantasy from reality, Roger."
Roger: "I think I do. Do you know what's real, Frank?"

Virtuality is the sort of high concept science fiction show that is exactly my cup of tea. It's also the sort of show that gets canceled immediately. And that's if it even gets the chance to go to series.

So there's this ship called the Phaeton with a crew of twelve, on a trip to another star in search of a habitable planet. Five years there, five years returning. That's the simple part. In order to alleviate boredom and keep the crew from going nuts and killing each other, they have what is essentially their own holodeck in a pair of goggles: VIRT, virtual reality software where they can fight in the Civil War, headline at a rock concert, and even have really safe sex with each other.

What makes Virtuality so fascinating is the layers of unreality in the story.

There is the artificiality of living on a ship in space in the first place. There is the "reality show" being filmed on the ship and sent back to Earth; everything they say and do is eventually seen by literally billions of people. They are even encouraged to alter their behavior to make it more exciting for the sake of ratings.

An environmental crisis has recently taken place on Earth and what the Phaeton is doing is critical for the survival of the species... or is it? How can they be sure Mission Control is telling them the truth? Their only privacy is in VIRT, but something in the program has gone terribly wrong; a strange man is appearing in all of their personal programs and killing them, which isn't real but certainly feels like it is. And then something terrible does indeed happen. Or does it? (I'm going to stop there before I say anything that will spoil you.)

This show stars Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, whom I really liked as the lead in the short-lived New Amsterdam. There's the wonderful Clea Duvall as the ship's pilot. There's even a female character named Billie, and that never happens. There's the claustrophobia of Alien, and a Hal-like computer named Jean. And, of course, Ron Moore, who knows how to create compelling, adult sci-fi. (Although I think he blew it with Caprica.)

In fact, I have been looking forward to Virtuality since I first heard about it, and I loved this pilot. I want it to be series. I want it a lot. And I bet I won't get it. Why does this keep happening to me? Why does Fox want to hurt me?

Couldn't they dump the stultifyingly boring Caprica and give us Virtuality instead?

(Virtuality is available on the Fox site: http://www.fox.com/fod/play.php?sh=virtuality.)

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Highlander: Diplomatic Immunity

Duncan: "Your father died to save your life. It was his gift to you. Don't throw it away."

This episode wasn't bad. But it wasn't exactly all that good. Plus it was recycled; the "bad son of a good diplomat" was the plot of season one's appallingly bad "Nowhere to Run."

I honestly think they were going for thought-provoking. Who was really the villain here? Willie Kingsley the immortal was fun to be around, but he was also a centuries-old con man who fleeced countless victims. (Plus, he killed an innocent man. Oops.) Edward the diplomat was supposedly a good guy, but he lied to protect his murderous son. Steve was an unrepentant killer, thief, and drug addict, and didn't seem to care that his father died in his place, but he supposedly had a deprived and difficult childhood. Not that that is ever an excuse for murder.

There wasn't even a resolution to the story. Did Willie leave well enough alone and go off to find another partner for his scams? (I assume he did. I think Duncan coming after you with a sword would be a pretty powerful deterrent.) Did Steve turn himself in, check into rehab, or both? (Again, Duncan probably had a hand in that, as well.)

After years of loving Alexis Denisof as the wonderful Wesley on Buffy and Angel, it was weird to see him play someone so sinister. With an American accent, even. (Yes, I know he's really an American.) Interesting coincidence that "Nowhere to Run" featured Anthony Head as the diplomat. Wouldn't it have been fun if they had cast him as the diplomat in this one, instead?

The ambiguity of the plot went with Duncan's need to move away from the constant violence in his life, even while being drawn back into it. He finally picked up his sword again, but he didn't kill Willie. Yet, anyway.

Flashbacks:

-- 1836 London. Willie Kingsley had a dueling scam going with a mortal partner. Duncan was Willie's second. This scene reminded me a little of the silly dueling scene in the original Highlander movie.

-- 1969 London. Willie Kingsley and his girlfriend Mollie had a car accident scam down to a science.

Bits and pieces:

-- Still no Methos and Amanda. Yes, let's add cast members and never use them, shall we? No Joe either, for that matter.

-- For the second episode in a row, Duncan was friends with an older, mortal man. It again felt unlikely and way too convenient for the plot.

-- Edward's office looked like a parody of a Fourth of July commercial. There was an American eagle statue hanging practically over Edward's head, and a jungle of plants behind him flanked by flags.

-- Willie may have had his faults, but at least he was with the same woman for twenty-nine years, and they were happy. So he wasn't evil. He was a criminal, so he goes on the list. Willie Kingsley was the 46th bad immortal with a K/C name.

I sort of want to give this one an A for effort, but I don't think it was a three star episode,

Billie

All of my Highlander reviews are archived here.
(Season 6, episode 4)

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Doctor Who: The Idiot's Lantern

Tommy: "Don't you get it? You were fighting so little twerps like me could do what we want, say what we want. Now you've become just like them."

This was a hard episode to write about -- mainly, I think, because I neither loved it nor hated it. So it inhabited that dreaded dead-space reserved for all things unremarkable. There were bits of it I liked. But it felt far too much like a Who-by-numbers. The characterisation was uneven, the plot lacklustre and I hate to say it, but even the Doctor got on my nerves this week.

That's not to say there wasn't much to like about the episode. The period stuff I enjoyed immensely. What's not to like about Rose in a pink dress, and the Doctor, hair slicked back and riding a Vespa? And the idea of going back in time to watch Elvis on The Ed Sullivan Show (despite somehow feeling like a misuse of time travel), was definitely a nice touch. The attention to detail was also impressive. The 50's were way, way (and I'll add another "way" to really stress the point) before my time, but I recognised much of the period décor from old family photos. Which let's face it, is all part of the fun.

I started off liking The Wire. But towards the end of the episode she started to annoy me. At first she was splendidly sinister, with her slightly out-of-focus face and her stilted vocal delivery (a likely homage to those dreadful voice overs they used to have on public information films — not to mention a tip of the hat to Watch With Mother). But, after a while, her incessant cries of "feed me" started to make her sound like Audrey 2 from Little Shop Of Horrors; which kind of blew apart the illusion. Plus, they never really explained the Wire's method to us. Why were her victims faces trapped inside TV sets? How did they breathe once they'd had their faces sucked off? I think the Doctor mentioned something about them "ticking over", so I can buy that they perhaps needed less oxygen. But none whatsoever? Regardless, the faceless effect was both unnerving and effective.

I also think they overdid it with the Doctor's dialogue. I'm not blaming Tennant -- he can only say the words he's been given. But all this "there's no power on this earth that can stop me" stuff, was a bit much, wasn't it? I get it that he's all powerful... and a Time Lord... and that he has a big Tardis. I'm just not sure we need to hear him blowing his own trumpet so loudly. I enjoyed the Doctor saying "I'd call you a genius, but I'm in the room" (in "Age Of Steel") because, although slightly narcissistic, it was meant to have a comedic effect. But shouting out that no power on the earth can stop you... well, firstly, it's just not true; he gets stopped all of the time (if he didn't, there would be no drama and thus no show). And secondly, it all just sounds terribly big headed.

Tommy's story wasn't too bad; it just seemed to get in the way of the more interesting story elements. I was glad to see Rita kick out her cowardly, domineering husband. And it was nice to see the effect his expulsion had on her. She actually started to take control of her life and began to act like a human being again -- instead of the downtrodden doormat Eddie had reduced her to.

But what's this business about the Union Flag only being called the Union Jack when it's at sea? What nonsense! Didn't Rose herself refer to the Union Flag as the Union Jack in "The Empty Child"? Make your mind up, Rosey!

Bits and pieces:

-- I'm not sure how wearing rubber soles would have stopped the Doctor from getting shocked. What about his hands? He wasn't wearing rubber gloves as well, was he?

-- David Tennant didn't ride the scooter in this episode. He wasn't qualified to do so and had to be wheeled in and out of shot. A stuntman rode the cycle on-screen. So a dozen fail points for DT this week.

-- A humble DI knew about Torchwood? I was under the impression (from watching "The Christmas Invasion"), that Torchwood was some kind of big secret that even the PM wasn't supposed to know about.

-- Is it just me or are the Torchwood references becoming tiresome? They don't seem to hold the same interest the Bad Wolf references did last season. Plus, we already did the "let's thread a word/phrase through the whole of the season" thing last year. Do we need to do it again?

-- On the TV we saw clips of Muffin The Mule, a 1950's TV show for children.

-- This was our second story by Mark Gatiss, the writer responsible for last seasons "The Unquiet Dead".

Billie says...

I really disliked this episode.

The biggest reason was the totally unpleasant Eddie Connolly, home from fighting the Nazis in time to become one himself. He was such a miserable, unredeemable character. Yes, his wife finally had enough and threw him out, but you just know he's the type that'll be back, banging on her door in the middle of the night, taking her to court for custody of Tommy, making her life a living hell. When Rose told Tommy to go after his dad, I just wanted to shake her and say, Rose, come on! Eddie is not Pete! The story might have been more effective if Connolly had been even slightly likable and the crisis had made him see the light and start treating his family as he should.

And we had yet more Nazi allegory, as the Wire was taking people's faces away so that they would be carried off in secret and put in television concentration camp. The TV antennas were even shaped like swastikas. Subtle, huh? I did think they cast the Wire well; she seemed so like someone who should have been on television in the fifties. But after a promising start, she failed to scare me; she was too remote, and like Paul, I started hearing Audrey 2 in my head. And I actually started to doze off when she was taking over London.

The period stuff was fun, I'll give you that, although I desperately wanted to muss up the Doctor's Elvis do. Rose in a pink fifties dress and heels was a nice change after the purple tee shirt and denim she wore for Queen Victoria. And the block party at the end was a nice touch. Not enough to make this episode worthwhile, though.

Quotes:

Rose: "Me and Mum, Cliff Richard movies every Bank holiday Monday."
Doctor: "Cliff! I knew your mother would be a Cliff fan."

Doctor: "Union Flag?"
Rose: "Mum went out with a sailor."
Doctor: (sniggers) "I bet she did."

Eddie: "I am talking!"
Doctor: "And I'm not listening."

Doctor: "Hell of a right hook. Have to watch out for that."

Doctor: "Never too late, as a wise person once said. Kylie, I think."

Tommy: "What happened?"
Doctor: "Sorted. Electrical creature, TV technology, clever alien life form. That's me, by the way."

Doctor: "Just to be on the safe side though, I'll use my unrivaled knowledge of trans-temporal extirpation methods to neutralise the residual electronic pattern."
Rose: "You what?"
Doctor: "I'm going to tape over it."
Rose: "Just leave it to me. I'm always doing that."

All of our Doctor Who reviews are archived here.
(Series 2, episode 7)

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Highlander: Sins of the Father

Duncan: "Interesting style, chasing an unarmed opponent on horseback and taking his head."

This was the first of the immortal babe audition episodes.

So Adrian Paul had pretty much checked out, and the series was limping to an end. The producers wanted to do a spin-off. (Of course they did.) And what did the suits decide? That they were going to ignore the most popular character in the series and go with a new, female immortal. Another great decision to go with offing Richie, and just as successful.

I have to say, though, that giving a series of actresses an episode of their own to see if they could pull it off was an interesting idea. Would they have the necessary charisma? Any acting ability whatsoever? The requisite athleticism, especially with a sword? Compelling immortal flashbacks? Really great hair?

So let's rate candidate number one, Dara Tomanovich as Alex Raven, on these five qualities.

1. Charisma, yes. She was definitely stunning and exotic-looking, with a subtle, unidentifiable accent. Great cheekbones.

2. So-so actress (she couldn’t quite pull off that PMS line).

3. She was tall, long-legged, and athletic, and she threw herself into the swordplay. She looked really good on a horse as well as a motorcycle. She mostly wore black and white. I particularly liked whatever she was almost wearing in the 1796 flashback. Was that a chemise and drawers? (See, I've read romance novels.)

4. The flashbacks were actually fairly good, too, although Max was a more compelling character than she was. Making Alex two thousand years old allowed for lots of flashbacking possibilities. The only thing we really learned about her, though, was that in 1796, she'd been in love for the first time in a hundred years, and it hadn't ended well. And that she cared enough for Max to raise him and stay in his life until he was an old man.

5. She indeed had a ton of beautiful brown hair.

If they had picked her, would I have watched the spin-off? Probably not. Adrian Paul left some massive shoes to fill. Doing what was essentially the same series but with a female lead was pointless, and there was nothing that special about Alex. At least not that we could see from a single episode.

Flashbacks:

-- 1796 France. Alex killed an unarmed immortal who had murdered her lover. Duncan decided not to get involved. The quickening was exceptional, with an all-white theme: white horse, white water, white sexy undies. And hey, nipples. We don't get enough nipples with quickenings, that's for sure.

-- 1942 Warsaw. Low rent Schindler’s List plot, with Alex's lover David leaving his young son Max a difficult legacy.

-- There was a long flashback montage to many of the duels Duncan fought with his Katana sword. Probably intended to (1) fill time and (2) point out that Duncan still isn't using his sword.

Bits and pieces:

-- Still no Methos or Amanda. No Joe, either. At least there was a good bit of Duncan, although he was shoehorned awkwardly into the plot; his friendship with the elderly banker didn't seem to be in character.

-- I wonder if the spin-off title Highlander: The Raven had something to do with Alex Raven? It made no sense for Amanda.

-- This is probably a "duh" but it occurred to me during the flashback to the duels that Adrian Paul has probably filmed more duels than any other actor who has ever lived.

This is actually one of the better auditions. Two stars,

Billie

All of my Highlander reviews are archived here.
(Season 6, episode 3)

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Doctor Who: The Age of Steel (2)

Pete: "I thought I was broadcasting to the security services. What do I get? Scooby Doo and his gang. They've even got the van."

A marked improvement on last week's episode. I'm not sure it was enough to lift "The Rise of the Cybermen" and "The Age of Steel" up to epic status. But it's certainly not languishing on the naughty step any more. The clever dialogue returned, as did the witty retorts; in fact, all the things which make for an enjoyable episode. That's not to say it was perfect. I did have a few gripes with it (which I'll get to later). But let's start with what did work.

The Cybermen worked! They've never been my favourite Who villain, but they actually looked the part tonight. Maybe it was because there were more of them. Or perhaps they were just better suited to the darkened streets of London, as opposed to the harsh, unnatural light of Pete's estate. The back alley scene following Ricky's death was mesmerising. Time seemed to stand still as the Cybermen stopped and, in absolute silence, looked right at Mickey. The Cybermen are big, metallic, fearless creatures. They should elicit feelings of fear and foreboding. And tonight they kind of did. Occasionally (particularly during the synchronised walking scenes), they began to look silly again. But there were more hits than misses tonight. So we can forgive the occasional fumble.

I didn't really understand Lumic's reluctance to be upgraded. Wasn't that the whole point of him building the Cybermen in the first place? So he could live on? If so, then why refuse to be converted until the very last minute? Was it simply to avoid the process? Let's be fair, it did look like an awfully painful procedure. Regardless, Lumic looked super cool as the Cyber Controller; all exposed brain, steel tubing and shiny metal. In fact, Pack's monotone delivery sounded far more effective once he'd been suited up. If only he'd toned it down last week.

The Doctor and Mrs Moore made a fun team. I love the way the Doctor responds to smart humans. His face when Mrs Moore blew up the Cyberman with an EMP bomb was hilarious; both gleeful and admiring in equal measure.

And Mickey finally came of age tonight. In a sense, this week was the culmination of his journey. He started off the series as the comic relief... the one who got sucked into the plastic wheelie-bin... the one who fell over the mop bucket... the proverbial butt of every joke. And in "World War Three", despite the Doctor's uncharacteristically generous offer, he refused a place aboard the Tardis out of fear. But, this season he finally overcame his demons, and I have to say, the experience seems to have been the making of him. As he said to the Doctor, he's not the "tin dog" any more. And in this episode he literally forced himself into the action, and in the end... and completely unexpectedly, turned out to be the hero.

Ultimately though, Mickey's leaving didn't have that much of an effect on me. Noel's acting was just too weak to do the writing justice. His wobbly, puppy dog face returned and the old Mickey came bleeding back through again. I'm sure the closing scenes worked for some; and I'm happy for you if they did. But, for me, they failed to have the necessary impact.

And all in all, a nice moral message to end on. Yes Lumic may have been all powerful. But in the end, all it takes is one idiot to save the world.

Bits and pieces:

-- Bearing in mind the Cybermen are so damn loud when they walk, how on earth did they manage to sneak up on Mrs Moore?

-- "Mickey the Idiot" was the ninth Doctor's pet name for Mickey (amongst others).

-- One of the deleted scenes in the boxed set reveals that both Ricky and Jake were gay and in love. And yet Mickey reckons he's only stopping to be with his Gran? Yeah... whatever Mickey! Whatever!

Billie says...

Part two was definitely more successful, for several reasons. The creep factor was successfully ramped up with the wholesale slaughter in the human abattoir, and the long, dark hallway of immobile Cybermen. The three-pronged approach to defeating them actually made some sense. The writer even paid off the zeppelins. And most importantly, they made the essential core of humanity the key to defeating the Cybermen.

This whole thing with everyone being emotionless and inhuman and exactly the same and never progressing… considering that the Cybermen were created for old Who… was this a communism metaphor? Pardon me if that’s an obvious question. I will again use my unfamiliarity with old Who as my excuse.

Other stuff worked, too. I particularly liked Mrs. Moore, and her heroic demise bummed me out. She was like Q. (From Bond, not Star Trek.) I also really liked the scene where the Doctor told Mickey what to do on video, right in front of Cyber Controller Lumic. And there was something almost moving about Mickey's sacrifice, remaining on Parallel World and never seeing Rose again. (One hopes.) Mickey and Jake do seem to be made for each other, though. And that was even before I found out they were supposed to be a couple.

Quotes:

Doctor: "Rose, she's not your mother."
Rose: "I know."

Doctor: "The human race. For such an intelligent lot, you aren't half susceptible."

Mickey: "You're just making this up as you go along."
Doctor: "Yup, but I do it brilliantly."

Doctor: "Would you care to accompany me to the cooling tunnels?"
Mrs. Moore: "How could I refuse an offer of cooling tunnels?"

Doctor: "Haven't got a hot dog in there, have you? I'm starving."
Mrs. Moore: "Of all the things to wish for, that's mechanically recovered meat."
Doctor: "I know. It's the Cyberman of food, but it's tasty."

Doctor: "I've been captured, but don't worry. Rose and Pete are still out there. They can rescue me. Oh well, never mind."

Doctor: "Oh, Lumic, you're a clever man. I'd call you a genius except I'm in the room."

Mickey: "That's the Doctor in the Tardis with Rose Tyler."

Jackie: "Where's Mickey?"
Doctor: "He's gone home."

All of our Doctor Who reviews are archived here.
(Series 2, episode 6)
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Highlander: Armageddon

Joe: "Let's see what we got. We got a mystic symbol. We got some ancient cave paintings. Some old German saying all we need is love."
Duncan: "The answer's got to be in there somewhere."

Well, at least it's over.

This episode was actually the least horrendous of arc. The scenes with "Horton" trying to manipulate and tempt Joe were fairly good, probably because those two characters have a history. "Horton" offering Joe his legs as a bribe was pretty freaking creepy.

Lots of scenes in Darius' little church, too. I always liked that church. Good place for Armageddon. Another Duncan/Kronos duel or two, although they lacked bite. The scenes with Father Robert in anguish because of his brother's suicide weren't as strong and didn't seem to relate much to the plot. But it sort of went with all the rest of the pointless mystical crap.

The little man who played Ariman in the cave scenes had an accent so thick it was difficult to understand him. They would have been wiser to give those lines to Horton or Kronos. In fact, I bet the arc would have been more powerful if they had let Horton carry the early scenes in all three episodes and waited to introduce Kronos until near the end. Imagine a Duncan/Kronos duel ending with Duncan putting down his sword and realizing the answer was not to fight... although it still doesn't quite work for me. Let's pick the finest warrior in a thousand years to defeat the demon, and the only way to do it is nonviolence? Ironic, but anticlimactic.

Such a shame Duncan couldn't figure it all out before he accidentally beheaded Richie, huh?

Bits and pieces:

-- No flashbacks. Very unusual for a Highlander episode. And still no Methos or Amanda.

-- Duncan was doing research on the floor of the barge. Guess you're rethinking that zen-like uncomplicated no-furniture look now, huh, Duncan? And I'm not one to take undue notice of decor, but isn't that a different barge?

-- There was a bizarre scene where Duncan was walking through a small park where some lost circus people were performing for passers-by. The whole scene made zero sense, but I remember walking through that park. It's very close to Notre Dame.

-- I was wrong. In the preview, Sophie's brother did have a sword. How did I miss that?

Quotes:

Duncan: "To him, it was a force of hate that could only be defeated by love."
Joe: "Fine for Gandhi, but what about us?"

Joe: "He offered me my legs. Can you believe that? As if I would sell my soul for a simple goddamn pair of legs."
Duncan: "Some people would have."

Two stars,

Billie

All of my Highlander reviews are archived here.
(Season 6, episode 2)

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Wonderfalls: Crime Dog

Objects: Cow Creamer, Crime Dog
Missions: “Have a pancake,” “Bring her home,” and “Right on red”

‘Crime Dog’ is a fantastic episode, centered around the Tyler family’s efforts to save their beloved housekeeper, Yvette, from deportation. In a nutshell, when Yvette gets caught up in a local crackdown on illegal workers, Jaye and Aaron team up to go find her in Canada and smuggle her back into the country (with Karen’s blessing and all the cash in her purse). Along the way, they meet Yvette’s family and discover she’s actually Cindy, the neglected daughter of well-to-do Toronto parents, who ran away from home when she was 16. After a violent altercation with Cindy’s parents, Jaye and Aaron get arrested attempting to cross back into the U.S. with Cindy/Yvette in the car’s trunk. In the end, Mr. Tyler comes to the rescue, securing freedom for Jaye and Cindy and restoring family order.

I enjoyed Yvette’s story, especially the fantastic reveal that Yvette is really Cindy and the incredibly awkward and surprisingly emotional scene at her parents’ house. Poor, woefully neglected Cindy. “I wasn’t gone two hours and these children came to another country to find me. But you ... I spent four months in a local youth hostel praying you’d find me. Did you even bother to call the police?” Sadly, the answer is no. Harsh. It seems the only one who truly cared about Cindy was her family’s housekeeper, Yvette. What a sweet (and yet heartbreaking) scene when she brought out the sandwiches and told Cindy she remembered her winning word from the fifth-grade spelling bee. No wonder Cindy emulated the real Yvette when she started her new life!

Although Yvette and her troubles are the main plot driver in ‘Crime Dog,’ the Tyler siblings and their dynamic are the heart of the story. Aaron, in particular, comes to the forefront in this episode, as he beings to notice Jaye’s disturbing new fixation on inanimate objects. I think it is awesome that the guy who couldn’t care less about his sister’s ‘sode in the pilot, seems to have developed a genuine concern for her sanity. He tried so hard to get her to talk about her issues, despite getting repeatedly slapped down and shut out. Then he got downright angry when Cindy’s parents suggested Jaye was crazy, probably because deep down he was beginning to think she really was losing it. (And given that, at the time, she was locked in a car yelling at a cow creamer, how could he not?) I loved that in the end, Aaron did what he could to help Jaye by breaking the head off the cow creamer.

Sharon also got some quality screen time this week, but she generally wasn’t painted in a very flattering light. From her hilarious “evil smoking” scenes, to her asking in a sinister tone “how far down” Jaye could go for her latest stunts, Sharon was often presented as a pretty vindictive bitch. But all the while, she was really trying to help Yvette and her siblings. I feel pretty bad for Sharon. She always seems to be stuck on the outside looking in, trying to be a good sister, but rarely getting any recognition for it. Especially from “mean-spirited” Jaye and Aaron, who spent the better part of the episode referring to her as “what’s her name,” “bitch,” and “horrible, horrible person.” At least Yvette defended her. “She has a good heart. That maybe beats too fast.”

Jaye’s lesson this week is that maybe her “overbearing” family isn’t as bad as she seems to think. In fact, letting them into her life might just be a good thing. She spends most of the episode resisting all of Aaron’s and Sharon’s attempts to help her, and doesn’t seem to comprehend why they’d want to come to the rescue instead of sabotaging her. “You’re my sister,” is all the explanation Aaron and Sharon need, but Jaye just finds that perplexing. At least she starts to come around in the end. Of course, it takes almost getting jailed in a foreign country for her to see the light, but it was still nice to see her reach that point where she actually wants to have a pancake at the family breakfast.

Other Thoughts

‘Crime Dog’ uses lots of quirky storytelling and visual techniques, but the arrest scene is the visual highlight of the episode. Everything about it clicked: from Sharon getting out of the car and blowing smoke, to Jaye and Aaron doing the slow-mo perp walk past Sharon. “You were all backlit and evil smoking, like that guy on The X-Files!” I loved the lighting, the hazy smoke, the kitschy music, and the looks that Jaye and Aaron shot Sharon as they were led away in handcuffs.

My main quibble with this episode is that we are expected to believe that Yvette means a great deal to the entire Tyler family, but we’ve never seen her before. We are five episodes in and we’ve spent a fair amount of time at the Tyler house, but not only have we never seen Yvette, no one has ever made mention of her either. Is she really their live-in housekeeper? If so, why haven’t we seen her before?

How long has it been since the last episode? In ‘Wound-Up Penguin’ it was winter, and now all of a sudden it seems like spring or summer.

Eric telling Sharon she’s mean cracked me up. “I saw you on the news. You’re a horrible person.”

I also really enjoyed the quick scene cuts with the female interrogator. First when she was brutally cursing Jaye out and the scene cuts just before she dropped her first F-bomb. I laughed even harder when she’s telling her fellow detective how she can tell that Sharon’s a lesbian, and the scene cuts before she reveals just why it is that lesbians keep their nails trimmed short.

Aaron often seems to have his shirt unbuttoned way too much. It’s kind of funny, but why doesn’t anyone ever comment on how inappropriate it is? He looks like a disheveled lounge lizard.

I loved the little moment when Yvette got nostalgic over the “teddy bear blankie” they put in the trunk for her, and Aaron got defensive because “they’re Ewoks.” Note to Lost’s Hurley: guess not everyone hates Ewoks, dude.

Quotes

Aaron: “By emergency do you mean there’s poop everywhere?”
Karen: “Yes, Aaron, there’s poop everywhere.”

Male Interrogator: “I was hoping this was one of those odorless cocaine cows. I’ve never seen one of them before.”

Interrogator: “So. What’s with the cow?”
Aaron: “I like cows. They’re docile and keep to themselves. Most of the time.”

Jaye to Aaron: “I expect the entitled invasion of my privacy from Mom and Dad and what’s-her-name, but not from you.”
Aaron: “This is not an isolated incident. The last time you were at the house, you got mad at those little pig-shaped salt-and-pepper shakers. Is this about farm animals or is it about condiments?”

Darrin: “So you’ve been lying to your entire family about this for 20 years.”
Karen: “I haven’t been lying the whole time. There was that initial lie and then I never bothered to tell you the truth. I’m not proud of it.”

Aaron: “You wear your trailer park-hillbilly lifestyle around your neck like a ring of garlic. Are you trying to ward us off?”

Jaye: “I thought you and I had an unspoken agreement never to get into each other’s business uninvited.”
Aaron: “I never said that.”
Jaye: “That’s why it’s unspoken, dumbass.”

Jaye: “’Cindy’? Well she’s just a great big liar. Awesome!”

Aaron (about Cindy's father): “You laid that guy out.”
Jaye: “I barely tapped him. Old people go down easy.”

Jaye: “So you recommend this whole running away from your family thing then? ‘Cause I’ve kind of been considering it.”
Yvette: “Dear, I’ve met your family. You may have wheels on your house---it’s not gonna help.”
Jaye: “I guess you’re right. I think Mom had a lojack surgically implanted in me when I was born.”

Final Analysis: ‘Crime Dog’ is another one of my favorite episodes. With lots of Tyler family focus (including a “family member” we’ve never met), a fun flashback-style narrative, strong sibling dynamics, lots of quotable quotes, and an awesome arrest scene, ‘Crime Dog’ is a real standout. I love it!

(Season 1, episode 5)
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True Blood: Keep This Party Going

Sookie: "I don't normally cuss, but you have completely fucked me here."

I just got the biggest charge out of this episode; I watched the whole thing with a big smile on my face. I did not have this reaction to any episode in season one. Have they hit their stride? Are they going further, taking more chances? I can't put my finger on what has changed; I just know that I'm loving it.

Now we know why new vampires can't just go home and tell the family. Sookie shouldn't have taken Jessica home, but you know, she was just trying to be kind. That cliffhanger was intriguing; Bill actually yelled at Sookie. Is he going to kill Jessica's family? No. I refuse to believe it until I see it. And you know, if he does, he'll lose Sookie forever. She'll never accept it.

Maryann gets weirder and more intriguing every episode. This time, she started an impromptu orgy at Merlotte's. Or was it a bacchanal? Maryann has a talent for telling people exactly what they want to hear, but Sookie isn't going to fall for it; Sookie heard some of Maryann's thoughts in a foreign language that I think was Greek. (If you know what it was, post a comment!) We still don't know what Maryann wants from Sam, but she can control Sam's metamorphosis. Potentially embarrassing.

I'm starting to like Jason, and I never thought that would happen. (It's a True Blood miracle.) His adventures at the Death to All Vampires Leadership Conference were quite amusing; I particularly enjoyed the anti-vampire songs (were they sun carols?) and the role-playing. And I think that was the creepiest depiction of Jesus I've ever seen. Jason is completely screwed up now; he needs to believe that vampires are evil and inhuman and must be killed, or he'll have to face that what he and Amy did to Eddie was kidnapping and murder.

Nearly every scene in this episode was amusing. But I think my favorite was Bill and Eric having a quiet argument about Sookie while shopping for Jessica's clothes. The thing with the saleswoman realizing Bill was a vampire, coming on to him, and then deciding Bill and Eric were a couple was just too funny. My other favorite scene was Eric, covered with blood, having his hair done by Pam while debating life and death with Lafayette. I'm trying to picture Lafayette as a vampire. He could probably sell his own blood, then. Victimless crime.

There's so much going on right now that isn't in Living Dead in Dallas. Like Godric, who was in LDID but most certainly was not the missing sheriff of area 9. Like the possibility that Eric is taking Sookie to Dallas, not Bill. (And may I say, if it actually happens -- yes! yes! yes!) Like everything that's going on with Jessica and Maryann. The Fellowship of the Sun was a big part of book two, but Jason was never involved with them. I am not complaining about the differences, though. I'm completely hooked.

Bits and pieces:

-- Jessica mimicking Bill was dead on, so to speak. Very funny.

-- Daphne is a hopeless klutz. Maybe she lied about her extensive experience at Cracker Barrel.

-- Eggs with no shirt. His chest was so tight that I swear it almost looked fake. Eggs has a violent and colorful past. Run hard in the other direction, Tara. You just got rid of your toxic mother; the last thing you need is a toxic boyfriend. And Tara, if you're smart, you'll move in with Sookie immediately and get yourself out of Maryann's orbit.

-- In this week's hair report, of course, there was Eric's new blood-free do. Sookie's do was pretty, but looked like supercurl overkill. It was probably intended to cover the bite marks on her neck, though.

Quotes:

Eric: "If you have any silver on you, now would be the time to reveal it."
Lafayette: "No way. I'm not that stupid."
Eric: "Yes, you are. Is there blood in my hair?"

Sookie: "We've never had makeup sex before."
Bill: "How does it compare to 'you thought I was dead' sex?"

Sookie: "How is that any different from being a teenage girl? No humanity, check. In the grips of overwhelming transformations, check. Cannot control impulses, check. All right, how is that different?"

Lafayette: "I'm a survivor first, a capitalist second, and a whole bunch of other shit after that, but a hooker dead last. So if I've got even a Jew at an al-Qaeda pep rally shot at getting my black ass out of this motherfucker, I'm taking it."

Luke: "Luke McDonald. No relation to the restaurant."
Jason: "Any relation to the farm?"
Luke: "What farm?"

Tara: "When it comes to men, I've got a long history of putting the cart so far out in front that the horse can't see it."

Lafayette: "You're human, right?"
Ginger: "Kind of."

Steve Newlin: "That was 'Jesus asked me out today' and it's on her new album, which drops next Tuesday."

Andy: "I hate to dance. One time I was in a club in Shreveport and I actually had a woman tell me I looked like an epileptic on meth."

Luke: "You think you walk on water, don't you?"
Jason: (wisely) "I'm pretty sure that was Moses."
Luke: "No, it was Jesus. Moses parted the Red Sea. And what the hell was it with you snapping the American flag in half like you're some Muslim Buffy with a dick?"
I must have laughed for five minutes at this one.

I think this was a four-star episode,

Billie

All of my True Blood reviews are archived here.
(Season 2, episode 2)

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Doctor Who: The Rise Of The Cybermen (1)

Doctor Kendric: "It's alive!"

Well, after a promising start to the season (and two of my favourite episodes ever), we came down to earth with a bang this week. No TV show's perfect. There's always something to complain about. But tonight, the negatives far outstripped the positives. Which is a shame, because the return of the Cybermen should have been a cause for rejoicing. But, as has been the case so many times this season, something went drastically wrong. So I apologise in advance for the negativity of this review.

I quite like Roger Lloyd Pack. I loved him as Trigger in Only Fools and Horses, and he was an absolute treat as Owen in The Vicar Of Dibley. So I know he can act. I'm just not sure "acting" is what he was doing tonight. His portrayal of John Lumic was a wooden as a park bench -- an absolute master-class in how not to play a Who villain. I almost spat out my coffee when he said "And how will you do that, from beyond the grave?" Admittedly, it was a badly written line; but it was delivered with such vapidity, it must have had first year drama students looking on in slack-jawed wonder. Is this really how it's supposed to be done?

And unfortunately, Pack wasn't the only one struggling to attain mediocrity. Noel Clarke turned in an equally questionable performance as Ricky. I've warmed to Mickey these past few weeks, really I have. Making him a part-time companion was, in my view, the best thing that could ever have happened to his character. But Clarke's portrayal of Ricky was bizarre. Where did he get the idea from that screwing up his mouth and frowning a lot would make him look tough? Clarke ruined what was an otherwise terrific character episode for Mickey. Finally they gave him some back story, transforming the hapless Mickey from the "spare part" of the show, into someone we actually care about. I just wish they'd done it sooner.

And there was a problem with the plot too. Haven't we had this story before? Didn't "Father's Day" basically cover the same ground (Rose meets her once dead Dad, who inexplicably finds himself confiding in her... Jackie behaves like a total cow... Rose tries to meddle with history)? But "Father's Day" was such an unmitigated success that a retread could only pale in comparison. Which, regrettably, it did. According to Doctor Who Magazine, Tom MacRae was also commissioned to write a story for season four, but the episode was delayed on the grounds of it being too similar in tone to another season episode. Which seems to be a recurring pattern with him.

Was there anything good about this episode? Yes, in part. But for every good bit, there was something bad undoing it. The Cybermen looked excellent. Design wise, they're a vast improvement on their former selves. And the alternate history story was plausible, engaging and actually quite fascinating. But the Cybermen just weren't scary. Their walking in sync made them look silly, and they walked too slowly and too noisily (even on grass for some reason). And them yelling "delete" over and over again was just plain annoying.

Another thing that puzzled me is: how can there be a Torchwood in the parallel universe? The Torchwood Institute was set up by Queen Victoria in response to the events of "Tooth and Claw." Did the parallel universe branch off sometime after that event? Or was Torchwood created in response to a different threat? Or does the Doctor visit this parallel universe at some point in the future, necessitating the formation of Torchwood in the past?

I'm desperately hoping that the second part can resurrect this story... from beyond the graaaaave!!!

Bits and pieces:

-- I was surprised that they didn't make more out of Mickey being called Ricky. Wasn't Ricky the ninth Doctor's pet name for Mickey? That's some coincidence.

-- In Classic Who, the Cybermen came from the planet Mondas. This story, however, is a parallel universe story, so the two origin stories don't necessarily conflict.

-- Two references to Torchwood tonight. Once on Rose's mobile phone. The second when Pete calls a party-goer "the guy from Torchwood."

-- Mickey refers to himself as a "spare part", a reference maybe to the Big Finish Productions audio drama of the same name (on which "The Rise Of The Cybermen/Age Of Steel" is based")?

Billie says...

The parallel universe story almost worked. I was actually charmed by a lot of it. The zeppelins. Mickey and his grandmother. The Doctor and Rose serving drinks. And Pete was such a hit in "Father's Day" that I'm not surprised they wrote him back in. The Doctor can warn about the Gingerbread House all he wants, but who could resist going to see the loved ones you lost?

But the big stompy guys in metal suits and disembodied brains, and all the Nazi overtones, just didn't work for me. The coincidence factor went way over into unbelievable, too. Pete and Jackie know the President of Great Britain *and* the villain? The President doesn't have anyone guarding him? And the first thing Rose sees walking out of the Tardis is a poster of Pete. London's just a small town, huh?

You know what bugged me the most? Those great big earpods everyone was wearing. They were outright obtrusive and ugly; people who wanted to look good wouldn't wear them in the streets, much less to a party with the president. And it's not that hard to make an earpiece attractive. The Bajorans did a great job.

Quotes:

Doctor: "So this is London."
Mickey: "Yup."
Doctor: "Your city."
Mickey: "That's the one."
Doctor: "Just as we left it."
Mickey: "Bang on."
Doctor: "And that includes the zeppelins?"

Doctor: "All of these different worlds. Not one of them gets it right."

Ricky: "He's flesh and blood. How did that happen?"
Woman: "Well, it could be that Cybus Industries have perfected the science of human cloning. Or, your father had a bike."

Doctor: "It's happening again."
Rose: "What do you mean?"
Doctor: "I've seen them before."
Rose: "What are they?"
Doctor: "Cybermen!"

Cyberman: "You are rogue elements."
Doctor: "But we surrender."
Cybermen: "You are incompatible."
Doctor: "But this is a surrender."
Cyberman: "You will be deleted."

Cyberman: "Delete... delete... delete... delete!"

All of our Doctor Who reviews are archived here.
(Series 2, episode 5)

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Highlander: Avatar

Sophie: "I don't understand."
Horton: "You soon will, Sophie. It's the morgue. Off you go."

It's a year later, and the tiresome Ariman story isn't over. I suppose they couldn't just introduce the demon plot and not finish it. But I really wish they had.

This was a slow, pensive sort of episode, although I don't think it was meant to be. Duncan, without his hair, sword, flashbacks, or furniture in his barge, seemed adrift. The plot moved like molasses and the actors seemed uncomfortable with their lines, especially the crap about the demon Ariman. And way too much of this episode was Peter Horton trying to subvert Sophie Baines, a character we didn't even know and most certainly didn't care about. In fact, we got more Horton in this episode than all of his scenes in the rest of the series put together, and that's not a good thing.

Poor, pointless, dead Sophie. Why not just animate her dead body? What was she using to walk around in? Shouldn't Horton/Ariman have at least told her and her vicious little brother that they needed to actually behead Duncan for it to do any good? Bad. Whatever.

We got two new cast members: Elizabeth Gracen (Amanda) and Peter Wingfield (Methos). Way, way overdue; should have happened two years ago. Better late than never, I suppose. But why were neither of them in this episode? Anything would have helped.

Flashbacks:

-- No traditional Highlander flashbacks in this one. Just montage-y clips of Richie and Duncan's relationship with Joe. And one shot of Tessa.

Bits and pieces:

-- Stan Kirsch, of course, is no longer in the cast. According to his tombstone, Richie Ryan was only 22 when he died.

-- At least we got Jim Byrnes playing the guitar. Always a good thing.

-- This episode took place entirely in Paris. Except for the year Duncan spent in a Malaysian monastery. No return to Seacouver this season?

-- I think it's pretty funny that the first time we see Rachel Shelley, future cast member of The L Word, her friend is telling her she needs a husband.

-- Instead of seeping red fog, we got bleeding roses and blue soccer balls turning red. The suspenseful demonic score was mercifully free of Latin chanting, but still tedious.

-- Call me shallow, but I really miss the hair.

Quotes:

Horton/Ariman: "I love the new hair."

Joe: "I'll meditate when I retire."

Horton/Ariman: (on the radio) "You're listening to H - E - double L, the voice of the millennium. Now here's an oldie but a goodie for my old friend Duncan MacLeod." How wonderfully subtle. Geez.

Duncan: "An avatar. A human with god-like qualities sent to face evil."
Joe: "Like immortals."

One star and lots of frustration,

Billie

All of my Highlander reviews are archived here.
(Season 6, episode 1)

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Doctor Who: The Girl In The Fireplace

Reinette: "Godspeed, my lonely angel."

After last week's episode, I wasn't expecting another emotionally charged story so soon. But that's what we got. And somewhat surprisingly, it was an absolute delight! It didn't resonate in quite the same way as "School Reunion;" Sarah Jane was a well known and much loved companion, whereas Jean Antoinette Poisson (apart from clanging some vague historical bells), was a bit of an unknown quantity. But by the end of the 45 minutes, my heart strings definitely felt moderately jangled.

This was very much the Doctor's episode. I think he even fell in love, didn't he? It wasn't explicit, but it was certainly implied. Not that I'd blame him. Reinette was unquestionably lovely. And on top of her beauty, she was intelligent, romantic, eloquent and possessed a charming sort of dignity. Not a bad combination if you can pull it off. She also adapted to the improbability of her situation with surprising ease. Clockwork men and time travel are a notoriously difficult sell. But she absorbed the Doctor's words and the reality of her situation both thoughtfully and calmly. Why, I'm not sure. Did she truly believe the Doctor was an angel? I suppose that would explain her absolute trust in him.

It was interesting too to watch Rose's reaction to the Doctor and Reinette's burgeoning relationship. There was definitely a pained expression or two. But in the end, and maybe somewhat reluctantly, Rose seemed to accept that there was something going on between them and let them get on with it. She was actually quite sweet to Reinette. It would have been easy for her to have turned on the cattiness (as she did last week with Sarah Jane). But she acted with caring compassion; and after the silliness of "Tooth and Claw," I actually found myself warming to Rose again. It felt as though she'd grown up a little.

Tennant, again, was a revelation. He seems to be growing into his role episode by episode. I've really enjoyed his portrayal of the Doctor so far. He's so multi-faceted. He's a dab hand at the humour, has an edge when required, and makes a plausible romantic figure you could actually believe someone would want to fall in love with. Plus, he oozes boyish charm. And the history they're wrapping around his Doctor... this lonely god stuff... him being a lonely angel... the Oncoming Storm. I love all that! I know it's essentially meaningless. But it all helps to give the Doctor gravitas and history.

I was a little concerned at first by him falling in love so quickly. Then I remembered the whole Vulcan mind meld thing and it all began to make sense. When you've wandered through someone's mind, no doubt you do feel a certain closeness. I'm not sure exactly which doors Reinette left open for him, but my imagination tells me they were pretty naughty doors (of course, my imagination tells me this about a lot of things... and is usually wrong). And of course, Reinette saw inside the Doctor's head too, so there was an intimate bonding of sorts for her also; hence their unnatural closeness.

I was a little upset that he lost Reinette at the end. One moment she was there, the next she was gone. But she never gave up hoping in the Doctor. In her letter she called him "my love" and "my lonely angel," and expressed her heart's desire to see him again, one last time. But six years passed in the blink of an eye, enough time for her to succumb to tuberculosis (according to history) and to pass out of existence. A beautiful closing sequence too, with the Doctor watching the fire go out and the time window close forever.

And surprise, surprise, I actually enjoyed Mickey again this week; although someone obviously ballsed up with the continuity. Wasn't Rose supposed to be pissed at the Doctor for taking Mickey along with them? What happened to that plot thread? Regardless, Mickey was fun. He actually fitted in quite well and, dare I say it, even enhanced the story?

So another great yarn from Steven Moffat, soon to be head writer of Doctor Who. More scripts from him can only be a good thing methinks.

Bits and pieces:

-- No Torchwood reference this week. Thank goodness for that!

-- David Tennant and Sophia Myles started dating not long after the filming of this episode. They've since split up... so I think I'm in with a chance (kismet or what?). I just need to sort myself out some time traveling skills...and maybe get me space ship... oh, and some good looks too ;-)

-- This was Mickey's first trip as a proper companion.

-- Some funny dialogue this week. Just as Rose is building the Doctor up to be some kind of fearsome legend, in he stumbles half drunk. Rose's reaction? "Oh, look at what the cat dragged in -- The Oncoming Storm." Priceless!

-- Was Reinette's offer to "dance" the same kind of "dancing" referred to in "The Doctor Dances?" He did turn up not long after, saying he'd been to a great party. I wonder what made it so great? Well?

-- I assume that the Tardis was translating Reinette's speech, hence her sounding so English. But why didn't it translate her saying "monsieur"?

Billie says...

Paul and I must have a psychic link, because I loved this one, too, and for all the same reasons. It was an oddly beautiful and effective mix of science fiction and French costume drama that shouldn't have worked, but it did.

I was a big fan of the short-lived and much maligned Moonlight, and part of the reason was Sophia Myles. She was wonderful in this episode. And what a companion Reinette would have made. Interesting how she made Rose look like a kid. Rose was demoted from love interest to the peanut gallery, a naughty child playing with Mickey.

And this episode was when I started falling in love with David Tennant. He was funny, exuberant, romantic, daring, and finally, tragic. Everything a leading man should be. That final scene with the King and the letter made me cry.

Quotes:

Doctor: "Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink."
Mickey: "What's that?"
Doctor: "No idea, just made it up. Didn't want to say 'magic door'."

Reinette: "Reason tells me you cannot be real."
Doctor: "Oh, you never want to listen to reason."

Doctor: "No, no, no, no way. Reinette Poisson. Later Madame d'Etioles. Later still, mistress of Louis XV, uncrowned Queen of France. Actress, artist, musician, dancer, courtesan. Fantastic gardener!"
Man: "Who the hell are you?"
Doctor: "I'm the Doctor. And I just snogged Madame de Pompadour."

Mickey: "Is this, like, normal for you? Is this an average day?"
Rose: "Life with the Doctor, Mickey. No more average days."

Rose: "Oh, here's trouble. What have you been up to?"
Doctor: Oh, this and that. Became the imaginary friend of a future French aristocrat. Picked a fight with a clockwork man. (Horse whinnies in the background) Oh, and I met a horse."
Mickey: "What's a horse doing on a spaceship?"
Doctor: "Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective."

Rose: "The Queen must have loved her."
Doctor: "No, she did. They got on very well."
Mickey: "The King's wife and the King's girlfriend?"
Doctor: "France. It's a different planet."

Rose: "No, you're not keeping the horse."
Doctor: "I let you keep Mickey."

Doctor: "I think I just invented the banana daiquiri a couple of centuries early."

Reinette: "This is my lover, the King of France."
Doctor: "Yeah? Well I'm the Lord of Time."

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(Series 2, episode 4)

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